When You Wish Upon a Star.

I haven’t been talking about it a lot, because there’s a part of me just wishing/waiting for it to go away.

Not the experience, but the feelings associated with it. I’m talking about Scarlet graduating preschool this June and starting kindergarten in September. The thought of Scarlet starting kindergarten is making it harder and harder to breathe.

Ever feel that way?

And I realize that I should not be wishing for the feelings to go away, so much as for them to be transformed as we all go on this journey together as a family. Even Athena who looks forward to her time with Scarlet. Des, who will be missing her. Scarlet’s grandparents, who are used to more regular time with her. And her parents, of course, although I cannot speak for Cassidy. I have a feeling he isn’t as neurotic/breathless about our beautiful girl growing up. I should embrace his “Let it come” attitude.

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And I’m already using two of my wishes for this week’s #TuesdayTen linkup with Rabia and Lisa – Ten Wishes. Still I think I’ll combine them into one. Wishes for me and wishes for Scarlet on the next chapter of her life and my parenting life.

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1. I wish for Scarlet to move through the kindergarten transition as beautifully as she moves through many transitions. I wish for me to follow her lead, take deep breaths and learn to let go, just a little bit at a time.

2. As Lisa said in her post, it’s hard to think about upsetting the world’s balance because things exist for a reason and you wouldn’t want to make things worse. However in my list, I wish so hard for the end of cancer. It’s too much. It’s too big. It’s too upsetting. I would have written about it anyway but I have a childhood friend who has a son about Des’ age with an aggressive brain tumor. Just yesterday, I heard about the passing of a local ob/gyn who was a big part of my birth story with Scarlet. She was the one to say to us when I was 39 weeks, “Eat eggplant, have sex, and I’d be surprised to see you go past 40 weeks.” Doctor’s orders, you see. Her obituary described her character really well. I’m having a lot of trouble processing that she’s gone.

Link HERE.

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3. I wish we could sort out the environmental and other factors that contribute to disease and hunger. I wish we were ALL eating real food all of the time. It’s nearly (or fully) criminal what kinds of chemicals go into our foods in this country. I know there are people working so hard to make this world a better place for eating and healing. I wish they all had the money/time/support they needed to succeed. I wish we all did. I honestly didn’t notice it very much until I had kids and pets I had to feed.

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4. I wish for everyone to choose love. I wish for more kindness and thoughtfulness in the world. And from me!

5. Can I talk more about me now? I wish for a windfall of money – either by luck or by skill and invention. I wish for days, months and years in which we don’t worry about every bill or car/house disaster. I wish for more camera bodies and camera lenses. And additions to our house! I want a jacuzzi tub.

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6. I wish to fulfill every item on my bucket list and many on the sooner side! I’m looking at you, seeing Tom Petty Live, northern lights, Alaska, writing a book, having a photography exhibit, being published in a magazine, eating cookies on top of mountains, while singing the National Anthem. With Tim Curry.

7. I wish for lesser anxiety, easier smiles and an all-around lightness. Guess who took this photo (below), by the way? Scarlet did! I set it to black and white and did the exposure, but she took it. It’s HER vision. And I adore it. She takes wonderful photos.

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8. I wish for lightness, good health and financial riches for everyone I know and love.

9. I wish for all of your wishes to come true. Big bonus if you get that reference without the help of Google. If you just know it. I’ll send you something sweet in the mail if you do. Or something salty. Or postcard-y. Or..photograph-y? Granola-y?

10. There’s a way Des has been looking at the sky since..early spring or so. It’s a bewildered, pleasant kind of look – it’s as if every time he sees blue sky and sun, he’s surprised all over again. Every day. I wish for days with more blue skies for all of us. I wish for rain only at night or only when needed for the earth, or for when you want to play board games all day in your underwear. (hey, whatever works) I wish for no deadly natural disasters for us all. I wish for earth’s beauty. Mainly, maybe family-selfishly, I wish that he (and she) will always look at the sky in bewildered wonder. I wish for them to always wish.

And dream.

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What do you wish for?

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  1. What a beautiful list of wishes! I think they are all absolutely wonderful. I love that picture Scarlet took of you – it is perfect. Kindergarten can be a tough transition for everyone. My oldest started kindergarten two weeks after my second was born and while my middle one was 2. I won’t lie – I was a wreck. Emotionally and physically exhausted from it all. I’m not sure how, but I survived. She survived and thrived. You and Scarlet will, too, I am certain. ((HUGS))

    1. Thanks for hosting such a great prompt! I was so happy to link up. I cannot imagine dealing with kindergarten two weeks postpartum and with a toddler! That’s a story for the books – literally.
      I love to think about all the surviving and thriving.

