Totally posting on a Thursday, and totally posting four times this week. Why? It’s for an opportunity I could not resist!
I was asked to guest post for the wonderful series: True Tales From The Pink and Blue Trenches.
Each week, they’ll pick a topic about trying to figure out just what is the difference in raising boys (Jodi) and raising girls (Melissa) and share their thoughts with you. Today they have invited me to chime in as I’m on Team Purple, which is what happens when you mix blue and pink. Kinda? It’s because I have one boy and one girl – the best (and the worst) of both worlds.
I even got my own adorable button, made by Jodi.
To read more from The True Tales From the Pink and Blue Trenches, check out Melissa’s take on toddler speech from last week.
This week, I’ll be talking about the hilarious words and phrases that have come out of the mouths of babes in my house.
For a long time last year, I was waiting for a call from the preschool. I was waiting for them to tell me that Scarlet said something hideously vulgar at school. I waited one month, then two. After three months, I lost count and tentatively hoped for the best. And the call never came. Apparently when Scarlet speaks at school, only sunshine, rainbows and unicorns come out!
Yet, I can’t help wondering, and even hoping, that her teachers might hear some of the gems that fly out of her pretty mouth.
Her mouth may be pretty, but some of the things that fly out of it might offend. Consider this your warning.
Just the other day, Scarlet said the word “stupid” in front of her grandmother. As we tell her often, her grandmother told her that “stupid” is a bad, bad word. And Scarlet said, “Oh yeah? Well once we were driving and Mama whispered, ‘You stupid **** at another car!”
Oops. I guess that was my bad.
Then there was the time she suggested a fun fall activity for the family! “Can we go apple picking? Can we go tiara picking? Can we go dingleberry picking?” I FULLY blame my sister for the introduction of that word.
Sometimes the influence comes from older kids – cousins, friends and neighbors. One day, when she was about two-years-old, I was reading her from Dr. Seuss: “Big A, little a, what beings with A?” Scarlet was very quiet for a second and then said, “ANUS!!” Cue stifled hysterical laughter and stunned disbelief. I mean..she was…correct, wasn’t she?
Now time for the clean(er) funny stuff that Scarlet and Des have in common.
Both Scarlet and Des called their deepest objects of affection by the name of “Baba.” Quite randomly. That’s what Scarlet called her rubber ducky collection. That’s what Des now calls his prized Lambie.
Both kids were trained with the very mature reply to the question of, “Who farted?” Both instantly said/say, “Me!” It’s been a good way to find them if they’re ever in another room, like a game of Marco Polo. “Who farted??” I call out. “Me!” They can’t resist replying.
Des is 20-months-old and very well spoken, but is still so young that his language is just emerging.
– I love that he calls himself “Deezy Doh!” Which is a play on many nicknames we call him, but it has his own twist.
– We call him Captain EO because instead of “Here you go,” he says, “Eo!”
– Macaroni and cheese is “Macmee!”
– Pirate’s Booty cheese puffs are “Boota!”
And my very favorite is that sometimes he’ll cry and say “I want Mama!”
Scarlet had many gems when she was around his age and a bit older.
– She called cheese “cheesus.”
– Cookie was ALWAYS “gaku.” I miss those Gaku Days!
– She used to fixate on happiness. She’d ask me, everyone else, and even baseball players on TV – “Are you happy?”
– If you asked her about her dreams, she had a fixed answer: “I dream of dinosaurs, monkeys and Pete Townshend.”
– Once I went to change her diaper and she said, “Oh God! WOW.” I guess I must have said that once or twice during a terrible diaper explosion!
As she got older, some of her best words and phrases started to come out. A lot of it developed around her toilet training.
– She started to describe certain cheeses as “a nice cheddar” or “a beautiful cheddar.” And would you know that there were differences between the two? I think a nice cheddar meant it was grated into a bowl. A beautiful cheddar may have been cut into pieces.
– One of her most long-lasted and popular phrases to date is “more much fun.” She even made up a song that goes, “Now I’m here..having the more much fun.” And Des can (sort of) sing it too!
– One night we were driving home pretty late and we thought she’d be asleep, but she piped up with, “Can you change this song? I want something more..trippy!” So, Pink Floyd it was.
– Cassidy once asked Scarlet if she had to go to the bathroom, and she shouted out, “No! I have to fart!” In a quiet art gallery.
– A tall handsome man walked by us at Starbucks. Scarlet turned on the charm and gave him a killer smile and wave. He went into the bathroom. She yelled loudly to all of the store, “That man is pooping in the potty!”
– One day her friend came over and asked her why she was only wearing a towel in the living room. She smiled sadly and said, “I just peed myself, Rhys.”
However, a lot of her gems were from Demond’s first few months with our family.
– During his first week, she did a weird dance in front of his carseat and then said, “I’m Scarlet Bella Bowman. I’m your weird sister!”
– “Des is trying to nurse on me and my nipples don’t work for him.”
– “Mama, remember when Desmond’s umbilical cord fell off and you were so happy? I think his penis fell off too.”
– “Did his “pagina” fall off? He has squishy balls!”
– “Mama, you have a beautiful smile. Dada, can you buy milk to put into your nipples to feed Baby Desmond?”
These days, the hilarity and sweet wisdom grows stronger.
– Ankles are called “foot wrists.” I don’t have the heart to tell her.
– One day she started talking about “booty dots.” We asked her what that meant and she looked at us like we were slow and said, “Booty dot! It’s the hole in your butt!”
(makes perfect sense to me)
– She calls rice krispies “chickpeas.” I haven’t had the heart to correct her there either.
– She calls the crusts of a sandwich “crotch.” I thought it was so funny not to tell her the truth, until she was at a friend’s house getting a sandwich and she said to her friend’s mom, “Can you cut my crotch off?” (still haven’t lived that one down)
– One day her teacher told us that Scarlet hadn’t peed in school all day. She kept saying, “There’s no pee in my butt today!”
– The woods behind our house? They’re called the “trappy woods.”
– Going to Starbucks is called “Starbucking” and it involves me getting a “decaf crackaccino.”
– She sings Adele’s “Rumor Has It” but she sings it with, “Boober Has It!”
And lately, it’s just really, really sweet.
– Des can say “I love you.”
– Scarlet can look into my eyes and without me saying a word, she’ll say, “I love you too.”
I could go on forever, but I think I’ve given you many of the best. Don’t forget to tune in with these two awesome bloggers to check out more True Tales From The Pink and Blue Trenches. What are some funny words and phrases that your kids have said?