Right before I set out to write this post, Des knocked a ($1.00 bin at Target) pink crown off of Scarlet’s head.
She squealed, “Hey!” And quickly righted it on her head. However, not before I saw it tangled in her hair and I felt..weepy. That’s right. That $1.00 crown falling off her head made my eyes well up. I’m not pregnant. It’s not hormones. This is. My life. If you want a more in-depth description of the “mushy, squishy feeling,” I wrote about it long before anyone (but my mom) even knew I was a blogger. It’s HERE. It’s a feeling of indescribable mourning and sadness, triggered by seemingly small things:
– Eyeglasses folded neatly on a book on a nightstand.
– Crowns getting knocked off of heads, after being placed there so importantly.
– Elderly people fumbling for their wallets (this one was sent in by my mom)
– Women staring vacantly at the vast yogurt selections of a grocery store, late at night. (oddly specific, no?)
– Your kids. Your husband. Your parents. Your siblings. The people you love the most? Their pain will break your heart. Shattered.
– Animals in the winter. Do they have enough food and fur? Are they warm enough??
This had been on my mind before “The Great Crown Incident of 2014” because I received an email from a friend/fellow preschool parent saying that her little girl hadn’t been nice to Scarlet at school last week. I did ask Scarlet about it and she honestly had no ill feelings or lingering foul impressions of whatever had happened. This little girl is considerably younger than Scarlet and is awfully adorable and will definitely grow up to be an upstanding citizen. It’s just that…kids. Well, they’re kids.
Scarlet – made of tougher stuff than I am. Probably more than I’ve ever been and more than I’ll be. She’s rarely ever sick or sad, but she will struggle and doubt and fear and she will meet opposition and bullying and teasing. And heartbreak. That’s life. Let’s hope she’s not like me because I was fierce in my school days. And eventually no one would have ever had the guts to mess with me between that, my public ridicule of someone I didn’t like once (I regret), and having four tougher-than-me siblings.
Scarlet is the honey badger. “Honey badger don’t give a you-know-what.” I have seen her watch other kids squabble or tease or throw gravel, or just be kids, and she’ll shrug and walk away. She’ll immerse herself in a story or a puzzle, or with a friend.
I hope I say this enough, but I admire her. She drives me bat-you-know-what crazy, but I admire her a lot.
I’m sick right now, only I’ll never outright admit it. I’m a touch sick. It’s my first cold in nearly two years, and that’s only if I’m admitting that it’s a cold, and not allergies or having something in my eye for…three days. Speaking of pretending there’s something in my eye, I finished reading “Me Before You” and I’m glad I did it with a cold, because it really cleared my sinuses. Either that or I was happy that I did have a cold, because my nose-blowing didn’t seem unusual to my family. I felt destroyed.
Between that, and then my parents leaving – but only after my mom took my sick and sorry self out to shop, have some cookies and get pampered..between all of that, and winter’s cold and early darkness, and intense work stress and fear, the squishy, mushy, all-around missing feelings are particularly hard. I had trouble listening to “Every Little Kiss” by Bruce Hornsby because it reminded me of warm sun. And of missing people. And of heartbreak. And I don’t even have a broken heart. Not a fresh one. Just remnants of a million broken hearts. And maybe a million new ones a day. Bear with me and my sick and sorry self, friends.
Disney World, warmth and fear-conquering. They’re coming. And more on moments like this:
Do you understand the “squishy” feeling? What gives you it? Have you ever been destroyed by a wonderful book? How do you cope with your pure sadness? I call it that because it’s not depression, and it’s almost healthy-feeling. Or right-feeling. It’s temporary-feeling. I can still feel the joy, laughter and excitement..of everything when I’m purely sad. Sad is normal. Sad is ok sometimes.
Oh my gosh, that last photo, WOW! I want to be there…
I just finished reading The Light Between Oceans and I cried so crazy hard at the end.
Scarlet is awesome. And cute. 🙂 Hope you feel better!!
Thanks! I want to be there too..and either three months into the past or future because I am SO over winter.
I can’t wait to start that book! I’ve been saving it for my plane ride next week. (think I’ll read on a night flight with two kids? No.) A friend gave it to me for Christmas.
I definitely know what you are saying and I honestly thought I was the only one that cried or thought to well up at particular things like this. I’m actually tearing up as I’m sharing this comment because it’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there who thinks like this. I can remember listening to songs and just starting to cry because of thinking of “random” things like this that just seemed sad. Or sometimes when I would be in my room and I would think about the way things were in the house, quiet and still, sometimes that would make me sad, but only for a moment. Maybe it reminded me of being alone…I’m not really sure. I definitely used to cry when I would see certain people. Everyone said I was terribly shy, but I think it had something to do with me feeling like things were changing. Like the more people I would meet, the more I wouldn’t be as close to the people in my family and our friends that I was so used to. Thanks for sharing this post, Tamara. As you tell us about Scarlet, I definitely admire her too!