    1. I know what you mean. I kept thinking about chaos theory and the butterfly effect. If we got rid of cancer, what other sinister things might be lurking? Agh! Too much to think about.

  2. Today, I learned that I lost one of my teaching heroes to cancer. I want cancer to go away forever too. I wish you peace in your sorrow and anxiety.

    1. Oh, I am so sorry. It’s sobering how we will ALL be affected by cancer at some point, directly or not. Actually all four of my grandparents either never got cancer or survived it. However, heart disease is a factor on my father’s side of the family and I wish so much for that to go away too.

  3. Tim Curry better be dressed like Dr. Frank N. Furter 🙂
    I think this is one of my favourite posts of yours! I love every bit about it.
    And yes to eating real food – my son gets bad migraines from lots of the artificial dyes ‘n shit and since I started reading labels I’m appalled by how much artificial crap is in our food.

    1. ha! He’d better get a time machine because I’m not sure the current Tim Curry could pull off that little number like he did in 1975! However. I will always love him. Everything about him.
      Thank you! It’s always awesome to hear that a current post is a favorite. It means to me that I’ve “still got it” or something!
      Cassidy gets headaches from fake sugar in gum and candies. I was hoping you’d tell me it was better in Canada!

  4. Tamara Bowman, you wish for heaven. 🙂 I wish things were how God originally intended them to be then it all would be perfect. I believe one day it will be again….for sure. I love the picture that Scarlet took. You look so happy and Tamara-y lol.

  5. On Bunny’s first day of Kindergarten, I bawled. I wasn’t sure why because he was going to daycare/preschool for a while. It amazes me how adaptable he is while we watch him grow up. Take deep breaths and it’ll be over soon. I wish you could get a windfall of money. Will you share with me?

  6. What an amazing list of wishes! I wish that all of your dreams come true, my friend! I too, wish for the end of cancer and multiple sclerosis. I wish for the end of hatred and war. I wish for happiness and love for my kids, friends, and family. I wish to worry less about finances and money in general. I would love a windfall of money, but would be content with enough to go around. I wish for my kids to never stop dreaming and I know that I will never stop. That is such a wonderful pic of you, that Scarlet took, lil miss saw it and said, “Momma, she is pretty!” 🙂 I have sent three of mine off to Kindergarten and it is best to just take it one day at a time. The hardest for me was sending the oldest to visit his dad for 3 months every summer…I bawled every time! Have a great week, my friend!

    1. Aw! Lil Miss just made my gloomy day – thank you for that!
      Three months every summer! Oh man. I can’t imagine. I know I will as they get older. I still won’t let Des go away with grandparents all day the way I will with Scarlet. I say only when he can communicate and people know what he’s saying! He’s not even two so we’re not there yet.
      The end of MS – YES. The end of all terrible diseases.

  7. I love your wishes too! Beautiful! I wish for cancer to be gone as well. Right now we are dealing with it, as you know, and some days I feel so angry it leaves me reeling. But to have a child with cancer….oh that would be terrifying. When my youngest was little, and had the issues I wrote about in our book, at one point, the doctors mentioned the word leukemia. And my heart just stopped for a minute…those are words you just don’t want to hear. Fortunately it was not the case, but my heart just breaks for any parent who is dealing with cancer with their child.
    Kindergarten will be lovely. It’s funny how they are completely fine, but we become sad…our babies are growing up!

    1. I know exactly what you mean – and it leaves me reeling and furious.
      With the toddler, it is so very scary and hard. My friend is totally staying strong and positive and I just wonder if my anxiety would kick in or if I’d be a warrior like she is. I think about him all the time.

  8. Enjoyed reading this! You have a wonderful list. And somehow breaks my heart at the thought of cancer, diseases, natural disasters, and all those things. (Sigh).. I remember watching House series and knowing that House’s best friend has cancer and he was an oncologist. Life is ironic. We can wish and pray for all things to be good, better, best and learn from them and even the not so good ones. 🙂 I love Scarlet’s photo of you btw!

