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This Is My Constant.

.I think I may out-nerd myself in this post, which is saying a lot when you consider that I dressed as a Dalek over the weekend — twice — (even though Des called me a ladybug) and I got together with other people who share some of my passions:

Blogging

When I was pregnant with Scarlet, or maybe even after her birth, Cassidy gave me a t-shirt that said, “Desmond Is My Constant.” There was no way yet to know we’d ever have another child, much less a son, because we were firmly in the “We only want one!” camp for awhile. Until we weren’t, of course, and by then there was no looking back. We didn’t have any boy names picked out for Scarlet, except for maybe Jack. Jack is my late Great Uncle’s name, and also a character from LOST.

We had a bit of a LOST-themed wedding, as well as a wolf and moose themed wedding.
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Would you believe I had never seen an episode when we got married, but allowed a lot of LOST imagery and themes in the wedding? Cassidy had watched it from the beginning, I believe, and over the course of three or four horribly snowy, icy and homeless months, we sat and watched the first five seasons with Cassidy’s mom and her husband, Ernie. Once we were finally in our new condo and with baby Scarlet in our arms (asleep), we watched the sixth and final season too. Desmond was my favorite character on the show, both in that hubba hubba way, and because of his incredibly romantic story lines.

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It was the first time I had heard the theme about “the constant.” As explained in the show, when the consciousness travels back and forth through time, it needs to latch onto a constant. A constant is an object or person that exists in both periods of time and that the time traveler cares deeply about. It is someone or something that the time traveler will always recognize. If a constant is not found, the oscillations between different times will be frequent and dangerous, until death may become the only endpoint. Even though I don’t really travel through time in real life (shh…I think.. not yet..let me get my TARDIS built first..) I’ve always used the theory of “the constant” to manage my anxiety. Even before I really knew I had anxiety! Now Iโ€™m years into my anxiety journey, and Iโ€™ve learned a lot along the way, likeย how to make thc gummies, as these have been a great help when it comes to suppressing my symptoms when my anxiety gets bad.

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For me, it’s about something to focus on or see in front of you or to grab or to dream about. It’s about grounding yourself when you’re hurtling through time and fear within your own mind. It’s when you’re looking for something to bring you back.

To bring you back to safety.
Blogging is my constant.
I’ve been doing this for five years and I’ve never even taken a true week off. I’ve certainly taken time off, but I had already prescheduled posts or had guest posts on my blog. I have come and gone, but my blog has not taken a break. And when I’m gone, I am thinking about what I’ll blog about when I come back. When I’m in the middle of work projects, I still blog. I still comment on blogs. In the last five years, my life has seen drama and joy and a new baby and a house move and PTSD and new pets and new humans and terror. And what did I do? What have I done? I blogged through it, and then I blogged some more.

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I have many other effective constants when it comes to anxiety management, and blogging is but one of them for that. As a life constant, though? It’s certainly one of the leading stars in my life. It is grounding and it is present and it is mine.

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Should I ever find myself traveling through time, or more realistically, in the midst of a sudden and terrifying bout of anxiety or fear within my own mind and out of it, I often do and I often will remember this. I will grab onto this.

Who, what, when or where is your constant?

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111 Comments

  1. Blogging is becoming a constant for me. I know I have touched on this before BUT it’s so true blogging has helped with my anxiety too. Writing, painting, creating help majorly.
    Thank you for sharing your constant with us.
    All the best always!
    XOXO

    1. I’m not a very good painter, but I can imagine that it is so soothing!
      I love my constant, mainly because of all the people I have met along the way.

  2. Blogging is a constant for me, at almost 10 years now.

    Books are another constant. Even when I’m reading a new book, the very act of reading, turning pages, slipping into a different world are something that are comforting and constant for me.

    Writing is a constant – the pen and paper kind as well as the typed.

    So, when I add all of these up, I am left with words. I just love them in all their forms.

    **********

    I watch the first couple of seasons of LOST, but never got a chance to finish the series. I will do it one day, though. It’s on my list.