Thanks so much for these beautiful words, and your share on twitter. I’ve always been a super sensitive kid/adult. It can be a huge burden, and it’s also what propels me as a writer/photographer. So would I want to give it up? Nah. Definitely certain parts/symptoms of it, though!
I cried and cried after finishing the book. I felt sucker punched.
Like I said on your FB page – it was all at once heartwarming and heart wrenching.
Yes, sucker punched. I really couldn’t cope well with it last night. So I watched the season finale of “Sherlock.” ‘Cause that was sooo much better for the nerves/bad cold.
Actually, it was rather awesome.
The whole squishy feeling thing is new to me… apparently it came in with all those pregnancy hormones and never left. The biggest offender is sentimental children’s books! (The Night You Were Born? OMG tears every time.) I’m usually pretty tough (honey badger-ish, one might say) so it’s very strange to have this feeling come over me. Me Before You… yeah, it really cleared my sinuses, too.
I have two – “The Night You Were Born” and “On The Day You Were Born.” I can’t remember which one it is – I know it has polar bears on the cover – but yes. That’s a really tough one.
See I’ve always had the squishy feeling and I’ve heard my mom describe how she has it for her mother and her kids, but I didn’t get that until I had kids. So now I have it for my parents, my peers, strangers, AND 100% worse for kids. It’s so bad.
Sometimes it is definitely ok to be sad and trust me I have my moments. After I finished this book, I seriously felt miserable, but then I started to see some of the positives there with the ending and realized that as sad as it was there is still so much to be thankful for (if that makes sense). Trust me I try my best to see the good even when I there might not be much of it (just in my nature I suppose).
I like that – looking at the positives. At times, I thought I could barely stand being me reading the book, but how can Louisa go on? But she can. She could. She did! And I think about that. And she has nothing more or less than I do. Ok, I do have two kids and I can’t go to Paris..tomorrow. But you know what I mean.
I know exactly what you mean, because like you I can’t go jet setting off to Paris anytime soon either with my two in tow. But seriously, I put the book down at the ending once and was so annoyed that it ended like that at first and was truly hoping for a different outcome right up until the end to be honest, but then I realized that sometimes love is greater then just the here and now (if that makes sense). I re-read the ending onc eI calmed and at least that is what I got from it.
Yes, because love was letting him go! It seemed like he wouldn’t have had long anyway. What could she have done? I get upset that he never said, “I love you.” Did that bother you?
Actually it did totally bother me, because she said it a few times and he never actually said it back. But seriously that first comment just put a smile on my face. Love you for that. See I can say I love you (no problem for me)! 🙂
I love you! (no problems for me either!)
Love is all around!! Sorry for the cheesy Mary Tyler Moore reference, but couldn’t resist!! 🙂
I feel squishy a lot actually. I’ve had to explain to my kids that every now and then it’s ok to just cry because you feel emotion. It’s not necessarily sadness or happiness (though it often is), but feeling emotion. It’s good to feel. I haven’t read that book, but I’ve been hearing a lot about it lately. I guess I should check it out.
I’d be curious to hear what you thought of it.
It’s funny that we tend to soothe our babies and kids by saying, “Shh..don’t cry.” I guess I really want to say is, “Cry. It’s ok. Cry. It’s ok.”
Other people’s tears make my eyes cry…esp when it’s my children’s tears i see…i hate crying in front of others…but i have no control over it…saying that final goodbye to the teachers in nursery school or junior primary school at the end of the year…I ALWAYS CRY… i feel so dumb about it…but it gets me every time…and it’s because i have ‘allowed’ those women to mother my child in my absence and that is HUGE for me…and so i cry….go figure Stay Strong C
That’s so interesting because I always used to cry at the end of every school year, because I’d miss the kids and teachers, and because I hate change. I really haven’t gone through that yet with my kids because the older is in her second year of preschool and the transition from the first year to the second wasn’t really much. I imagine the big tears are coming next year! Kindergarten!
Yes, I certainly know what you mean. I love it whenever someone validates sadness. Thank you for writing about this so eloquently!
I’ve been sick for awhile, too. Hoping we both feel better soon.
Thank you! It was something I felt I had to write about or I’d burst. I totally had something else planned for today.
And may we both feel better! Colds have a tendency to linger, but since Disney is still two weeks away, I feel ok about this happening now and not then.
Yes, I know what you mean by a squishy feeling! I’m pretty sentimental. The ending of Watership Down makes me bawl every time I read it!
I’ll have to read that! And let me tell you about the Babysittter’s Club and Sweet Valley books that had me SOBBING.
It is because of who you are that you are such an amazing writer:) We are all emotional wimps over here — the girls and I can’t hardly watch TV.. let alone a “tough” movie, where people suffer. Alas!
