The Funny Words & Phrases That Have Had Me Laughing For Years!

Totally posting on a Thursday, and totally posting four times this week. Why? It’s for an opportunity I could not resist!

I was asked to guest post for the wonderful series: True Tales From The Pink and Blue Trenches.

The noise of boys

Each week, they’ll pick a topic about trying to figure out just what is the difference in raising boys (Jodi) and raising girls (Melissa) and share their thoughts with you. Today they have invited me to chime in as I’m on Team Purple, which is what happens when you mix blue and pink. Kinda? It’s because I have one boy and one girl – the best (and the worst) of both worlds.

I even got my own adorable button, made by Jodi.

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To read more from The True Tales From the Pink and Blue Trenches, check out Melissa’s take on toddler speech from last week.

Links HERE & HERE.


This week, I’ll be talking about the hilarious words and phrases that have come out of the mouths of babes in my house.

For a long time last year, I was waiting for a call from the preschool. I was waiting for them to tell me that Scarlet said something hideously vulgar at school. I waited one month, then two. After three months, I lost count and tentatively hoped for the best. And the call never came. Apparently when Scarlet speaks at school, only sunshine, rainbows and unicorns come out!

Yet, I can’t help wondering, and even hoping, that her teachers might hear some of the gems that fly out of her pretty mouth.

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Her mouth may be pretty, but some of the things that fly out of it might offend. Consider this your warning.

Just the other day, Scarlet said the word “stupid” in front of her grandmother. As we tell her often, her grandmother told her that “stupid” is a bad, bad word. And Scarlet said, “Oh yeah? Well once we were driving and Mama whispered, ‘You stupid **** at another car!”

Oops. I guess that was my bad.

Then there was the time she suggested a fun fall activity for the family! “Can we go apple picking? Can we go tiara picking? Can we go dingleberry picking?” I FULLY blame my sister for the introduction of that word.

Sometimes the influence comes from older kids – cousins, friends and neighbors. One day, when she was about two-years-old, I was reading her from Dr. Seuss: “Big A, little a, what beings with A?” Scarlet was very quiet for a second and then said, “ANUS!!” Cue stifled hysterical laughter and stunned disbelief. I mean..she was…correct, wasn’t she?

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Now time for the clean(er) funny stuff that Scarlet and Des have in common.

Both Scarlet and Des called their deepest objects of affection by the name of “Baba.” Quite randomly. That’s what Scarlet called her rubber ducky collection. That’s what Des now calls his prized Lambie.

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Both kids were trained with the very mature reply to the question of, “Who farted?” Both instantly said/say, “Me!” It’s been a good way to find them if they’re ever in another room, like a game of Marco Polo. “Who farted??” I call out. “Me!” They can’t resist replying.

Des is 20-months-old and very well spoken, but is still so young that his language is just emerging.

– I love that he calls himself “Deezy Doh!” Which is a play on many nicknames we call him, but it has his own twist.

– We call him Captain EO because instead of “Here you go,” he says, “Eo!”

– Macaroni and cheese is “Macmee!”

– Pirate’s Booty cheese puffs are “Boota!”

And my very favorite is that sometimes he’ll cry and say “I want Mama!”

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Scarlet had many gems when she was around his age and a bit older.

– She called cheese “cheesus.”

– Cookie was ALWAYS “gaku.” I miss those Gaku Days!

– She used to fixate on happiness. She’d ask me, everyone else, and even baseball players on TV – “Are you happy?”

– If you asked her about her dreams, she had a fixed answer: “I dream of dinosaurs, monkeys and Pete Townshend.”

– Once I went to change her diaper and she said, “Oh God! WOW.” I guess I must have said that once or twice during a terrible diaper explosion!

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As she got older, some of her best words and phrases started to come out. A lot of it developed around her toilet training.

– She started to describe certain cheeses as “a nice cheddar” or “a beautiful cheddar.” And would you know that there were differences between the two? I think a nice cheddar meant it was grated into a bowl. A beautiful cheddar may have been cut into pieces.

– One of her most long-lasted and popular phrases to date is “more much fun.” She even made up a song that goes, “Now I’m here..having the more much fun.” And Des can (sort of) sing it too!

