That’s the time. That’s the ticket. That’s the magical gold bar. That’s the ticket to ride. That’s when it all goes according to plan. That’s when I stay as thin as I’ve always been, but with muscular legs and abs. Tanned skin and not a hint of gray hair. That’s when my wrinkles not only never come, but my smooth skin ages backwards, getting better by the day. That’s when I’ve read 20 books on my to-do list, and at least half of them are self-help books. And I don’t skim. I read. That’s when I’m fully present with my kids – a hands-free mama, putting puzzles together and art collages. That’s when I’ve written my entire book, or books, and I’ve had gallery showings of my work. I also get nine hours of sleep a night, if only to have to maintain the energy and confidence I have to shoot 14 hour weddings. In heels. On cliffsides. In the future is when I’m best friends and lovers, so conveniently, with the father of my children. It’s when I’ve said to you and I’ve said to me, “I love you.”
Maybe I’m an “In The Future” person because sometimes the pain is so great, and the right now is so slow or stunted. When my father had died right before my fourth birthday, I had the luxury or misfortune to block out a full year of my life. I don’t remember being four. When I came to.. when I woke up.. I was five and my parents had just gotten married. Did I fidget during the wedding ceremony? Did I eat cake? I had just woken up and I was lining up at the doors of a new kindergarten, in a new town, bussed from a new house, sleeping next to three new siblings and waking up to a brand new dad.
So when it was Scarlet’s turn to line up at the kindergarten doors, that’s when it hit me. The black hole of time was not actually a black hole of time. It was just a space pocket. A pain pocket. And it was waiting for me to nearly be consumed, or to make it out alive. Sometimes, often, I’m still groping my way out. Space pockets and pain pockets, masking as black holes of time, not telling you until it’s nearly too late, “Hey, examine me. Examine this. And only then can you fly out.”
It’s tempting to want to sleep for a year, and when you come to, realize you have a whole new life. It also never works.
The pain pockets are still waiting, to swallow you and throw you into the black holes of time. You can throw all of your hopes and dreams into outerspace, and watch it sail away. You can say that someday you’ll go to Alaska. Someday you’ll start writing that book. Someday you’ll start exercising. Someday you’ll stop worrying. Someday, someday, someday.
You know what this is about, right? Someday is now. The future is now. Don’t get swallowed by those black holes of time. The future is here, there and everywhere and the only way to get there is through, and now. Now.
This week’s Finish the Sentence Friday topic is “In The Future.. and there’s still time to write yours. Come link up with your spin: HERE.