  3. I think you already know writing and blogging is my constant, too. Even this weekend, something happened and I took to writing my thoughts and feelings down, because I just had to. So, I honestly do get this and love that this is more we just still have in common ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. Writing your thoughts and feelings is so healthy! I think I struggle the most when I’m not getting them out in some form.
      Even if that means screaming from a mountaintop, which I never seem to do!

    1. That was so much fun to read all of your comments at once! I know you’re busy and you never have to go back in time to comment, but it still made me happy.

  4. BloggIng, and writing – definitely my constants. When I’m not writing, I think about writing… I love having an online community that feels the same way. That community is definitely a constant, because I recognize it everywhere and it makes me feel at home.

  5. My constants are my patience, my exercises that I need to do almost every day, my Scapular that I wear every day, and my prayers that I say for everyone in my family, and all my relatives, and neighbors and friends and my Facebook Friends too, and the sports that I follow and the music that I listen to every day,

  6. Love the photos and your costumes. So very cute. Desmond is your constant, even before he was born. Gotta love that. Writing and blogging are definitely my constants. I can’t shake them. Even when I need a break, then I miss it. Books are the other constant. Always, always, always. <3

  7. I think that’s amazing that you’ve been blogging for 5 years and never really taken true time off. I don’t know what my true constant is. Blogging is my number one hobby, but just like last week, I felt so uninspired to write. But blogging was still the only thing on my mind. So maybe it’s an obsession rather than a constant. Maybe Nutella is my constant! Always there to soothe me! I think it’s great that blogging is your constant, it will be the ultimate of record books for you one day.

  8. I absolutely love this concept! I never watched LOST because of my fear of flying and well, the previews for the opening scene were enough to send me running out of the room!! But this? I absolutely love it. Now I’m off to Google “Dalek.”

    1. I hear you. It took me five years to watch the show, because I have a very similar plane crash fear.
      Then I watched it and it’s so ridiculous and so not about a plane crash in the long run.

  9. I had to stop and think about this one. While I really enjoy blogging, I can’t say it’s my constant. Definitely my family and friends, my home (though the physical space has changed a few times of the past few years). Definitely my parents’ home, which they have lived in since I was 3.
    I too had to Google what a Dalek was!

    1. I love that everyone had to go to Google!
      My parents moved when I was in my 20s, and their new home never really became my constant. It got better for me but it’s not really a safe place for me. Although it’s somewhat close because having my sister’s wedding there was awesome.

  10. Writing and recording has always been important to me, but occasionally I have become too paralyzed to blog— although still writing, but just didn’t share. So it’s a constant. Id say my faith is my other constant. But again, occasionally I have gone through some things where my only constant was breathing…. I like having to ponder this concept though!

  11. My constant is reading and writing. But probably reading more – I like to escape when it all become too much:)!

  12. For as long as I’ve been following you, you’ve definitely stayed constant with your blogging. And I hope to see it continue. I don’t take conscious breaks from blogging; even though I’ve accidentally missed a week here or there. But then those times feel strange…like something missing is important. But a lifetime constant has been the need to create…and to do. Whether it’s creating art, music, food, photography…or even family memories. I don’t do well standing still. I need to just keep doing.

    1. I feel the same way. I don’t do well standing still. I think brakes are okay, but sometimes this is my break from the rest of the stuff.

  13. First, I was definitely in the “we’re only have one” camp for a long time… as I waited for the one we had to sleep through the night. Which pretty much never happened, but we learned to manage it and eventually took the plunge. I love the idea of a constant.. something that stays the same when all of life seems to be changing and morphing and otherwise tossing us about! Jesus is my constant, and I would be lost without His constancy ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. Blogging is definitely a constant for me. Blogging and coffee. Mmmmm, coffee. You know that I love Lost, so whenever you reference it, I get a little happier inside!

