There’s a reason we don’t have a dog.
It’s not because of money, although it totally is. It’s not because of having a four-year-old & one-year-old, although it totally is. It’s not about dog fur and dog puke and poop bags and planning vacations and fear of scratching/biting, although it totally is.
It’s because of this. Don’t read it if you’re feeling tenderhearted. That’s your warning.
This is why we don’t have a dog, mostly. It’s because of the goodbyes we’ve said:
And oh yeah – some of this too:
Sometimes, mostly, I can’t. I just can’t. The goodbyes feel too much like…horrible goodbyes.
So I don’t. Not right now, anyway.
Who knows what I was going to talk about today? I think it was going to be a lighthearted post about college because my last post wasn’t so light. I’m having a tenderhearted week, though. It’s the kind where everything touches me and everything hurts.
Over the weekend, my mom told me a story about a time she hit a squirrel with her car. He/she had an apple in its mouth.
About ten minutes after she told me that, I was nearly hunched over the steering wheel in tears.
This was followed by visiting my Nana at her nursing home and seeing her wheelchair turned to the wall. Maybe she was thinking or reflecting. My mom gently pulled the wheelchair back to turn it around, and my grandmother started at the movement. She doesn’t hear or see very well, so I imagine she has to trust that whoever is behind her is someone she wants to have behind her. It was my mom, my kids and me so I’m thinking this was a win. As is often the case, her mind was crystal clear sharpness.
Then I found out about a massive fire at the next town over that completely destroyed several businesses. One business was my favorite cookie/cake store. I am crushed for me and I am crushed for Scarlet who always asks to go to the cookie store, and I am crushed for the business owners. Destroyed, really. I cannot imagine. And yet, they will rebuild. And I want that for selfish and selfless reasons. And I want to believe that everyone who lost their business was secretly hoping for something shiny and new anyway. And I hope they all get what they dream of, and that insurance covers all of it and more. And then we all eat cookies.
Lots of people in this tender heart tonight. Scarlet feels it too:
Onto great things this week, though. I wouldn’t wish for my heart to be the opposite of tender. I think that’s hard-hearted. Yikes. I think I’ll just take that one tolerable step above tender. The one that propels you to put one foot in front of the other, and keep dreaming the big dreams.
And laughing the big laughs.