Stuff That’s Big, Big, Big.
My Facebook status from Sunday morning:
It’s a good milestone Sunday. After 13 years in Las Vegas, my brother arrived in New Jersey at dawn this morning. To stay. And if I hadn’t had three witnesses, I wouldn’t have believed it, but Des said clear as day today: “What are you doing?”
I don’t talk about my older brother a lot, just because this blog is about my journeys with my family, and he’s been geographically distant for many years. Of course, I lived in San Francisco for two years, which actually made me the farthest sibling of the five of us, but I came back. (kinda) My brother is now in NJ and I’m officially the only family member to have escaped..er…left. Now I’m home here. And he may be home in New Jersey, or travels, jobs and loves may take him elsewhere.
Home is where your heart is. Home is where you hang your heart? Home is with the family you were born to, or with the family you choose.
Home is a place not quite in your heart, and not quite in a geographic location. It’s just at that place where they all meet.
(I’m the one in the green tutu, if you couldn’t already tell.)
We had wonderful house guests this weekend – two of my friends from my one longterm corporate job. Four years there! I have to give a lot of credit to this company, or to myself and ex co-workers, because how I survived four years in a corporate setting is astounding. It can never be repeated, but that’s ok because there are other things for me. Things like this and this.
I thought about a lot of it as we navigated our fall weekend – showing my friends a pumpkin festival, a fall foliage drive, a nearly hidden gem of a bakery, and a surprisingly busy winery in the middle of the woods.
I thought about the opportunities for writing and photography that are growing. There are spin-offs. New opportunities lead to other unique opportunities, and I feel my range growing, and I like that. I’m still light years away from where I want to be, but it’s all becoming clearer. My dreams used to be a murky splash of paint on a too-big canvas, and now the canvas is shrinking to fit my dreams, or my dreams are expanding to add color to the canvas. I see moose and northern lights. Book tours. Photography exhibits. That’s all what I want. Right there. With the kids and the husband. I have no fantasies that this will be easy.
Touchable, though. Embraceable. Moldable. Doable.
And for a share, here are some recent photos I’ve been working on for other people:
"The canvas is shrinking to fit my dreams, or my dreams are expanding to add color to the canvas." That's perfect, Tamara. I assume your big brother is the one in the middle in the photo; is your sister in the yoga pics the one on the far left? I love how you are in a costume just like Scarlet always seems to be. Like mother, like daughter 🙂
That’s right, Dana! The pink ballerina is now the Yogi. We had a joint dance recital for the dance studio we were in. I can’t remember what we played – maybe it was The Nutcracker? The year before, my sister was a swan and I was a duck. That pretty much sums us up for life, actually.
Those yoga pictures are amazing! The scenery is just gorgeous. I love yoga pictures…and not that I actually do yoga, I'm just amazed by their flexibility!! What a great post to read on a Monday morning. I love how you describe possibilities that are now opening up for you. Isn't it amazing where the journey takes you?
Totally amazing. Speaking of which, all of these photos were of people on their own journeys. That’s what I liked about my recent sessions! All of us dreaming together.
Love this so much. Your photographs are stunning. So glad that you are finding yourself going after your dreams. You deserve them all.-Ashley
Thanks so much, Ashley!!
How I loved seeing you in the picture with your family as a little girl. You a beauty back then, too. And I remember back when Lily was 13 months old, Kevin and I were sitting on the couch while the girls were playing. All of a sudden, we heard this little, but loud voice say, "I got it," as clear as day. The voice definitely wasn't Emma's and we looked at each in disbelief that it was Lily. And then she came over to us and said it again. Still, we were a bit in shock. Way to go Des!! And glad you had a wonderful weekend. Here is to a great week ahead, too!! 🙂
Thank you! And I love that story about Lily. It’s always so surprising to hear them talk! They’re just babies! Des never stops talking. Ever. I can’t say I understand everything he says, but it’s getting clearer. He’s mostly saying things like, “I don’t feel like walking today. Yes, I want food. Lots and lots of food.”
