It’s probably no secret that I’ve been out of sorts lately. I can’t put my finger on when I transitioned from stable to unstable, but I never quite recovered from the excitement of June’s birthdays and graduations. And from BlogU and my grandmother passing away. It seemed like everything happened all at once and I was so strong for so long, and lately, I have been giving in a little. Sometimes I just wake up and think of “Another Tricky Day” by The Who. “Another tricky day, Another gently nagging pain.”
It’s another day of being up too early, and of still not being sure of the kittens. They’re adorable and cuddly and sweet, but everything else about them is not for me. I don’t know if anything that uses a litterbox, has claws, and wakes up too early could ever really be for me. They are cute, though. And Des is very cute, but he spends a lot of time whining. Having five dependents needing something from me about two to three hours earlier than I’m honestly comfortable being awake, is.. well, it’s trying.
And it’s so hard to plan ahead feeling the way I feel but I try because it’s summer and usually in the summer I’m unstoppable. This year, I just feel stoppable. Too stoppable. I even made a fantastic meme to describe how I feel lately. That was fun.
However. We threw Scarlet a wonderful birthday party and I was fine and it was fun and her birthday itself, today, will be fun too. And at 4:55pm on the dot, I will remember every detail about her birth and I will potentially break into sobs at the fragility, not necessarily of life, but of time. I remember it all so clearly, and I remember the fill-ins from the past five years.
The party prep started early, but maybe not early enough as there was a lot of last minute scrambling. The essentials, however, were secured. A bubble machine, a cotton candy machine, and of course – a gigantic, ridiculously large bounce house.