Let It Go.

I started writing this post to the song “Learning to Fly” coming on shuffle on my Pandora.

At the same time(ish), I got distracted and wandered over to Facebook to discover that I was tagged in a photo my sister took today of Scarlet “flying” at the three county fair we have in Northampton this weekend. My girl can fly, don’t you think?

let it go

I’m feeling none of the power that this song usually gives me. I’m feeling none of the power that seeing photos of Scarlet usually gives me. I’m feeling none of the power of anything, really, and that includes writing and photography, but here I am and I’ll give it a shot. Every time there’s a turning point, or a rough patch – whether in anxiety, marriage, parenting, family, grief, etc. I always wonder if I’ll make it. I see happy, whole people and I may have been one yesterday and I may be one again tomorrow, but I’m not one today. And I always wonder – can I make it? Can I do this? The answer is most likely “yes.”

Supertasters aren’t always meant to drink alcohol and eat spicy food (I’m a cheap date). Superfeelers aren’t always meant to get things right the first time, the second time, or even the 42nd time. We’re not always built for transitions – the ones that seem big and don’t hit us enough, or the ones that seem smaller, and bring us to our knees. Or the ones that happen all at once and you can’t make sense of them. You can’t break them up, piece by piece, into palatable, BLAND bites. You just can’t do that. Supertasters and superfeelers can’t always stomach the powerful. And life, isn’t it always a bit powerful? A bit much?

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Yesterday, my daughter sang “Let It Go” in front of 50 or so people.

I think this song speaks to many of us. In my own delusions of grandeur, I like to think it speaks to me especially powerfully. We were at a 20 year anniversary party for my in-laws, and there was a particularly moving ceremony before the party. Cousin Leo paused in his professional photographing, to grab a movie for us. What a gift. Look for cameos by Des and me.

I hate the term “control freak” but I’m definitely someone who is afraid of loss of control.

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I’m scared of fair and amusement park rides if I’ve never been on them, and I’m barely comforted by seeing young children (including my own) go on these rides ahead of me, and get off them flawlessly and calmly. I worry I wouldn’t be a candidate for hypnosis or anaesthesia, even though the latter has happened successfully twice, for oral surgery, and the former surely happens every day to some degree, by creepy viral marketing or by someone telling me to absolutely NOT think of a bluebird.

Did you just think of a bluebird? I did. Bonus points if you thought of tacos instead.

Sometimes I get blocks with things I’d otherwise be good at – if it’s not easily learned in general or just by me. I shrug it off and run. Piano lessons. Stick shift driving lessons. Math. Math, which I could do well when I really had to get it done.

Every night, in times of trouble or joy, I let go. I let it go. Every night, I fall asleep. And mostly, quite successfully. I succumb to dreams and darkness – a breaking and healing journey into the vast unknown. I let go daily. And that’s astonishing.

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And this week, I will let go. Of Scarlet. Into the world. Into the world of kindergarten and learning and books and complex friendships. Skinned knees and cafeteria meals, in the faces of snuggly blankets, naptime and recess at the same time.

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It will be one of the rides of her life. And I know she will look back too.

May she fly, as she was born & taught to do, & may she come back to us every day at 3:00pm, for 13 more spectacular years.

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I hesitated to post this next unflattering photo, mainly because I wasn’t following my own advice in which I tell subjects to stick out that forehead and accentuate that jawline! I do have a strong jawline in real life. Anyway, Scarlet took this photo. It was her. This is how she sees me sometimes. This is how she saw me one day. And that’s good enough for me to share.

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149 Comments

  1. Tamara, I am so with you right now as you already know and keep telling myself it will be Ok, but after last week and the huge mistake I made, I still hope I can hold it together for Emma’s first day on Wednesday myself. You best believe, I will be texting you during the day and not going to lie or sugar coat it, I am a nervous wreck and already feel a lump in my throat just thinking about it. Still can’t believe our girls are indeed starting kindergarten – I know it, but still very much she’ll shocked.

