*** I have updated the end of each story to tell which are true and which is the lie. Thanks to all who played. You made my day!
It used to be that I kept pink post-it notes listed with stories of things that have happened to me in my life on my desk.
That was back when I wanted backup ideas in case I didn’t know what to blog about and 3-4 days had passed since my last post. Ever so consistent and timely, I am. These days, I really want backup days because I am never running out of ideas here.
I don’t always schedule things or link up to hops and parties, but every now and then I’ll be in the right mood at the right time to participate in something I find awesome. I never know what will hit me. It’s all ebbs and flows, and tides. Speaking of tides, did you see the full harvest moon last night? Scarlet and I raced to the top of a hill, with her in a Cinderella dress, just to glimpse it:
“I really love doing these things with you, Mama.” Be still my heart.
I first saw this “Two Truths, One Lie” idea on Kiss My List. (I love mentioning you, Dana, because I know you get giddy!)
I was intrigued! I had so many stories on my pink post-it notes from my own youth, and now I have many stories from my kids’ childhoods. I wanted to play along but add an extra story. So here it’s four stories. Three are true and one is a lie. Guess which one! I wanted to do a kids theme this time. That gives me a broad collection of stories because I figured if I didn’t want to tell any stories from being with my own kids, I could use stories from when I was a kid or from when my loved ones were kids.
So many swirling stories to choose from! Here goes. Which one is not true?
1.) When I was 16, I started babysitting for a family with three kids. It would become a lovely, long-term thing, but there were a few hiccups in the beginning. Like my first diaper change with their nine-month-old. Still not sure how I smeared his parent’s sheets with feces? Then there was the time I drove over six inches of snow on their lawn, and couldn’t get my car out. It was within my first year of having a driver’s license. Oops! Then there was the time I was babysitting all three kids, as well as four or five neighborhood kids as well. All of the older kids were up in the playground house playing a game I created called “Dinosaur.” The baby was all strapped into his baby swing and I was pushing him. It was a blissful day. Me, 17-years-old, responsible for the well beings of several adoring and adorable children. You know what happened next, right? A fully grown bear ambled into the yard, and it was not a small yard. He (she) took a good look at me, and what I thought was a hungry look at the baby strapped (and trapped) into his baby swing. Amazingly, I remained calm. I had the oldest child quietly round up the rest of the bigger kids into the house. I very slowly and quietly unstrapped the baby from his swing and walked swiftly past the bear with a “Nothing to see here!” look. Inside, the kids gaped out the glass door and watched the bear wander off, only for him (her) to be removed from the premises by authorities, and relocated somewhere without an active train track. I felt like a hero all day.
***This one is 100% true. And yes, they did hire me back after the smeared feces incident. They were actually very nice about it! This story actually came up last week at a wedding in the family. The baby in the swing is now nearly 17 and doesn’t remember the bear. His older sister very much did. None of this story was exaggerated.
Heck, I still do.
2.) One morning, after a particularly raucous party thrown by my parents, my little sister woke up asking for juice. This was the norm. Having raucous parties was NOT the norm, lest you think my parents were irresponsible party animals. No, they fit that title much more now that we’re all grown. Back in the day, though, we were subject to some strict rules. We had to do many chores. We only got to watch an hour of TV and then we were ushered into books and treehouses. (the treehouses were filled with porn magazines, so I guess you can call that reading material). We were not allowed to eat “junk cereal” unless it was one of our birthdays, or Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day – in which case we got Lucky Charms for the pink heart or green clover marshmallows. On the morning in question, it was no such birthday or holiday. Just a normal day with a normal glass of apple juice. Only, my innocent baby sister said it didn’t taste right. She said, “It tastes rotten!” My parents checked the expiration date of the jug in the fridge and pronounced it fine. My sister insisted. Finally my older sister took a sip, and I don’t know how she would know what beer tastes like, but she said it tasted like beer. My parents again checked the expiration date. Then they took the cap off and sniffed the “juice.” It was beer. Someone had (probably drunkenly) poured leftover beer into an empty apple juice carton. Naturally, this was served to my babiest of siblings. Gotta start them young, right? She turned out just fine, luckly.
*** This one is also 100% true. And as my dad says, “I would do it again in an instant!” It seems they were trying to save the leftover beer from a keg so they poured it into an empty apple juice carton. This was very economical of them.
3.) On one beautiful autumn afternoon, I took Scarlet to Starbucks. Or as she calls it, “Starbuckies!” We were starting to talk about potty-training her, even though she was still pretty young, and she was really starting to understand the whole deal. As we stood in line to get our decaf white mocha (mine) and fruit/veggie pouch (her), a beautiful dark-skinned man passed us by. “Hi, Dada!” She crowed at him at the top of her lungs. He looked more than a little confused but took his place behind us in line. (Whoever you are, beautiful man, don’t worry – I won’t ask for a DNA test) We got our order and sat down. The same man got his order and drank his coffee a safe distance from us. Then he went to use the restroom. Scarlet watched him go in and then turned back to me with her eyes wide open. “That man,” She said at the shrill top of her lungs, “is going to poop on the potty!”
That poor man – accused of fathering a stranger and pooping on the potty. We left before he came out of the restroom.
*** 100% true!! I think many of you knew that, knowing what you know about Scarlet.
4.) Des began what I call his “mobility train” at a very young age. By four months, he could push his heels against the floor while lying on his back and move across the room, if he saw something he wanted. Later his mobility shifted to inching forward on his butt. The butt-inching made way for the very fast butt-scoot around ten months. Around eleven months, he took to his hands and knees in a bunny hop of sorts. Let’s just call it all crawling, shall we? When Scarlet was learning to crawl, we put out four things at a time on the floor. We put out Cassidy’s wallet. We put out his car keys. We put out a shiny, plastic baby toy. We put out the TV remote control. Guess which one motivated her the most, or should I say the fastest? The remote. Des is similarly fixated on new and forbidden things. We went to visit my parents during Memorial Day weekend to meet their two new dogs. They had been without dogs for half of a year, so I thought nothing of Des crawling around on their porch. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him bunny hopping rapidly towards something but I wasn’t fully paying attention until the last minute. There was something brown going from his hand to his mouth! I yelled and lunged just in time to grab a petrified piece of dog crap from his hands.
I was shaking for an hour after that. And still washing my hands and his!
*** FALSE! This did not happen. Sorry it was so gross but it could totally happen with a new puppy in the house and a mobile baby. I got the idea for this story from a related incident when Scarlet was learning to crawl. Our nearly 16-year-old dog had crapped on the floor, and Scarlet was headed straight towards it. I saw the possibilities of what could go wrong there and built a story around it.
Do you think you know the false story? Don’t answer if you’re family! Speaking of family, a very special shout-out to my older sister, Lindsay!! Happy Birthday, Marvelous! I teased this photo on my fanpage from her upcoming Yoga photo shoot:
Thanks for playing, everyone! I will do this game again – next theme will be dating. And then a job one too. Oh boy – you’ll love those.