Three Truths, One Lie: Kids Will Be Kids.

*** I have updated the end of each story to tell which are true and which is the lie. Thanks to all who played. You made my day!

It used to be that I kept pink post-it notes listed with stories of things that have happened to me in my life on my desk.

That was back when I wanted backup ideas in case I didn’t know what to blog about and 3-4 days had passed since my last post. Ever so consistent and timely, I am. These days, I really want backup days because I am never running out of ideas here.

I don’t always schedule things or link up to hops and parties, but every now and then I’ll be in the right mood at the right time to participate in something I find awesome. I never know what will hit me. It’s all ebbs and flows, and tides. Speaking of tides, did you see the full harvest moon last night? Scarlet and I raced to the top of a hill, with her in a Cinderella dress, just to glimpse it:

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“I really love doing these things with you, Mama.” Be still my heart.

I first saw this “Two Truths, One Lie” idea on Kiss My List. (I love mentioning you, Dana, because I know you get giddy!)

I was intrigued! I had so many stories on my pink post-it notes from my own youth, and now I have many stories from my kids’ childhoods. I wanted to play along but add an extra story. So here it’s four stories. Three are true and one is a lie. Guess which one! I wanted to do a kids theme this time. That gives me a broad collection of stories because I figured if I didn’t want to tell any stories from being with my own kids, I could use stories from when I was a kid or from when my loved ones were kids.

So many swirling stories to choose from! Here goes. Which one is not true?

1.) When I was 16, I started babysitting for a family with three kids. It would become a lovely, long-term thing, but there were a few hiccups in the beginning. Like my first diaper change with their nine-month-old. Still not sure how I smeared his parent’s sheets with feces? Then there was the time I drove over six inches of snow on their lawn, and couldn’t get my car out. It was within my first year of having a driver’s license. Oops! Then there was the time I was babysitting all three kids, as well as four or five neighborhood kids as well. All of the older kids were up in the playground house playing a game I created called “Dinosaur.” The baby was all strapped into his baby swing and I was pushing him. It was a blissful day. Me, 17-years-old, responsible for the well beings of several adoring and adorable children. You know what happened next, right? A fully grown bear ambled into the yard, and it was not a small yard. He (she) took a good look at me, and what I thought was a hungry look at the baby strapped (and trapped) into his baby swing. Amazingly, I remained calm. I had the oldest child quietly round up the rest of the bigger kids into the house. I very slowly and quietly unstrapped the baby from his swing and walked swiftly past the bear with a “Nothing to see here!” look. Inside, the kids gaped out the glass door and watched the bear wander off, only for him (her) to be removed from the premises by authorities, and relocated somewhere without an active train track. I felt like a hero all day.

***This one is 100% true. And yes, they did hire me back after the smeared feces incident. They were actually very nice about it! This story actually came up last week at a wedding in the family. The baby in the swing is now nearly 17 and doesn’t remember the bear. His older sister very much did. None of this story was exaggerated.

Heck, I still do.

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2.) One morning, after a particularly raucous party thrown by my parents, my little sister woke up asking for juice. This was the norm. Having raucous parties was NOT the norm, lest you think my parents were irresponsible party animals. No, they fit that title much more now that we’re all grown. Back in the day, though, we were subject to some strict rules. We had to do many chores. We only got to watch an hour of TV and then we were ushered into books and treehouses. (the treehouses were filled with porn magazines, so I guess you can call that reading material). We were not allowed to eat “junk cereal” unless it was one of our birthdays, or Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day – in which case we got Lucky Charms for the pink heart or green clover marshmallows. On the morning in question, it was no such birthday or holiday. Just a normal day with a normal glass of apple juice. Only, my innocent baby sister said it didn’t taste right. She said, “It tastes rotten!” My parents checked the expiration date of the jug in the fridge and pronounced it fine. My sister insisted. Finally my older sister took a sip, and I don’t know how she would know what beer tastes like, but she said it tasted like beer. My parents again checked the expiration date. Then they took the cap off and sniffed the “juice.” It was beer. Someone had (probably drunkenly) poured leftover beer into an empty apple juice carton. Naturally, this was served to my babiest of siblings. Gotta start them young, right? She turned out just fine, luckly.

*** This one is also 100% true. And as my dad says, “I would do it again in an instant!” It seems they were trying to save the leftover beer from a keg so they poured it into an empty apple juice carton. This was very economical of them.

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3.) On one beautiful autumn afternoon, I took Scarlet to Starbucks. Or as she calls it, “Starbuckies!” We were starting to talk about potty-training her, even though she was still pretty young, and she was really starting to understand the whole deal. As we stood in line to get our decaf white mocha (mine) and fruit/veggie pouch (her), a beautiful dark-skinned man passed us by. “Hi, Dada!” She crowed at him at the top of her lungs. He looked more than a little confused but took his place behind us in line. (Whoever you are, beautiful man, don’t worry – I won’t ask for a DNA test) We got our order and sat down. The same man got his order and drank his coffee a safe distance from us. Then he went to use the restroom. Scarlet watched him go in and then turned back to me with her eyes wide open. “That man,” She said at the shrill top of her lungs, “is going to poop on the potty!”