– One night we were driving home pretty late and we thought she’d be asleep, but she piped up with, “Can you change this song? I want something more..trippy!” So, Pink Floyd it was.

– Cassidy once asked Scarlet if she had to go to the bathroom, and she shouted out, “No! I have to fart!” In a quiet art gallery.

– A tall handsome man walked by us at Starbucks. Scarlet turned on the charm and gave him a killer smile and wave. He went into the bathroom. She yelled loudly to all of the store, “That man is pooping in the potty!”

– One day her friend came over and asked her why she was only wearing a towel in the living room. She smiled sadly and said, “I just peed myself, Rhys.”

However, a lot of her gems were from Demond’s first few months with our family.

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– During his first week, she did a weird dance in front of his carseat and then said, “I’m Scarlet Bella Bowman. I’m your weird sister!”

– “Des is trying to nurse on me and my nipples don’t work for him.”

– “Mama, remember when Desmond’s umbilical cord fell off and you were so happy? I think his penis fell off too.”

– “Did his “pagina” fall off? He has squishy balls!”

– “Mama, you have a beautiful smile. Dada, can you buy milk to put into your nipples to feed Baby Desmond?”

These days, the hilarity and sweet wisdom grows stronger.

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– Ankles are called “foot wrists.” I don’t have the heart to tell her.

– One day she started talking about “booty dots.” We asked her what that meant and she looked at us like we were slow and said, “Booty dot! It’s the hole in your butt!”
(makes perfect sense to me)

– She calls rice krispies “chickpeas.” I haven’t had the heart to correct her there either.

– She calls the crusts of a sandwich “crotch.” I thought it was so funny not to tell her the truth, until she was at a friend’s house getting a sandwich and she said to her friend’s mom, “Can you cut my crotch off?” (still haven’t lived that one down)

– One day her teacher told us that Scarlet hadn’t peed in school all day. She kept saying, “There’s no pee in my butt today!”

– The woods behind our house? They’re called the “trappy woods.”

– Going to Starbucks is called “Starbucking” and it involves me getting a “decaf crackaccino.”

– She sings Adele’s “Rumor Has It” but she sings it with, “Boober Has It!”

And lately, it’s just really, really sweet.

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– Des can say “I love you.”

– Scarlet can look into my eyes and without me saying a word, she’ll say, “I love you too.”

I could go on forever, but I think I’ve given you many of the best. Don’t forget to tune in with these two awesome bloggers to check out more True Tales From The Pink and Blue Trenches. What are some funny words and phrases that your kids have said?

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    1. Jodi, thank you and Melissa so much! I’d love to guest again in the future. It was a blast rehashing all of those memories. Des says he wants a bigger say in the next one too! I’m sure he’ll get one.

      1. Gosh Des needs his own blog or feature- he is a rockstar! BTW please let him know Henry began to take shirt off at the mall Saturday… so I think he is a reader~

        Maybe someday we should start a out of the “mouths of babes” series with Melissa her little girl is a firecracker. LOL!

  1. These were priceless! Scarlet is going to love hearing about this when she is older. My kids always ask us to tell them about funny things they said and did as small children. My favorite: my two year old daughter’s version of “I want my fork and knife” came out “I want my f**kin’ knife.” That cracks her up now.

  2. This is hilarious! Scarlet is so smart…I mean, “anus?” lol. But I think the “cut my crotch off” is the best. Who would have thought such an angelic looking little sweetheart would have such a potty mouth? She must keep everyone around constantly laughing and on their toes

    1. And the best part is that she doesn’t really mean any of it! She was taught “anus” and I don’t know how “crotch” developed, but I do believe that more responsible parents would have told her it’s “crust”, right?

  3. I definitely don’t have any children- yet ;)- but I had to chime in and say your kids are so cute. The things they say are so adorable and I couldn’t stop reading. I’ve always been an old soul and I love hearing the experiences of wives and mothers, because I pray to be both one day <3 I have 4 younger siblings and I was, and still am, so obsessed with them growing up. I thought they were the cutest and I loved the cute things they would say. My little sister would call my little brother "ma'am-ee"- it was so random and so off from his name but we still call him that even now, in his 20's lol

    1. I remember thinking my little sister was “my baby.” She was way too cute! She still is but she’s a big married grownup now!
      I hope you get all of your wonderful wife and mother wishes!