(that’s my theory about the parts I don’t understand)
You are doing so awesome, and I love that you are following all of your dreams and they are all coming together. You and Scarlet are two peas in a pod….that's so much fun!
Thank you! It's really hard on my mental state because I suffer from lack of confidence. Definitely a lot of life-stretching here.
Love this Tamara! What a wonderful way to start the week! I love it when you embrace that beautiful soul inside of that beautiful body and believe in yourself. I have no doubt that you will realize every single dream and fill that canvas with the most amazing colors.
Thank you! I love to believe that. Of course I used to think it would all be so much easier..and it totally isn't. Many good things are difficult in some ways, though.
You are so amazingly talented that there is not one doubt in my mind that your hard work will continue to bring great opportunities your way. I just know that your finished canvas is going to be as amazing as the pictures you take.
And your family is so incredibly precious! I love that picture!
Thank you! It was taken the day of a dance recital. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t run around in a tutu often. I did dress up like a witch, though. In July.
Love the pictures. I think the first yoga one is my favorite of them all. I guessed you right in the first photo. And I say home is wherever my family is (my husband and son).
Thanks about the photos! I did the shoot as a birthday present for her. She provided the great moves, of course.
oh my goodness my little Des is talking! Madison still has a lot of catching up to do. Her speech hasn't caught up to her physical skills as yet. I love that photo of you as a child. You were beautiful back then as well, now you're absolutely gorgeous! I love that quote "Home is a place not quite in your heart, and not quite in a geographic location. It’s just at that place where they all meet." I'm very, very far away from all my family and friends but I'm still "home". Happy Monday to you my friend.
Des never stops talking. He's not very physical, though! I guess they pick one thing and go with it sometimes. Thanks for saying I was beautiful/gorgeous – that means so much! And a very Happy Monday to you as well.
I LOVE the yoga photos! Don't know if its your first diversification into that industry but they look FABULOUS! Big welcome home to your brother!
Joi, thanks! It totally was my first time with Yoga photos. I didn't know what I was doing really, but I wanted to try. It came together so nicely and comfortably.
So lovely!
I love how you describe your dreams as paint on a canvas. Dreams imagined and realized are our life’s masterpieces, aren’t they?
I think so, yup! I can think of nothing better!
You are amazing and inspiring. You are finding the blessings of life and living it your way and loving it! I’m so glad things are starting to shape out in a way that you wanted and envisioned. Love to you my dear friend and the best of luck for everything that you hope and will do!! xoxo
Thanks so much! I feel like I waffled a lot about it for way too long. It took a long time for the blurry photo to get a bit clearer. I can't say I know how and when I'll feel successful (if ever) but at least I know what I want to do. So that's nice!
Love this. My canvas isn’t shrinking yet, it’s still big and messy. But I love watching your journey and gleaning inspiration. Totally know what you are saying about family and home. Beautiful photos!
Mine might always be big and messy. It’s just nice to be able to make out some of the paint these days!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this! LOVE YOU!
Love you too!
I have complete confidence that you will achieve all of your current dreams and probably even more – you are so talented!!!
And, I'm so happy that your brother has moved back and is closer to y'all now!
Thank you, Kim! I think you have more confidence than I do! Mine is more incomplete confidence.
Nothing is more inspiring than to watch someone go after their dreams. You inspire me, my friend. Gorgeous pictures and what a doll in your little tutu. 🙂
haha, thank you! It was part of my ill-fated dance career – I was never meant to be that kind of star, sadly.
It's nice to see all of us going after our dreams lately..
Yes to the expansion of dreams! And keep adding colors! You so have this. It's yours. I love your photos. And not to play favorites – but the ones of Lindsay? She is just gorgeous – and how fitting that you were behind the lens.
Yes, we called it our collaboration! I hope it's the first of many.
I always love your photos. I'm glad your brother will be nearby. I'm an only child. No siblings. I wish!
It's an interesting life with siblings! I wanted my kids to have the same, but there's no right or wrong, of course.
