Seeds of love (When you’re sowing the seeds of love)”
Not everything has to be so complicated. Sometimes, I get that Christmas Eve feeling, or a slight version of it, when I can’t wait until breakfast the following morning. And it’s generally something small and simple, and nothing like the Pancake Charcuterie Board I asked Cassidy and the kids to make for Mother’s Day. Oh no, I’m talking about when I pick up a single serve packet of Cheerios at the town’s free school lunch program, and I’ll think about how the sun might come out, finally, and I’ll always put a little cream in my cereal bowl if it’s Cheerios or Rice Krispies. That to me, is divine. Maybe I’ll have some leftover hot coffee with my Cheerios, and a hard-boiled egg or scrambled eggs with cheese. This kind of breakfast perfection doesn’t always happen, but it does happen enough for me think I’m doing it right. Simple, small, and right.
Not everything has to be complicated, and that goes beyond Cheerios, and goes right into love. Sometimes I think it breaks some sort of society or culture law – the way I can sustain daily life without getting sick of my family. It hurts to even joke about it, so I often don’t. The pandemic was very hard for me in the beginning, because I didn’t get it yet. And I probably complicated it – with being pregnant and wounded, and around kids all of the time. It was hard for me to have Cassidy there at first; like a bull in a china shop, sharpening his horns around my work-at-home peace. He can be cranky, and I can too. And we can be stupid and also sometimes dangerous together. Like two raging bulls in the most delicate china shop. Crashing around each other’s corners, and into each other’s walls. Worse, stomping over the garden; the seeds we had sown.
Talk about it
If you’re a worried man, then shout about it
Open hearts, feel about it
Open minds, think about it
Everyone, read about it
Everyone, scream about it!”
Somewhere along the line, for me, that changed. And of course, so did/does the pandemic, with its rises and falls and utter confusion. For me the shift was something along the lines of getting excited for breakfast. These small seeds of hope and light and possibility, in the simplest and seemingly the smallest of terms. Not everything has to be complicated, including even the most complicated thing of all. Love. I can get close to a first date feeling, if I know I’m going to watch Ted Lasso with Cassidy, or sleep next to him that night. The world sort of melts away when you know you have that. My heart still catches in my throat when I first glimpse the kids coming towards me in the school parking lots; her so poised and confident, and him so excited and silly.
I don’t have a favorite kid, although I do have a favorite dog (ahem) but that love is particularly potent when they’re so young and dependent, and in dogs’ cases, snuggly. It’s nearly too much.
The baby is unreal. Lucy, so soft and wise. Scarlet is incredible to be around. Des is potentially the best person I’ve ever met. And Cassidy, of course, who can smile broadly and disarm me in a heartbeat. It’s indulgent, really. Like endless nights before my Cheerios breakfasts, and maybe Christmas Eves as well. Such delicious love. You scatter those seeds and watch what develops.
And shook up the views of the common man (Swallow your pride)
And the lovetrain rides from coast to coast (Open your eyes)
Every minute of every hour
“I love a sunflower ” (Open your eyes)
And I believe in love power (Open your eyes)
Love power (Open your eyes)”
So it doesn’t have to be complicated, to sow these seeds of love. Anything that comes from the heart doesn’t need the overthinking. Cassidy works in the garden, and while I’m certain he does online research, and talks to garden stores and fellow gardeners, he does so much by instinct.
He makes designs, prepares the land, and implements ideas and dreams. There’s no hesitation or overthinking it – if anything, the struggle is to have enough time to do what you love – when you’re up against other obligations, many of which you also love dearly. It’s raw soil and love.
When you sow your seeds of love, you may worry that you’re scattering them into the abyss, but in truth, you’re placing them with enough love and care. Just so. Not too close, and not too far apart either. Placed together, and meant to grow symbiotically. No one taking the other’s water, oxygen, or soil. No one stealing the other’s light. When you sow the seeds of love, you get results.
And things get pretty dicey, with the weather and the wind; the scavengers and deep-rooted decay. All you can do sometimes is just to love, without hesitation, without resistance. With your fullest dose of air and sun and soil. Making sure to regularly clean out your deep-rooted disease and decay. Making sure to regularly remove the underground obstacles. Let that raw love grow.
And above the earth, where you can see it grow and soar; sprout wings and colors. And then, like an under-the-mask grin in a crowded parking lot, or intertwined legs in a large, warm bed at night, it takes your breath away. It roots you to the ground, and then lifts your heart into the sky.
Swallow your pride
Open your eyes
Time to eat all your words
Swallow your pride
Open your eyes”