  4. OMG! Tamara, I’m sitting here literally laughing at these! Man I wish I had collected my kid’s phrases that cracked me up. “Foot wrists”!!! I love this age where they start entertaining us with their random, not meant to be funny but it is, phrases πŸ™‚

    1. I’m so glad to make people laugh today! I was afraid to offend, and I did have to eliminate some of these.. there were just too many to choose from!
      Foot wrists is amazing. I know I should tell her, but I just can’t. It’s too adorable.

  5. Oh my goodness! This has to be one of my favorite posts of all time. As I sat reading it, my son is laying beside me “talking” away (basically trying to get my attention, because I put him down). I was thinking the entire, what am I in store for once this kid starts talking coherently. Yikes! Kids really do say the darndest things!

    The milk/nipple one nearly made me fall. Your daughter is definitely a character of her own. She is so smart, you can tell just by what she says, despite the appropriateness if it. πŸ˜‰

    1. Oh, I imagine you have tons in store! I still get to hear what Des’ big jokes will be like.
      I’m so glad you love this post because it was a last minute addition, and I was petrified it would fall flat or offend people!
      She is certainly a funny little girl.

  6. These had me laughing out loud too. It’s so wonderful that your remember them all … and are now committing them to writing. I wish I’d done more of that. Precious and priceless.

    1. People have always told me to write down what the kids say, and I really do keep a record of these! Made it so much easier to plan this post out – knowing I had my “research” readily available.
      Ah, it’s all too funny. And for all of these, of course there were many that didn’t make the cut because I didn’t want to publish a 2,000 word post!
      Maybe a part 2 is coming..

  7. Love the mischievous photos of your daughter! The first one matches the stories for perfectly. What beautiful catchlights in the eyes. I love that she blurted anus for “A”. She is definitely correct :). How cute he gives himself the nickname Deezy Doh. Oh my gosh, my son went through a phase of constantly asking me if I’m happy! He does it occasionally now, just to make sure I’m no longer mad at him. Very sweet. “Something more trippy” hehe. Oh my gosh the later ones of Scarlet’s comments on breastfeeding, hilarious!!!!!!!! (You need to submit that “crotch” = crust on the Mommy Shorts Facebook page!

    Last weekend, my son yelled at the supermarket, “Look, it’s Mr Clean”. He was pointing at a man with no hair.

    1. I laughed out loud when I first read this! Mr. Clean! Oh boy. Did the man notice/care? I’d be doubtful that he hasn’t heard it all before.
      And the “are you happy” thing isn’t so uncommon! She was my first so I thought it was adorable that she wanted to make sure we were all happy!
      I don’t know of this Mommy Shorts Facebook Page but I’m about to research!

      1. My husband said he quickly led my son out of the produce section, haha. Hope he didn’t hear ;). Mommy Shorts is a hilarious blog about her parenting a 4 yr old and 1 yr old!

  8. Ok first, love you are posting four times and this one definitely was os much fun. You know I can relate even if it were just crazy, Lily who kept me on my toes, but both my girls do daily. Lily just happens to be even more vocal about it. And could write a book about her and what she alone says on a daily basis. But my favorite it every night, how she will tell Kevin no matter what that she wants “Mommy to tuck her in”. Not going to lie love being needed, too πŸ™‚

    1. Ah, I do love being needed! Tonight Scarlet told me she loves me as much as Cassidy, and that she loves him a heck of a lot.
      So I think that was a compliment!

  9. oh my goodness. hilarious!! Simon thinks he pees from his tushie and poops from his butt. so we’ve had some interesting convos about those things! plus he describes his poop based on what food it looks like. ew!

    1. haha! Scarlet really doesn’t understand where pee comes from. I just hate having that talk over and over, but we do. We will again!
      And my daughter said her poop was shaped like a snake once! A rubber ducky another time..

