And I STILL Haven’t Met One of My Closest Friends

Let’s get personal again, shall we?

So.. I’m a weird friendship person. I’m a weird heart person! I sometimes feel so much that the emotions are unfathomable. You literally can’t move on, go on, live on like that. So I stifle them and shuffle them and push them deep inside, and then they leak out in the strangest ways. I’m a weird emotions person. I’ve been spending years cracking the code on getting closer to.. well.. ME. The thing is, once I did/do that, then I can get closer to others. Friendship is that weird bird for me. You don’t choose your family, although you choose your friends who become family. Romance is.. well.. romance. It’s bizarre and everlasting and unlasting and totally in a world all its own. Friendship, though. Well, that’s my great mystery.

Sometimes you’re friends with people for convenience or location, geography, timing. They go in and out of your life. Sometimes, they last forever. Sometimes you’re friends with someone but one of you has feelings for the other and whether that’s the basis or a symptom or a cause, those don’t last very long either. It’s so different now that I’m an adult and a parent. The friendships, man. They’ve been some of the best. I’m still awkward, though! I’m still scared to make those first or second moves. I can’t sustain friendship the way my heart wants to sustain friendships. I might feel left out, or leave someone out, but it’s not intentional or even logical. I think the problem is, if not often, sometimes mine to have.

Every now and then, though, I meet someone and there aren’t complexities. The underlying love is rather simple and that makes it easier to reach out and take hold. It happens enough to sustain my friendship heart. Sometimes, people get me. Sometimes, I get people. There comes that familiar ache – when you deeply care about someone and want them around. You hear that click and everything falls into place. Only, this one time it happened with someone online. And I STILL haven’t met her, but I feel the same – and stronger! We have about 3,000 things in common and that list grows every day, for years now.

The first time we ever talked on the phone, I was in a crisis and I thought of her, and two hours later, we got off the phone and I completely forgot why I had called her to begin with. The stress melted away easily. I can talk about her for 17 blog posts, but you can just read her blog and get to know her. Janine is my online soulmate and one day we’ll meet for real!


A few years ago, Janine and I interviewed each other for Ask Away Friday. It was special! I found the old transcript (it wasn’t hard) and decided to put it back here because it fascinates me. And this fits in with the Finish the Sentence Friday theme!

To see Janine’s answers to my ten questions, go HERE. And here are my answers to her lovely questions:

1. This week we both got the brand new iPhone 6. I know that we were both more then excited and would love to hear what your favorite new feature on this phone is?

With going from the 4S to the 6, with no dabbling at all with the 5 (other than using Cassidy’s once), the camera upgrade is awesome! The first photo I took with the new phone was at night in a dark room. My 4S would have taken a blob of nothing.

This was the first photo:

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Here’s the second from the next day in daylight:

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I LOVE the slow-motion video and the time-lapse video options: (Des whining “Mama” in slow motion)

This next video isn’t the best technically, but it might be the most joyous video I’ve ever seen. This is Des eagerly waiting a piece of chocolate birthday cake. Can you remember the last time you were SO excited, that you just couldn’t handle it?

2. An extension to question one, Apple touted this camera during the original press release feed (yes I was that crazy and watched the live feed while working the day it happened). As a professional photographer, have you used the new camera yet and what do you think of it compared to some of the heavy hitters out there, such as Canon/Nikon DLSRs (is there any comparison even)?

The Verizon sales guy said to me, “This is the only camera you will ever need. Except..you. Didn’t you say you’re a photographer?” I giggled. I half agree, though. If you don’t have a great camera or if you have an old point-and-shoot, this might be better! Even if you do have a great camera, there are just situations in life that call for the iPhone. When I go to fairs and I don’t want to carry the big one and I can easily upload and share the photos/videos? Awesome! It’s personally nice to have both. For clients, of course I use my Canon. Creamy, dreamy, bokeh, catchlights, and most of all – CONTROL.

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3. Since we both love summer and are not winter fans, but still seem to enjoy fall (yes it is definitely here), what is on your fall bucket list for this year?

I love fall! I only like spring better, because it means summer and then fall. Poor fall, leading to winter. Anyway, it’s glorious here. I definitely want to do the Frozen-themed corn maze, link HERE. I’d love to go on a foliage drive up to northern New England. October is the best month here, and that’s when my sister is getting married, so we might not do everything I want to do, but we’ll come close. I want to visit the Florence Griswold Museum to see the Wee Faerie Village Alice in Wonderland exhibit. I’d love to book fall foliage clients, although I already have quite a few set up, and weekends will run out fast.