Thank you! I do feel like I am a writer because of the sensitivity. It has to go somewhere, right? I try to funnel it into the writing and the photography, and the overflow goes into..tears.
That last photo is amazing!!! I know what you mean. I can be very emotional. There are so many things that bring me to tears. I read a post yesterday about dogs that are living without shelter (some of which have homes with people and some of whom were fending for themselves completely) and a group that is bringing them dog houses and straw, and food and water. I had tears streaming down my face the whole time.
Thank you! I wasn’t sure about the last photo. I knew I loved it but I had to call my mom up to look at it before I put it on my business page because I wasn’t sure it was any good.
I would totally be crying over the dog thing. I cry way more for animals than humans anyway.
I have been feeling very emotional lately, too. Something about the holidays and the hope of the new year and the 3rd anniversary of my mom’s death coming up. I don’t know. I get it, though. Totally. Disney will be a great re-set for you, I promise! :)-Ashley
Well that’s all big, big stuff, isn’t it? Just the ending of the holidays is something, but anniversaries are always difficult. Or mull-worthy, anyway.
Come meet us in Disney! (in my perfect world)
My son giving my kisses and interacting with my boyfriend – it makes me super happy. Other than that I’m usually a ball of nerves – always worrying about my boys and how they’re doing, if someone’s arse needs to be kicked, and so forth. Your daughter looks so sweet – glad she’ll be resilient in this world. 🙂 Have a great one Tamara! -Iva
I love the word “arse.” It sounds so much better than what we say here.
I have often thought of my daughter as “sturdy.” That’s always the word. She’s always seemed that way since birth. Just someone who doesn’t falter or fall over easily. I like that. My son is fast appearing that way too. He just had a rough birth experience. Or maybe just I did, and he was totally fine.
I get a squishy feeling when YOU have a squishy feeling! how’s that for a new one?
Disney and sun and fun and family are just around the corner!
There’s always that giant chewy cookie I left you….
And when your mom gets one! And when my kids get one. So you get the squishies for four generations! (I do too). That cookie is really helping the morning.
You got me at “people fumbling for their wallets.” One of those images that conjures up so much vulnerability – and even more so knowing that one day, that will be me (If I’m blessed enough to live that long). And Scarlet’s resilience? That’s a testament to YOU and how you’ve been able to parent her without imposing the things that make us sick or sensitive on her.
That one is so my mom! The wallet one. She’ll have to tell you about it. Not that it’s not me too, but I have a big one with glasses. Even sunglasses. It’s bad.
I just started reading Me Before You and I am hooked so far! I wish I could just stay in bed all day and finish it! I love your daughter’s tiara, she rocks it like a true princess. I know the squishy feeling too, hoping it passes quickly for all of us!!
Ooh, don’t read any above comments because..SPOILERS! Thanks about the squishy feelings knowledge, and the tiara compliment!
Hang in there, mama. We all have squishy days. Right now I’m suffering from a major case of the Mondays, and it’s taking every ounce of will power to stay at my desk instead of crawling back into bed. A few Mint Milano cookies helped too.
I’m right there with you this morning – I just have this overwhelming urge to cry (part of it I know the cause of the rest…)
I’m sorry that you are sick (or not sick) with a cold!!!
I have that book on my Nook but I might wait till summer to read it – I don’t tend to feel so emotional when I’m laying on the beach!!
I admire Scarlet, too but I also admire you and the honesty that you use when you share your feelings through words and pictures!
haha..by today I think I can admit that I’m totally sick! And if you thought getting two kids out of the house and into a car on an icy driveway was hard on normal mornings, try it while sick! (actually, don’t, and I hope you’re long past those days)
Hope you’re feeling better this afternoon. I’m feeling less sad today. The sun helps. Warm, beach vibes to us all. It will happen.
I got a pang in my chest when you said the one about an elderly person fumbling for a wallet. That one really gets me too. Anything about loss really gets me. In 2012 (wow, can’t believe it’s been two years) I lost more people than I felt like I could handle, and I couldn’t even watch the In Memoriam segment of the Oscars without losing it. I cried all the time. Now, I cry less, but I do get that feeling from time to time. Sometimes it makes sense, and sometimes it doesn’t. Although I would totally be the woman staring at the yogurt late at night if I weren’t too lazy to leave my couch late at night. I’ve embraced it though!
I hope that you feel better soon. Being sick does not equal being weak. Take care of yourself!
Yeah, I’ve totally been that yogurt woman (girl?). Maybe that’s why it bothers me. I see myself or my future self! Or my past self?
I TOTALLY cry at the In Memoriam segment of the Oscars. Thank you for saying that. I really cannot handle it. It makes me think of my own childhood dreams to be a filmmaker and get an Oscar and then I see these BRILLIANT people who did just that, and still, they died.