    1. Yes!! Wilson..right? Can’t believe he go sick. Did he survive? I suppose I should Google it. House was a show I was afraid to watch. I can barely handle “Grey’s Anatomy.”
      Thank you so much – Scarlet is a budding photographer!

      1. The last season never showed that Wilson actually died, he’s supposed to die in 5 months I guess. I remember there was fire in a building then everybody thought House was already dead & while Wilson was delivering his eulogy, House sent him a text message saying that he’s alive and not to tell anyone else & the last scene showed them both on a road trip. 🙂 My husband influenced me to watch it. I got paranoid at first but I actually learned a lot of medical terms. Haha

  9. Rites of passage make me cry too. Like Kindergarten. The first time I cried those mom “My baby is getting older” tears? When Fiona rode on a pony for the first time unassisted. That made me crazy sad. So I get that. But I also get not wanting to disturb the world’s balance. Oh, and if you decide to sent something granola-y? I gift wrap, you know! xxxooo

    1. Wow! That’s a rite of passage we still have, although it can’t be long now in our horse family.
      So far no one got the reference! I’m shocked. Lindsay would get it.

  10. Just beautiful Tamara! I also love that picture of you Scarlet took. Looks like she’s learned a thing or two from her mama.
    I’m with you on the transition to kindergarten. I’m holding my breath and counting the days…

    1. I really can’t believe she took that photo! It was one of her first too. She did take a few blurry ones too, but..for a four-year-old, I’m so impressed! And I hate nearly every photo of me so that one. Whoa.
      Ugh. The “K” word. I have to call and arrange for her to visit the school. No!

  11. I wish for all your wishes too. I know all too well that hard to breathe feeling; watching your children grow up and wanting/not wanting them too. Just remember that all the joy you get from your children wouldn’t be possible unless they were growing. And remind me of that when we go visit colleges this summer!

    1. Oh dear! I’d need valium to do college tours. I should give myself more credit than that. You build your way there. Baby steps. Kindergarten first. Deep breaths. Sigh.

  12. when my kids did kindergarden – it wasn’t much more time then the preschool – well I guess everyday, but they only went like 4 hrs a day.

    My son is graduating High school in June, so I wish that he can find something he wants to do with his life – lol

    1. I still am figuring that out – more power to your son!
      We have full day kindergarten here but I do remember only going part-time as a kid so it wasn’t as earth shattering!

  13. Aww, the kindergarten thing, you know that has me thrown for a loop here, too. On one hand, excited for Emma to go, but on the other I am so mourning the fact that she, too, is growing right before my very eyes. I definitely think we will need to hold each others hand through this experience, because my emotions are truly all over the place. I wonder if it will be easier or harder when we go through it Des and Lily. And by the way, I think you have a future photographer on your hands with Scarlet, because that picture of you she took was absolutely perfect (hey I am just saying!!). 🙂

    1. In some ways, easier with Des. In other ways – harder! Especially since I’m pretty sure he’s my last. Boohoo! That will be hard. Luckily I still have over three years. Whew. Enough time to figure some things out. One would hope.
      And thank you! I honestly love the photo! I usually cringe at photos of myself.

  14. The sky is awesome – especially on a beautiful day, it’s hard not to gawk at it. I am the same when I go to the beach. Have they been to the beach? I absolutely love the pic Scarlet took of you. I just saw it on FB this morning. My wish would be that people didn’t have to suffer with illnesses. I also wish my student loan didn’t exist. I’d also love a windfall of money so that I could pay my debt and someone else’s as well.

    1. They have been to Cape Cod every summer but Des might not remember. He really liked putting sand in his hair! It will be different this summer because he’ll be able to walk and run and last year he wasn’t quite there yet. Scarlet loves it all.
      I love the no illness wish, and DEFINITELY mental illness too.

  15. I often wish for a pile of money, too! Money may not be able to buy happiness but it sure makes being miserable easier! 😉 No doubt that Scarlet will make a smooth transition to kindergarten. It is amazing how fast they grow up!-Ashley

  16. I loved this Tamara, beautiful words, beautiful photos & a beautiful soul! I wish for everyone I love to just find peace. Let go of resentment and just live in the moment without worry or what if. (including me)

    I am too dreading preschool graduation….I’m sure I will bawl then and on the first day of kindergarten. It’s part of the reason I’m working less this summer and not sending her to camp. I just want to be with her.

