When Scarlet was about four-months-old my nursing style wasn’t working well anymore, despite having worked well for three and a half months before then. We didn’t figure this out at first until we brought her to the Pediatrician for her routine check-up and learned that her weight gain had fallen off its steady track. She wasn’t eating enough because I was a one-sided nurser and she was hungry enough for two sides. Once adjusted, her weight gain was back on track. We didn’t know she wasn’t quite eating enough because she never “told” us she wasn’t. At least not in any complaining ways. Just the way she never told us if she was cold or wet, in any complaining ways. The doctor even suggested, “It’s not that your daughter isn’t a little hungry. It’s that she’s super amazingly mellow and just…doesn’t necessarily care much about being a little hungry.”
That is Scarlet to a T.
Since we have moved, she has never once asked to go “home” or cried or missed anything about our old life. She only asked me once or twice if I missed the old house. Some of this is being two and some of this is being Scarlet.
I got the idea for writing this post on our first full weekday morning at our new house. We had all three woken up early. Or I should say, Scarlet had woken up early and that meant that we all three had woken up early. Cassidy had his first day of going to work from the new house. Even though we now have two cars and it was a beautiful, sunny, mild morning, I couldn’t yet convince myself to operate fully. Scarlet was bathed, watered and fed. I was still in varying degrees of hunger, thirst and half-dressed. It was really not a great first full day, unless laziness is your objective. I kept thinking of libraries, bookstores and museums we weren’t going to. Pictures I wasn’t taking, despite the morning light in a new place. Laundry I wasn’t retrieving from the dryer and then putting away. My stomach was growling and I was thirsty and doing nothing about it.
I thought about the way photography and writing have flown at a consistent pace for several months now and how I haven’t even had time to question if I’d reach a dry or dryish spell again, because I was way too inspired to even think about that.
I sat down at my computer to start a new blog post or finish a draft blog post or upload photos.
I was completely uninspired.
And then I found inspiration in a sudden way. My office is in a loft which overlooks the living/dining room. Scarlet was quietly playing there and I could see/hear her the whole time. Until I couldn’t anymore. I called out for her and asked her what she was doing. She said, “Putting on my gloves!” And then she appeared, wearing a hat and mismatched, too big shoes.
Then she put on other hats and other shoes and other clothes. It was a bit of a fashion show.
Which led to making fun shadows on the kitchen wall.
And stepping in and out of sunbeams.
I loved that she could entertain herself like this. I know she has and will have plenty of adjusting to do during this process, but she does it so well. While the long list of things to do, buy, decorate and fix leaves me fatigued and immobile, Scarlet adjusts in her special Scarlet way. She talks to her “Big Bad Wolf” puppet and tells him that Mama is sad but will feel better soon. And I’m astounded by her perception. I’m astounded that she is noticing not only my sadness, but noticing (or hoping) for its temporariness. She creates a nest on the couch of crayons, paper, a He-Man figure and random hand-me-down boys’ summer sandals. She creates comfort and imagination out of very little. And me, with my multitude of emotions to write about and multitude of new photo opportunities could not seem to lift a finger to do anything at all that day.
Until I saw her, quirky in her winter hat, striped pants and shoes on the wrong feet. Her crayon drawings and puppet stories and songs she makes up. Her sunbeams and shadows. And it all clicked into place for me right then and there. Inspiration.
And I thank her profusely for it.
Good to be back to blogging regularly. Next up: Halloween pictures!