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The Most Honest Post of the Year

It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.

I honestly can’t believe it. This is my TENTH annual New Year’s Eve recap post.

I feel like it’s only been a few weeks since my last one, and surely only a few years since the first one! 2013! What the what? Last year I was talking about how it was the anniversary of the first night we spent in our renovated master bedroom, and we were all (Cassidy, me, Scarlet, Des, Athena) lying in the king-sized bed together. I always write this annual recap post at some point between December 26th – 31st, but this is the same day I wrote it last year as well. And last year I was ruminating on how by this time this year, we’d have doubled in family size by now. And we have! Ten family members, counting the pets. We sure are something! We’ve reached capacity.

So, let’s go on with the most honest post of the year!

1 – What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before?

Ugh, all I can think to say is that I had a significant and long-lasting mental health crisis. I’ve certainly had my share of these crises but never so significant AND long-lasting. It left a hole in me. Maybe we need to get more positive. In 2022, I made homemade bagels, paid off several large debts, took up new hobbies (electric cargo biking), had a postpartum complication that sent me back to the hospital (spinal headache), took my first post-pandemic plane ride (and got COVID on it too), did an art portfolio photoshoot, got OUR photos taken professionally, modeled in my bra and underwear for work, and I was a bad a** mama to FOUR WHOLE HUMANS!

Not to mention that I had a baby I didn’t know was a boy or girl.

It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.

2 – Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t remember if I made any, and I’m certain I didn’t keep any if I had! Every year is about getting closer to inner peace, doing what I love and with meaning, getting closer to my family, breaking bad habits and patterns, making long-lasting health and lifestyle changes, and dealing with my demons. This wasn’t a good year for it. Yet, I didn’t drown and I do still have hope alive.

And the infinite quest to actually hydrate.

3 – Did anyone close to you give birth?

Does it count if I’m close to myself?

It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.

4 – Did anyone close to you die?

Unfortunately, yes. As you may remember, the cat we presumed dead three years ago was actually alive and well all this time, and was hit by a car near my house on my birthday. And you know that my Uncle Jamie passed away. He was sick for so long but somehow I thought he’d live to age 100, like his parents. He got super sick when I was about six weeks postpartum, and that hormonal and grief-filled combination sent me spiraling into postpartum despair. He passed away in late June and luckily not July 2nd, which is when his father (my maternal grandfather) and brother-in-law (my father) passed away. We also lost a dear friend, John, at 87.

5 – What countries did you visit?

ha! Pandemic and baby and baby. I think 2023 may be the year. Not only to go back to Canada, but I believe this is the year I may leave this continent for the FIRST TIME. I took the first steps:

It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.

6 – What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022?

I guess that for half of this year, I lacked my spark and sparkle. I lost hope and strength. Sometimes I think those downshifts propel you further than you’ve ever imagined. And I guess I still do. It’s hard, though. Sometimes life loses its luster a little or a lot and you have to fight harder to get it back. That’s ok, though. I’m a really good fighter and can bring a sparkly 2023.

7 – What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I was a bad a** mama to FOUR WHOLE HUMANS! Enough said!

It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.

8 – What date from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory?

April 6th, 2022. I thought it was just a normal day and then Scarlet’s band concert, but in fact, I went into labor! And when you have more than one kid and the pediatrician asks you your child’s DOB, do you ever just freeze? It’s hard to keep track of all the dates all of the time!

Yet, I always do come up with them in the nick of time.

9 – What was your biggest failure?

I don’t really know. I failed myself by getting an epidural that gave me that spinal headache. I’ve wished I could get a do-over with Sawyer’s birth. He’s so strapping and healthy that I don’t think I have failed him. I think there are high levels of toxicity in my marriage and while I’m really not solely to blame, I beat myself up like I am. I certainly failed every resolution at consistency with health, marriage, parenting, etc. Consistency and maintenance seem to be problems. To 2023!

I do like turning the page to fresh and clean starts. Anything is possible.
It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.

10 – Did you suffer illness or injury?

Sure. Spinal headaches, mental illness, a pesky cold, and COVID too.

11 – Whose behavior merited celebration?

The children! They handle curveballs and obstacles with grace, honesty, and humor.

12 – What was the best thing you bought?

I bought a Bunch Bike! It’s an electric cargo bike and it’s SO MUCH FUN.

13 – Where did most of your money go?

The aforementioned bike, the mortgage, plane tickets to Minneapolis, the hospital bills, and Squishmallows. Lots and lots of Squishmallows and toy VW buses and beetles.

14 – What did you get really, really, really excited about?

To meet the baby! What a mystery baby. I was so excited to meet my brunette, female, mini me! Instead, imagine my surprise, I got a surprise fair-haired, blue-eyed, gushy mushy baby boy!

It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.

15 – What song will always remind you of 2022?

Starting at the 30 second mark. I just find it transcendental. If the video gets taken down, the song is “2 Be Loved (Am I Ready)” by Lizzo.

16 – Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? A little of both, really. It’s just.. up and down.
Thinner or fatter? I was pretty pregnant last year so going with thinner.
Richer or poorer? Probably about the same? There have been huge expenses and also nice contracts with shiny new work opportunities.