Oh you are just such a cutie pie in that tutu!!!! And what a journey.. from corporate to exactly where your spirit has taken you- filling that canvas with your gifts, as the lens focuses deeper into touchable places that open light where you look. I love that you are feeling the edges close in to the perfect plan. I just love how that happens…
I love that your comment reads like a beautiful poem, or its own blog post! Thank you.
I love the way you are following your dreams, Tamara! I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. 🙂
haha, I have been saying that a lot! Although I totally know now. And it may expand or change, but I know right now what I want to be..right now!
Beautiful as always – the pictures and the writing. I had the privilege of attending Bloggy Boot Camp over the weekend. One thing that was repeated many times was “what is your ending?” The idea begin to figure out your goal and then work backwards to decipher how to reach it. I honestly struggle with that. For so long, all I wanted to be was a mother. Now I am and I LOVE being a mom, but I want more. Something for me; something to show my daughters that a woman can be successful. I just don’t know exactly what that “ending” is. I think i has something to do with writing, but what?? Anyway – perhaps I should stop rambling here and craft a blog post about it! 🙂
I can’t wait to see what you come up with! And it’s nice to have different endings. Or that they change as our children grow and change. I wish I could have gone to BBC so badly!
You compose the best analogies and metaphors! You are so right about opportunities giving birth to more opportunities. I've been hoping to arrange for my daughter to take some outdoor photos. I so wish that you could take them for us! Ughh.
I really wish that too! Perhaps on the west coast?? (in my dreams)
I am so glad to have met you! It has to be fate… seriously to live in the city I grew up in??? I always refer to back East "as home" Even though my life is very much here now. Those yoga photos are amazing!!!
Thanks! They were taken in Easthampton at an apple orchard that I'm not sure was open to the public when you were here. I have only just heard of it.
I'm really glad to have "met" you as well.
I absolutely LOVE this!!!! This is an awesome post & the photos are awesome! It's a little more insight to who you are & that's always special for me to learn a tiny more about you, XO, T! 🙂
Why, thank you!
You have such a gift! I’m happy for you that everything is coming into focus for you. You deserve all the happiness in the world! Hooray for brothers and family and homecomings. It all needs to be celebrated!!
Thank you! I love the use of the word "focus" when talking about my career dreams, because I'm a photographer!
That is so incredibly cute that Dez said that! Totally put a smile on my face!
Isn't it wonderful when you start to understand your dreams to be able to put them to action? Love that.
Your photos are great! I like the one with the holding hands behind their backs. Cute!
Thanks! It was one of those captured moments. I had to be sneaky.
Love the tutu pic!
Thanks! I'm nearly positive that the tutu is still at my parent's house! We used to put it on the dog.
The yoga picture in the with the red "frame" is fabulous. Actually, I really love all of the pictures. I think you write the way you photograph. Or maybe you photograph the way you write. I don't know, but I can hear your "voice" in both.
Thank you!! That's exactly what I love to imagine I do.
lots of talent! great pics – sure you can do anything you put your mind too 🙂
Thank you! I’m certainly going to try..
Beautiful, Tamara. Your words and your pictures. I love the idea of your dreams filling up the canvas. I kind of feel like I’m on the same path.
I can't wait to read more about it in the future. And I can't wait to write about mine!
It must feel nice to be closer geographically to your brother. I'm currently living in the same town as my only sibling and it's been wonderful. We haven't always lived so close, which makes me treasure this even more.
Beautiful writing & photos, Tamara.
Thank you so much. It does feel great – like if I wanted to see him, I could. It wouldn't be a mess of tracking him down and buying a plane ticket for Vegas!
Dream big, girl! You have so much talent and so much to offer the world ! So glad you are going after your dreams. Your photos are stunning – just as inspiring as your writing!
I love the way you dream big. That's the only way to go if you ever want to reach your goals, I think. And you most certainly have the talent to take you there.
I.CAN'T.BELIEVE. Des said a full sentence. He's only 15 months old, what the heck?! AND a boy…they take forever to talk usually. Pig is almost 3 and we're excited that he's recently started speaking in sentences, go Des!
