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Where We’re Going, We Don’t Need Roads.

Now would be a good time to tell you that I’m not exactly sure what I’m trying to say.

It was a rare slow blogging week, due to my own miscalculations about everything, and I thought I had to write a blog post about Dr. Pepper, but I didn’t. I thought I didn’t have to write a post about Gwen Stefani, but I did. I’m mostly just been missing the boat, slightly, on many things, and I’ve been missing baby Parker. I also did a color glaze in my hair this week, which is very exciting because my hair is no longer four colors, and will wash out if it’s too jarring for me. Many things are too jarring for me, but I like to ease in slowly. Speaking of easing in slowly, to life, baby Parker is growing incredibly well.

He gained enough weight to meet his birth weight again, and then surpassed that in style. He kicked jaundice’s butt. He’s no longer in an incubator, and is in a snazzy crib. He can drink a whole bottle of milk, and is working on breastfeeding from.. you know.. the source of that bottle of milk. He can also speak Spanish and Italian, and is working on his scuba diving license. Basically, he’s awesome and I’m obsessed. I think a lot about the two new babies in my life during my days of work and play.

It’s easy to miss the boat, slightly, when your head is up in the clouds, or elsewhere. And I think that’s why I’m currently editing photos from a year ago. I got a full year behind. Even more! And if Marty McFly and Doc Brown’s DeLorean are giving me a ride and we’re traveling to the date… (hint: FTSF prompt) I wouldn’t want to stay anywhere else too long, with my head up in the clouds, or elsewhere. All of this is as it should be, no matter how painfully or slowly I treaded to get here. All I can really say is that I’d like to go back to every year of my own life just to drink it in more. I stopped taking my camera out for fun over the last year, because it started to feel too much like work, or I stopped learning how to drink it in more.

Maybe I just needed a year break.

(Don’t you just die from this photo? The bloopers might be even better..stay tuned)

That said, I wouldn’t skip this free ride in the DeLorean. I’d go back to the year I always want to visit – 1984. As for the month, maybe June? To be old enough to remember. Those moments I’d drink up with my father before he died. I’d love to see the person I was before the extreme trauma hit, especially now that I have two kids and I see what an almost four-year-old can be like before the ground opens up to swallow them whole. It’s as simple and as complex as that. I go back there in my head a lot. I go back in EMDR, when I’m feeling brave and I have a $75 check in my pocket. Maybe the DeLorean can reveal to me – an angle or a side I never knew existed. Until now. I’d probably take some photos and write about it..

..cause that’s what I’ll do anyway. Always.

Even after year-long breaks from too many personal photos. You can always go back. In time. With time.

The two on the right.. it looks like a match made in heaven.

It may not be what you think it will be. It may change, and that’s ok. This week’s Finish the Sentence Friday topic is “Marty McFly and Doc Brown’s DeLorean are giving me a ride and we’re traveling to the date…” and there’s still time to write yours.

Come link up with your spin: HERE.

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  1. I’m so happy to hear that it’s all going well with baby Parker and very soon he will be speaking french and italian and scuba diving. That just cracked me up. This week has been super crazy for me and it seems like I’ve been missing the boat myself too. I’m suffering from extreme jet lag and hoping things get better. Those pics of Des and his girls are beautiful. Here’s to a great Easter weekend!

    1. Oh yes. I bet he’ll be learning Japanese too!
      I can imagine the jet lag is bad! Worse than even for us, because I think it’s only a six hour time difference here. “Only.”
      Here’s to a great weekend indeed! Easter Bunny is coming!

  2. I was just writing about Easters with Hayley. She was awful with candy. Easter was like torture. Now, I’d take all those tantrums back in a heartbeat. It will be my first Easter without her. She’s spending Easter at school…sniff sniff. I can’t imagine what life must have been like for you losing your dad when you were so little. I’m sorry for the pain Little Tamara suffered and for sadness that you probably still feel now.

    1. Aw.. that’s funny and sad. I can’t believe she’s not coming home! I remember Easter at college, actually.
      Thank you about Little Tamara.. or Little Tammy. Sometimes I have to separate her from me, just to wrap my head around it.
      Lots of sadness still and always, but so much joy too.

