Ever find yourself strapped with two kids to care for, two photo jobs to edit, and a fairly large data entry project to finish?
Oh, sure. We’ve all been there! While we’re at it, do you also have a blog that you love and care for but you haven’t the time to write perfect posts on a hectic weekend filled with all of the above said things, as well as life things such as: family haircuts, home shows, Easter egg hunts, eating, sleeping, drinking an occasional glass of water, carrying on conversations with loved ones, tweeting about cake, checking Pinterest for Doctor Who bowties, making up ridiculous hashtags on Instagram, and thus, attracting potential weirdos?
If so, have no fear! Here are my foolproof tips on phoning in a blog post, when you’re just not feeling it.*
1.) If your post can’t be perfect, it can be..picture perfect. Cute photos are a post in themselves. If you have a professional camera, a creamy lens, top-of-the-line editing software, and kids with scarily big and bright eyes, more power to you. If not, your kids and dogs and husbands and home renovations and stacks of beer in the fridge are pretty adorable by themselves, anyway.
2.) The next tip for phoning it in, which comes especially in handy on gloomy Sunday nights in which it feels like deep winter even though it’s early spring and you just want to warm your butt on the pellet stove and frolic with the kids, is to tell a story about your weekend. And if it’s Wednesday and there’s a faint memory of the previous weekend and a deep yearning for the next, tell a story about your day. We are all fascinating people walking fascinating circles around each other in this fascinating world. It’s so true. You can talk about the guy who pushed past you and didn’t even thank you when you made a point to hold the door open for him while walking out of a store with your daughter. You could invent nicknames for his sorry soul, and make excuses for such asinine behavior. You could also tell the story of the date you went on with your daughter to Starbucks and how there was a line for the bathroom and every time someone went in or out, her eyes would grow wide and she’d say, “I wonder…if they’re peeing or pooping.” And then when it was said daughter’s turn to use the restroom she shouted from the toilet so loudly that the people outside the door surely heard her say, “Oh! I didn’t have to pee. I had to fart poop. It happens.” And when you walked out, people were laughing or clapping.
3.) Another great phoning it in tip, which works well with Facebook and Twitter too, is to share cute and wonderful quotes from your kids. Like when I complimented my daughter for something or other and she said, “I’m so powerful and fancy.” And then of course:
Me: “I love you.”
Daughter: “Your nipples are sweet.”
And again if you don’t have kids, share quotes from your spouse or siblings or parents or drunken friends. Or your 99-year-old grandmother who is sharp as a tack and digs hungrily into pizza like a three-year-old at a birthday party. She’s a post in itself!
4.) Another good tip, since you’re way too cool and busy to write out a detailed blog post* is to share what it is that you’re working on, that is keeping you so busy and cool. And in my case since my transportation data entry project is not earth-shattering to everyone, although it is to me, I can share some photos of my photo projects – maternity and a birthday girl.
5.) And now my last tip! Write a list, write out a process in your life, write a review of a restaurant, recipe or movie. Make an instructional post, like a “how-to” or a top-ten list, or something like…”How to phone in a blog post.” Add numbers to your post title like “Five ways to..” or “Top ten..”if you’re really cool. I’m not, clearly.
And there you have it. When life is so busy you can barely breathe, but you still want to blog, phone it in. Who says you can’t have it all? Isn’t life grand sometimes?
*In fact, I was feeling it very much while writing this, and it took me 1-2 hours to do. Results not guaranteed.