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Look Out Any Window

“Look out any window
Look out any open door
Look out any window
To see what’s going on
In the air around you”

Look out any window, Look out any open door, Look out any window, To see what's going on, In the air around you

And so here I sit, straddling the late night between Thanksgiving and Black Friday!

And also, between 19 weeks and 20 weeks pregnant. Gosh, it’s super hard to predict what will happen, and I’ve probably been wrong three times over, but this is the blessed halfway point of pregnancy, isn’t it? It sure was for Scarlet and Rider, who both arrived right on their due dates. Des surprised me a bit at a little over 38 weeks. And if I had my say and if I had my way, which I somewhat might, I’d say that at some point last week was actually the halfway point. See, I don’t know if I want to make it to 40 weeks this time. I thought for sure Rider would arrive on his own, and I didn’t give him the chance because I took that 40 week induction, too terrified to go past it. This time, if he or she doesn’t seem to be as ready as I may be, I’d take a 39-week induction.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’ll see. And I guess I’m saying I’m thankful to be here.

And here is certainly a strange place to be. People often ask, “How are you feeling?” Some even show regret to ask such a cliched question, but it’s what people ask. It’s what I ask! It’s not rude. It’s not like asking, “Are you sure you’re even pregnant?” because maybe they think you’re too small. And it’s not like asking, “Are you sure it’s not twins?” because maybe they think you’re too big. I don’t get a lot of rudeness, in general, whether pregnant or not and I’m thankful for that. 20 weeks is strange. Some people may think it’s going by fast, from an outside perspective, but they’re not the ones living it. From that shocking first pregnancy test, to this strange place of feeling good, past the queasiness and strange uncertainty of the first trimester, and before the squeezed lungs and stomach feeling of the third trimester. I feel good, but still slightly queasy.

And I feel good, but still slightly uncertain. Both are more me-related, than pregnancy-related.

Look out any window, Look out any open door, Look out any window, To see what's going on, In the air around you

So I sit here, feeling the baby gently stir and flip around, despite my anterior placenta (which makes the early kicking feeling hard). And I sit here, feeling cautiously optimistic, not quite ready to set up a nursery or even buy clothes, but thankful, so thankful, that everything has been healthy and uneventful thus far. We still have hurdles to cross, like the big ultrasound, the gestational diabetes testing, the discomforts and fears, the hospital phobia, and the wonderful and magical but mysterious unknown of what the heck will happen. And, who the heck this baby is, and will be. Who will I be, through and after all of this, and preparing for all of that?

The only thing I know for certain, is that my heart will widen enough for all of it.

So, all of this was a long-winded introduction to my desire to participate in a new Ten Things of Thankful post. It seems inevitable to do this during my straddling night between Thanksgiving and not Thanksgiving. And you all know I have missed Friday prompt posts, although I have certainly made do on my own. I’m thankful for “Ten Things of Thankful” so here are my own:

1 – I had a business trip last weekend! I was sort of dreading it and sort of excited for it, because of all of the fearful and overwhelming, yet exciting, feelings of traveling for the first time in nearly two years. I’m talking hotel, expensed food, adventures, and the whole lot. I’m thankful for individual experiences within my trip, like seeing my sister and her kids! It had been since June!

Hudson over the walkway bridge

2 – I’m thankful we all seven remained healthy during and after the trip. I’m not even talking about just COVID. These days, any kind of minor cold or other virus or even allergies can make for some major hassles, like taking off of school or work, having to get tested, being scared, etc.

3 – I’m also thankful for, as Cassidy said among other things, during our Thanksgiving pre-feast ritual.. “babies who sleep.” I was so afraid of traumatizing Rider by taking him away from home. The older two had been away overnight by two-months-old. And this was solo parenting and with a portable crib he had never tried. Yet, that first night, he was so wiped out he fell asleep in my arms after I had put him in his sleepsack and cuddled with him in front of a little Hallmark Christmas. For the second night, I actually put him to bed on time and he just looked at me, looked all around, and fell asleep for 11-12 hours. Like, really?? And he was so chill and happy.

Look out any window, Look out any open door, Look out any window, To see what's going on, In the air around you

4 – I’m thankful, as I jokingly said during our pre-feast Thanksgiving ritual.. “for my uterus.” It seems to be in tip-top working order.

5 – I am thankful for our new comforter and sheets coming, and for Lucy sleeping literally on me every night, because those are the redeeming snippets of cold weather life. Among other things. Maybe it’s the weather, and maybe it’s my pregnancy, and maybe it’s Maybelline, but Luna sleeps on me before bed. And Lucy does during the night!

6 – I’m thankful for, as with one of the blankets seen in the above photo, the SIX cuddly blankets that Target accidentally sent me by accident. When I called about it, since the box was slightly open, they told me to keep the SIX cuddly blankets. Joy!

7 – I’m thankful for our sunrise(ish) and sunset(ish) walks together, with him bundled in a blanket and with him keeping a running commentary on all of the wonderful things we see.

8 – I am super thankful for Starbucks holiday lattes, made with cream, and half the syrup.

9 – I’m thankful for the good health and kindness of my family, and our extended family. It’s pretty remarkable if you ask me! And that was the #1 thing I was thankful for yesterday.

Look out any window, Look out any open door, Look out any window, To see what's going on, In the air around you

10 – I am thankful for low, sweeping movements, and the strong possibility that it will all be ok.

“Look out any window
Look out any open door
Look out any window
To see that’s going on
In the air around you

Far away, too many leaders
Let them get their way
Close their eyes and
Let it all out into the bay
Say they’ll clear it up another day”

This is my new birth mix, but before the birth this time. “Look Out Any Window” is song #11.

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7 Comments

  1. I am so happy to hear that you are feeling well through your pregnancy! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and thanks for the reminder to try the Starbucks holiday latte. I haven’t had one yet.

  2. I Love ❤ all the pics Tamara, and your beautiful smile is glowing in every one! Could that be Emersyn and Scarlet together? Your “Ten Things Of Thankful always delights us. I’m very thankful to say that l have Ten Things Of Thankful too! Bruce’s song from his second album with The Range has been a long time crowd fave at his concerts. Such a catchy, cleverly composed song reminding us of just a few of the many ways that we continue to abuse our Mother Earth.

  3. I love your thankful list! I definitely feel you about the little colds and everything being quite the hassle nowadays, so am glad all of you avoided those during your trip. Happy 20 weeks pregnant and happy belated Thanksgiving.

  4. How super exciting that you are expecting another child! I am just so happy you are linking up to the Ten Things of Thankful blog hop again, or was it possibly a different blog hop that I used to see your posts? There is no denying it is you and your sweet family and wonderful photos.
    You are not the first I have heard of receiving a package and after opening it discovering it was actually supposed to have been delivered elsewhere, and then being told just to keep the item(s). I am not sure if that is a policy because of the risk of possibly spreading COVID, or just what. Cute blankets!
    What a great photo of your family!

  5. I’m so pleased you joined us this week! You certainly had a wonderful list of thankfuls! You are a completely adorable pregnant person. I have developed a food baby since all the eating Thanksgiving week, and it’s not nearly as cute as your pregnant belly! Isn’t it nice to return to mundane things like business trips since Covid put the brakes on life as we knew it? Bonus cuddly blankets will always be useful. I started carrying one in the car to take into movie theaters, because I always get so cold there (pre-covid – still haven’t been back to the movie theater). I have two cats curled up on the foot of my bed at this very moment, warming the place where my feet will go shortly. The third one is next to me on the ottoman. If it were really cold, he’d be on the bed, too. Only a two-cat night tonight!

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