    1. I was just doing my spring calendar and there’s a kindergarten buddy day first. Then there’s a potluck picnic for kindergarten a week later. Then two days after that, preschool potluck picnic. AND on Des’ second birthday. AND after my first blogging conference and a dental appointment. I’m going to spend June being a ball of nerves!

  17. I love your wishes…I have so many! I wish I could freeze time also because watching my daughter get older brings on sadness as much as it does happiness. Time is going so fast and I wish I could keep her in a little bubble of home, family and happiness. I worry about when she has to deal with the crap that the world brings on. Actually, my wish is that she will always have self confidence and be strong!

    1. She will!
      And yes, the world can be terrible and our kids will have to find that out. There’s lots of wonderful too.
      Thanks for visiting!

    1. That’s such a nice wish! I should give lessons.
      I can’t even think about Des turning two, much less starting school. It will happen, though!

    1. Internal peace. So wonderful. If we all had that..I would hope the world would be a better place. I guess it would be very different.
      Kind hearts for our kids. I can think of few things as important.

  18. Right now more sleep – so going to fulfill that wish – so many blogs but sleep needs to happen. I get ONE work from home day a week and it is pouring rain outside – the kids have been dropped off (bf and son) so now sleep 😀 I wish for a beautiful weekend so the bf and I can go on a horseback trail ride date. Super excited! Everything will be fine and you are going to be SO proud when Scar graduates from pre-k. 🙂 Take it easy Tamara! -Iva

    1. I hope you fulfilled your wish!
      What a crappy, cold day here in New England. Endless rain. Ugh! I have dreams that the sun will come out again. I wish for it, in fact.
      You forgot to say “Happy Hump Day!”

  19. I wish for a lot of the same things as you. (maybe all of them?)

    I remember so painfully how I felt when my oldest daughter was starting kindergarten. I was freaking out! She, on the other hand, held my hand as she skipped up the sidewalk to the school.

    Now my other daughter is about to move to California. I know she’s going to be fine and she has a great place to live and she’s able to take care of herself, etc. But still? Part of me is freaking out! On the outside I’m supportive and all “She’s going to be great!” On the inside I can’t believe she’s going to be so far away.

    Giving kids roots? Easy!

    Giving kids wings? Breaks your freakin’ heart. Every. damn. time.

    1. I can’t even imagine.
      I already have a thousand broken hearts and I haven’t had to give them wings yet, much. Maybe a little. Baby steps.
      Where in California? I moved to California and I came back. It can happen! Although this weather makes me doubt my decision endlessly.

  20. Ok, this post almost made me cry. I love every single wish.

    As far as my own wish, I wish that this next stage of life will be better, but that I will remember all of the amazing lessons that I’ve learned where I am. And I wish that being a “grown-up” won’t always mean having to do everything alone.

    1. That’s so deep.
      There are so many perks to being grown-up, and so many downfalls too.
      There are also so many things we don’t have to do alone. And you’re awesome! So there’s that.

  21. The transitions are so hard. They are growing and you want to be joyful for them but then you are secretly so sad inside. The firsts and lasts of it all. Who knew our whole hearts could be so full and happy and still ache.

  22. I wish for all of your wishes to come true and then some. And I wish your #1 wish comes true for my beautiful Bean who also starts kindergarten in the fall. And Scarlet’s photo of you? Stunning. You are stunning, my friend!

    1. Thank you so much! I hate photos of myself. I HATE them. And then my four-year-old takes one of me that I don’t hate. Who knew?
      May Bean’s transition be wonderful on all of you!

  23. I concur with you on wishes numbers 3, 4 and 5, and for you that all the others come true as well. I wish for my business to really flourish. I don’t know what else I would wish for right now but that’s what’s been weighing on me lately.

  24. Such wonderful wishes. I wish them for everyone. I really get the one about the food. It disturbs me what I feed my family out of necessity. Really need to work on that. I get the money too. I don’t need a lot, just enough where my bank account app isn’t used everyday. I’d like to not have to worry so much about what goes in and out.

    1. I so hear you about the bank account app! I’m sure part of it is my own OCD about checking my account balances, but if I always had a lot of money in there, rather than the constant coming and going, then maybe I could relax about it for a few days or weeks!