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4. We both had a shared obsession for Robin Thicke’s song (Blurred Lines), but that was so last year. What would be your favorite song for 2014? I need a new song addiction and would love to share with you in new found music collaboration of sorts.

I was going to reply with… “Obviously, it’s Safe and Sound” but I just found out that song isn’t 2014! Like.. at all. So…I think it’s “Promise” by Tori Amos. It’s not at all pop.. as far as I know, though:

5. When I do finally someday in the future get to visit you, what would we do?

When is this happening??? I think if it’s fall, we’ll definitely do the Frozen corn maze in Vermont! And check out the beautiful New England fall foliage. Of course, I’ll bring you to my favorite cookie store, because it is just so talked about on my blog and on Facebook. If you bring the girls, I’ll have to do a photo shoot. And let them play with Scarlet’s princess stuff endlessly. I’ll have to show you this small and proud city’s wonderful downtown, and I’ll buy you a hot drink of your choice. And of course we’d talk for hours! Cassidy would make something great for dinner.

6. What do you think you would be thinking the first time we do actually meet for real?

At this point I’ve met a lot of blogging friends and with pretty much each one, it was like this: “Oh yeah. It’s you. I’ve.. known you for five years, it feels like!” There was.. no adjustment period. I showed up on Michelle’s doorstep and then met Ilene and Stephanie like it was nothing. I spotted Bev across a park and Jennifer across a parking lot while I was driving with my window open and we just instantly knew each other. I had a magical meeting with Tricia across a grassy hill and with Iva and Kristi in the dorm “lobby” of BlogU. Not to mention sitting next to Katie during a wonderful class. And Allie in a trampoline park! Sometimes I get really nervous, though! I’d either be really nervous or totally calm and I’d just.. know you.

That’s what I’d be thinking. That’s what I’ve been thinking all along.

Edited to add that I walked into Dana and Lisa’s dorm room like we were old college buddies!

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7. Ok, even though we haven’t met in person, I read your blog with ever new post, I talk to you sometimes through text multiple times a week (sometimes even daily) and yet there has to be something I don’t know about you. Can you share something about yourself that I don’t already know about you?

When I was a kid, I got something stuck up my nose and had to have it removed by a doctor.. after.. weeks.. or months. Of my three pets, I’m in love with Athena, I’m in love with Dinah, but I don’t care much for Bella. Like.. if she got a new loving home, I’d be ok. I keep her around for Scarlet’s sake but she has a terrible personality. Does that make me sound mean?

8. I know we both have had our recent moments with dealing with the mere thoughts of our kids no longer being babies anymore. In this vain, what are your hopes, fears and dreams as kids grow up.

I’m hope they’re always as happy as they are now. They are.. so happy. Right now, Des is dancing and singing and Scarlet is laughing, despite having a fever. She’s also eating raspberries and cookies, so I’m thinking the fever went down. I want them to not feel trapped in life. I want them to see the world, do what they love, and most of all – be kind and strong.

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9. How has Scarlet’s first month of Kindergarten been for her? For you?

It’s been wonderful for her. When you ask her how her day at school was, every day, she says “GREAT!” She loves music class best, and also Physical Education. She calls it “Physical Therapy” and I don’t correct her because it’s adorable as heck. She has a lovely class – of both boys and girls. I’ve gotten to know many of them. Her teacher told me she was delightful. We also stay after school a lot on the playground, while the weather still holds up, and it’s such a nice community of other school parents. As for me, I’m getting there. I still have traces of PTSD nearly every day before I pick her up. I just feel.. heart-poundy. Stomach-butterfly-like. It’s strange. I’m working through it. What else can I do? We learn. We learn together.

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10. I have one last year of pre-school with Lily and believe you have two with Des. I still am not sure how I will be with Lily starting compared to how I reacted with Emma starting Kindergarten this past fall. How do you think you will be with Des when he starts Kindergarten?

I remember a few years ago when my friends’ kids were starting kindergarten, that I felt a little smug. I felt like I still had so much time before I had to worry about it. And I did, to an extent. I guess I feel that way now. I still have three years with this wonderful boy, before worrying about full school days. I think Scarlet is hand-holding me along the way. Some people say it’s harder with the first. Others say it’s harder with the youngest. I can’t imagine it will be, to be honest. And if it is, can’t I just have another baby and prolong the inevitable? Yes. Yes, I can.

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This is me linking up, as one of my favorite things to do, with Finish The Sentence Friday. This week’s topic is “Online relationships remind people of their social experiences in high school…” Come link up with your spin on the matter: HERE.

What would you say?

