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You and Me, Babe, How About It?

10 year wedding anniversary

For so long, I was stunned to find myself in the middle of a miracle. A real life miracle.

The first time we were together was good, I will admit, if you like fairy tale fantasies and a complete and willing loss on the grip of reality, but the second time we found each other? That one ached. It was visceral. The first, to quote the great Karen Klein, was like pouring hot lava into two dixie cups – we weren’t yet strong enough to withstand the power and heat. When we were together the second time, two years later, she said it was like pouring hot lava into two strong clay cups. That first time with Dixie cups. It poured fast and ready. The cups crumpled and crushed under hot heat. It wasn’t sustainable. Yet.

10 year wedding anniversary

The second time was that true miracle I keep referencing. How do you explain a magical whirlwind cross country romance with a hot older man, only to break your own heart and have your heart truly broken (truly, I’ve been with a lot of guys – this was my one crushed heart, other than my father), only to find him again after two years? No, he found me. I wasn’t quite ready to be found, because the unexpected phone call years after I laid all my love on the table, only to get rebuffed, sent tears spiraling down my face in a haphazard fashion. Everything was on fire then and I couldn’t rest and I couldn’t drive without loud music and body thrashing. I couldn’t sit still, but I didn’t want to sit still. It was a fevered pitch. I had a fever.

I still do.

10 year wedding anniversary

This wasn’t finding an old love. It wasn’t part two. This was a new love with an old flame. We stepped together – hot lava into clay cups and pots. I’ll never forget that miracle. I lived it for so long. It took even heartbreakingly longer to discover that the real miracle has always still been there – beneath the surface. Hot lava into metal pots – working our way to steel.

10 year wedding anniversary

How I’ve hurt you – with words and actions.
How you’ve hurt me – with more of the same.

I worry you don’t get me. I don’t get you. When we align, though, it’s harmonious. You love all of me. The goofy, neurotic, weather-complaining, moose-obsessive, sometimes-sleepless, anxiety-ridden, heart-opening, me. And I love all of you.

10 year wedding anniversary

Holy cow (moose). Ten years. So much I thought we weren’t doing by loving freely and openly, and leaping together, and holding each other. Years of misunderstandings gone cold. Frozen. But underneath! We must have been doing something right all along – planting seeds, setting roots, letting them grow at their pace, growing ever closer together. Through pain and uphill climbs. We built something. We built this. These unfolding dreams and stars in our eyes. Our family and home.

We did it, simply, by loving each other right.

10 year wedding anniversary

And the love I feel grows stronger, and I think yours does too. Simply. Loving each other. What else can we build? Let’s start today. Perfectly imperfect and imperfectly perfect for me. Perfect. For me. Like no other has or could. God, do I love you.

10 year wedding anniversary

Written on the eve of my 10 year wedding anniversary.

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15 Comments

  1. Awww….I’m the first one to wish you happy Anniversary! Well, in the blog world anyway. You two have such a beautiful love story, and are truly meant for each other. It’s so clear. I always say my husband and I aren’t perfect, but we’re perfect for each other. And when you find that missing piece, it all just fits together so well!

  2. Well that is just the sweetest post! I love seeing lovebirds still in love 10 years later. I once heard someone say that the ultimate status symbol is a long-lasting marriage. Not sure if it is status, per se, but it certainly is a blessing. Happy Anniversary:)

  3. A most Happy 10th anniversary, Tamara!! Yours is such a special love story. I do know of one couple here who were high school sweethearts and then led separate lives until they reconnected and married many many years later. But your way is so much better!

  4. Beautiful wedding. Beautiful people. Beautiful couple. Beautiful family. Beautiful story. Beautiful everything!

  5. Ten years! Congratulations! We are heading into 20 years this summer. It’s crazy, but I only briefly remember life before him. I was glad to read there was chocolate. I hope there are donuts too 🙂

  6. This was so beautiful, Tamara. While I was reading your gorgeous descriptions of the love story you two share- I kept thinking how incredible it can be that when love is true- it will fight like hell to find a way. I hope Cassidy reads this love letter. I’m SURE this is one of the many passionate traits he adores in you.

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