No one’s immortal??!!
I totally understand the squishy feeling. I get it when my eldest boy looks deeply into my eyes out of pure concern when I do something frivolous like break a nail, or drop something on the floor. His concern, and his willingness to drop every single thing he is doing to come to my aide is just breath taking.
I love seeing Scarlet grow up! She is getting more mature in the face 🙂
Yes, I noticed that! They really do lose their baby faces – sob. Although I know they always stick around when they sleep. Even in adults, sometimes.
I was absolutely destroyed by Me Before You. I was destroyed by the whole story and the impossible ending!! I read it over a year ago now and it still kills me.
Squishy feelings abound over here. We went to Disney On Ice this Saturday and I spent more time watching the boys faces, watching the show then I did the actual show. Tears of joy flowed and tears of “how many more times will they be so mesmerized by this?” flowed more.
I’m also maybe, kinda, I think I could have something in my eye for three days. Not.fun.
I can imagine that on Disney on Ice. I’ll probably experience that at Disney World in two weeks because…well, will it always be this fun for them??
Although I’m 33 and I still get totally giddy for a lot, so there’s hope. I had a lot of jaded, in-between years, though. Boo!
The mushy-squishy: I get it from everything. Toddlers crying. The elderly in any struggle at all, whatsoever, especially if their hands shake. I once got it in a bar watching a drunk man in his 50’s swaying in intoxication, staring off at nothing at all…or everything. My son gives it to me often. So does my dog. Probably because I feel closer to them than anyone on the planet. I feel what they feel in an almost telepathic way…crazy as that sounds. I get it watching my dad struggle to get around these days. To me, its always been a helpless feeling. I used to think it meant I needed my mom, so I would seek her out and cling to her to ease the squishy away. Now I don’t know how to do that. Is 35 too old to seek out your mom to make the squishy go away?
The books that move/destroy me the most are memiors dealing with mental illness. I have struggled with it most of my life and at times its the only feeling of kinship in this disease that I find. I get sad, but sated, in the realization that other people deal with this as well. Sometimes I don’t break. Sometimes I do. The people who write these books usually break into a million pieces. I know how it feels to get to that point, but I manage to keep the pieces together. It creates a sadness and satisfaction because I don’t know which has the better end result sometimes.
Depression as an illness makes one think sad is not ok. It makes one think that sad is a symptom. I have only recently started to sort out the sadness into healthy and non-healthy. It’s confusing.
Lots of food for thought there! Really good food for thought. No, I don’t think 35 is too old to seek out your mom. Never. Over the years, I started to channel some of that into seeking out Cassidy or Lindsay, or friends. However, I say if your mom is there, do it! My mom’s mom is 100, and I bet she still does!
Should you want to snack on the food for thought, you know where to find me. 🙂
Oh, my. You’re making me really nervous about this book, Tamara. I’m pretty sure I’m NOT gonna like the ending!! I’m about 60% through according to my Kindle.
I get the “mushy squishy” feeling too. And have ever since I became a mother so many years ago. It’s almost always associated with my kids. Sometimes with my parents.
I’m not sure if I should just “be” with that feeling. But I just can’t. I always try to move my mind and thoughts to a better place. (“Try” being the operative word here!)
Don’t be nervous! The whole concept destroyed me – in that it happened to him. So any outcome would make me bawl. Them ending up in love together. One being in love but the other not. One dying. Both dying. Seriously, don’t read too much into me. I cry when I see people’s glasses, remember?
I’m a crier, too, so I’m sure it will get me. I hope to finish today or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow. Will let you know what I think!
Can’t wait to hear what you think! To not spoil it but be truthful, I think the author did well with the ending.
Yes, it amazes me how, when we are heartbroken, people rush to diagnose us with a ‘treatable’ problem and offer to medicate us. Yes, I’m sad. Yes, my heart is broken. Yes, I cry the ugly cry, out of nowhere, or sitting in a parking deck, or because that song comes on the radio, or just because the snowflakes are big and fat and magical like that dreadful day. Or because the sun is shining like the dreadful day which preceded it. Or because I see a wisp of curly, sandy hair. Or a hot fudge cake. Whatever. Let me feel it because I am supposed to feel it. I am supposed to drown in this sadness. I am meant to feel happy to be alive and happy my children are all alive and well and so very sad at the same time. The weight of how unfair it all is should feel heavy on my shoulders, and on my heart.
If we are not meant to feel sad then we are not meant, either, to feel joy. Right? It stands to reason that one without the other would render the other somewhat empty.
I hope we all have more lightness than darkness. If we look to nature we see a constant cycle of light then dark. I think the balance is comforting.
I remember when I had a broken heart once (yes, you-know-who, he-who-shall-not-be-named) and I could really differentiate between when I was depressed about (nearly total lack of feeling) and when I was sad (better, more colorful, more productive). It alternated for about a year, though.
