My Life As a Hack.

Last night, I felt like such a parent.

I was sitting in a classroom setting for the first time in a long time. 20 or so of us, the active, listening “students.” Four or five of them, the active, talking “teachers.” In reality, we were at a parent meeting for Scarlet’s nursery school, which begins on Monday (yikes!), and the students are our children. However, they’re three and four years old. They will do as three and four-year-olds do. We were the ones who needed to know a lot of things about a lot of things. School things and more.

Learning to let go.

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

And true, I felt like such a parent when Des was born. When I had one kid attached to monitors at a hospital and one kid very aware and very anxious at home, waiting for her baby brother. When I was jetting back and forth between the hospital over a half hour away and home. When I nursed Des to sleep surrounded by lights and beeps, monitors and alarms, patients and nurses, feeling very much like he was still not mine. Then I’d leave the hospital before dark to talk my daughter to sleep.

Giving breastmilk to my husband to take to the hospital before work, just so I could grab an extra hour or two with my daughter. Gently arguing with doctors about the state of my son’s health, knowing full in my deepest of hearts (hearts? Am I Doctor Who?) that he was fine, but having to convince them of the same. Then I felt like such a parent. I guess it didn’t stick around for under a week shy of three months. Confidence comes and goes. We all need refreshers sometimes. Often.

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

Yesterday was a refresher day. It started with me wanting to go to the Beyond Birth group at the hospital and needing care for Scarlet to do that. Well, what luck! My mom arrived for a short visit right before I had to leave. Then there was sitting in the group, with my dear son on my lap and hearing the unmistakable sound of him crapping his diaper. Only, he just goes every other day or so and it’s usually not a good scene. So it’s my turn to introduce myself and I do so, ending with, “Umm..I need to go to the restroom to change him. I can tell this isn’t a good scene.” Which they all already know as I lift him to go because, yup, you can already see it visible on his back since I had the foresight to dress him in a thin, white onesie. So then we go to the restroom to assess the damage and, yup, it’s all up his back and arms and on my dress. And meanwhile he’s screaming so loudly that the lactation office next door has to close their door. And down the hall, the baby group can hear him. And I’m fumbling around, trying to soap my dress and dry it under the hand dryer, and get him in clean clothes, even though he needs about 17 baths at that point..somehow we walked back – clean and unembarrassed.

‘Cause if it hasn’t already, this will happen to every single mother in that room.

Then after a lovely discussion, we run to Starbucks to use my LivingSocial voucher and bring back a Salted Caramel Mocha for my mom as way of thank you. And he’s overtired and screaming loudly (but muffled) in his stroller in line. And then I put him back in the hot car and he’s yelling and I can’t seem to fold the stroller and the car next to me is parked so closely that I have to load the infant carseat, not comfortably through the door, but through the minivan trunk just to lock it in the base..

Then we get home and have about an hour until the parent meeting at Scarlet’s nursery school. And I’m ready for bed, only, Scarlet has a friend coming over and somehow my mom was happy to be watching two preschoolers and a newborn. So I have to let him go and make sure he has enough pumped milk and then stay awake through the meeting and the food shopping that follows, only calling my mom once to check in on Des, and then we get home to three loud kids. And we have to make dinner and then clean up and then put our two kids to bed and then clean up every demolished room in the house and then watch the DNC and then go to bed, only to do it all again today. And I loved every second of it. I felt powerful.

Sometimes I feel like a hack at this parent thing. I think nearly all parents feel that way. I didn’t feel that way yesterday.

I felt like we were doing an ok job. And that you could see it in their faces:

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

On a sidenote, this is Scarlet’s reaction to Tanglewood:

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

And this is Desmond’s reaction:

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug

I suppose it will grow on him. The best things take time to grow.

Similar Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.