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Two of Us Wearing Raincoats

“Two of us wearing raincoats
Standing solo
In the sun
You and me chasing paper
Getting nowhere
On our way back home
We’re on our way home
We’re on our way home
We’re going home”

Two of us wearing raincoats, Standing solo, You and me chasing paper, Getting nowhere, On our way back home, We're on our way home..

Lately I have a yearning for Sunday driving.

Sure, it’s the season, with the foliage rolling over us like a very warm and very vivid blanket. I had a photo shoot on Wednesday, and I WENT TO THE WRONG LOCATION. So then I got back in the car to get to.. you know.. the correct location, and realized I was fine. I was actually relaxed. My client (friend) knew I was coming and it all was going to work out. Not to mention the hour and a half or so of perfectly beautiful foliage that I saw. That certainly helped. I was alone that time, though. I’m never alone, but I’m often alone. It’s the strangest thing. So now I yearn for Sunday driving. And sure, it’s the nostalgia talking as well, thinking about falls of yesteryear. Our early October drive from San Francisco to Massachusetts. Being pregnant with Scarlet. Then, being pregnant with Des. Welcoming Rider, my October pumpkin baby. Plus the spaces in between.

The places, too. Great national parks, shooting stars, and warm blankets. Soft husky faces.

“You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead”

These days, I don’t yearn for solo foliage drives, or really any solo drives. Although, Des came with me on a Starbucks and library run yesterday, and he did not stop talking. And it was also a little glorious, mixed with the sounds of my own thoughts. I remember driving through the almond farms (or maybe it was pecans?) with Cassidy, on our way to and from Yosemite. Warm pumpkin spice and the crisp air you only find in northern California, or maybe a fall day in New England.

I never yearn for solo time these days, so much as one-on-one time. So much promise. Two of us.

Two of us wearing raincoats, Standing solo, You and me chasing paper, Getting nowhere, On our way back home, We're on our way home..

“Two of us sending postcards
Writing letters
On my wall
You and me burning matches
Lifting latches
On our way back home
We’re on our way home
We’re on our way home
We’re going home”

Any which two, really. I’ll take them all. One-on-one, two-by-two.

The two of us didn’t have a lot of time to be the two of us, before Scarlet came along. And to be honest, it wasn’t the best time, when we had the time to finally be together. I think it does get better, as maybe we’re getting better at steering this rocky ship, through tough waters. You can patch the holes, but unless you’re willing to do the work for a more sustainable fix, you’ll spring a lot of leaks along the way. And they don’t get better. Until they do, and then you’re not willing to go back again, to a rickety fix or a rickety boat. It is on solid waters now, or treacherous waters as you smoothly cut through. I did have a lot of time with just Scarlet, with Cassidy in and out of work, and we spent our long days finding adventures. We still do, and we have to take that time.

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“Two of us riding nowhere
Spending someone’s hard-earned pay
You and me Sunday driving
Not arriving
On our way back home
We’re on our way home
We’re on our way home
We’re going home”

I didn’t get a lot of time with Des at first, but then Scarlet started preschool and we had our mornings together. Over the next few years before kindergarten, we’d make time for adventure on free days, like pancake lunches and reservoir hikes. I didn’t get a lot of time with Rider for the first several months like I had expected, but I have them now, when they really matter. And it’s weird how it’s lonely sometimes, in such a crowded house, because Cassidy’s at work, the kids are at school, the dogs are snoring, and Rider is taking a nap. I should take this time to be with myself, at least a bit, but I often stare into space, or I do work. There doesn’t seem to be much in between spacing out on the couch, or getting good work done. I suppose it’s ok in this way. Resting and working. Working, resting. Reflecting. Then, he wakes up. And we take that time.

“You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead”

Every fall, I go back to our first one, when we reunited after years apart.

At some point, around that time, that murky, magical display of foliage and heartbreak and heart reunions, in fall and winter of 2006, and on, Cassidy made a themed “Home” mix. I think “Two of Us” was the second song on that mix, and it will always catch my heart. 13 years ago, this week, we were making our way from San Francisco to the quiet hilltowns of Massachusetts. 10 years ago, this week, we were packing up our rental condo and moving into our current home. And one year ago, this week, we were battling storms and power outages, and welcoming our home for our third baby. It’s amazing how the leaves change, and it seems to mark passages of time differently than any other season. They all have their magic, but it’s the crispness and the freshness. The marking of the new leaves, turning them over and over, after their eventual fall, and giving sweet, sweet way to whatever tomorrow brings. We’re getting closer every single day.

We’re on our way home. We’re going home. We are home.

Two of us wearing raincoats, Standing solo, You and me chasing paper, Getting nowhere, On our way back home, We're on our way home..

“We’re going home
You better believe it
Good-bye.”

I went through my whole birthing playlist! I’m starting a new one, based on themes/feelings of the week, or what the Radio Gods are telling me. “Two of Us” is #6 on my brave new playlist.

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7 Comments

  1. I’m still waiting for the foliage to turn color down here in lower CT. It’s been too warm so far I guess, so only a few hints of color. But I love the warm days, so it is totally fine with me!

    I remember enjoying the one-on-one time I had with each of my girls. Splitting attention is tough, for both parties. Back when my my kids were in school, Kindergarten was an extended day, meaning they got out 1 1/2 hours earlier. That was perfect for me to focus on my kindergartener before the older girl came home, and then I could focus more on her. Special memories!

  2. I love how when I read your Friday posts, I usually start singing in my head. And then I marvel at the way you express yourself so beautifully! I don’t really get lonely, and my daughter jokingly tells me that could be pathological. I loved having time with each of my kids, both together and separately, but I have always craved alone time, too. That little moose onesie is adorable!

  3. Aw, knew immediately this was a Beatles song when I first started to read and was totally humming along and then singing out loud, too. Well, this week I will be honest I don’t want alone time, Kevin had a second surgery for a detached retina on Wednesday. Thankful he appears to be OK and slowly getting better. But happy to just be in the same room with him while I work to keep him company. So, totally just the two of us during the workday and just fine by me as I wouldn’t have it any other way but to be with him while he heals.

  4. This song I knew immediately from the first line. I often try and guess. This is one of my favorite Beatles’ song. I bet George Harrison wrote it 🙂 You certainly are HOME. What a beautiful home you and Cassidy have made. I think the seasons always bring back memories of past seasons–where we were, who with, what doing…My babies are both October munchkins, so October is a sentimental month for me. Hugs to you.

  5. Oh please share your fall foliage photos. We do not get much here in the southwest and I miss it. I am happy to hear that all is going well this week. It has definitely been a better month for me.

  6. Happy First Birthday Rider! ❤🎂🎈🎁
    l hope you and everyone in your family are enjoying your very special day!

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