It was situational. Sometimes it’s not.
I have been emotional lately, but mine doesn’t come out as SAD, it comes out as PISSY. I wish I didn’t get that way, but I guess it’s just a fact of life. I hope your cold goes away soon, I am just getting over that crud from the last couple of weeks. It lingers, and I hate it. I LOVE your pictures, always. They are so gorgeous, and I wish I could just transplant myself into them, or nearby, I think I could relax and enjoy the view and let all of my worries just disappear as I reflected on the beauty.
I get pissy too! All of it. Really hate that it all lingers. When I feel fine, I do for years but when I’m in it, it’s like I’ll never get better. At least I know I will.
Thank you about the photos. I do get lost in them..
Oh that is a tough book to read when you’re in a mood. Read something happy now! Thank goodness the next generation is tougher than the one before- I’m hoping my someday kiddos are like Scarlet.
Kate, I’m seriously reaching for the Us Weekly next. I hope it’s a happy one!
Hey are we adding questions to the end in 2014! I think that would be amazing here. I’m not even answering, lol! I just wanted to say I love that shared the toughness of Scarlett. Her images display a sense of it.
Every now and then I add questions! If the timing is right, and if I really, really want answers! In this case I do, so I’m happy to get some answers. Also happy to get other comments, like yours!
I never heard of that book – I’m totally out of the loop on what’s hot on the book scene – lol
I guess it’s just the winter blahs xoxo
haha…me too, usually. I actually saw it written about on another blog so I went for it.
I want to be Scarlet when I grow up! Awesome girl! I’ve been emotional lately also and I throw it all on moving and new year stress. Also my birthday is in February and I always get a little sad around my birthday.
I do too! Just changes, and time passing.
I totally get that “squishy feeling” feeling and at the oddest moments. First, that was a great book and I wept over it as well. Then over winter break, I read A Light Between Oceans and on the beach, in the sunshine with my happy children and my relaxed husband, I cried huge, body shaking tears (I won’t spoil it, but it’s a good book). And to top it all off, we had a deep freeze here in southern New England last week and my kids were home from school. I wouldn’t let them play outside with wind chills in the -20s. And then I started to think about the baby deer and the fox and the opossums and how cold their babies must be. Had they scratched at the door at that moment, I swear I would have let them in. To be honest though, I find a good cry from the squishy feeling to be refreshing, almost cleansing, like a good yoga class; I feel so much better when it’s over. Great post, thanks for sharing.
Wouldn’t you know that “A Light Between Oceans” is my next book to read. A friend gave it to me for Christmas, and I’ve been saving it for our flight to Disney. Maybe not the flight (night, with two kids? yeah right) but hopefully if we have any warm, sunny downtime. (Disney, with two kids? yeah right)
I loved your solidarity here. The poor animals! In truth, they cope with winter better than we do, I believe.
Enjoy the book and enjoy Disney! And thanks for the heads up about my comment issue. It’s never a dull moment!
Oh goodness yes- and especially at this time of year. Also, Me Before You certainly gave me an overwhelming weepy feeling for days and days…
I can’t handle it! I wish I hadn’t read it. “I wish I had never met you, Will Traynor!” Oh dear. I went there.
This time of year is ridiculous. Flus, colds and ice.
I’ve been sad after movies…both television and big screen movies. If the movie is reality -based or makes me look at life differently…I’m done and the tears runneth over! If I know someone is going through an unbearably hard time in life, my heart gets heavy…especially if there is nothing I can physically do for them. Scarlet is precious in her purple!
Thanks! It’s her favorite “dress”! By now, it’s more of a shirt, after two years.
I’ve had pretty sobby reactions to movies before, but only a handful of times ever. And they weren’t always the most obviously sad. It’s funny how we don’t know what’s going to hit us most.
I get weepy at really odd moments too! Like telling one of my students workers that they did a nice job on something. Or listening to Henry read a book to Benjamin. “Mommy, are you CRYING!?!?!” “No honey…it’s just the onions/dust/pollen!”
I get that about the student workers! And Scarlet will sometimes get teary-eyed at seemingly nothing and say, “I’m crying happy tears.” I kinda love that. She gets it. Sometimes our emotion cups run over!
I’ve always been emotional. This tends to freak out my husband. And my kids. My eyes have been known to well up as I watch COMMERCIALS! There’s this one where the dad folds up gum packets in cute shapes and the commercial shows his daughter growing up over the years and as she’s moving out of the house, a box falls and ALL THE CUTE SHAPES HE’S MADE HER OVER THE YEARS ARE THERE! She’s kept them all!
I hope you feel better. I recently got over a cold. I hate colds. I hate not being able to breathe properly.