      1. Thank you! I remember the first day of preschool being a little hard for her just at the end, but it wasn’t hard for me. I think it’s because I had a newborn and I was just a hot mess in general. Which made me actually calm.

    1. Honestly I feel a little sick today. And that’s unusual. I just want this week to be over, or it to go well. She seems pretty excited and not even really thinking about it and I’m thinking about it every waking minute.
      I hope you will text me! I will be texting Kristi too.

      1. Tamara, I know truly. Right now she is making pancakes with Kevin and my heart is my throat. I will try my best to eat breakfast now with them, but a bit nauseous myself with the the worry and excitement, too. Will totally be texting you and you know I will!!

        1. Tomorrow is our meeting with just Scarlet and the teacher in the classroom. It’s in the morning. I will not be eating before it.
          Friday is the first day of school. Even earlier. I will not be eating that morning!
          I lost four pounds this summer. I blame kindergarten stress.

          1. I wish I could say I lost weight this summer, but sadly I didn’t, but this week might just happen and I can feel myself not wanting to eat much as it is today and got two more days until the start and yet another few days until Lily starts back up. So, definitely a stressful week or so ahead for me, as well!

            1. Maybe we are tied! I’m such a mess that I’m getting physiological symptoms. Lightheaded, little dizzy, pounding heart, if I think too hard about it all. Likely it’s brief.

      2. Yes, please please text me. I don’t know how to do this letting go thing! I *know* that our babies will truly be fine but OMG how do people do this? I’ve been so in denial and every day do crazy big fun things as if I need to pack in all of the love and memories before Tucker’s in school for OMG the next 13 years…but really, we have to have to keep with the breathing and the breathing and the knowing that this is just one more big beautiful new thing. Hugs, mama.

        1. I will text you! I will let go. Feels so good to have you and Janine going through this at the same time as me. And the same week! Not like those weird schools who start in August.

  2. It’s so hard to let go when my baby is going to kindergarten! He’s telling me he’s going to hate it too. I know he won’t, of course, but he’s not helping my anxiety. It’s going to be a big week for us.

    1. Oh no! That does make it worse. See Scarlet is excited about it and tomorrow she will have a little orientation with just her teacher. It’s a nice warm up.

  3. My heart is with you and my other blogging friends as they send their babies to kindergarten this week. It’s so hard to let go, but we have to if we want our kids to fly. And just think of how wonderful 3:00 will be each day!

  4. So I THOUGHT I was catching up on Friday’s post, but turns out I’m just really early to MONDAY’S post. Love when that happens. You are a super taster too?! Should have known. For me it means I can have one bite of a cookie and feel completely fulfilled. Scarlet’s world is still very much your world for a little while. She’ll just get to experience something special and share it with you every day, then it will become a part of both of your worlds. Your world is only growing bigger as hers is. You aren’t losing.

    1. Thank you. Just as our hearts and minds can expand, our worlds can too. And that doesn’t mean we’re losing a thing. I love that. For me, being a super taster means that people think I have bland taste, but really to me, bland tastes quite enough. And I can’t drink alcohol. And I can’t eat spicy food. And I’m pretty lame.

  5. Any change can be so overwhelming. We just sent our kiddo to transitional kindergarten at a much bigger campus than his preschool. Talk about new changes and adjusting to so many things. But like he told me the other day, “I love school.” That is so worth all the weirdnesses those first few weeks. Hang in there mama! I hope all goes well for you in the next few days πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you! I feel a little sick as we start this week, but I am also reminding myself that today is still a weekend and a holiday and I should enjoy this last day or three of summer.

