That could also be because I stopped my steady diet of gourmet chocolates and frosted sugar cookies. Or rather, I didn’t stop it, but I added green smoothies and avocado in there somewhere. In the spaces in between. That’s what this week is about. The spaces in between. There isn’t even Finish the Sentence Friday this week but I’m making my own. I’m sitting on my pellet stove and I can’t stop writing, because I can’t skip a Friday. Not even during these breaks.
Trust me when I say that there will come a day (not long from now) in which I will really need a blogging break because I will be riding the Slinky Dog Dash roller coaster and I will be wearing a sundress and I will be on a manatee cruise and you’ll still read my words here, but they’ll be both prewritten and prescheduled to accommodate and support my ultimate vacation mode.
I found this list of 100 questions to think about and answer in and about the new year. And since my “Time Cast a Spell on You” annual post was a recap and all about the past year (and previous years and how they echo and ricochet), I thought it was high time to write about the present and maybe the future. I can’t wait to revisit this in a year! I will not be answering all 100 questions – just picking and choosing! Feel free to check it out yourself at Holidappy! It inspires.
There’s No More Looking Back:
What would you try if you knew you could not fail?
It’s weird because I already think I do things that I hope I can’t fail at – but sure – I hold back sometimes. And I DO fail. And I’m oblivious and ridiculous just like the next one. Not so much, though. I hold myself to some pretty tough standards. To answer the question, though, I would write a whole book or memoir. I’m already a published author, but only in compilations of short (non-fiction) stories. I wouldn’t write fiction, because it makes me itchy to write, and elated to read, but I’d make sure people would learn what I’m about – and let it inspire. This is my dream.
What important relationship would you like to improve the most this year?
It’s strange because I already am so ALL ABOUT THIS and I think people think I’m better at it than I am, but I want to improve myself as a mother. My relationship with my kids. It was easier (for me) when they were little because I could get lost inside that world of make believe and structured naps and storytime routines. In some ways, they’re still in those stages, and in some ways, I am too. I am beginning to think it’s more important than ever to keep these relationships strong, and to bring this love and trust even higher. Especially with Scarlet getting older and hearing more around her. I’m old-fashioned in my beliefs about how we keep their brains strong and growing. I want to be ever more present, and not lost in the shuffle of work and anxiety and miscommunication, like I sometimes am. I don’t want to be lost in anything.
In what ways would you like to model a healthy lifestyle?
IN ALL WAYS. We did a great job of that late in 2019 – getting super into bike riding and smoothie making. So of course, eating vegetables, drinking more water, exercising, and the like, are important. Scarlet even got me a fruit infused water bottle for Christmas – and helps me cut up fruits and vegetables for it! Since we already do that well, I’d like to continue do those things and even learn about doing them in frigid weather better! The sloth status is strong in January. I think it’s really important to model healthy conflict and resolution (basically Cassidy and I having arguments) and patience and kindness. The most important things to contribute to an already semi-healthy lifestyle. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’d rather my kids know about my struggles and strengths and nerves than try to hide it, only to fail. They can help.
What book would you like to read by the end of the year?
Well, that’s easy! Other than a ton of books. I want to read “All the light We Cannot See”. It isn’t a new book but lately I’ve had friends read it and recommend it. People tell me I will LOVE it. I always read books like this. Guess what? I tried reading it years ago and couldn’t get through it. That is NOT like me. I am not a book quitter, especially with books like this. I’m going to try it again, and hope whatever was happening last time with me is not happening this time.
Where would you like to go on vacation this year?
Well, that’s a fun question. We are booked for Florida a month from tomorrow (but who’s counting?) but we always do that. I have a birthday wish this summer to do a big trip with the kids. I’m thinking Alaska again, California again – but through their eyes, Yellowstone, Norway, or some of the Southwest. Or ways I can join some of that together. I can’t wait to see what we plan. I’d also like to go on a trip in March or April because I’m already done with winter, and I think I might be insane by then, although Florida will refresh me. The kids would love to see Dallas World Aquarium because it has sharks, manatees, and sloths. Two-toed AND three-toed!
What debt do you hope to have paid off by the end of the year?
We renovated our house exactly two years ago (this week), and also had a smaller scale renovation in the summer, and I’d like to have it paid off so we can start another phase of renovation. The next phase would be a garage, two bedrooms, and a bathroom. We’ll get there!
