Last week was a very strange week indeed. Outside of the normal hustle and bustle of Toddler Mamahood, meetings and who-has-the-car-today arrangements, the possibility of being published elsewhere for the first time, the lost wedding ring, family drama, worries about money and career, outside of all of THAT, it was a strange week. I suppose what I’m saying is that all of that is the norm!
Last week was even stranger than the norm.
Last week I found myself tearing up in the car when listening to Bruce Springsteen’s “One Step Up.” I could relate wholeheartedly to that lonely feeling of being heartbroken in the dead of winter. Except that it was a sparkling May evening and I have Cassidy. There was a part of me that remembered that chilly, hollowed out feeling so well. A little too well.
Last week I had tears fall when watching a Google Chrome commercial. It’s sort of hard to explain the commercial so I’ll just post it here and you can see for yourself how badly, or not at all, it hits your heart:
Last week a friend from my beyond birth hospital group had her second baby. Her first baby is just a few weeks older than Scarlet. I had a minor anxiety attack. It was very minor but my pulse sure sped up when I heard the news. It still does to think about. That could be me!
And I remember. I went through something similar a year ago at this time, two months before Scarlet turned one. It’s my annual “My Baby is Growing Up” freak-out!!
Last year around this same time I had two baby mama friends over and we talked about our babies’ impending first birthdays. Cassidy made a delicious dinner for the four of us of a spiced ocean scallop appetizer and then a garlic chicken and pasta entree. Later that night, I got significantly sick. Of course for me and my strange body, significantly sick only means about 1-2 hours of anxious nausea or indigestion. I will write a book on that one day. Anyway, I recovered fast but I never forgot that. I hadn’t had an anxiety attack in well over a year before that night, so I figured the food was potentially involved.
Last week, I had ocean scallops and garlic and pasta for dinner again, for the first time since that incident. The same thing happened. Coincidence? I think probably not. Just remind me not to have ocean scallops and anything garlic two months before Scarlet’s third birthday next year. I apparently had another case of anxiety mixed with a slight food allergy.
When Scarlet and her friends were turning one, I definitely could see why a lot of parents have their children two years apart. I understand it can be done purposefully but I can also see how it just sort of falls into place around that time. Your “baby” is now one-years-old and you might be breathless at how fast a year can go by. Add in the fact that even if you didn’t originally want more than one child, your lovely child has charmed you into wanting more, sprinkle in 1-3 months of “not actively trying but not NOT trying” and there you go – two kids, two years apart. I totally get all that but I avoided it happening to me.
This time around, I’m not as sure. If I get why parents have children two years apart, I really, really, really get why parents have children three years apart. A one-year-old is still a baby. A two-year-old is not. Scarlet walks, talks, reasons, whines, voices (loud) opinions, no longer eats purees, no more breastfeeding, diapers are even winding down…there goes my baby. She’s even trying to drive these days:
And she has strong opinions about what music we should listen to in the car:
My sister, shown below with Scarlet, was only 22 months when I was BORN. Scarlet was 22-months-old yesterday and I am glad she’s my only child right now..
I swear I’m still holding strong…well, barely…but I’m still holding on. I’ve been around two newborns in the past two weeks and a third is about to be in my presence. This is just my Annual Anxiety Event. Will I be strong enough to make it to the “Treacherous Threes”?? Scarlet doesn’t even have the “Terrible Twos” yet and I do. How cruel.
I have my doubts, but only time (and this blog) will tell. I think I’ll go nurse my “Terrible Twos” with some roasted red pepper hummus and a chocolate bar. Consider this conversation on hold.