School Days.

I have to confess something. Even though we still have two years before it’s Scarlet, and at least five years before it’s Des, I’m almost already neurotic about sending them to kindergarten. Before you call the nuthouse authorities on me, please note that I said “almost.” I recognize that we have time, or so we think, but I still feel it creeping closer by the minute.

I think it’s big. It’s nowhere near as big as sending your kids off to college, or watching them move cross country or out of the country. That’s gigantic. I was actually thinking about that the other day in the shower, which is where I do some of my best thinking. And it’s no fun when I think of writing ideas when I’m in the shower because I will actually run dripping wet with shampoo still in half my hair, upstairs to my computer, where I will type these ideas down. I don’t even attempt to actually write these ideas down, with fingers to pen, because I always know where my computer is and I rarely know where fresh paper and a pen is. So anyway..as I was saying, I was thinking in the shower about how there’s a vast number of years and milestones in between newborn Des and the man he will one day be. The man who does not still live with his Mama.

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We hope, anyway.

And I just realized that the vast number of years and milestones must just change you a lot. I know I will get there one day and I know I will try to ready myself for it, but right now I won’t even leave him with his grandparents for an hour. I know we’ll both grow over the years. I think I’ve just realized that having kids is a series of letting them go, little by little, baby step by big kid step by young adult step, and so on. Before I had kids I thought there was just one grand and heartbreaking moment where you kick them out of the nest and hope they fly. But..no. They sort of circle the nest for many years, maybe even forever in some cases, but they always keep one foot in the nest. That was my deep shower thought of the other day.

Spoken as someone without any wisdom on the subject, as I have never had to let my kids go..for more than a day in daycare or a weekend with grandparents. There was the NICU incident, but I guess I’m not counting that.

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Speaking of which, Des is now napping fabulously in his swing, and Scarlet is walking fabulously next to me pushing her toy shopping cart. The cart is filled with the Rancor monster from Star Wars, a stuffed green frog, and a teddy polar bear wearing one of Desmond’s bibs. “This is my husband,” She informed me. “Which..one?” I had to know. “This one!” She replied, pointing to the teddy polar bear with the bib around his neck. She said it in a tone as if I should have known which one.

“Keep your bib on straight!” She yelled at him seconds later.

And that’s when I should have figured it out if she hadn’t told me. Not that I have ever yelled anything of the sort at Cassidy. I really haven’t. Not to mention he doesn’t wear a bib.

We’re not really off the hook, though. Scarlet is starting nursery school in less than two weeks. And we’re getting really involved and really excited and I know I’ll probably have a series of little moments and breakdowns and happy dances, all in the same hour probably. I can’t wait to have that time to bond with Des. And I can’t wait until she comes home and tells me all about it. Day after day.

They’re still so little for now, though. No one’s going anywhere too far. For now.

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