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  1. Omg, Tamara I am so emotional today with heading off to Disney. While I am excited as we have never been there this time of the year (as you totally know). Still nervous as this is somehow all new to me, too. So I am really having one of those “all the feels” days here right now. I had to read your blog before my girls got up and all craziness broke out to get out the door on time for the airport and such. You just had me in tears (happy tears), but nonetheless tears. If I was asked if I could meet one person that I haven’t that I love and adore from blogging and online, the answer would be quite simple as it would be YOU!! So, honestly the feeling is seriously mutual. And we do need to make this happen like last year or even 5 years ago. And when I do finally meet you, I pretty much know the first thing I would do is hug you (because I am a hugger like Olaf from way back!). Still,I truly hope we can indeed finally make this happen. <3 <3 <3

  2. Isn’t it interesting that you can meet someone online and become friends? What a world we live in now…who would have thought 20 years ago that it would be like that?! Yet it is. I’m glad we got to actually meet!!

  3. Awwww. I loved the throwback interview. So sweet, and I can’t wait to see you two side by side in a picture. I can’t believe you haven’t met either. Loved the Des videos. I remember the cake one. All that excitement and he used a fork. LOL! You’d think he’d gobble it up like Cookie Monster.

  4. Ah… I just LOVE this beautiful friendship you have with Janine!! It’s incredible, the deep friendships that can be developed online, isn’t it? I’m weird too- awkward and sensitive and anxious… and yet, I think when we meet it will be easy, and wonderful, and warm, and our connection will be immediate. Yeah, I’m sure of that. <3

    I can't wait for you to finally meet Janine someday… And I can't wait for US to meet too.

  5. Isn’t it amazing what this online community can bring? I have met so many wonderful people from the blog world and each one is so special! I am looking forward to hearing all about your meet up with Janine! It is friendships like that which make me have a lot of hope for humanity, which is not always easy in the online world LOL!

  6. I love the blogging community and am so glad we got to meet in real life and I really look forward to reading about when you and Janine finally get to met in person, too! I got to meet her and she’s awesome. I got to meet you and you’re awesome. It’s really amazing how close people can become online. It’s the best part of blogging to me. And I adore the Des videos. That happy should be bottled! xo

  7. I will agree with the others, there is nothing like the online world, not better than the ‘real’ world, (necessarily) and totally not less than.
    I would venture that from a certain perspective the relationships that grow and develop online can be indistinguishable from those in the ‘touch and feel’ world.
    The coolest thing that occurred to me last year writing to someone in the circle of friends that put the longevity of online relationships in a different light… ‘I have more “Remember the time that …. to … in your family” memory moments relating to the people I know here than the old friends I have in real world. (For them, my collection of memories has almost filled the album. For the people online, the books have many pages left).

  8. Real friends are a wonderful thing to have regardless of dynamics. I know a man in San Diego who feels like a real friend. He has been there for me and I for him. When you two meet, it will feel like you’ve known each other for years!

  9. This <3

    I feel this was about so many friends in my life and lately I’ve just really been in the thick of the thinks about them. Friendships keep me grounded and happy and full of light. It’s incredible, the deep emotional connections that women can form, eh?

    I’d love to meet you too, one day. I feel like we’d have so much in common and that it would be a nonstop babble fest in the best way imaginable ever 🙂

    Also it was so nice to see these old home videos of Des (the slomo “momma” was the best! And cake!!! I love the pure joy on his face in that one!)…

    Much love to you momma. And thank you for always sharing your heart here. Your blog friend sounds like a wonderful person, and you know…. any friend of Tamara’s 🙂

    Also Tori!!!

  10. Little Des! <3
    I can only only imagine how epic it will be when you guys finally do meet. Every time I have met a friend in-person that I met through blogging it has been amazing and like we've been friends for years. Like with you!

  11. I wish for you and Janine to meet soon! It’s so nice to know that “online friendship” can be real friendship. I have a friend that I just met through Friendster, and though we aren’t that close now, we still communicate.

    You both are awesome people and even though I haven’t met both of you, I feel like I’ve known a part of you just by reading your blogs. Cheers to wonderful friendships! 🙂

  12. Not sure if this is going to work because my comments here have been looking weird lately, but OMG I need you two to meet somewhere in the middle (read: my house) so that we can make this happen!!

  13. Love that Janine! I haven’t met any of my blogging friends in real life either. It’s funny though, but somehow I wonder if we ever will. Not many live here, and there are no conferences in my future, so online might just have to do,

    1. I wondered it a bit, and then just met so many at once. I still haven’t met Janine and there are a handful of loyals, you included, that would be SO nice to meet. And share doughnuts with.

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