That poor man – accused of fathering a stranger and pooping on the potty. We left before he came out of the restroom.

*** 100% true!! I think many of you knew that, knowing what you know about Scarlet.

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4.) Des began what I call his “mobility train” at a very young age. By four months, he could push his heels against the floor while lying on his back and move across the room, if he saw something he wanted. Later his mobility shifted to inching forward on his butt. The butt-inching made way for the very fast butt-scoot around ten months. Around eleven months, he took to his hands and knees in a bunny hop of sorts. Let’s just call it all crawling, shall we? When Scarlet was learning to crawl, we put out four things at a time on the floor. We put out Cassidy’s wallet. We put out his car keys. We put out a shiny, plastic baby toy. We put out the TV remote control. Guess which one motivated her the most, or should I say the fastest? The remote. Des is similarly fixated on new and forbidden things. We went to visit my parents during Memorial Day weekend to meet their two new dogs. They had been without dogs for half of a year, so I thought nothing of Des crawling around on their porch. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him bunny hopping rapidly towards something but I wasn’t fully paying attention until the last minute. There was something brown going from his hand to his mouth! I yelled and lunged just in time to grab a petrified piece of dog crap from his hands.

I was shaking for an hour after that. And still washing my hands and his!

*** FALSE! This did not happen. Sorry it was so gross but it could totally happen with a new puppy in the house and a mobile baby. I got the idea for this story from a related incident when Scarlet was learning to crawl. Our nearly 16-year-old dog had crapped on the floor, and Scarlet was headed straight towards it. I saw the possibilities of what could go wrong there and built a story around it.

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Do you think you know the false story? Don’t answer if you’re family! Speaking of family, a very special shout-out to my older sister, Lindsay!! Happy Birthday, Marvelous! I teased this photo on my fanpage from her upcoming Yoga photo shoot:

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Thanks for playing, everyone! I will do this game again – next theme will be dating. And then a job one too. Oh boy – you’ll love those.

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  1. I read them all and I think it's the second one. I really can't see you being a tree house filled with porn magazines. πŸ™‚ I LOL at the third story with Scarlet and that poor fellow. I can totally see that happening. Its something my kids would have said/done. I so did not see that full harvest moon last night and the skies are pretty clear here in CO with no obstruction. I need to start taking a bit more photos of this barren land. Oh how I miss Brooklyn. Hope you'll have a marvelous weekend and I can't wait to hear which one is a lie. πŸ™‚

    1. Well this isn’t a hint in either direction, but the porn magazines weren’t mine! They belonged to all of the neighborhood boys, including my brother. Not my thing at all! I read Beverly Clearly!
      Brooklyn misses you! Well, I can’t exactly vouch for that, but western Mass misses you.
      Happy weekend!

    1. haha – you were almost the first one to comment! I think I posted at midnight and then fell asleep shortly after. I couldn’t wait to wake up and see if anyone had guessed yet.

          1. Yes- you know why we do? We can get stuff done without "Momma can you" or "Baby, what about.." questions…lol love my family but late at night is MY time! πŸ™‚

    1. hahaha! The porn magazines (whether or not THIS story is true) did exist but they were not mine! They belonged to my brother and the older boys in my neighborhood.

      1. Lol, TOO funny T. Yeah, yeah- just go ahead and admit the truth- you are just like Samantha on “Sex & the City”!!! ONLY kidding lol J/K… BaHaHaHa… πŸ™‚

          1. Me too! I was born in '83… (I think we are close in age) but I own almost every season on DVD, I am an addict, I am at true city girl with a southern accent who married a country farm guy, no lie… LOL… πŸ™‚ I had thought about blogging about the series & now it is definitely needed…

    1. haha! I think that’s a compliment? It’s funny because I always assume I’m terrible at fiction, but this is making me think that maybe I’m not because three are definitely true, and one is definitely false.

      1. BTW- I find them all very believable… I really had to think about you & what I know about you and take that into consideration also, you wrote this post very descriptively… well done!

  2. I am so going with number 2, as well. Something about that one just had me calling bullish*t on that story. But telling you, I couldn't stop reading each and every one and trying to figure it out. I will so be back to find out this weekend, because I really need to know like now!! πŸ™‚

  3. OH wow, this is tough! #1 sounds too ridiculous not to be true (at least the part with the bear). And I feel like since several people have already guessed #2 I should guess another one. Let's go with #4? Can't wait to find out the answer!

  4. You're pretty good at this because I think they are all true. I'm thinking 2 or 4 so I'll go with #2. The bear story-OMG! I would have totally freaked out. How scary! I'm messaging you right now since I have no patience.

  5. I'm going with a less popular vote – I say #4. It could happen, but my guess is that your parents' dogs do not poop on the porch. These were fabulous, Tamara – I loved playing!

  6. I took a walk with my kids too last night to see the moon. We sat by the dock near our house and my little one held my hand. Both of our Scarlet(t)s loving on us at the same time, no less!