  10. They really say some gems huh?

    I love the one about cutting off my crotch – I bet her friends mom had no idea what she meant at first lol

    1. Well her friend’s mom doesn’t speak English as a first language so I think she just figured she was getting something wrong, or that it was normal garbled preschooler speak.
      Totally hilarious, just the same!

    1. That’s what I was just saying! It’s like she has Starbucks pegged at her young age! And this was two years ago so she was a very wise two-year-old.

  11. Sweet, Sweet T- I’m laughing & crying all at the same time!! I cannot remember all things that Kens said like this but I know she had her share of moments! I only wish I was blogging back then torecord the moments, but, for right now I will live vicariously through you & C! πŸ™‚ XO! ~A~

    1. I just write them down a lot. Clearly, my records have served me well!
      Kids really do say the darndest things. I really can’t wait to hear more from Des. There’s a lot of personality right there but he’s still so young that half of what he says sounds like gibberish.

  12. OMG I’m dying!!!!! “Booty dots” and “I just peed myself, Rhys” hahaha! I actually have some tears in my eyes right now. It’s so amazing the things they say, and their honesty is my favorite part. Piggie is just now starting to really speak in full sentences so the fun is beginning with him too. Last night my husband farted and Piggie said “Ewww…nasty boy.” I don’t even know where he got it cause I certainly don’t call him a nasty boy or anything!

    1. My sister was staying with us for the “I just peed myself, Rhys” moment and I think she was crying from laughter. It was the delivery too. The sad smile. The matter-of-fact way she said it.
      And Rhys was all, “Well, ok then!” Ah, to be three.
      Piggie sounds hilarious!! And your husband farts?? Cassidy practically never does. Weirdo.

  13. I had to break my fourth wall and comment to share this story: my nephew is half Japanese and bilingual. As a baby he called milk “ahta”. His mom also called it ahta. Do cd he spoke both English and Japanese I assumed ahta was Japanese for milk. So once, in front of my sil’s Japanese friend , I was showing off all the Japanese words I learned via baby nephew… Turns out ahta is just my nephews made up word!!

    1. Ah, that is interesting! And even better than “baba” which I still think is so weird. How did she get “baba” from rubber ducky? How did he get “baba” from lambie blanket? And yet, they both found ways to call things they truly loved by the name of “baba.” If he’s looking for her, he’ll call out, “Baba?” As if she’ll answer! (I could go wake him up and squeeze him for that adorable fact.) And if he’s asking me where she is, he’ll say “baba” even though he CAN say “Lambie.”

  14. This is so cute! Do all mothers remember all of these things so well? I wouldn’t be surprised if the answer was no, but I am just wondering because I am VERY impressed. My mom had an “Amy Book” when I was little and she’d write things like this down. Sad things too, but also funny things. I can’t read it though because it makes me sad! Not sure why! Anyway, I love this!

    1. The answer is probably no, because I really don’t either! I wrote them all down as they happened! Really glad I did that because I found out about this opportunity this week so I wouldn’t have had time to get this all together otherwise.
      I think I can understand about feeling sad at the “Amy Book.”

  15. I love these!! Kids really do say some crazy thing! I love the “Who farted?” response. My youngest used to actually cry if someone accused her of being the culprit! πŸ™‚

    1. Oh dear! That would cramp my style but I’d have to lay off if that happened here.
      Sometimes Scarlet gets pissed if she DOES fart and you call her out on it. She’s all, “No, I didn’t!”
      And there’s no one else to blame around here.
      Clearly, we need a dog.

  16. We’d heard Charlie Daniels Band one day, Grace and I, and at dinner, she blurted out, “B*tch. That’s what the cowboy man said in that song. B*tch.”

    All three girls had their own words for breast milk – Boo wahwah (Elise), Wahwee (Marie) and Shooshoo (Grace).

    I think I love the foot wrists best! They are, technically, you know.

    Or are our wrists technically hand ankles?


    1. Good question. I’m afraid to say that particular “A” word in front of Scarlet, because what if “foot wrists” goes away forever?
      I’d sob!
      I wish I could remember what Scarlet called breastmilk. Des didn’t really get to that point because he stopped before he had a good name for it. Drat.

        1. Ooh! And if she’s like me and uses all kinds of excuses to get out of high school anatomy class, maybe she’ll go to college and STILL not know! And if she’s anything like me and doesn’t take science in college, BONUS.