Yes, I did read your “My Girl” post, after all. Although that gum packet one sounds really tear-inducing! I used to make little sailboats out of gum and Starburst wrappers.
Colds suck. And of course you’re almost grateful that that’s all you have in the grand scheme of sickness, but when you’re in it, it’s miserable.
I think I understand your squishy feeling, although I don’t experience it that often. Me Before You destroyed me. So good, and I think it ended the way it should have, but still. I want everyone to have their happy endings, and it devastates me when they don’t. And I’m talking fictional characters in a book or movie as well as real people.
Princess attire aside, the way you describe Scarlet reminds me a lot of my daughter when she was four. And five, and six, and now. I admire her strength and marvel at it sometimes. These kids we’ve created – they are amazing, aren’t they?
It was probably the best ending it could have been, and definitely still took me by surprise, even though I was sure I knew exactly how it ended.
These kids are certainly amazing!
Great pictures!! The last photo is amazing!!
Diana
http://www.ManhattanImageandStyle.com
New Outfit Post: A Cozy Day
Thanks! I uploaded it last night and it made me feel very peaceful.
I got that feeling last night. It was really really late (like 1am) and so quiet. I went outside to get a tarp that had been drying and it was just so right. So perfectly right and perfectly sad. Squishy. Like the crown placed on a head, just so. It made me go into my son’s room and whisper at almost 2am that I will chase him more. So a good thing, I guess. Hugs, you.
Elderly people fumbling for their wallets always makes me want to pay for them. But you know – dignity. So I pretend to not notice. Sniffle.
Aw, you and my mom could have a cry-fest together! The squishy is bad. It all started with that filmstrip in grade school that I watched! Where the old man dropped his groceries. Broken eggs! Lettuce rolling under the car! It would have been funny, if it happened to me. Years after the fact, actually.
Please move to Nashville so I can have you as a photographer! Seriously. Your photos are so beautiful and the lighting always seems perfect.
Thanks! It’s kinda my thing, to find good light. Sometimes I have to create it myself which isn’t as fun as just finding what the sun did!
And if I’m ever in Nashville, I’ll be sure to look you up and take some proper photos!
I get the squishy feeling all the time, yes old people, any person, fumbling in line before me with money. Anyone dropping something, tripping, anyone left feeling self conscious, I cry at TV advertisements, the news, a s friend telling a story, my own stories. I am squishy squishy a lot, it is me and keeps me in touch with the world.
Yes! It is me and it keeps me in touch with the world. Love that. It’s exactly how it is.
I am right there with you. I consider myself totally demented. I wasn’t always this intense. I think having kids put my empathy on over drive. Don’t get me wrong I have always absorbed the feelings around me but it is just more pronounced now. I have had to leave jobs because the person in the cube next to me was just really toxic. Had nothing to do with me but I could feel the “evil” vibrations. I was describing my husband to someone today and needed tissues!
If you’re demented, so am I! And I totally absorb the feelings! Do you ever have people who make you feel tired? Like totally drained? Or even sick? Sometimes, that happens. I wrote a post about it once:
https://tamaracamerablog.com/2011/01/the-empath.html/
My kids drain me emotionally since most of my over empathy seems to be around them. If it’s someone other than my kids or my husband I evaluate the relationship and decide if it’s worth keeping. Most likely it’s not and I have to distance myself from that person to reserve my energy.
I cry easily; I always have. People close to me have come to expect it. My heart is on my sleeve – so I totally get what you mean.
And I hope you feel better soon!
I wish I could cry easily. I actually rarely do, so when I do, it’s just not pretty…
You’re made of tougher stuff than you could even imagine. You just don’t know it! I hope you feel better soon, I know what it feels like to be sick and it’s no fun at all, especially when you have kids. I can’t wait to see those photos of DW, I’m excited for you all. Hope your week gets better.
Every now and then, I believe that.
And thanks! I’m just glad I won’t have a cold at Disney..at least, I hope! Two weeks seems unusually too long and cruel for it to last, so here’s hoping I rest and sleep this off nicely.
I first must admit that I had a hard time concentrating on your beautiful writing because of your amazing photos. WOW! And, yes, I have squishy feelings all the time. I first blamed it on pregnancy, then menopause and now I am left with nothing but me…and all my squishiness that I can’t explain. A lovely post.
Well, thank you! It’s always a little funny doing writing AND photography, and not knowing which to focus on. I generally focus on both.
Squishiness has been there since birth for me, I guess. I don’t know what to blame!
It’s amazing what something as simple as a knocked-off crown can do to you. Usually what gets me are the moments between the kids…when the baby is trying to cheer up T during a time out. Or when they just come up and give you hugs/kisses without any prompting. Or T’s latest “I adore you” moments. Love those. Sonds like Scarlet is able to handle life’s tough situations amazingly well for a girl her age. Seriously – how many kids can walk away from a situation and shrug it off? Not mine, that’s for sure!
