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The Whole of the Moon: You Feel Like a Hug

As he sang The Whole of the Moon, she said: “Your music feels like a hug.”

Look Nook Beach night fishing Cape Cod moonrise

It does to me. How much is too much? How much is too much these days? Holy mother of heck, I say. It’s hard to know where to begin, or even how to focus the thoughts, but I think that’s totally ok, because the theme is, “How much?” How much grief, how much do I love you, how much money can we put into this project, how big is baby, how much more of this Coronavirus can I take, how much more of anything can I take? And these days, in summer, we celebrate and grieve many birth and death anniversaries – some ancient, some fresh, and most in between. When grieving melts like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, and it all kind of blurs together. How much is too much? And what’s the straw to break these structures’ backs?

Release the smoke, and heal from the ashes.

eight is great

“I pictured a rainbow
You held it in your hands
I had flashes
But you saw the plan
I wandered out in the world for years
While you just stayed in your room
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon”

Sometimes I still wonder, how big do I want to get? How much of an impact do I want to have? And how? Some days are just about survival. Sometimes literally, and sometimes figuratively. These days, it all blurs together. Layers upon layers. Boxes within boxes within boxes – each filled with personal demons, traumas, national crises, global crises, and basically all that it means to be human. Our earth rotates, and everything seems to move together – in a dance – every 24 hours. The moon moves around the earth, and the earth around the sun. The planets and stars rise and fall. The dance is that everything moves to its own rhythm and reasoning, and with its own agendas, patterns, and orbits. There doesn’t seem to be a chance to stop and embrace.

I’d like to believe it happens, in the winks and flashes of stars and planets.

The Whole of the Moon. I'm linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for a new prompt. This week's topic: How Much (a photo prompt) Link up with us!

“I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon”

  • When my Nana Jane was eight-months-old, World War I had begun.

  • She was not much younger than Des when she lived through the Spanish Flu pandemic.

  • She entered her adulthood during The Great Depression.

  • When she was my age, World War II had just ended.

  • She was 50-years-old (and four days) when John F. Kennedy was assassinated.

  • She passed away at 100-years-old on the birthday (June 15th) of my long late father.

When my mom put together the fixings of Nana Jane’s 100th birthday party, with four generations present, I both sighed and I swooned. Oh, to have lived that life and to have walked through it with such health and grace. That’s when I knew that it was the big I wanted to be. How much is big enough? Where I used to see fame, fortune, and riches, now I see the abundance of love, strength, and grace. I have at least one of those things. I’m seeking the rest. We all give each other life. It doesn’t just work downwards. It works up and every which way. We hold each other up sometimes. Am I made of enough stuff to hold up, and not just be held up?

How much..?

100-year-old birthday party

“I spoke about wings
You just flew
I wondered I guessed and I tried
You just knew
I sighed
… But you swooned!
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon”

How much is enough in the days of Corona? We seek the light and the warmth and we find safer ways to do so these days. A friend on the deck, at least six feet away. Pretty masks for the kids, and socially-distanced plans in place. Ice cream across a field. Hands held virtually, heart to heart. Virtual heart to virtual heart. How much is enough in the days of racism? Well, that’s an ancient question, but as we’re (hopefully) finding, nothing any of us is doing is enough. Enough.

Enough is enough, but boy, will it take the whole of the moon to move forward.

The Whole of the Moon. I'm linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for a new prompt. This week's topic: How Much (a photo prompt) Link up with us!

“With a torch in your pocket
And the wind at your heels
You climbed on the ladder
And you know how it feels
To get too high
Too far too soon
You saw the whole of the moon”

And the cosmic dance needs to shift rhythms and reasoning. The only wrong dance is the one you won’t do. There isn’t too high, or too soon. Not anymore. And not with what we’re learning.

“Every precious dream and vision
Underneath the stars
You climbed on the ladder
With the wind in your sails
You came like comet
Blazing your trail
Too high too far too soon
You saw the whole of the moon”

How much is enough, to blow out your 100 birthday candles – or just the one candle that says “100” – and to say, “I did enough, I lived enough, I loved enough, I was enough, I AM enough.” Maybe I should stop asking, “How much more can I take?” As if the abundance of love and fear and faith and dreams is enough. As if it isn’t enough. We are enough, but it isn’t enough. It’s a cataclysmic event – an implosion or explosion – to change the course of the whole of the moon. The stars and planets in its wake. Who I am, who we are, and how we actually come together.

