Sometimes, I’m the type to sit and wait for something amazing to happen. You see, I’m a lucky person and I’m able to skate by on luck and charm and brief powers of inspiration. It doesn’t last, though. It wears out – like a light – and then I’m left shivering in the dark. Every time I step out into the light, I believe I surround myself with more warmth and stamina – enough to keep me surrounded when the light goes again. My light. Summer’s light. It all comes and goes – and I’d like to believe we’re all building our own light boxes and filling them with objects and subjects. Luck and time run out so fast..
If I measured out my life moments, both good and bad in terms of seasons, some of the biggest moments would fall into the summer category – the sudden death of my father, meeting my husband at JFK Airport, and the birth of my firstborn, Scarlet. The summer of 2018 is supposed to be a magical summer like many magical summers. The thing is, it’s not going to happen if I sit back and wait for it. It’s spurts and bursts of inspiration, to eventually settle into a hopefully long-lasting momentum. That starts with me. I have to take that first step and reach my hand up and out to be pulled into the light.
- This is the summer I was supposed to have that buff bikini body. Now I know I’m naturally slim, but that doesn’t mean that tone is my friend. You know what is my friend? Ice cream and mashed potatoes. So the buff summer body may never happen, unless I really want it to, but it’s all good because I have a body and it’s summer. Voila – summer body! And this body is strong and proportionate and gives me way little in the ways of aches and pains, and in the grand scheme of things I know that one day I’ll look back on photos of my 30-something body and have to adjust my glasses. I’ll say to myself:
- This is the summer my Twitter account was hacked, and in all of that panic and rebuilding, I learned how awesome it is to be 100% me and to have real followers who like my late night ice cream eating/Hallmark movie watching tweets.
This is the summer I was supposed to get a zillion page views, but it’s summer, and not everyone wants to read my dribble. So this is the summer I realized it’s all ok. If you build it, they will come. So build it strong, and they will stay.
- This is the summer I was supposed to believe in myself, but I’ve learned that maybe we all are just halfway portraits of self-belief. Other people have no trouble telling you what they can do. Well this is the summer I’ve learned to tell you what I can do. I can take photos of your child and rebuild smashed Twitter accounts and write with my heart and make fun and quirky recipes and rebuild from smashed lenses and smashed hearts. There are many things I can do, to do for you!
- This is the summer I was supposed to get the guts to rent a cabin alone or not alone in the middle of nowhere, Maine with waist-high wading boots and a rented or bought zoom lens. It hasn’t happened and still could, but instead I’ll count the victories that are either booked or done. Cape Cod. Photographing my dad’s 50th reunion. Starting the process of renewing my passport. Renewing my driver’s license without swearing in the RMV. Booking a wedding, and many portraits.
- This is the summer I was supposed to find work/life balance, but instead I worried too much about Twitter accounts and page views and slept through so many cuddle opportunities with the kids and the dog. Yet, the kids were happy. Our jobs have allowed us to send them to some pretty awesome camps. They are memorable, loved and engaging. Sometimes it feels like all I do is work and hide, rinse, repeat, but every foray into the world is only broadening my own little world.
It’s not failures or missed opportunities. Not yet, oh no. It’s missed steps and dissed steps and ebbs and flows and victories and setbacks. It’s missteps and mistrusts and rebuilds and re-trusts, all leading to the same place – where I want to be.
This is me linking up, as one of my favorite things to do, with Finish The Sentence Friday. This week’s topic is “It was the summer of…” And there’s still time to write yours. Come link up with your spin: HERE.