Aw, T! “I adore you.” I adore the use of the word “adore.” And from a kid? It’s too good.
I’m laughing at your “not mine, that’s for sure!” Well we don’t know how permanent it is. And when I first questioned who walks away from life’s tough situations so well? Not me, and NEVER me.
S sorry you’re sick…if it’s not actually allergies or something else. I’ve gone through periods of the squishy, sad, cry cry periods where everything and anything can initiate the faucet of tears. But during those time, somehow, I seem to have more clarity of tough and appreciation for things. It’s awesome that Scarlet can let things roll off her back. Your pictures are so awesome. Disney’s warmth will be a welcomed reward 🙂
I’m totally sick! I can admit it now. And I still have to work and care for my kids. Who knew?? That’s interesting about periods of squishy, sad, cry cry periods. I also have periods of near-numbness. Just exhaustion and overload, I guess.
I can’t wait for Disney!!!
I hope you’re feeling better soon! I think I know the squishy feeling but sometimes mine goes to far and I break down in these deep sobs. The kind that makes you gasp for air. It’s almost always over my Grandma and sometimes for things that haven’t happened and hopefully never will (like if I read that someone lost her sister, I will mourn for my sister and pray as hard as I can that nothing happens to her which ultimately leads to the sob/gasp thing). But there are other times I just like to drive by “what used to be” so I can think and reflect and be kind of sad. But a good kind of sad.
JCPenney catalogs.
JCPenney catalogs, eh? I’d have to check that out.
I get it about the kind of feelings that make you gasp for air.
Yes I think I’ve had similar scenarios but not necessarily because of a random moment, but because I became very protective of my son that I just cried to think how anyone would ever want to hurt him. And yes, I fear the hurting potential kids have. I wasn’t picked on and was the ‘stand up for yourself’ type so kids didn’t mess with me, and I hope that my son is also spared other kids’ meanness.
I nearly always wonder how my mom did it- with five of us. Five of us getting into trouble and getting bullied and picked on, like nearly any kid. The pain times five!
I’m a pretty emotional chica. The simplest things bring me to tears. Like the video I posted of the dad and daughter dancing. I thought about their relationship and how much that moment meant to her, him and their family. I thought about my own dad. He barely two steps but he danced with me at my wedding. I thought about my daughter and my husband and love that they will have a great relationship like the dad and daughter in the video. I thought of all of that and I cried.
I say all of that to say, I’m with you. Teary eyed and all. 🙂
Thank you.
I actually cry happy tears a lot. Most of the YouTube videos flying around? I cry at nearly all of them.
I get sad over a lot of things. Especially when it’s the sadness that’s gripping those I love. If only we can hold some of those pain in heart so that it’s not so heavy on them. But bless the kids’ hearts, they move on right away.
Love the photos Tamara (as always), especially the second one. Those eyes!
And I remember being a kid and I remember when a hug and kiss and long talk with my parents actually made me feel like EVERYTHING was perfect. Everything. Even at 16, when I was sobbing over a boy, it helped a lot.
The pics are beautiful. The girls are beautiful!! However, I did mistake the horses for wolves. That would’ve been dangerous. Time for me to see the eye doctor again. 😉
haha! Well they’re not very big and obvious in the photo. Wolves would have been so cool, though. I’ll have to talk to my mom about having wolves on her farm.
I understand the squishy feeling, but it’s different for a dude. I remember having it as a kid, seeing my little sister’s knit hat or jacket hood as I walked behind her to keep an eye on her. Guys don’t usually allow an outlet, so it festers a bit. We feel embarrassed about it, weakened. So we just try to do something about it, like try and protect the ones we love better.
I hope I’m never the parent who calls/writes another because their kid wasn’t nice to them.
Hopefully you’re not that parent, but I nearly had to be. Scarlet wasn’t very nice to her best friend yesterday and the teachers had to talk to her.
Although I think that happens. Best friends. Siblings. Squabbles.
It’s if she’s picking on someone or being cruel..if that ever happens…so help me!!
I think they should let the kid work it out a bit. I remember play groups when parents would get really riled up just if one of my girls body-slammed their kid. Sheesh.
Grace got a boy in a headlock and pressed his face to the carpet. His mom said, “use your words!” and I’m thinking, “uncle” comes to mind!
Seriously, though, cruelty … yeah, I’d step in for something if it’s cruel.
Wow, Scarlet is just so admirable! And your photos, they’re always stunning. You’re now my favorite photographer! 😀 I can understand that feeling. I’ve been there many times too and sometimes I ask myself why. I’ve eventually realized the fact that I’m a crybaby.
Thanks! I like being someone’s favorite photographer. If only I could travel farther away for work!
I think I’m a crybaby too. And proud.