  15. I feel like after spending December thinking I should step away from blogging because I needed to spend the time elsewhere I have come back renewed and learned better how to manage my blog time. Blogging has definitely been a necessary constant the past few months – not sure what I would have done if I had given it up – cry???

  16. volunteering is my constant…I’ve never not been volunteering, it’s my one way of staying connected to the community, blogging is constant, but as the blog evolves it won’t be about me anymore, but a way to make a difference with the topics I share.

  17. Blogging has become such a constant that setumes I stress way too much over it. Maybe because I think of it as a 3rd baby. I need to distress a bit, so I’ve been thinking of posting 4 times a week versus 5. I want to build more, and I can’t do that with my crazy schedule. I’m going to try taking a breather this week…but I love that I can come here, because I think of you as a constant too. ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. I love the idea of “the constant.” I can say it’s quite impressive that you never took a break away from blogging. I do get lazy days and when I’m on a long vacation, I don’t get in front of the computer that much. But I guess, blogging can be my constant too. Because whatever happens, I always go back to it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. I think reading is my constant. There are certain books I want at certain times in my life and even specific genres. I love reading an old favorite with a new mindset just to see how that changes things.

  20. If you ever do time travel, make sure to blog about it! We would all try to keep it a secret ๐Ÿ™‚ Every once in a while I will have dreams where my husband and I never met and our children were never born. I wake up in a panic after those dreams making sure he is around and so are the children! I think even in time travel or an alternate universe I would go looking for those crazy people! I guess the time Traveler’s Wife might have been a little inspiration. I love that blogging is your constant, you have such wonderful words of inspiration that truly lift! We need more Tamara’s in the world! Even when struggling, your raw honesty is a breath of fresh air.

    1. I totally trust you and my other blog readers! Time travel? It’s safe here.
      I totally get it about the dreams. I once had to choose between two men..or neither, really. I chose Cassidy. Sometimes I have dreams in which I wake up and all of THIS – Cassidy, the life we have, the kids – were all a dream within a dream and I’m with the other guy!
      In his mom’s house in Jersey!
      (help)
      The Time Traveler’s Wife is one of my favorite books. Top THREE! (that’s big)

  21. My family would be my constant. I can’t blog if I’m feeling anxious or stressed. However, I can cuddle with my kids and hubby to help me calm down.

  22. Wow, Tamara, this one has me kind of stumped… I’m not sure what my constant is. The “newness” of things, the constant changes of life, and especially challenges I face give me energy and put a bounce in my step. When I feel anxious (usually at 2 am and as a product of sleep deprivation), I have to go through my process of reflection and gratitude or I will be in a constant loop of it.

    Crap – now I really want to pinpoint my constant. Maybe you can make up a worksheet… ๐Ÿ™‚

    PS If you get a chance to time travel, swing by Seattle and pick me up.

    1. For me, it’s 3:00 or 4:00am! I call that the witching hour. 2:00am is tough too.
      I should have made a worksheet!
      I will definitely swing by Seattle! I’ve never been there.

  23. Oh my goodness! Love Desmond from Lost- how fun! And I never thought about it this way but I think maybe blogging is a constant for me too. I felt so uninspired this winter when it was just too cold to leave the house and I stopped really showing up to my blog. I felt really blah most of the time and am feeling so much better now that I am back to it. And books- they are a constant too. And my family… Good question- thanks for asking it!

    1. This winter was TOUGH. I’m glad you came back to the blog. It’s always there, which makes it a constant. Even if you take long breaks.
      Books are my constant too.

  24. Oh I spent days of my life watching Lost. I liked it in the beginning, then it took a wild turn and they “lost”me. I love blogging, but I do take breaks now and then. You are a constant to me ๐Ÿ™‚

  25. I have been thinking about this since I read it late last night, mulling over my answer, but I would have to say my constant is God, my husband Bruce, and our children-Levi and Georgia. Since I have become sick our world has gotten very small but all of the above have been with me through it all. Many others have fallen away, even family, but God and my family have stayed, not matter how hard it has gotten. And I hope to have them no matter what else or where else in life we go or grow.