How would you like to bring more joy into your work or education?
Oh, I like this. I skipped the question “What would your ideal career be?” because I think as a mother, writer, photographer, and other odd job titles I hold, I AM doing what I consider ideal. Working for myself is ideal, although I do grow batty sometimes working so hard at home alone. (I also love it) I love the idea of bringing joy and meaning into it. I think for me, it would definitely be working on the balance of work/life/stress, but also doing more meaningful work. I’ve delved into doing more non-profit collaborations, and pro-bono work, and also making my photography more affordable, or free, when need be. It’s something I can luckily afford to do.
How would you like your relationship with religion or spirituality to be?
Ooh, good one. I was talking about this with a friend today because it’s so complicated, isn’t it? And maybe it doesn’t need to be. I just want it to grow. That’s it. I’ve written before about being more agnostic than anything but I don’t think agnostic and Athiest are alike at all. I do believe in a lot, and have only had growing reasons to do so in my last several years, but there’s certainly a jaded side to me. It’s almost like the jaded side of me is more illogical than the one that believes in magic. From what I’ve seen and done, at least. Maybe the magic is in me; in all of us.
What activities would you like to add to your routine to help you manage your stress this year?
Well I have anxiety, and I manage it pretty well on occasion, and not as well on others. There are a number of activities to help with stress and anxiety, or those things individually, and I’ve never tried them! Well I have tried exercise, which works wonders. I’d never tried yoga! Not even once!
In what ways are you willing to communicate better with others?
I am willing, in all ways, to communicate better with others. I’ve been working on this a lot and it does pay off. I’d like to focus more on patience, acceptance, and offering kindness and love – even when feeling attacked or insecure. Also, real-time communication is incredibly key. Or better yet – before something happens communication. That can be super hard, though. We can’t predict outcomes and actions and reactions most of the time. I’d like to offer an open mind and open heart, unless someone is being a super tool. Then they can see the door.
10 Questions With Quickie(ish) Answers:
What would you be willing to try outside of your comfort zone to increase your health? Yoga and maybe acupuncture, more therapy, and some more intense smoothie making.
How would you like to celebrate your birthday this year? I’d like to go on a BIG trip to somewhere new, or somewhere I’ve been before – but with new eyes and ways and places and spaces.
If you could throw a “themed” party for yourself, what would the theme be? Woodland Creatures? Cheese and chocolate? Dress like a movie character? I need to give this some thought.
Is there a vacation spot you’ve been dying to go to? Greece, Finland, France, Norway, England, Ireland, Costa Rica, Switzerland, Manitoba, and a million other places.
What is a major purchase you would like to make for yourself this year? A trip to somewhere amazing. And maybe a new car. My minivan is such trash.
What would you like your impact on your community to be? I like this. I really like people – specifically local businesses and schools – to know who I am, the way I like to know who they are. It’s not a professional thing but I like to learn how I can help.
What are you pretending not to know? What truth do you need to know? Oh, geez. We all need to meet what’s rising to meet us, don’t we? It’s the only way through. It’s not that I pretend not to know my demons, but I prefer to wait for rainy days. Perhaps I can be better about meeting said demons head on. My demons are dark truths and fears that make the dark truths come alive. Usually it doesn’t lead to dark actions, but I need to break it all down more so it never does.
How can you add 15 minutes of joy to each day? I can take my space. I never do that. Instead I let others fill up my space because it’s easier to hide, or just wait until I’m alone. I can take up space, though, and fill it with my food and music and TV shows and loves.
What musical artist would you like to see live in concert this year? Bruce Hornsby (purchased!), Toad the Wet Sprocket, Colin Hay, The Pretenders.
How would you like your style to be different this year? My personal style could best be described as, “Damn, she likes color.” I’d like to grow more on being ME, and maybe adding more edgy pieces. I like that.
The snow is softly fallin’
The air is still in the silence of my room
I hear your voice softly callin’
If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter’s night with you
The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead
My glass is almost empty
I read again between the lines upon each page
The words of love you sent me
If I could know within my heart
That you were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter’s night with you
The fire is dying now, my lamp is growing dim
The shades of night are liftin’
The mornin’ light steals across my windowpane
Where webs of snow are driftin’
If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter’s night with you
And to be once again with with you”
Do you like looking back, looking ahead, or both?