I always look forward to your photos! It is good to be sad once in awhile-I thnk it’s healthy and releasing-and it doesnt mean you are crazy. lol
I look forward to your photos too!
haha, not crazy. Just sad. Well not anymore. Today, I’m just sick. I’d like to be not sick and not sad by the weekend, but I think I’d take sad over sick.
I love your tender heart! I also love your ability to express it so beautifully. I’m a tender heart, too. Sometimes the simplest things will set me off, although I don’t recall getting weapy in the yogurt aisle ever… 🙂
Tenderheart! Best nickname ever. The yogurt aisle thing only happened once..but..once was enough.
Beautiful photos. You are right, sad is normal sometimes, I learnt how to manage my emotions and to become more positive lately. I hope you all are ok 🙂
Thanks! I’m the only one who got sick and hopefully it will be gone by the weekend. Or by next weekend, which is a big trip.
Managing emotions is not easy – kudos to you!
Yes, I know what you mean…for me, sometimes even in the happy times I will get a feeling of…well something bad is about to happen because this just can’t keep going well..I am sorry to hear that you have a cold…you need warmer weather. Come out to California – it was 88 here today. Sending hugs and warm wishes Tamara!
I totally know the squishy feeling. It doesn’t come around a lot but it does catch me off guard and then I feel sucker punched. And it’s often the oddest, most every day things that will give me the feeling. And let’s not talk about sickness. It seems to be invading my house (Jasper is up coughing as we speak…for the last two hours). Good times. I want to read Me Before You. Have to add it to my list!
I’m glad I’m not the only ones worried about whether animals or happy.
I love the relationship you have with your daughter, ALREADY!!!! 🙂 You will have your ups and downs but it is 100% clear to me that you are head over heels for her 😉
As for your cold – TAKE QUERCETIN!
Loooovely photos of Scarlet, she is quite beautiful. And that last photo! Wow! I would make you very sad; every week, once a night, you can find me staring vacantly at the vast array of selections, like I haven’t stared at the same selections a million times. By the time I get all the way down to the yogurt aisle, I’m beyond tired and going through the motions. Empty roads at night give me those feelings. I’m going to have to check out this book you speak of, it sounds pretty dang good! I hope you’re feeling better too, btw!
I have alter egos “Me” and “Myself”. We slap each other around and don’t allow one another to feel squishy for too long. I can get squishy from almost hitting a squirrel, Myself will tell Me, I’m being ridiculous. Sometimes though all the times I didn’t cry will burst out and make me feel irrational. It thinks it normal. 😉 I hope you feel better. Sounds like you need some sunshine and warmth!
I love observing my daughter and seeing how people react to her and how she reacts to others in different situations. She is in this cheer class and the coach is not particularly attentive or encouraging towards her. I observe and it makes me feel sad a little. But I see her and she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care, she’s just out to have fun and try her best! Already I see that she is stronger than me. It’s pretty amazing!
Well this post gave me a bit of a teary eye. I get mushy over some weird things. Just yesterday I was in a meeting and I was looking at the facility managers hair line, and it made me think of Jack having a hair line with salt and pepper hair when he is that age, and I felt very mushy. Not always the best thing when you’re in the middle of a meeting, but it happens at weird times like that. Thank you for the beautiful post, your admiration for your daughter is wonderfully expressed.
I’m a ful on crier. About so many things – big, little, and in between. But I actually think I like to cry – it makes me feel alive, it makes me feel sensitive and it is a great contrast to happy – so I can feel happy because I can cry. It is also an amazing release! I often look for things to cry about….
I hate to admit it sometimes but I cry more than I should – anything from a song, a look, or just the silence. With the pure sadness it is such a release because it is so fleeting. I know it doesn’t last long and I know it is my hearts way of slowly getting rid of the larger things so that when I do have to face them, I can. I love you, your honesty and rawness.
I LOVE THE HONEY BADGER! if scarlet is the honey badger. she is a bad ass! i don’t know if i have the squishy feeling the way you describe it, but i am uber-sensitive and cry really easily. one of my work associations said (via email) he was taking a leave of absence to plan his wedding, and that he was so excited to spend the rest of his life with the woman he loved. i just started tearing up in my cube and my boss was like, “what is wrong with you?” and i said, “that email was so beautiful!” all my coworkers started laughing hysterically.
What the heck- I’ve been gone (with good reasoning- Sweet T knows, I will explain soon enough) & now there’s some book I should’ve been reading? If I’m gonna weep like a 2 year old now is not the time, just sayin’ XO. Love ya, & your tenderheart, my Sweet T!
The last picture is crazy pretty…the red on the bottom left? Love it.
Me Before You? I could not stop crying either. I don’t know if I would have read it without your suggestion (I hate the cover) however, I am so, so glad I did. Thank you for that suggestion.
And sadness, squishy…yes. For sure. So many things.