            1. I actually lied, but I didn’t mean to lie. You just reminded me of a memory. I DID take a science class Freshman year. I chose Biomedical Issues, or something like that.
              I got an “F.” I took it over and got a “C.”
              I’m kinda amazing.

  17. I’m at work reading this (yes, I know, I shouldn’t be, but…!) and stifling loud laughter at Scarlet’s word choices. I see a budding blogger/comedienne, Tamara. LOL This was some good stuff!

    1. I’m so glad! And thank you for sharing my link. She used to do a pretty mean windmill arm like Pete too. She called him “Uncle Pete.” Doesn’t that kinda slay you?

    1. I nearly can’t handle myself with her sometimes. I could EASILY write a sequel to this one because she is unstoppable in her wit, wisdom, and ridiculousness.

  18. Lol that’s sooo cute πŸ™‚ I curse quite a bit and thankfully my son doesn’t repeat these words. The kids in the family know now to repeat what us adults say since a lot of it is bad in both Spanish and English. LoL. πŸ™‚ Enjoy all those cute sayings before it slowly becomes more smart assed haha πŸ˜› Have a great one Tamara! -Iva

    1. I think I’ll definitely have to keep recording it as it gets more smart-assed. It just grows and grows in that department!
      Sweet Des is not quite there yet. I’m sure he’ll have a mouth on him too. He’s learning from the best.

  19. Dad and I have a folder with your gems ( and your sibs’) and I must get that out to show you one day! Fun posting!

  20. I started laughing so hard I started crying. And Sam, who was on the phone with his parents, kept looking at me strangely. I don’t have any funny things that Eve has said since she, well ya know, is only three months (and if she actually said something that would be both amazing and totally freaky!). BUT, working in a kindergarten classroom, I witnessed a lot of funny actions and things that the students said.

  21. I thought I could never show my face at our local grocery store after my toddler boy very loudly announced “My Penis is hard!” as we were going through the check out. I assured him that it was very normal – that it sometimes happens to boys and it would go away soon. He thought for a moment and then ….. of course: “does daddy’s penis get hard too?”
    And we are out of here.
    and moved shortly after.
    Love hearing about the funny things kids say. Brilliant.

    1. This. Is a story! Wound up getting an email that it might be spam because I think WordPress thought you were a penis enlarging ad or something!
      Luckily I made the call to approve the heck out of this one.

  22. OMG! The things Scarlet said that first week are too funny! Love that you didn’t tell her about ankles. I especially love that you are documenting this because so that you don’t forget some of this stuff!

    1. I still haven’t told her about the ankles! I’m so bad!! And the chickpeas/rice krispies one!
      I gave her krispies in her lunch one day and someone told her the truth. I think she had said, “I have chickpeas for lunch today!” And probably everyone was all impressed with my amazing healthy-snack-packing skills. Until she pulled out rice krispies!

  23. These were so much fun to read!!
    I think I woke up the house laughing about cutting off the crotch!!! That is hilarious!
    And, I’m with you on the whole “oops, my bad” when I heard tiny toddlers saying something that maybe wasn’t so great coming out of their tiny mouths – might have happened a few times!!! The worst was when Hunter was 3 – Chris came home and Hunter called him a “frickin’ idiot.” Chris just looked at me in disbelief – oops!!

  24. So sweet! My favorite one was crust/crotch – that made me laugh out loud! Arielle says “ung-ly” instead of “ugly” I actually think “ung-ly” sounds uglier than “ugly” and haven’t had the heart to correct her. Zavier’s words are terrible. Just awful compared to his articulate big sis. Everything is “Eeeeee” Batman, Superman, Spiderman are all “Eeeee-man”!

    1. Des doesn’t enunciate as well as Scarlet did, unless he really, really wants my attention. Then it’s perfect! Mostly it’s a lot of gibberish mixed with requests.
      Ungly is adorable! Scarlet says adbenture instead of adventure.

  25. Dying. DYING.
    My little one is nearly 22 months, and his speech is emerging and omigosh I just love everything that he says.
    Well, except for the word “shit”. Oops.

