Sometimes people tell me I have a funny way of looking at the world, and while I often do seem to be the only person fixating on something oddly specific (like cocktail weiners at a fancy party!), I also often tell people what I’m thinking and they reply with, “Yes! I feel the same way.” So I’m not really an original at all. I do think I’m very observant and I do think about very specific things (ex: rainbow sprinkled cookies) on a consistent basis, so sometimes I feel like I have slight OCD. Actually, I know I do. I think we all look at the world in our own strange ways. Mine is largely based on where (or who) I come from because my mom, sister and me have a lot of “Ever notice?” moments that we all agree on. Some are hilarious, some require an extra strong sense of taste and smell (which my mom and I have) and some require abstract thinking. All I know is that we finish each other’s sentences and often don’t need to get too detailed to describe the way we both see something – because we see those things very similarly. With help from my mom, and I will credit her where needed, I have come up with a list of the odd ways I look at the world. These are my “Ever Notices”:
– This is my favorite one and it happened to me the other day. My mom also mentioned it. Ever notice that when you see someone in a public place who looks like someone you know, you ALWAYS see the person you know that the stranger looked like later that same day?
– Ever notice that people almost always look like their names? And it’s in ways that you can’t explain in words but you can see and feel it. My mom mentioned Judys and Pauls and I think of Emilys, Sarahs and Simons. Think of the people you know and how they look like their names. How does that come to be? Are their parents psychic or do people grow into the names they’re given? Or is there nothing to this and most people can look like a variety of names? I personally think there’s something eerie to it. And it’s also strange when there’s a real disconnect and someone looks nothing like their name! What were their parents thinking?
– This one is mostly supplied from my mom: Ever notice that when they show people with grocery bags on TV or in the movies, there is always a celery with leaves and a French bread sticking out? And gifts that are wrapped are really in boxes that open up and the top and bottom are wrapped separately? (Yes, Mom – I have never opened up a gift like that in real life) And ever notice that actors hold coffee cups really flimsily and you know there is nothing in there? I mean, how hard is it for a props director to put real liquid in their cups so it seems authentic?
– Ever notice that through all of the bad and fluorescent lighting in this world, the worst you will ever look is in a car rearview mirror? I was so happy when my friend Sue talked about that once. I don’t think it’s talked about enough. When I have a small pimple, it’s huge in a car mirror. When I’m feeling sort of pretty, I shouldn’t look in the car mirror because I will instantly feel acne-scarred, pale, sickly and 87-years-old!! Not to mention, with a double chin. I hate those mirrors so damn much.
– Ever notice that numbers have genders and months have colors? For me, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 7 are boys. 6, 8 and 9 are totally girls. January is white, February is red, March is green, April is pale blue, May is lilac purple, June is pink, July is yellow, August is orange, September is crisp bright blue, October is beige and brown, November is gray and December is also green.
– Ever notice that mostly everyone thinks that everyone else is having more sex than they are? I think there are definite exceptions of people really having more or less sex than the rest of the coupled (or single) world, but for the most part, the people you think are having more sex than you think that others are having more than them and so on. And so on. Strange topic, but true.
– Ever notice that a plane sounds different flying through the sky above you on a sunny day? When I was little, I could predict the weather in the morning with my eyes closed by how the planes sounded overhead.
– Ever notice you only get motion sick when you don’t like where you’re going, or are nervous or unsure about where you’re headed?
– Ever notice that 2 am is the witching hour of illness? Whenever I’ve ever had a fever spike, it’s always at 2 am. Whenever I’ve been sick to my stomach, it’s always woken me up at 2 am on the dot.
– Ever notice that 4 am is the witching hour of emotional illness? Whenever I’ve ever had nightmares or been going through a hard time in life, 4 am is my hardest and darkest hour of it. Then in the morning, things seem more manageable again, no matter what.
– I hope I don’t offend anyone with this since I know plenty of exceptions to the rule, but ever notice that farm girls who work with large animals like horses or cows always have stick straight hair down their back all the same length and in a ponytail? They also don’t wear make-up, wear t-shirts and higher-waisted jeans and love to read. I’m sure there’s a practical reason for this fashion but I pretty much grew up on a farm and have never felt the need for it.
– Ever notice that dark gray and dark silver cars are always tail-gaters? I hate when those idiots are behind me!
– Ever notice you still look both ways on a one way street? One can never be too careful…I have totally driven the wrong way down a one way street in Chinatown, San Francisco with my mom in the car. I remained calm and fixed it instantly but hey, it can happen.
– Ever notice that popcorn and ice cream are very forgiving foods? I can eat both until I feel sick each time I eat them…and yet, I am totally over it and hungry for them an hour later.
– Ever notice you always have the most fun at the places or events you didn’t want to go to in the first place?
– Ever notice that cops are your heroes when you are a child, your enemies when you are a teenager, and objects of lust when you are in your 20s and 30s? (and probably older)
– Ever notice that people drive how they walk? It’s like when you’re behind a bumbling fool in the supermarket and you keep meeting up in every aisle and they’re blocking your way and scrutinizing every cereal box and can of soup. Then you’re behind them on line and they take eight years. Then, luck has it, you’re behind them on the road and they’re still a slow idiot!!
– Ever notice that people nicknamed “Barb” have smoker’s voices? And I don’t mean Barbaras, Bobbis, Barbies, etc. I mean – “Barb” – plain and simple.
– Did you ever notice that female flight attendants look like…flight attendants? They have this certain look. It’s hard to explain. They’re sort of hot but sort of hard and matronly at the same time. It’s the same with newscasters but at least with them, you can tell it’s planned with helmet hair and heavy makeup. Flight attendants do their own hair and makeup and still manage to look the same…
– Ever notice that when you’re in the car following someone you don’t know that well or they’re following you, it’s cool to wave and acknowledge each other exactly once at the first intersection? Then when you next meet up, you tend to look out your window or distract yourself with the radio dial – anything to have to say hi more than once.
– Ever notice that there’s a certain bakery taste to bakery cookies and you can’t ever find it in store-bought or homemade cookies? My mom notices this as well and asked a baker friend who said it’s a certain chemical. I had heard that it’s Crisco that makes the difference but as good as Crisco might make your cookies taste, only a bakery cookie has that specific bakery taste. My mom also pointed out that bakery cookies flavored with cherry or almond taste exactly the same, and in real life, cherries and almonds taste quite different.
– Ever notice that if you go to rural places in the south, the people are ten years behind us? We went to North Carolina in 2003 and all of the people had 1993 curled bangs and they were listening to 1993 grunge rock. It takes a long time for modern culture to reach the country sometimes.
– Ever notice that the older you get, the younger people look? When I was a kid, high school kids looked so old and mature! Then when I got to high school, they looked like kids. Now 30-year-olds look like kids to me, 40-year-olds look like young adults and 60-year-olds look middle-aged.
Here are some more from my mom:
– Ever notice that dollar stores smell like moth balls….that when it rains, it smells like fish…and that diner waitresses are usually hard-looking and spent?
– Ever notice that hiccups usually come in threes…?
– Ever notice that the youngest sibling of the same sex is usually taller than the older sibling…more “room in the womb to stretch”?
– Ever notice that people who adopt two babies find that the wife becomes pregnant for baby #3?
We have tons more, but I’ll probably post them another time.
I hope you enjoyed them and that you have your own!