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Won’t Waste Another Instant

“I’ve wasted years
Won’t waste another instant
I fed my fears
With things that haven’t been yet
Well hope don’t mean you sit there
Just waiting for the changes
It’s fighting for the long shot
It’s getting in the trenches

Starting now”

I’ve wasted years, Won’t waste another instant, I fed my fears, With things that haven’t been yet, Well hope don’t mean you sit there

Well. This week was definitely not as intense as the last three.

Which is to say that there was no Covid, no Norovirus, no travel to Alabama and Nashville, and definitely no dog surgery. So I think we’re on the up and up. Sure, I did start Monday morning with a dental cleaning, but I have worked through my dental phobia rather thoroughly. And sure, I ended the week with taking the cat to the vet for her annual appointment, with two toddlers in tow, but I offered to do so. It was a good learning experience for them, and they were giggingly cute at the appointment, with their cute hair and their concern that Luna had to get a shot. Back home with a clean bill of health for the cat, I crashed on the couch. I felt very depleted yesterday and today. And I was convinced that yesterday was Friday. Today is Friday, and I took a couch nap with Leela yesterday, and with myself today. Both were fab. Couch naps are underrated.

Ah, no they aren’t. We all know that they’re fabulous, don’t we?

I’ve wasted years, Won’t waste another instant, I fed my fears, With things that haven’t been yet, Well hope don’t mean you sit there

I have a lot of hopeless feelings and some pretty dark thoughts at night about the future, that get turned around in the morning light, which is nice. And of course, every time there’s a good therapy session, I feel refreshed and also depleted, as if you can somehow be both. It’s like how I felt last weekend after spending it at the farm in NJ for my mom’s birthday bash. Refreshed from seeing everyone, and celebrating, and depleted from leaving again (and driving home with four kids for four hours). When I did therapy years ago, it started to fizzle out a little and I wasn’t getting my money’s worth at the end. You would think that with my mental health crises and having to pay out of pocket, I would have ridden that ship at the front of the cabin all the way home. It wasn’t a bad match. She was fantastic. She was retiring, though, and the world was starting to get even stranger for us (with the elections and pandemic), and once I figured that out, it was like a comet fizzling out of sight. I stopped making it worth my while. That was a mistake I won’t make again.

Every little bit helps, imbuing every little thing I/we do.

I’ve wasted years, Won’t waste another instant, I fed my fears, With things that haven’t been yet, Well hope don’t mean you sit there

I’ve wasted years, Won’t waste another instant, I fed my fears, With things that haven’t been yet, Well hope don’t mean you sit there

“All I own
Is borrowed from my children
I’ll leave this world
More bright than when I came in
So starting with the next breath
I’ll dig a little deeper
Live a little kinder
And love a little sweeter

Starting now”

It’s always nice to tell my side of the story, to an adult who listens and offers wisdom and compassion in places I need and deserve. I mean, my dog Astro listens to me, and offers compassion in places I need and deserve, but maybe not wisdom. I can tell my side of the story here as well, but it’s more masked and veiled, than in the explicit detail I can do without the worries of grammar and other pesky things. Speaking of which, work has been incredibly busy, which hasn’t been the case in a long time. I’ve been insanely busy before, but usually with the kind of work that is hands-on and physical and requires photos and videos. The work I’m busy with right now is the work I can do in front of a Hallmark movie. I don’t have to use my journalism or photography brain for this work. And that’s good in some ways, and bad in other ways, because I like flexing the muscles in my brain. After all, that’s what they’re there for, right?

I’ve wasted years, Won’t waste another instant, I fed my fears, With things that haven’t been yet, Well hope don’t mean you sit there

I’ve wasted years, Won’t waste another instant, I fed my fears, With things that haven’t been yet, Well hope don’t mean you sit there

After a therapy session, especially with EMDR or tears, she will ask me what I’m looking forward to, and I always have an answer. In this case, I said I was looking forward to yesterday, because it was completely unscheduled, and that felt very nice and very fuzzy. I started to get a little antsy, but then I started to realize that I should enjoy it because I know I will be wishing for a day like that soon when life picks up again after the long, full weekend. And next week is already full of appointments and meetings for sure. I’m wishing you all good long weekend. I feel like I’m writing more in a matter-of-fact way than the emotional and poetic way I usually write in. I’m not even sure you can tell the difference. It’s because I’m a little depleted and I’m hoping some time in the hammock will fix that. Maybe a magazine or book too. It’s ok to be matter-of-fact sometimes.

Just as sure as it’s ok to be emotional and poetic. Either way, I get to say it.

I’ve wasted years, Won’t waste another instant, I fed my fears, With things that haven’t been yet, Well hope don’t mean you sit there

I’ve wasted years, Won’t waste another instant, I fed my fears, With things that haven’t been yet, Well hope don’t mean you sit there

I’ve wasted years, Won’t waste another instant, I fed my fears, With things that haven’t been yet, Well hope don’t mean you sit there

“The best time to changе
Was many years ago
Next best thing
Is starting whеre we are
If heaven isn’t waiting
If all there is is this
Why wait another minute
To trust the heart and live

Starting Now”

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One Comment

  1. Happy Belated Birthday Dear Karen! My brother Jim turned 75 too on May 12. The multi-messages that l take from this song and mesmerizing video are what TTWS is all about. This video captures all of them so artfully and cleverly! Enjoying this song and video pearl a multi number of times will allow all of its collective wonder to sink in. Beautiful Pics As Always Tamara! Happy Memorial Day Weekend Everybody!! 🇺🇸

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