I’m linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for another fun and challenging prompt. This week’s topic is “The Holidays..” And there’s time to write yours. Link up your post HERE.
You are on a roll, my friend and always love learning that much more about you here. So, what can I say but thanks for sharing more of yourself with us and please do keep on sharing when you can. Hugs and Happy New Year once again!! <3
I think I always will! xoxo
Important relationship? I think now that the children are older I would like to spend more one on one time with my husband. That sadly gets squashed by the kids and their busy schedules, but not this year. I am making it a priority!
That’s so wise. It’s really an important relationship. We never really had married time before Scarlet came along, only a little over a year after the wedding. It can be a little frightening to think about life when the kids are grown, and it’s quiet.
I read through all of the 100 Reflection Questions and many of them really challenged me to answer them honestly. I came up short on more than one. Okay, more than one dozen! Oh, well…… Life is a constant work-in-progess right? Tony’s motivational video stressed following through on compelling visions, and clarified many differences. Change vs. progress for example, and the importance of establishing and keeping rituals and standards that work for you. Sarah’s sweet (love) songs can fill your senses, and warm your heart in any season. Happy New Year To All!
I found out it was a Gordon Lightfoot song too! I always loved Sarah’s version best.
And yes, getting through these questions is hard. I almost did all 100 but couldn’t possibly find the time to do that, and no one would read it! At least not in in sitting.
Yes, Gordon wrote the song and l was going to mention that, but l didn’t want my reply to be any longer. His original version is on his second album, “The Way I Feel” released in 1967, and that was the year my family moved from Edison to Bridgewater. I was 11 and in the 5th grade. I don’t have that album, but l have his better re-recorded version of the song from
“Gord’s Gold” (a Greatest Hits/Best Of compilation album) from 1975. I remember buying that album when l worked at the California Speed & Sport Shop.
Oh, I always love your long comments! And your musical knowledge!! I’m super intrigued by all these songs I’ve known and loved over the years that he wrote!
Such wonderful answers to some tough questions, Tamara. This post is insightful into the lady behind the blog. The hardest question of all was referring to identifying a truth you need to face. OMGoodness. No one likes those, right? Also, yes, keep embracing the color! And the concerts…good for you. I also am a Toad the Wet Sprocket fan. Are they still touring?
That is so hard! I didn’t know how to word it, and I had set it up as a “quickie” question/answer and it’s clearly not. I’m generally hyperaware of my faults and demons and how they affect my life and will continue to do so, but it like.. wasn’t something I could write out easily. I can own it, but I can’t write it quickly.
I enjoyed this. The older I get the more weary I get of looking back and would rather look ahead. You are so good about vacations, as you mentioned, and I always like your vacation posts. Happy New Year! It’s going to be a happy one. I just know it.
Oh, I so hear that! We have some great vacations coming up so I really appreciate you liking them! We have one in February, a big one in July, and hopefully some in between too.
I do like looking back but looking forward always seems more comfortable to me. I have had that book “All the light..” for years and just haven’t brought myself to read it yet. It just seems so heavy in subject, but I still hope to get to it. I hope you get to Greece! It is at the top of my list too!
Maybe we’ll read it at the same time! I’m nowhere near it right now.
And I like what you said – I think it should be more comfortable to look ahead.
Greece would be amazing. We were going to go two years ago, but then renovated our house instead. It was either this or that, financially. No regrets but I do ache to see the waters there.
This is just beautiful, Tamara, all of it, but this especially:
“I’d rather my kids know about my struggles and strengths and nerves than try to hide it, only to fail. They can help.”
I friggin love that. It shows what an incredible momma you are and I hope to teach these kinds of lessons into my daughter one day, too.
I hope it’s a year of travel for you!! I have been to Norway but it’s been ages. My mom’s brother lives there. It’s unreal. Of course, Alaska would be amazing too, or Greece (i think you mentioned that in another blog post recently too).
Also I always thought that song for a winter’s night was all Sarah McLaughlin, too. I love love love that one ❤️
I did! I’d love to go to Greece. And Norway! At different times of the year, though.
It’s one of my favorite old Sarah songs. I sort of stopped listening to her because she stopped touring and that “Angel” song on the depressing pet commercials was getting to me..
..but when I go back and listen to her early stuff, I remember why I fell in love with her.