  26. I think that blogging has become my constant too over the last year. Before I started my blog, I was in a downward spiral of anxiety and aimlessness, not sure what to do with myself. But blogging and connecting with other bloggers gets me excited to get out of bed in the morning!

    1. I can’t imagine how anxious and aimless I’d be without blogging! It got me started with SO much – writing regularly, photography, social media campaigns. I worry about what I’d do otherwise!

  27. While I’m not as consistent as I would like to be with blogging, blogging is my constant, too. It’s kept me sane through some rough times, and wonderful bloggers (like you) inspire me to keep blogging ๐Ÿ™‚

  28. You’ve been doing this for FIVE YEARS??? How did I not know that? I thought we were wives and stuff! Also. Lost. You’re team Jack? Ahhh… Sawyer. Sawyer. I never did see the ending of that show. I stopped when it got weird but maybe I need to revisit? And Des. Love. My constant? Um. Writing, I guess. Living. Laughing.

    1. I had my five year anniversary about a month ago! With prizes too!
      As for LOST, I’m really just Team Desmond and Team Sawyer in second place. Team Jack in third!

  29. I have stepped away from blogging. When I was initially going through PTSD, I stopped blogging for about a month. I just couldn’t do anything. I was frozen… and terrified of everything.

    My constant has been my faith and now I could say blogging.

    Thanks for sharing (I love that cake)!
    xoxo

    1. PTSD can definitely make many things challenging. And even taking or needing breaks doesn’t mean it’s not your constant!
      Faith is a fantastic constant. Maybe the best one.

  30. Yay, Lost talk! My husband and I also watched Lost continuously on Netflix, I think even twice. He was more obsessed about it than I was haha. I also really liked Desmond, especially because <> his and Penny’s story was one of the few happy endings.

    I love blogging too, and I can’t imagine stopping. Hiatus (for instance, new babies) yes, but always with the plan to come back.

    1. Yes! Desmond and Penny’s love story was incredible. I’m such a sucker for a good love story.
      I think blogging needs breaks.. however they come to be.. but the intention to come back is pretty awesome!

  31. Jennifer Lawrence used to be my constant. And pizza.

    Not really. Maybe pizza. But truly its words, love and fatherhood, all mashed together. The scenes change and words are sometimes mine but often others’, especially yours. When one lags behind the others carry it like they’re tethered together. And tethered to me.

      1. I’m just not feeling it with J-Law these days – we’ve agreed we just need space. We’ll always be friends, though.

        Pizza always. Tethered to pizza? Always.

  32. Blogging is becoming my constant. Sometimes I get so lost in the blogging world that time just disappears. I would also consider my family my constant. We have been through everything and they have been there every step of the way!

  33. I’ve never seen an episode of Lost. Is the ending disappointing? I remember hearing a lot of buzz about the ending, so I’m not even sure I want to start binge watching it if I’m going to be disappointed in the end. My constant is my family. They are always there for me ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I guess it depends, but many people found the ending disappointing. I’m not sure why I didn’t because I hate disappointing endings and they did leave a LOT of plot holes open!

  34. IIIIIIIIIIII don’t watch Lost and really have no interest since very few shows call to me. I do understand the constant concept. We all need constants or reminders that we’re “home” – Right now, my constant is with his dad for his Spring Break and my other constant is at work being a huge nerd. I’m medicated since the flu bug I thought I combated sprung with a vengeance and I am so drowsy. I have been going to work and am so slow, everything is slow. I’ll take off at the end of the week when my weekend can be extended. ๐Ÿ˜› So If I’ve been quiet and withdrawn, it’s because I am not a happy sick person – never am. I hide and sleep. I do it so well. Going to wrap up this post for tomorrow so guilt doesn’t set in. ๐Ÿ˜› Have a great one and Happy early hump day before I forget! Au Revoir Tam Tam -Iva

    1. Oh no! You got the flu AGAIN?? Is that even possible? Or was it something new?
      Sigh. I’m glad you’re back at work, however slowly. Very uncool.
      Viruses be gone.