  25. I love your wishes. I wish there was no cancer too and that more people understood the link between food and cancer and other diseases. I’m just know starting to learn more about healing through eating real foods. Hopefully, one day soon there will be more doctors who understand the food connection and help to educate more people. I also, wish there were not any natural diasters. I hate it when the tornado sirens go off and we have to take shelter. It makes me nervous to think that the wind could suck my children into it’s funnel. We had a lot of people die in the recent storm in Arkansas and it’s sad that so many people are also hurt and homeless now. So no more natural diasters would be great.
    The flooding in Florida has also made us postpone our Disney trip. We were suspose to start our road trip this morning, but the flooding changed our plans. Hopefully, we can reschedule sometime soon.

    1. Oh no! I knew it was bad but I didn’t how impacted you were. We don’t have tornados as a fear mostly, but there was one a few years ago that killed four people. For us, that was a lot although I know they’re more damaging and widespread where you are. I can’t imagine.
      They say that every time you eat, you’re either healing or poisoning your body. So powerful.

  26. What great wishes. I hope all of them come true for you. And this Kindergarten stuff? I totally get it. I was in the same spot last year, now having a daughter who is about eight weeks shy of calling herself a first grader. Most important lesson for me over these past few months? Breathe and hold back a second before reacting to anything I heard/sensed/saw. Hard, but helpful. Hang in there–you will get through it.

  27. Beautiful wishes, every last one of them. I completely understand the Kindergarten stuff; our daughter will be starting this year as well (Croatian equivalent there of anyway) and somehow I am just not ready yet for that stage. She is eager to go and my inner voice is silently screaming: “NOOOOO, not yet!”

    I hope all those wishes come true for you!

    1. Thank you!
      I think Scarlet will be ready but she’s not really talking about it right now. I guess she will more when the time comes whereas right now she’s totally focused on preschool and friendship and princess stuff!

  28. Oh…. I’m gonna get mushy now seeing that sky gazing pic of Des.
    My middle daughter used to do that, and then when she could speak we could finally hear the thoughts she’d been holding in: “Good job God. you did good today.”
    So simple and sweet. And that would be my wish, that no matter what kind of sky life hands them, they’d be able to look around and notice beauty wherever it might be and think “good job God.”

    1. That’s wonderful. I hope my kids think that way too. Every day there is a sunrise and a sunset and it’s often, if not everyday, quite the show.

  29. This post was sweet. I wish for patience. I really don’t have a lot of it. Honestly, when Natalie was about to start Kindergarten, I couldn’t wait. She’s so loud and bossy, that I craved the silence it would bring. My heart was heavy when I dropped her off that first day, of course, but then I clicked my heels and was like, “I get SILENCE!” I’m an only child though so I was used to it growing up.

    I also wish everyone would choose love. People can be so dang mean these days.

    1. ha! I love that. I grew up as one of five so maybe I need silence too, but from the opposite direction! Today everyone was hungry at once for dinner and they were loud and I wanted to crawl into my bed.

  30. I would also like patience and a pile of money, but I REALLY want to watch you eat a pile of cookies on the top of a mountain signing the National Anthem….with Tim Curry. Now THAT, would be priceless!!

  31. What beautiful wishes! Next summer, I will be going through this — preparing my preschooler for actual school! I wish for Scarlet’s smooth transition, as well as yours. May she be brave. You said that once right? Ugh, and cancer, in kids. Just wrong. So wrong. And AMEN to the food — I want it to be all real too. And Scarlet took that last shot?! It’s really cool. I love the glow behind you and the sharp focus in your eyes. Tell her not everyone gets focus right :). And I love Des’ look of wonderment towards the sky.

    1. Yes, she took it! I had the settings already set but it was still pretty awesome because many adults will have one eye out out of focus or the whole face out of focus. I will continue to work on it with her because I need more photos of me! No one ever takes them. Why not my preschooler?

  32. I am so with you on the food chemical thing…it blows my mind that we are such germaphobes as a society and yet the crap we allow companies to put in our foods is deplorable. I wish for clear skies, too. And how nice of you to wish for all of OUR dreams to come true! I do hope you get that windfall of money…and most of all, I hope Scarlet’s transition is smooth. Geeze those kids of yours are gorgeous.

  33. What thoughtful wishes, Tamara. The end of cancer. Yes, I get that one. I’ve lost too many people, too soon because of cancer.

    I wish it was easier to let go. I always find myself holding on.

    1. I find myself to be terrible at letting go, and yet it’s a crucial life skill. I hope I learn and these kids are certainly teaching me more about it.

