The truth is, I just don’t feel very well.
We all four let a freakin’ bug into this house. I think it started with Cassidy and was just three days of a runny nose. Then I got the same. It went away and I thought, “That’s it? That’s it!” The poor kids got it or another rampant virus and they both are on a week of coughing. You know how it is. The lingering cough. Luckily it only happens once every year or two or three around here, or I’d truly lose my mind. It doesn’t end. Or it does, but it doesn’t feel like it will ever end. In the grand scheme of life, we’re looking at a week or two, or three in the worst case. That doesn’t take away from how awful it feels when you’re in it.
It’s Groundhog Day Season – this awkward and dark cold front between Halloween and Thanksgiving/Christmas. Every morning, there is coughing. Every morning, there is trauma from getting out of a warm bed, and then, out of a warm shower. Every morning, there is the last minute scramble to get to school reasonably on time. (rarely happens) Every morning I wrestle with kid zippers (awful. we can send people to space but we can’t invent good zippers?) Every morning I wrestle with ice cold steering wheels and condensation (and condescension) on the windows and doors. Every morning we search for hats, boots and mittens.
And I’m sick of it. Down with this. Down with disease! It’s only November and I feel this way.
Many of you seem to think I’m a positive person, right? I’d like to believe so. And yet November comes and I wonder. Am I only seasonally positive? Am I thriving in the spring/summer/early fall, only to falter in the late fall/winter? Can I do this?
Can we do this?
I don’t like days in which I’m watching the clock, waiting for it to end. Waiting for the relief pitcher (Cassidy) to come home. Wanting to leave the house for long periods of time so as not to waste the electricity/wood pellets that it takes to stay home.
We keep warm, though. Des hums and whines the “My Little Pony” theme song on command. Scarlet wants to hug for hours. So I am a positive person, mostly, because I can feel the warmth and life and joy radiating out of them and into me. And out of me and into them. And there’s warm coffee and our magnificent fireplace and I am so grateful for the warmth from both.
There are new photos..
..of old places. Places of late summer. The heat radiates out of the photos and into my heart.
Please share your tales of woe and cold mornings. Tell me what it’s like. Tell me how to make it better.