      1. Yep – again. All the germs at work are killing me! I have the WORST sinus headache.. Cheese and rice. Yeah I’ll be at work until Thursday. That’s my game plan. Until then, toughing it out. Tomorrow is Hump Day and hoping my Friday hmph -_-

  35. I WISH it was my constant. I honestly think it all the time though. So blogging is constantly on my mind.

    I have no idea who Dalek is so I’m Lost because I don’t know if that’s a Doctor Who person or a Lost person. And at first glance before reading I thought ladybug too.

      1. ๐Ÿ˜‰ – yep I don’t do evil robot alien things. I guess that’s why I didn’t make it past episode 1 of Doctor Who. The mannequin things scared me. So you see where my son gets it from.

  36. Blogging is not my “constant” because I do take breaks, but it definitely grounds me and gives me the creative outlet I truly need to feel like myself, it gives me a happy high that lasts for days to hit that “post” button =) I wish I could be as constant as you in blogging, I don’t know how you do it, but you do and that’s amazing!! xoxo

    1. See, I totally think that taking breaks still makes it a constant, if not more so! As long as it’s something you can always go back to!

  37. I couldn’t agree with you more on this, besides my hubby and my dog, blogging has been my constant through the last few years…first, by giving me an outlet for creative inspiration when I was at a job that didn’t provide one, and now by allowing me to do what I love while we’re trying to expand our little family. I really can’t imagine NOT writing every day, it’s such a big part of me and my happiness now.

  38. Never watched Lost and not really familiar with this concept of a constant, but, if I had to name one, I would probably say my husband. He is the one that brings me up when I’m down, calms me when I’m stressed or scared, gently pushes me to try new things that aren’t always inside my comfort zone.

  39. Writing is my constant that’s for sure. Even if it doesn’t always end on my blog — I still write. something. Music is another big constant for me too. A song can always carry me back to a time/place.. a memory. Oh… maybe I was supposed to be a song writer? whoops.

  40. I love the idea of the constant and it’s such a powerful concept. Mine? I honestly don’t know. For a long time, it was my journal but I have taken a break from writing regularly, although I’ve started to come back to it.

    1. That’s what I mean! Even if you do take breaks, if it’s something you always come back to, it’s a constant. I don’t think me not taking breaks is necessarily a good thing!

  41. In the four years of blogging, I’ve never truly taken breaks, except for the past couple where I take two weeks off at the end of the year. Even when I feel like I have nothing to say, I still blog.

    My constant? I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it!

    1. I always like that you’re very honest about when you don’t feel completely sparkly about blogging. That certainly happens to me!

  42. Blogging was once my constant but then it stopped being that like a year ago. Now I have no constants, just anchors. Blogging and writing are those for me. Well, blogging, writing, exercising, reading. I have less time with three kids, but these are my things that I know I must do when I’m feeling off balanced, anxious, out of my life. They re-center me. Your consistency with blogging is amazing. When I don’t blog, when I don’t read blogs, I do think of you and wonder what you’re saying, how I miss what you’re saying. You have a gift.

    1. Anchors. I love that so much.
      And that really made me smile that you think of this here blog. I do the same when I need breaks from blog reading.

  43. I’m on the 8th book of the Outlander series so I totally get the “constant” of the time traveling as that’s what the whole series is about. Hmmm my constant? I’m trying to be more creative than saying my husband or kids but coming up with blanks. Maybe just the normal daily routine? I’m boring!

  44. I love this, T..

    Blogging is definitely an anchor for me… when I do ‘take a break’ I’m thinking about it, and all I’m missing and I start to itch to write and then I get all anxious about catching up and it becomes entirely overwhelming. Just this week I took as much of a break as I could (I DID clean out my inbox… which took HOURS and responded to emails that were soooo old, gah!) And i swear it was SO hard to let things go…

    I get that this is your constant. It’s mine too… ๐Ÿ™‚

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