  3. Well first off I can’t wait to see the bloopers. Secondly I am glad Parker is doing better, I can see how your mind is totally elsewhere. I have a cousin that going to have a baby in July/August. All the way in Miami. She’s like the little sister I never had. If I could just jump in the car every weekend to see them when that baby comes, I sure would!

    1. Oh, the bloopers are in there at the bottom! Just the faces those kids are making. It’s so cute.
      I feel the same way about baby Parker. In fact, he was born two weeks ago and I’ve already jumped in my car twice to see him. And I can’t even hold him yet! Soon.

  4. Aw, again Baby Parker is absolutely adorable and just so glad he is thriving. As for going back in time, I am honestly not sure when I would pick to go back, but I think I would at the very least like to return to a time when both my grandparents were alive and well for at least a few hours to soak that in. But still as much as that will never happen, nice to have our memories if nothing else. Hugs and Happy easter this upcoming weekend πŸ™‚

    1. I’d love to see all four grandparents again. Ideally at once. I’m certain that had happened, even though two were close and the other two lived far away.
      Happy Easter weekend!

  5. I love posts that start like this one. I see no other way to be than obsessed with new babies in the family! So glad to hear that yours are all growing and doing well. Keep up the good work babies πŸ™‚

    Now, if I could go back in time…. I truly have a terrible memory. Horrible, so maybe I would go back just to hug my dad one more time before he died. I miss those hugs.

  6. I’ve been following Parker’s progress on Lindsey’s blog and I’m so glad he’s doing so well! I tried to comment on your Gwen post – but there was not option to comment? I was on my phone though. I love her new album and I’m strangely obsessed with Gwen and Blake. And you always break my heart when you write about your dad. Hugs and kisses and Happy Easter!

    1. I think I turned comments off! Sometimes I just can’t keep up with them at all.
      I didn’t even know Gwen and Blake were dating until recently! I am so behind, I thought he was married to Miranda and she was married to Gavin! Oops.
      Happy Easter to you!

  7. See, this is my problem with blogging lately. I feel like I’ve already done this sort of “If I could go back in time” post a few times, so I didn’t do it again. Which stinks. Plus, today is our first day of Spring break and my brain has been on a break all week, I think. Anyway, those pictures of Des and hi little gal pal are adorable!!! She certainly seems smitten – not sure about Des. πŸ™‚ And YAY!!!! for baby Parker growing and getting stronger!

    1. Oh, weird! I felt like this was my first time answering it. I don’t see how, though.
      Our spring break is so late and then our summer break doesn’t start until June 20th! I can’t wait to let my brain take a break, though.

  8. So happy that baby Parker is growing stronger and gaining weight and working on his scuba license. πŸ˜€
    I love love the photos and I think taking breaks is important. Super important. And writing about Dr. Pepper would have been boring anyway maybe so you win! Thanks for linking up, SW. <3

    1. But I do love Dr. Pepper! I just had to tweet/FB/Instagram it instead.
      You know I always love to link up. And I’ll be away next week so maybe make it a boring prompt. (just kidding!)
      Baby Parker is nearly five pounds!

  9. I did a one month rotation in anesthesia at a children’s hospital during my training. Intubating those TINY people was interesting to say the least. They are doing amazing very successful work in medicine for premies, aren’t they?

    1. Is that what it’s called with the feeding tube in his nose? I wasn’t sure if that was also intubating! I would imagine that with kids, it could be very hard! But maybe easier on Parker than if someone tried to intubate me??
      Medicine for premies is definitely amazing and successful.

      1. No that’s a naso-gastric tube (nose to stomach). Sorry, I wasn’t clear. I did anesthesia and put in endotracheal tubes. These are inserted through the mouth (and sometimes through the nose) to the trachea for getting air and/or anesthetics into the lungs. Yes, it’s hard because everything is so little, but I’m sure brave little Parker would set an excellent example for you! The good news is that the field of anesthesiology has made tremendous strides with safety and comfort.