Tamara, I just love everything you write. What a beautiful "voice" you have!
Such beautiful photos! I really needed to read your words about home and family today! Hubby lost his job and a new job might mean a move cross country. Although a move is an exciting adventure to me, I've never lived outside of MA and away from my family. It was a good reminder!
You make me wish I'd had a big family.
Thank you so much! And Happy Thanksgiving!
Des never stops talking, but he doesn't walk on his own yet!! So it's always one or the other, it seems.
Thank you so much!
Ohhh..good luck to you with everything! It may mean something new and great. I went from NJ to CA to MA. I don't know if I recommend the double cross country move twice in the same few years, but maybe it works better for others.
Aw, you seem to have a wonderful sister!
As usual, your words make me stop and evaluate my life (or, day). I love seeing you and your family as children. One of my sisters and I have bumps in the road right now and I hope we can work through them. I so want to be able to do that yoga move. lol
I know, right? She's an amazing yogi. I hope you two work through your bumps. It feels 100 pounds lighter to know things are ok with a loved one.
Beautiful pictures, you are great 🙂 Family is so important!
Yes, totally! And thank you.
Love. Love big. You are wonderful and amazing. I have all the faith in the world that your dreams will come true. Big bright beautiful colors on canvas. I will enjoy the chronicling of them here.
You in a green tutu = perfect 🙂
haha, thanks. My dog used to wear that tutu too and she may have been even more amazing in it.
Those are amazing photo Tamara.
Thanks so much, Heather!
I love the hear that people's dreams are coming true. Especially yours. The photos you shared are awesome. And green is totally your color. 😉
Right? Wish I still wore a green tutu!
Your commissioned photos are so natural looking. Some photographers seem to capture how many people are present, what the clothes look like, and the location. Your photos are capturing the emotion present in the event which is, of course, the most important and special part.
Thank you. That's what I focus most on, and sometimes I actually miss the other stuff. Sometimes it's important too! Like an unbuttoned shirt or something. Oops!
Absolutely beautiful pics.Such a good feeling when your dreams are clear and you can see so many spin off opportunities.Make sure one of your book tour stops in FL 🙂
Love the throw back pic. Home is definitely where you all meet
Oh you know it about FL!! And thank you so much.
Love the canvas analogy, Tamara. Excited about the big things coming your way. You truly deserve them!
Thank you!
What an adorable picture of you and your siblings! It really makes me wish I had some pictures from when I was a kid. Sounds like you’ve got a great plan in place. It’s definitely a lot of work, but I have faith in you!
Thank you! I'm trying to have it.
love this! you’re so talented, tamara, you truly deserve every bit of success that comes your way.
loved seeing you in the photo with your siblings as a little girl. how lovely!
love your photos…they are all gorgeous!!
xoxo
Thank you! I love sprinkling in photos of myself. I'm so glad my parents took so many. You can see where I got it!
You have such a great way with words my friend…I'm glad things are growing for you…and these photos are amazing!!!
Thank you so much! Trying to grow in the right direction. It's so hard for me.
great photos – you are so talented.
i'm happy your dreams have come true – and thanks for sharing all these little slices of your life with us. i love that your writing is both soulful and insightful AND uplifting (somewhat of a rare combo – most "deep" blogs tend to be a bit on the downer side).
I think sometimes I’m on the downer side. Two years ago or so I felt like I was always anxious or sad. It’s gotten better as I have.
So thank you for noticing!
seeing that picture of you and your siblings makes me want to have a big family! you're all so adorable!
Thanks! I loved growing up that way. I probably won't do the same… but I'm happy to have a medium sized family!
What a cute picture of your and your siblings! I always wanted 5 kids but reality set in…3 is good for me! Wish you lived close enough to take pictures of my crew.
I wish that too!!
I love the sense that you are right where you need to be right now and how you and your canvas are finding the right fit together. I adore the photos of your sister. Now I want you to take some for me!! 🙂