I haven’t been talking about it a lot, because there’s a part of me just wishing/waiting for it to go away.
Not the experience, but the feelings associated with it. I’m talking about Scarlet graduating preschool this June and starting kindergarten in September. The thought of Scarlet starting kindergarten is making it harder and harder to breathe.
And I realize that I should not be wishing for the feelings to go away, so much as for them to be transformed as we all go on this journey together as a family. Even Athena who looks forward to her time with Scarlet. Des, who will be missing her. Scarlet’s grandparents, who are used to more regular time with her. And her parents, of course, although I cannot speak for Cassidy. I have a feeling he isn’t as neurotic/breathless about our beautiful girl growing up. I should embrace his “Let it come” attitude.
And I’m already using two of my wishes for this week’s #TuesdayTen linkup with Rabia and Lisa – Ten Wishes. Still I think I’ll combine them into one. Wishes for me and wishes for Scarlet on the next chapter of her life and my parenting life.
1. I wish for Scarlet to move through the kindergarten transition as beautifully as she moves through many transitions. I wish for me to follow her lead, take deep breaths and learn to let go, just a little bit at a time.
2. As Lisa said in her post, it’s hard to think about upsetting the world’s balance because things exist for a reason and you wouldn’t want to make things worse. However in my list, I wish so hard for the end of cancer. It’s too much. It’s too big. It’s too upsetting. I would have written about it anyway but I have a childhood friend who has a son about Des’ age with an aggressive brain tumor. Just yesterday, I heard about the passing of a local ob/gyn who was a big part of my birth story with Scarlet. She was the one to say to us when I was 39 weeks, “Eat eggplant, have sex, and I’d be surprised to see you go past 40 weeks.” Doctor’s orders, you see. Her obituary described her character really well. I’m having a lot of trouble processing that she’s gone.
3. I wish we could sort out the environmental and other factors that contribute to disease and hunger. I wish we were ALL eating real food all of the time. It’s nearly (or fully) criminal what kinds of chemicals go into our foods in this country. I know there are people working so hard to make this world a better place for eating and healing. I wish they all had the money/time/support they needed to succeed. I wish we all did. I honestly didn’t notice it very much until I had kids and pets I had to feed.
4. I wish for everyone to choose love. I wish for more kindness and thoughtfulness in the world. And from me!
5. Can I talk more about me now? I wish for a windfall of money – either by luck or by skill and invention. I wish for days, months and years in which we don’t worry about every bill or car/house disaster. I wish for more camera bodies and camera lenses. And additions to our house! I want a jacuzzi tub.
6. I wish to fulfill every item on my bucket list and many on the sooner side! I’m looking at you, seeing Tom Petty Live, northern lights, Alaska, writing a book, having a photography exhibit, being published in a magazine, eating cookies on top of mountains, while singing the National Anthem. With Tim Curry.
7. I wish for lesser anxiety, easier smiles and an all-around lightness. Guess who took this photo (below), by the way? Scarlet did! I set it to black and white and did the exposure, but she took it. It’s HER vision. And I adore it. She takes wonderful photos.
8. I wish for lightness, good health and financial riches for everyone I know and love.
9. I wish for all of your wishes to come true. Big bonus if you get that reference without the help of Google. If you just know it. I’ll send you something sweet in the mail if you do. Or something salty. Or postcard-y. Or..photograph-y? Granola-y?
10. There’s a way Des has been looking at the sky since..early spring or so. It’s a bewildered, pleasant kind of look – it’s as if every time he sees blue sky and sun, he’s surprised all over again. Every day. I wish for days with more blue skies for all of us. I wish for rain only at night or only when needed for the earth, or for when you want to play board games all day in your underwear. (hey, whatever works) I wish for no deadly natural disasters for us all. I wish for earth’s beauty. Mainly, maybe family-selfishly, I wish that he (and she) will always look at the sky in bewildered wonder. I wish for them to always wish.
What do you wish for?