  10. This is so perfect!! I am obsessed with the pics with Des and the ladies….omg! I am so happy your nephew is growing so nicely, as if there was ever a doubt πŸ™‚ he has rockstar genes. Obvs.

    1. I’m obsessed too! They are so cute. I have no idea why Scarlet didn’t get in the photos, but it made it even more funny. All the little girls are Australian too. So cute.

  11. Parker is already a rock star!!
    I didn’t even take my camera on our recent trip. Just my phone. I wanted to be present and just experience it all, instead of trying to get the perfect shot. Which is pretty much impossible with 3 kids in an extremely crowded city on March Break. I like to take the breaks to refuel, recharge, seek new inspiration. Right now is all about doing some stuff around the home. Sometimes I guess I need a different creative outlet before I go back to the one that is my true passion. That used to scare the crap out of me, because what if I Never go back to it??!! What if it all just ends?! But, it never does. It always comes back around and it’s usually even better.

    1. You’re right. It never does.
      It comes back around, and usually it “leaves” just because it needs you to focus on other things. That’s what my brain tells me anyway.
      And I don’t stop learning or taking photos. I’m still doing it regularly.. but I confess it’s for money. But that’s usually my best work! I’m sloppy with my own kids. Oh well.

  12. Awesome post! I looooove the pics. So good to hear little Parker is thriving! I liked the Gwen Stefani post too.

    I wish we could go back in time!

      1. Ah, thanks for clarifying! Although I do love anon comments like that because you can tell it’s someone nice who knows you. So I figured it was a favorite!

  13. You slowed down and I sped up. For only the second time, I got all 5 posts done this week (2 written posts for both of my sites ModernishMommas and AprilNoelle). I’m so happy to hear that baby Parker is thriving. That’s the word, right? I’ve spent way too much time in a NICU to ignore the fact that it’s a rough place to be, but comforting that you can see and measure the growth and progress. I’m sure scuba will be a great profession.

    1. Now that is impressive! Some weeks I speed up too fast, or slow down too much. Balance is great.
      The NICU is so rough. You’re right. It’s sad that we all know this!

  14. I’m glad Parker is doing so well! He’s so precious.

    Des with all those girls is adorable.

    I hope you all have a wonderful Easter and get lots of chocolate.

  15. This hits home in so many ways. For one, I’m on Spring Break, which is supposed to be relaxing, but the abrupt “ending” of one quarter feels too jarring for me. I end up feeling like I’m wandering, if that makes sense. (And looking longingly at my classmates who seem to be able to turn it off and relax much better than I can.) And two, our circumstances are different, but we share a loss, both at a young age. And I would most definitely travel back to soak up some time with those I’ve lost, in a heartbeat. (Not in a sad way, though, in a joyful, curious way.)

    1. Our Spring Break is still a month away! I can’t see myself relaxing, to be honest. I”m not great at that.
      And of course, the losses at a young age. And I love what you said. Joyful and curious. I feel that way too. It’s not sad. It’s happy.

  16. Baby Parker misses you and so do I. It’s amazing how much I long for you in this time of hardship… You’re my rock sis. And we will hug and love on you in all of Parkers languages Everytime we see you! Love you!!!

    1. Best comment ever. I didn’t even know you longed for me! Star-crossed! We’ll be in Brooklyn/West Orange next weekend. Maybe we can finagle seeing you on the way home. Then there’s spring break, baby. Oh! And summer break.

  17. That’s wonderful that Parker is doing so well.
    I think kids are our best anchors when our heads are lost up in the clouds. I found that (now I can’t take amazing photos like you do…) when I ditched my camera and just took my phone, I was able to partake more in the moment than worry about actually taking pictures. Do I miss having all these photos? Not really. Mine were blurry anyways LOL!!!
    Lovely post as always πŸ™‚

    1. I was just thinking that today because we’re going to the town’s big Easter Egg Hunt and I was wondering if I should be fussing with camera settings. No! Just the phone will do, of course.

  18. I loved Back to the Future when I was a kid, but I haven’t watched any of them since I was a kid. I really need to watch those movies again. I would love to go back in time and just observe any date from my childhood. Just to see how much of me is in my kids πŸ™‚ We often forget what we were really like as kids. So that would be fun.

