I’ve been dreaming of the past lately.
I know – really it would be more poignant if I were to say I was NOT dreaming of the past lately. However, I don’t always do it. I don’t always look back these days. With the kids, I look right at them. I also look ahead.
It’s all been such a dream. A strange dream. Specifically I was dreaming about where we were six years ago this weekend. It was Yosemite. And it’s a bit painful to look at the photos and just think how young I looked. So full of dreams. We wanted so much for ourselves by this point in life and some of it, well, we got more than we bargained for. Most of it. And some of it is a bit of a rut and that, we never bargained for. I guess you never really do that. Bargain for the ruts and the hard times.
I mean, who would?
It’s just that when you just got back together with your old boyfriend, literally only a week earlier, and then you find yourself on a plane from a software reseller in Jersey to a national park in California, and you’re in your mid 20’s, I dare you not to imagine that you will tackle the freakin’ world. I just came here to say that I haven’t stopped believing in magic of us.
There are so many things we still are. I thought that last night. Six years seems so long, but it’s not.
Sometimes you wake up and your life has passed you by and your hair is gray and so much time is gone. And sometimes you wake up and a small chunk of life has passed you by but your hair is black and your body is strong and your kids are painfully young, and so much time is still there. To make new dreams.
We have what it takes for magic and dreams we have always had for ourselves, and what we can give to them.
Back in the days when we imagined them as still-faceless, sun-bleached visions named Leia and..Luke? Something like that.
And now, nothing like that.