  34. What lovely words as usual. I do like your list. Stopping time would be awesome. I just want to stop it, at times, for various reasons, and spare the ones I love the hurt that is coming…that’s where I find myself today.

    1. Is that a part of parenting older ones? I hope I can prepare myself better for what’s coming. In a lot of ways, these early years are probably easier than what’s coming.
      Stopping time would be so interesting.

      1. I’m not sure but it seems to play a bigger role, or perhaps the ways in which your child gets hurt play a bigger role. All stages are hard, just different in nature.

  35. Kindergarten was hard for me with Frances. She was ecstatic! She didn’t even turn around to wave when she got on the bus!! It was easier with Henry, but I’m worried about how it will work with Benjamin. He’s the last to go. At least I’ve got another year and a half before that happens.

    1. I am so thankful for Des being one! (nearly two but I like them to remain young as long as possible)
      I swear this is why people have third and fourth and fifth children. I can see that happening for us.

  36. look to your left–I am sitting next to you in the boat of anxiety and I am just rowing along until we get there. I think we will be fine. Do I think the next few months will be easy? NO. But I think we will be okay, our children will do this. and we will virtually hold hands and make it through.

    1. Nellie, this is one of the most meaningful comments ever. I actually looked to my left out of instinct!
      We’re in this together! That makes me so happy and honestly calmer. No one has to do it alone.

  37. Such sweet wishes! I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s son and about your OB acquaintance. Cancer truly is a horrible thing in this world. I had a childhood friend die of leukemia and the best (and sweetest) stylist I ever went to died of cancer at far too young an age. I’m with you on wishing an end to cancer….and windfalls to make our homes more liveable.

    1. I had a childhood friend survive leukemia and I never realized how lucky she was until recently. She’s now a mother of two!
      I would love a more livable home. It’s beautiful here but I can’t help but dream of more.

    1. Right? Is that too much to ask for? I think tomorrow may be warm but not sunny, but I’ll still be hopeful. Today was the absolute worst.

  38. I hear you on the whole growing up and avoiding thing – I need to freeze time right now – I try not to obsess but…..
    BTW – I just got home and was so happy that my granola from Ilene was here – 2 bags of Tamara’s Blend. I’m treating a bag as 1 serving – that seems right doesn’t it?!

    1. I’m not the granola baking expert but as the namesake of this blend, I am authorized to tell you that yes, one bag is one serving. For sure! And enjoy!
      I want to freeze time so badly. Then Des would not learn how to talk more and jump and socialize so I suppose I’ll let time go on..but I’d like it to be slooooow.

  39. I wish for you to take photos of my magical boy. And I wish for no cancer. I can’t believe how many people I know with it now. It’s sad and horrible and I’m terrified. I wish that I were younger, except when I don’t because that would mean giving up something, and giving up something is beyond scary as today is where I am and I want today. I wish for less anxiety for both of us, and for beauty and whole, untainted foods, and for more Des looking into the sky. I wish that Scar and Tuck both thrive in kindergarten and I wish that we have the power to accept that they’re almost going. We have grad in June. OMG I and WE are the moms to almost kindergartners. Of course, I’m like um, OLD but still. Same. Experience. And I can be the older spouse. You know, the one who is revered and ignored.

    1. I can definitely grant you your first wish! I’m a magical fairy!
      I wish for everything you wish for of course! I wish our wishes combined to have super force.
      I don’t think you’re old AT ALL, but there is something about almost having a five-year-old that is making me feel old.

  40. I absolutely love and adore all your wishes. Everett is starting K in the fall too (just officially registered him yesterday) and it crazy how fast they are growing up. Being a kindergartener feels like he’s crossing some sort of threshold to being a really kid. Not a little kid but a kid. And that photo that Scarlet took of you? I love it!

    PS I too am inhaling my bag of Tamara’s blend granola like Kim!

    1. That’s it! Not a little kid anymore, where anything goes. I love that sort of open-ended feeling of having a very young one. Like how you can pull them out of preschool if you want, and use them as excuses for why you can’t attend things (naps and such).
      Aren’t I horrible?
      Enjoy that granola!

  41. This post is so beautiful and honest. You have wonderful wishes — I think if I had a wish, I’d send the fairy your way!

  42. Oh Tamara, lovely. We share a ton of the same sentiments. I’d especially love for everyone to eat real whole foods as well. I wish it was more readily available, and that everything we bought could be purchased at the farmers markets.