    1. I remember seeing the second two in the movie theater, I believe. Great movies!
      It would be nice to see myself as a kid. What a cool idea.

  19. I don’t know what year I would go back to. But I like your idea of visiting each year just to spend a little more time there. The kid pictures are so adorable, and baby Parker is beautiful! Hope you have a wonderful Easter!

    1. Just a little bit, ya know? I feel like I slept through some of it. I think time passing just naturally makes us feel that way, though.
      Happy Easter!

  20. Phew! Good to hear about baby Parker. The little guy is one tough fighter! And as weird as it may be with blogging, it sure doesn’t come off that wayβ€”you’re doing a great job!

  21. So happy to hear baby Parker’s doing well. I hope his parents are holding up well, too. 1984 would definitely be an interesting year to go back and visit.

    1. They’re doing ok! I think it’s probably the toughest thing they’ve ever gone through, but gosh, are they getting stronger every day.

  22. Those two on the right really look like they are made for each other. Too cute πŸ™‚
    I can understand why you would want to travel back to that certain year. I am not sure ‘when’ I would like to travel to. There are oh so many times (and people and places) in history… mind-boggling. But I was always fascinated by time travel and, of course, loved. Back to the future.

    1. Right? Sadly, the little blondie moved far away from us and we haven’t seen her since.
      I’d love to go to so many places in this world. I really need a TARDIS.

  23. Wow, tough one. Not sure when I would go back to. Love to see my grandparents again… or back to the days when I first started dating my husband and couldn’t think about anything else. I love the preemie pics – takes me back to my own story a bit.

    1. Yes, me too! And Des wasn’t a preemie but the photos take me back to NICU memories.
      I’d love to see my grandparents too. And dating my husband!

  24. Ah… love this so very much, Tamara. I love the courage in your heart to want to go back to that traumatic time, where there me be a new layer to pull back and reveal something new- something that will add one more piece to the puzzle in you. I think you are adding to the masterpiece so beautifully each day you create brand new layers-of life, of love, of hope, of glorious things that you embrace in the ‘now’.

    I’m really so so glad that Parker is doing so well.

    1. It would certainly take a lot of courage! It would probably make a great movie script. As many time travel dreams do.
      Parker is doing great and I’ll keep updating!

  25. What a cool concept, I would want to go back and see my Dad one last time (assuming I could not stay). I am so glad to hear that your nephew is doing better! He is a cutie!

    1. I would want to stay, I think. But it’s for just one day. Although I’d hope that day would feel long.. like some glorious days do.
      Parker is over five pounds now!

  26. I can totally relate to taking time off from something, even if it’s something you love. I needed a break from making jewelry, and now I’m ready to hit the ground running with it and have bought all this equipment so I can do some metalsmithing at home! And I’m reaching that point where I need to scale back from blogging a bit.
    Adorable photos, I love Des’ expression in that first one.

    1. Ooh, yay! I have needed breaks off even from writing, although they don’t last quite as long. With photography, and I’m sure jewelry-making, there are leaps of learning, and then catch up time to do what you want with all you have learned. And then maybe rest. And then start all over again.

  27. I am so relieved to hear Parker is doing well. So much to celebrate! Yes to breaks – we all need to step back, recharge and when we are ready, return again. xo

    1. I’ll be writing about him more in-depth on Thursday. It’s certainly a roller coaster in the NICU!
      I think I need a break this week. I got a cold and I feel terrible!

  28. I guess that’s the beauty of taking photos – you can always get back to them anytime to cherish the memories. So glad to know about baby Parker. When I had my pre-birth seminar, I got to understand how challenging it can be to deliver months in advance. I believe baby’s got so much love around him so his progress is quick! πŸ˜‰

  29. You sound like you’ve been through a lot, and I totally understand wanting to go back in time to see my father before he died, and see who I was before trauma and motherhood. I know how hard all that is, so I’m sending prayers your way. You seem like you got a good grip on life though, and I bet the you back then would be amazed to see the you now. Those pictures of your kids are beautiful.

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