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These Are The Days You Might Fill With Laughter

“These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break
These days you might feel a shaft of light
Make its way across your face
And when you do you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It’s true
You’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking to you, to you”

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break, These days you might feel a shaft of light, Make its way across your face..

Welp, another birthday has come and gone and this one was a bit of a doozy.

Not because it was a milestone birthday because I like having a few years off from those, but because it was different. They’re all different, and this one was different different. Since about May or so, I’ve been working hard on my own happiness and comfort. I’m a people pleaser but not even in a good way because it usually means that I people please until I can’t anymore, and then my temper takes over. I worry sometimes that my blog or my social media reads like that of a single mom, and I’m not. It’s just that we’re on slightly separate journeys right now because we have to be; because our worlds are full of work and home chaos and parenting and chores. So as long as we meet in the middle every night, or close to every night (because of travel) it’s actually nice. We take separate trips, go to separate movies, and go to separate concerts/events.

I’m not sure what my point is, or maybe I’m getting to it, or will over several posts, even months, years, is that space and separation don’t have to be a bad thing. When I went to Florida, at first, I was looking to celebrate and also escape. The big family chaos; my desires getting lost in the mix. I wanted to focus on myself and Sawyer and to enjoy warm sun and beach too. My trip to Rochester, only about a month later, was about bonding with my mom and also finding true enjoyment for everyone in the car. This time, I missed Cassidy and Scarlet so much. Something had shifted; the acceptance of the need for separation and space. And not taking everything so personally. I started writing this in a different mood than the one I’m in today (Friday) and I’m feeling like I want another escape, which is probably the last thing I should be seeking. I’m not going anywhere; the kids have camps and cat-sitting, and like the comforts of their own bed. Hopefully I will go somewhere sometime soon. Somewhere magical, at a time that makes sense, when I’m not looking to escape the chaos so much as to spend time getting to know myself.

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break, These days you might feel a shaft of light, Make its way across your face..

So on that note, the theme of this year’s birthday was “loving myself.” And it was about being celebrated and letting that love in, doing the things that give me real joy (like Trader Joe’s charcuterie dinner vs. fancy restaurant), and being together. It meant accepting that it might rain on my birthday, or have an eerie Ray Bradbury sun, and that babies might have tantrums, and older kids might too. That I wouldn’t hear from everyone right on time, but I’d probably hear from about 98% of the important people, and maybe a few stragglers would be on vacation without reception or forget what day it is (happens to me), and would call or text or message or email a belated birthday wish. It’s all good. I forgot one of my best friend’s birthdays this year. What was funny is that she wrote to me later in the day on my birthday and was apologetic it was so late! I said it was perfect. In fact, birthday wishes are always perfect. Late beats never.

I asked for a breakfast of coffee, poached eggs, and Chocolate Lucky Charms. Then everyone scattered to work or camp (even Rider) and Sawyer took a nap. I actually worked, but work can be enjoyable without interruption, and I loved time with myself and Sawyer. People came back from work and camp, and I went on a shopping spree to Target and Trader Joe’s with Scarlet and Des. We were going to do Richardson’s Candy Kitchen as well but they were closed after being flooded over the weekend. I’m just telling you – this summer of air quality alerts, flood warnings, tornado watches, and severe thunderstorms (am I missing anything?) leaves a lot to be desired. After our wonderful and FUN shopping spree, we had the delicious Trader Joe’s goodies for dinner, and a layered cookie cake I had asked Cassidy to make. Delicious! They all wrote beautiful cards, and Cassidy gave me a photo session with a photographer we know! Scarlet and Cassidy also got me a book written and autographed by my favorite ice cream parlor owner/author. No positive COVID tests or cats coming back from the dead only to die again.

In other words, it was exactly what I needed.

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break, These days you might feel a shaft of light, Make its way across your face..

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break, These days you might feel a shaft of light, Make its way across your face..

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break, These days you might feel a shaft of light, Make its way across your face..

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break, These days you might feel a shaft of light, Make its way across your face..

“These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since
I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it
You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you
Are touched by something
That will grow in you, in you”

I had an act of kindness at Trader Joe’s, and they didn’t know it was my birthday. The two crew members were chatting, scanning, and bagging and I mentioned that I had worked at a Trader Joe’s many years ago. We were joking about “Is there life after Trader Joe’s.” And of course there is but also life there can be great. I could have sworn I saw my grocery total go well over $100 because I did not hold back on my birthday sprees today. Well the total was $99. I was surprised but paid it. Much later I looked at the receipt and saw that the last line was “Crew Member 20% Discount.” Made my day!

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3 Comments

  1. I’m so glad you were loved on too Tamara! That’s a very special discount experience you will long remember. Natalie’s opening lyrics set the tone for us on the eagle’s head of the Chrysler Building to appreciate and cherish these days living in the present. Sending reminders like this one in a song filled with positive vibes is the best way! 🎶

  2. What a low-key, perfect birthday. I’m loving your theme… so many reasons to love YOU! You give a lot of yourself and love large, so you might as well love yourself too. 🙂 I didn’t know there were chocolate Lucky Charms. I’m going to have to check these out. Cake looks perfect. Kids at home is a busy time. My husband was on the road a lot (honestly, still is). People used to wonder if I was married LOL. I get it. Day by day…

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