    And yes, cancer. It scares the crap out of me, to be honest. I know there are things we can do to lessen its chances (eating real food! lol) but unfortunately there are those who are affected regardless of lifestyle.

    I also hope Scarlet has a smooth transition to kindergarten. We’re on the same boat this fall. My son starts transitional kindergarten in a new campus with new kids and new teachers.

    1. I think cancer is just one of those unknowns that seems to strike so randomly and seems less preventable, the way heart disease and diabetes do. And it’s..so scary. The varying degrees of severity and the hard battles. Eek. All I can do is hope for the best and keep my family as healthy as possible.

  43. All your wishes are so beautiful–a better world, less anxiety, the “lightness”–but my favorite has to be this one:

    “I wish for me to follow her lead, take deep breaths and learn to let go, just a little bit at a time.”

    I think about this idea all the time. Constantly. Watching my child, the way he embraces the world and loves and delights in it. I find myself observing in wonder thinking “That. I want that.”

    That picture of Des looking up at the light makes me feel that everything is going to be just fine with the world.

    1. I love that. I took those photos with that in mind. Just to think, “Well if everything else crashes today, at least the sun came out and Des looked at it like it held the secret to life.” I guess to some degree (or all degrees), it does!
      I’m really scared for this fall but I think we’re going to make it.

  44. Oh my goodness, where do I begin?! I wish for so much, which reminds me that I need to pray more. I talk to God everyday, but I really need to talk to Him if you know what I mean.

    That’s such a precious picture that Scarlet took of you. Looks like you have yourself a little assistant on your hands with those skills!

  45. 1. Cookies on the mountain are a given. Otherwise, why climb?

    2. I love that Des has such wonder about the sky. I love even more that he has a mom who noticed it.

    3. No. 4. For sure. Sometimes, I wonder if mankind is allergic to kindness. It’s easy, really.

  46. Not sure how I will feel about Kindergarten, but I do know when I dropped Hayden off at Prek I was pretty much the only mom NOT crying. In fact seeing one mom sob, ALMOST made me cry. But really I was far to excited to hear about his adventures- I wanted to experience it WITH him! I wonder if it will be different with Henry since he is my baby.

    1. I love that – that you weren’t crying. At our preschool thing, no one was crying. People did seem a bit bewildered, though. And you can bet we were all there at 12:30 on the dot to see how their first days went!

  47. Bring on the financial windfall!! I am trying to remember my son’s pre-school graduation. I know I cried at Avery’s because it was more final. No more babies. But also no more daycare payment the size of a mortgage. I might have been more excited for Alasdair since it was new to me as a mom. It is really a very exciting time for them when they start kindergarten.

  48. This is so beautiful and transparent…and so YOU! I hope all your wishes come true! I had no problems sending my older two off to kindergarten. I was thrilled for a new adventure for them and it was the FIRST of many big milestones for them. With my youngest I was a WRECK…an absolute WRECK…as in I had to leave the classroom b/c I was crying and a curly haired 5 yr old girl called me on it and announced it loudly for all to hear…as 5 year olds will. We had just moved 1231+ miles 2 months earlier and I didn’t “know” the school or the teachers as I had with the others. We didn’t have friends yet. It was a very isolating time. We survived & thrived & I am sure you and Scarlet will too!

    1. Aw, I wonder what it would have been like to send your third if you hadn’t moved! I wonder if it will be easier with Des because been there/done that, or harder because he’s most likely my last.
      This is why people have third and fourth kids!

  49. Reading this hurt my heart cause I too become breathless when I drive past our elementary school and think about my little baby being in there soon. I swear 90% of the reason I want to homeschool him at this point is because I don’t think I can let go.

    That picture Scarlet took of you is AMAZING!!! Following in her mama’s footsteps!

    1. I have had the same homeschool thoughts. And because people can suck and everyone gets bullied or teased at some point and I just want to keep them at home until they’re 30! Now I sound like I’m nuts.
      Scarlet took some more photos too! I’ll share them soon.

  50. Truly wonderful wishes.
    I wish, I wish, I wish. So many things. The end of sadness and cancer and bad things happening to good people.

  51. scarlet is such a big girl now. i can only imagine when my little one goes to kindergarten! it seems so far off, but i know it will go quickly. right now i’m just taking it one day at a time, but i wish that we get through the nights with a few hours of really good sleep!

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