  26. Oh. my. goodness. Those are sooooo funny. I really need to be better about writing down all the funny things Josiah says. For the longest time he called ketchup “chep-up” (say it out loud, it’s just a funny word). His favorite Annie’s bunnies snacks were “hop snacks” which I thought was very clever.
    His latest word creation is “exprising,” which as best as I can tell is some kind of exciting surprise? Or being excited and surprised at the same time?

    1. “Hop snacks” makes perfect sense to me actually! I was looking around at Target yesterday and all of their Goldfish was dressed up for Easter. I wonder if Annie’s do that too.
      Exprising should be added to the dictionary immediately!

  27. I seriously had fun reading this! πŸ˜€ So funny and adorable at the same time! Scarlet is one smart kid.. We speak our vernacular language at home but my son seems to remember only the English words like hey, no, stop, wait, bye.. and “shit” too.. LOL

    1. That reminds me that my mom said I called EVERY fruit “apple.” And Scarlet did too. Now Des is either calling every round thing “apple” or he’s calling everything, including apples, “a ball.”
      We can never tell! He goes crazy when he sees apples at the grocery store.

  28. Oh man! A is for Anus! I almost spit out my coffee.

    I remember things like this from my son and they crack me up!
    Writing them down and treasuring them is a good idea!

    1. I’m glad I wasn’t drinking coffee when it happened, because I would have LOST it even worse than I did.
      My son is just really grasping his language but I really need to do a sequel someday. He is very funny but he’s only one so the real good stuff is still coming. Which is really nice.

  29. So funny! And so great that you’re keeping track of them. You think you’ll never forget some of these things but you do. I have three kids and can’t always remember who said what.

    1. I definitely need to keep on top of it with the baby too! The really good stuff is just beginning with him since he’s only one and a half.

  30. They are both beyond adorable. Of course, because I’m immature and a little dirty in general, my favorites were squishy balls, nipples, and Des’ penis possibly falling off. Hysterical!!

  31. Ah! I love the sandwich crust mix up! (That and the “I’ve got to fart!”) I’ve also been pulling together a list of things that the kids have been saying and doing. At some point I’ll call it quits and actually post it!

    1. I’d love to see that!! I will be doing a sequel soon, I hope. Des will be two this summer and most of Scarlet’s gems started then.

  32. You had the most to dish on Scarlet and I can imagine it will get even more funny as Des gets older and says more. JR is not very verbose still. I don’t worry because I had a neighbor with a boy his age that didn’t say as much either but then a few months after 2, she said be on the look out because they won’t stop! LOL. Scarlet had me cracking up. I think I’d be like you and not have the heart to tell her the correct thing sometimes too. One day. It’s always funny when you realize that you were saying something wrong yourself though…even as an adult I find that to be funny about myself. Maybe this will happen to her even as a little girl, too. πŸ™‚

    1. I think after two is when most of the gems hit!
      Des is funny but it’s not always easy to understand his sentences. Still too young! I really can’t wait to hear more from everyone!

  33. This is totally a post you will CHERISH in years to come! My kids LOVE hearing about some of the wacky and hilarious things they said when they were younger and I wish I had recorded more. Your little guys are SO funny! They must have great role models!!

  34. Oh my gosh. “Who farted?” These are hysterical. I so wish I’d written some of mine down. My kids still have little things they say wrong, and like you, I can’t bear to correct them.

  35. I’m totally thinking that “Starbucking” might catch on.. better copyright it! So funny how they parrot back stuff we say to them. My husband used to sing “Wild Thing” while bathing my oldest… needless to say, she knows the words to that song and sang them as a bitty thing, which was hilarious! (happy #LOBS)

  36. Love it! Kids are something else. My youngest is at that stage where I’m scared to take her anywhere cause I never know what will come out of her mouth next.

  37. So many to love. You went out with a bang. The crotch one made me LOL but I think “foot wrists” are my favorite. One day she’ll say it correctly and you won’t know when that happened ;-(

  38. This whole thing is pretty hilarious but I think the crust/crotch thing put me over the edge. My original comment must not have gone through – because I know I *meant* to write on this before – I can’t have had this up for 2 months, could I??

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