I wrote a first line for this post seven times, and deleted each one. So here is my first line – a first line about a first line.
That never happens. I usually have first lines written way before I sit down at my computer. There are a lot of things I want to say here, each one fighting to be the first thing I say. In truth, I plan to say them all at some point and I suppose it doesn’t matter what I say first. I was not being secretive at the end of my last post about embarking on something new.
New and scary.
Everyone who asked me point-blank what the heck I was talking about received a clear answer. I just wasn’t ready to say it yet. I didn’t want to be the boy (girl) who cried wolf. Eight years ago, something pretty spectacular happened to me. I found it to be magical, once-in-a-lifetime, real, sucking the marrow out of life living. And then it fell into a deep, black hole.
Six years ago, it happened again. Only it was better. And more meant to stick around. I couldn’t believe I was only 26 and I had experienced two miracles. I couldn’t wait to find out what kind of magic could be created from these miracles. Miracles birthing other miracles, if you will. Their names are Scarlet and Desmond. They are everything and more than enough of anything I could ever want. However, the magic does not stop there. The magic cannot stop there. I’ve been floundering as much as, if not more than, the next schmuck. I just have a nice husband and two gorgeous children I can hide behind.
I wanted to tell the story of how my family came to be, but it took me years too long to finally do it. One day like lightning it struck me. I was going to do it. So I posted here that I was going to do it. I had not a clue how to tackle the enormous task I thought it was. And actually, not just thought. It WAS very difficult. However with an iron will and doing it in slow, digestible pieces was the key. And also, posting here that I was going to do it. I was ready to admit it. Then I did it.
And so now, I use that logic again:
Did you catch that? That’s how it sounded in my head. A rushed admission. Maybe I need to yell it.
I’M GOING TO START A PHOTOGRAPHY BUSINESS. FOR REAL THIS TIME.
You heard it here first. I cannot go back on my word now. This time, it’s going to happen. No matter what. I am so, so scared. And I’m exploring that deeply. However, I’m so, so ready. I’m so sick of not doing what I love. I mean, really. I should be ashamed. No more. No more looking back. It’s time. For real.
There are so many quotes and platitudes I can reference and they’re all valid:
Seize the day.
Just do it. (Nike)
Put your money where your mouth is
Do what you love and you never have to work a day in your life
Life is too short to not do what you love
Walk out of your own footsteps; out of your comfort zone
The sky’s the limit
Believe in yourself
Don’t dream it. Be it (Rocky Horror shout-out)
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
It’s all true and yet all I hear in my head is a quote from Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire. (said about a girl, not a business):
“Alright. If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen.”
…is what I want to do.