    I can't wait to see the rest of the photos from your shoot with Lindsay! Happy birthday marvelous! xxxooo

    I'm guessing story #2 is the lie…

    1. Aw..Marvelous. You are a good listener. When we were in our 20’s, I made her a mix cd called, “Me and Marvelous.” It had so many tracks that I had to make a “Me and Marvelous 2” mix. I confess I thought it was a bad word when I first called her it, but when I found out the truth, I still did it!
      A moonrise from a dock. I can think of few things better.

  7. They all sound true to me except for the bear part, but then it's so scary that maybe it's true? It reminds me of Little House in the Big Woods, when Ma slapped the cow on the rump and it turned out to be a bear. Have a great weekend!

  8. Wow, that yoga teaser is amazing! Can’t wait to see the rest. I’m going to buck the system here and go with #3. Can totally see it happening, but I think you slipped that one in to trick us! If #4 is true, I’d still be washing my hands (and Des’s mouth!). As far as #2 goes, beer in the apple juice carton. Totally possible. My MIL sent a beer in my husband’s lunch when he was in high school. Yes, there are a few things wrong with that story, including the fact she still packed his lunch for him in HIGH SCHOOL!!

    1. I laughed out loud and I read this while I was at the fair, waiting for them to get off the spinny rides that I wouldn’t go on.
      She packed his lunch in high school?! I love it.
      I can’t wait to tell you all the lie. And to show more yoga photos!!

  9. I hope that # 3 is a real story because that was hilarious!! That could totally happen, you never know what will come out of kid's mouths! And I love how she says Starbuckies…so cute!

    1. I think I'm remembering that some of these stories were posted on Facebook once upon a time, so people who know me in person are not commenting. I guess that's good!

  10. I think all of the stories are fabulous in a weird sort-of way!! #4 totally grossed me out and I would like to hope it is the made up one but I’m going to say #1 with the bear!!!

  11. This is so much fun! I’m going to go with number 2, although to be honest, they all seem like they could be real. I can’t wait to find out the answer. You’re a very good storyteller!

  12. Before I start I have to say that moon photograph is STUNNING!!! WOW!!!

    I am 100% sure the Starbuckie story is true…so that means I'm down to three. Saving children from a bear sounds totally outrageous and unbelievable, so it must be true. (I know you are a tricky one, Tamara!)

    Now I'm down to two…Ugh…this is hard. Both the petrified poop story and the juice beer COULD be true…

    I'm going with the post party juice beer as the false story.

    Please don't make us wait until Sunday. I've GOT to know!! –Lisa

  13. I totally think its the second one. Des’ story with the poop is SO similar to many stories I have and the starbuckies is just to fantastic to be made up. (That one made me chuckle out loud, thank you for THAT!) I can’t wait to hear which one is the lie!

  14. Oh, gosh, I think they could all be true so I'm having a hard time. But I think I'll go with the bear in the apple juice bottle. Only because you put that line in about the porn being in the tree house. Who puts that there? Don't answer that. Especially if I'm wrong and that really is wear the girlie mags were stored.

    1. That one is stumping people!! It wasn’t my treehouse. I was talking collectively of all of us kids. Whether or not that is the true story, the porn magazines from my brothers and their friends? True!

  15. I am guessing #2 is false. Even though not sure, because I remember my sister drinking beer when we were little at one of my parents parties, so I think that could happen.

  16. Best liar ever! I knew we were meant to be. LOL

    I think the last story is false. For some reason I find the porn in the tree house and all the booze completely believable. But then again … this is me we are talking about!



    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

  17. I’ve done something extremely weird that I can’t comment on your posts from my iPad or iPhone..only on my PC. This makes me sad because I always see the posts at night when I’m blog surfing and there are no comments yet on the post! It’s all good. As long as I get here to comment and read I’m happy! I think that number 2 is a lie. I’m not sure I believe the whole thing about about the treehouse being filled with porn magazines lol. If it is true that will totally shock me haha! πŸ™‚

    1. That part is true! I’m not saying whether the beer/apple juice story is true, but the treehouse really had porn in it! It was not my treehouse. It belonged to my brothers and their friends.

  18. uhmm, most likely, the bear story while babysitting is false…
    but I am also guessing that the beer poured on an apple juice container is false..or by an accident…?
    anyway, all are funny ! You looked great in the picture!

  19. Hmmm…I would say the Starbucks story! Even though I would HOPE it's the bear story! I would be soooo scared if that were to happen to me! I can't wait to find out!

  20. I'm going to go with #1. Reason: I would had to think that you actually got poop on the sheets. I would just hate to think about it. Lol. Can we talk about your sister's yoga shoot? Amazing. Very nice pic.

  21. haha, I know. It's terrible. They should have docked my pay to buy new sheets. I really don't know why they were so nice about it.

    And thanks about the yoga! More coming!!

  22. I played this game too late but I didn’t let my eyes wander past the bolded font so I could try and guess if I thought your stories were real or not. I would’ve guessed false on the bear one and true on all the others lol. Omg, how did you NOT freak out about the bear?! I guess survival instincts kicked in! And I was DYING over here reading about Scarlet in Starbuckies hahaha. So funny!

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