17 – What do you wish you’d done more of?

Relaxing, sleeping, and letting the F go. There should have been many more hugs and kisses and love bombs.

18 – What do you wish you’d done less of?

Finding the dark spots in everything. It’s been so unlike me to be so jaded and disconnected.

19 – Did you fall in love in 2022?

I do every year, but perhaps more than usual, with my four kids. Working on it for the adult relationships.

20 – How many one-night stands?

Who writes these things? Are they aimed towards 20-somethings who are not in a pandemic with two babies??

21 – Who were your best friends?

Aww, my sister and my daughter and the baby, and it bounced from dog to dog!

22 – What thing did you do that was meaningful to others?

I try to write these posts, and all of my Friday posts, with vulnerability and honesty. If I try too hard, or not hard enough, it shows. And that is a disservice. I want to be relatable but sometimes feel like I’m too far on another planet to be so. And then I realize I’m wrong, and that’s beautiful. I also love any acts of kindness, and I did a great advent calendar December for my family.

It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.

23 – What were your favorite TV programs?

Gosh, did I watch TV? I love the juicy “Good Trouble”, as well as shows I can watch with the family, like “Wednesday,” “Doctor Who,” and all MARVEL shows. I was GUTTED by “Severance” – Cassidy put it on at a time I really couldn’t handle it, fresh off of my spinal headache, and yet, I was cheering by season’s end. Actually, that same thing happened with “Wednesday.” I also like to geek out late night with lighter fare, like “Chesapeake Shores,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” and more.

24 – Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate is a strong word. I hate people who hate, so if I say that, am I really any better? I’ll say that I strongly dislike people and it’s mostly the same ones I disliked last year! Plus, nearly everyone in the comment section or nearly everything. Just, stop.

25 – What was the best book you read in 2022?

I’m an avid reader, but can’t remember. I think it was House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune.

26 – What was your greatest musical discovery?

I really really like Lizzo. And when Scarlet got up and did an improvised sax solo at the winter concert a few weeks ago? I was slayed. I fangirled.

27 – What did you want and get?

A gorgeous, delicious, and healthy baby.

It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.

28 – What did you want but did NOT get?

More moose. More cowbell. Another daughter, but getting to keep Sawyer too. Spark and sparkle and for my uncle to live longer. The belief that most people aren’t morons. You know. The usual.

29 – What was your favorite film of this year?

OMG, did I watch a movie that wasn’t Hallmark this year? Can I just say Hanukkah on Rye and call it a day? Was Encanto in 2022? I don’t think it was but can we call it two years in a row?

30 – What kept you sane?

I mean.. have I been kept sane? I’d say no, or not really, or just barely. The wisdom and intuition of my older kids, coupled with the infectious adorableness of the younger two helps a lot. Otherwise it’s dogs, weighted blankets, Melatonin, midwives, pellet stoves, bicycles, crossword puzzles, steady work, chocolate, Trader Joe’s, Target, and Starbucks employees, and the steadfast belief (after all this time) that maybe somewhere out there, there are people operating on or near my frequency.

31 – Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I mean, I spent part of 2022 mostly dead inside, so who has time for this nonsense? However, had Bruce Hornsby and I been born around the same time, well, I’d be a goner.

32 – Who was the best new person you met this year?

It’s SAWYER! (sang to the tune of IT’S CORN). Scarlet has friends with parents and foster parents I really admire. I met some of them only once but did think, “If I weren’t half dead inside, I’d ask you to coffee!”

33 – Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022.

That I’m dead inside but not really dead inside. And that so many of the lost relationships and friendships in my life are mostly my fault. And that I lived in a suspended state of denial for like 40 years and thought I was special or something. And maybe I still think that I’m special.

I really can’t help myself.
It's here already! This is the 10th year in a row of the most honest post of the year. This template makes the most comprehensive year recap.
34 – Who did you miss?

Myself. Cassidy. What we could have been like. Uncle Jamie, and Junie with her soft fur.

35 – Quote song lyrics that sums up your year:

“Yesterday, I would have run away
And I don’t why (did you know?)
I don’t know why, but I’m ready”
Oh my goodness, that’s it! Thanks for reading, friends, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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4 Comments

  1. I love your vulnerability and honesty. I think most people are hungry to know that they aren’t weird, or outliers, or any of that.

    For what it’s worth, and in spite of my many “areas for growth,” consistency and maintenance are my things! I got you, girl!

    Happy New Year! 🙂

  2. The Honesty and Humor and The Sounds Of Music 🎶 always Sparkle and Shine✨️ in your posts Tamara! It’s been another year of ups and downs, gains and losses for many of us. Still l’ve learned some valuable lessons the year 2022 has brought us and taught us, and l’m ready to Rock and Roll 🎷🎸🎵 as soon as 2023 arrives! 🕛 Happy New Year Everybody 🎉 🥳🥂🎊🎉🎈and may we all Sparkle Plenty year after year!✨️💖

  3. I cannot find the one in 2023 so I just want to say that I admire your openness and honesty. Most people, in my opinion, desire confirmation that they are not abnormal, unusual, or any other such thing.

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