Top 6 Tips For Successful Divorce Mediation
Going through a divorce will never be an easy process. Not only does it mean breaking up with your spouse, but it could also strain your relationships with your children when done inappropriately, and the home and finances you’ve built together will be at stake. Divorce mediation is one way to finalize your divorce without going through so much animosity and creating more conflict. For starters, divorce mediation is when the spouses consult with a neutral mediator to settle issues regarding child support, property division, and more to agree in a mutual agreement.
Keep in mind that mediation is not the same as couple’s therapy, which some couples often think. The goal of couple’s therapy is to help couples resolve their conflict and rekindle their romantic relationship. On the other hand, divorce mediation aims to promote post-divorce stability while understanding that your relationship is over for good. Furthermore, some couples also prefer mediation to divorce litigation as it’s cheaper, quicker, and gives them more control of the outcome than letting the judge have the last say.
However, divorce mediation will only be effective and successful when done right. For your guide, here are the top six tips for successful divorce mediation.
1. Keep Your Priorities In Line
The outcome of your divorce mediation depends on how you understand and keep your priorities in line. So, before stepping into the mediator’s office, you need to have your priorities prepared to know which issues are crucial for you and which factors you’re willing to be flexible with.
It’s also helpful if you get legal advice from an experienced family law firm in Tustin or other law firms within your area, as they’ll help you weigh and review the settlement options and keep your rights and responsibilities in check. Remember, going unprepared during your mediation could result in a disastrous agreement or bring your case into divorce litigation.
2. Be A Careful And Attentive Listener
Divorce litigations and trials are all about winning and taking over the case. If you’ve noticed, when divorcing couples are in court, they tend to listen only to think of ways to rebuff and argue. But in mediation, it’s a whole different process. It’s not about winning or even trying to get even with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Instead, it’s about carefully listening without trying to argue, interrupt, or attack the opposite party.
Utilizing good listening skills from the spouses is crucial during mediation as this is the only way both parties can settle issues, come to agreements, and stay on track peacefully. It’s also helpful if both spouses are empathetic towards each other as it’s easier to cooperate and think of the best solutions for themselves, especially their children. If you hear your spouse say nasty comments about you or your relationship, it’s best to ignore it and let the mediator correct your spouse.
3. Do Your Homework
As mentioned, mediation is about settling issues between you and your spouse, including the house, bank savings, children’s expenses, land, and other properties you need to divide. However, it’s hard to settle, much less negotiate about something you don’t understand or know about.
So, as part of your preparation, do your homework and take your time to gather your property papers and financial documents and review them. It’s best to create a detailed list of the assets, liabilities, and even debts, considerable for division. When the mediator asks for any documents or information, and you can’t show any, your mediation process will go nowhere.
4. Share Relevant Information
With the details you have, it’s time to share relevant information with your spouse and the mediator. Doing this will help them better understand your position. Keep in mind that purposely withholding some of your assets or debts will not only be unfair for the other party but could also be considered as fraud, giving the other party the right to cancel the divorce judgment.
5. Take Hold Of Your Emotions
Divorce can be a mentally and emotionally draining process, and there’s no doubt that one of the spouses is currently influenced by grief, regret, frustration, and anger. While all these emotions are valid, you need to take hold of them and don’t let them interfere with the mediation process. Letting your emotions control you during mediation will only make it impossible to reach a mutual agreement.
When seated with your spouse, think of them as your contractor or business partner, and you’re there to negotiate and settle issues. In case your spouse is testing your patience, make sure you prepare calming techniques in your sleeves, like deep breathing or counting to ten before responding. Being emotionally stable will make it easier for you to focus on the best options for you and your children.
6. Prepare For More Sessions
The more issues and disputes you and your spouse have, the longer the mediation process will take. Furthermore, if everything seems too overwhelming for you at first, it’s definitely okay to schedule for the next session instead of trying to finish everything in one sitting. Let your brain and heart rest when necessary and take your time to recollect your emotions, brainstorm additional ideas or suggestions, and review your documents and settlement options again. This will make subsequent mediation sessions more manageable and less stressful, thus, a bigger chance of success.
A Silver Lining
Taking time to prepare mentally and emotionally for the mediation will boost your chances of successfully settling mutual agreements and building a positive relationship and co-parenting plan with your ex-spouse. So, along with these essential tips, make sure you hire a well-trained and experienced mediator who’ll help you navigate through your special issues and help both sides find common ground.
