You’re All the Things I’ve Got to Remember
- I wish I could forget in sixth grade when the terrible blonde twin made fun of my hair and called me ugly. I know I used to analyze people when I was a kid, but nothing like I do today. Today I would have run away had I looked her in the eyes as who I am now.
- I wish I didn’t remember that my dad once called me heavy-footed because now I walk light as rain, everywhere I am and I go, and you’ll never hear me coming. I realize now that I sound like I’d make an excellent psychopath because I remember everything and you wouldn’t hear me coming, but don’t worry. I’d pass my own psychoanalysis.
- I wish I didn’t remember an argument with Cassidy that was particularly hurtful and damaging. Not that there was only one argument (in fact, I remember a dozen), but there are the ones in which the words aren’t easily, or ever, forgotten. And I wish they were.
- I wish I could forget that summer day – walking with my friends past a group of high school boys whispering about us and rating us and comparing us. As if we were prizes they got to select, when in fact, we WERE prizes, and ones they would never get to select.
- I wish I could forget the darker things you have said to me about other people, or what you think about me or even what you think about you, because I have kept/will keep the secrets but it changes the way I view the world, and it changes the way I view you.
And there are so many things I’m glad I didn’t forget.
Like the sound of my father’s laughter, and how he corrected my grammar when I said “even” but meant “also.” Or the tiny sounds both kids made when they were first born into the bright light, which weren’t cries at all but were more like indignant and overwhelmed squawks.
There are so many things I wish I could remember, like ancient lullabies – both sung to me and sung by me – and being carried from car to bed, safe and secure, waking up to a bright morning with no memory of how I got there. And, knowing I surely smiled in my sleep along the way.
Hugs and kisses and conversations I never knew were going to be the last, so I never got lost in them or remembered all the hows, whys, whens, and wheres of how they came to pass.
I wish I could always remember – who I am, what I’ve overcome, what I’ll always fight for, and the quiet power that has gotten me through hard times, and will do so again and again.
So, what would you say?
I am totally terrible with names and have a tendency to walk heavy on my feet. So, we definitely have those two things in common 😉 That said, there are definitely things I am glad that I remember, but there are also things I am not so happy that I still can remember. All well, I guess it is a draw on that so to speak! 🙂
I wonder what it is with names?! Perfectly brilliant people forget them often!
I think I’d have to go with hurtful conversations, sort of like your argument with Cassidy. There are a few rough ones that I wish I could erase from my memory.
Yes, it’s a shame to have this in common, but gosh, it’s the hardest thing to forget.
The look of love and joy in the photo of you holding newborn Scarlet or Des is truly unforgettable Tamara, and l keep coming back to it. I was a painfully slow learner all through school. I’d like to forget the whole experience of my years of struggling in the classroom, and with homework. l want to remember how l always kept trying and managed to get good grades.
I had a math block that lasted for years, and it turns out I was pretty great at math. It was a real struggle for so long, though. I wish I forgot that block, especially when helping kids with homework.
I have a really hard time with names and have never considered whether it’s because I’m seeing beyond the name to the person beneath it – but I love that you see this in you. I can’t remember our first words, but I remember when you walked into BlogU and I was standing there and was like “HEY!!!” and your suitcase wheel caught on something and it fell over and it was crowded and we were both flustered but then we were like “HI!” and we hugged and it was awesome. I also remember you coming to find me when you were leaving and I worried about you driving home on a Saturday night.
This was lovely as always (and OMG tell me it’s not just going to be the two of us after last week’s huge party), and I felt everything about the mean girl and the boys comparing you and the sound of your dad’s laughter, and that you changed how you walked after a comment he made. I changed my brow (to be more wrinkly I think) after my dad said I had a steel-gaze. Wow. xoxo
ha, I’ll take this FTSF to the end if you will. Maybe it is just the two of us this week?!
I remember my suitcase getting stuck on a stair! I have since given that suitcase to the kids. I know I swore at it a bunch!
I adore you!
I don’t think I will forget the picture of ANT Man ordering lunch. That is a winner for sure! Happy birthday to him!
My memory is getting terrible. no joke. It was so good and now it’s kind of like a film is coming down sometimes. How does that happen?
Happy summering friend!
My mom said it was an iconic photo! It was just great timing and the way the background is blurred but you can see a diner regular there in a baseball cap. Sigh. I miss that day!!
Happy Summer!
While there are some things I would like to forget, I love that my memories are flooded with happy times with family and friends. Des is so dang cute in that Ant Man costume!
Right?! I can’t handle him in that costume – and wearing it in public like it’s nothing.
Tamara, I am the SAME way with names, although I often STILL can’t remember them no matter how many times I hear them- BUT I remember every detail of that person’s story. I love how you describe that- we are so busy investing in WHO they are instead.
As always, such a beautiful and introspective read, my friend.