Instead of asking myself, “How much more can I take?” I’ll ask: “How much more can I be?”

And how much I already am.

The Whole of the Moon. I'm linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for a new prompt. This week's topic: How Much (a photo prompt) Link up with us!

I’m linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF) for a new prompt. This week’s awesome Mardra-approved topic is “How Much (a photo prompt)” You can link up your own post HERE.

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23 Comments

  1. They say we are ushering the age of Aquarius and after chaos and upheaval, there will be a gentler time on our planet. I’m going with this ! I hang onto it as as if it’s a hook in my closet and there‘s the upcoming birth of your son, the love we all share and the hard work we are doing to survive this. We have the strength and we’ve got this! Love is the most important ingredient , just like in that Christmas movie of the angel visiting heaven.

  2. Aw, as always your words inspire me heading into this summer weekend. And look at you all pregnant and glowing. So excited for you and cannot wait for your little guy’s arrival now. Hugs <3

  3. Tamara, this is a beautifully written post. I love this: “The only wrong dance is the one you won’t do. There isn’t too high, or too soon. Not anymore.” That something you can put in a frame and hang on the wall!

    100 years is longtime, but those 100 years sure did cover a lot of ground!? Years back I did a post about Rich’s grandmother for her 90th birthday – and it was astonishing (while interviewing her) to realize all the history that she was alive for and witness to. I guess some day our grandchildren will think the same of us. I plan on a 100th birthday party for myself – LOL!

    1. I’d love to crochet those words – ha!
      I plan on having a 100-year-old birthday party myself. And for my mom! I photographed a 100-year-old’s birthday party a few years ago. Last I checked, she was still alive!

  4. Thank you for, yet again, taking us on a journey of discovery to your beautiful conclusions – and shaping questions. Yes, how much more can we be? While also always being enough.
    In other news – I love this song! Perfectly meshed and woven. Art begets art.

  5. Tamara your smile beams with beauty and joy and health in your picture! Your question, “How much more can I be?” really resonates. Trying to be all that one can be is a great source of self motivation. It can be a real challenge but it can also be a fun learning experience too. Sharing this experience with others in a helpful way adds to the fun by motivating them to do the same. Even if you can’t see the whole of the moon, you can always shoot for it!
    Cassidy I wish you a Very Happy Father’s Day!! 🏆🥇

    1. Aw, thank you! I have been glad the kids have been taking my pregnancy photos for me to document this time. I’ll remember it so oddly surely.
      I really dig the self motivation.

  6. Happy summer solstice, Tamara. I love that song and the lyrics are even more beautiful than I remember. Thanks for sharing them.

    This: “Instead of asking myself, “How much more can I take?” I’ll ask: “How much more can I be? And how much I already am.”

    Yes!! I will try that, too. My gosh, you look so beautiful in your pregnancy glow! And your aunt—what a life!!

    1. Happy Solstice to you as well!
      I think it’s all the greenery from our garden.. or the actual sunshine we’re getting.. or the kids taking my pictures. They flatter me so!

  7. Beautiful as always. YOUR BELLY! Sooo cute. So much life to come! I appreciated you sharing about your Nana Jane and how much she’s been through. It’s easy to feel a little confused and sorry for ourselves during well, now, and all the not knowing, but life can still be beautiful and meaningful and full even with pandemics and war and all of the stuff. Because we’re still connecting and being and living.

    1. Right! And times are always turbulent and then more smooth and then more turbulent, and rinse and repeat. Humans are weird. Basically. There’s enough awesome, though.

  8. I am sure that your sweet grandma is watching over you from heaven. 100 years is a long time for sure and how awesome that she took care of herself to make it to 100!

  9. I just love looking at that photo with the “100” on the cake. Just amazing. Life is a miracle. Your photos and story are making me smile and warming my heart tonight:)

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