  6. I really wish you all the best as you send Scarlet to Kindergarten. Kids grow up so fast and hoping that I can also handle the transition if it’s time for Reiko to be free. It should be a great learning experience. πŸ™‚

    Btw, when I accessed your blog through my phone, I went through a captcha for the first time. Just wondering if it’s a new thing. Hehe

    1. Yikes! CAPTCHA should not be there! That is one of the golden rules of blogging. Honestly I’m still in process of switching over my hosting. It can take up to a week or two. So there might be little bugs along the way. Thank you for pointing that one out! That’s disturbing.

  7. Sometimes we just aren’t feeling it, I know I haven’t been lately. She will enjoy Kindergarten and be so excited to share all of the new and wonderful things she learns. I love sharing those moments with my children. P.S. Kindergarten math is easy, wait till she gets in 5th and 6th grade then your best friend will become Google πŸ™‚

    1. Now this is my comment to answer! Sorry about the previous one. I don’t even know if I can do sixth grade math. I think you’re right. I think I might be outsourcing that one to Cassidy or living on Google.

  8. I don’t think we ever stop telling ourselves that we need to ‘let it go’, no matter which child, how old they are, and where they’re going. I just hope they remember home, always. xo

  9. Scarlett’s photo of you shows her perspective of your beaut(y)iful eyes. Despite I do not have to let go of a child, I truly can relate how tough that must be. And I am sure you will get through these tough times and enjoy her homecoming even more. πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you so much! I do love my eyes, in her eyes.
      And I’m feeling more ready, if mainly so that the anxiety goes away when she inevitably flourishes!

  10. I am sending you virtual hugs and praying everything goes well. Paraphrasing a quote from my favorite book: Everyday around 2 o’clock your heart will start beating a little faster and you will know it’s because 3:00 is fast approaching. You will look forward to 3:00 and it will make that part of the day that much more special!

  11. Not only will she fly – she will soar! I know, though, that it is so, so hard to let go. Hugs to you!

  12. I’ve detested roller coasters since I was a little girl. Perhaps it is because of the abrupt physical shifts that leave me so raw and unable to transition. An apt metaphor for my life as an adult. ((Hugs)) as you navigate your newest chapter with Scarlet.

  13. I try to let everything go at the end of the day too. I love good sleep, so I rarely worry to the point that it keeps me up at night. I’m glad that you can let it all go at the end of the day. I hope Scarlet has a great first day of school and the same for Des next week.

    1. Your sleep method is perfect. Surprisingly, it’s not usually an issue for me. I guess my body got the memo that sleep is too important to mess with! Sadly, food is often a problem and I lose weight when stressed.

  14. She really is going to fly. I can hardly wait to see what kind of mark your special girl puts on this world, because I know it will be amazing. You can do this thing. Let her go, pull her back in, let her go, pull her back in. It isn’t a tug of war so much as it is a dance. And I bet you are a really great dancer.

    I’m going to need you to tell me how to stick out my forehead and accentuate my jawline for a picture.

    1. I will tell you all about it! I also watched a whole video on jawlines once.
      I also can’t wait to see what Scarlet will do in the world. Your daughter too. And I can be a pretty good dancer when I want to be. Otherwise, I stand there all huddled. It’s one or the other. No in between.

  15. I love that song Learning to Fly. I’m sure Scarlet will do great in school.

    We’re going to our fair next week. I love fairs, mainly because of the food. If it’s deep fried, I want a bite.

  16. maybe I’m crazy – but I relish the first day of school! get them outta my face – lol

    Hope she has fun at school πŸ™‚

    Cute video!!!

  17. That’s a beautiful photo of you! Love Scarlet’s sweater dress. I’m seeing the starting Kindergarten posts anxiety of my blogging friends and trying to step back in your shoes 4 years ago. I’m almost pretty sure I was useless the first day. I paced and watched the clock. I also had him in after school care so he could get some play time in and unwind after learning (since he’s an only child). That first day he asked me why I left him at school so long, and by the end of the week he asked me why I picked him up so early. It’ll be a tug of emotions and they will navigate you in and out of them πŸ˜‰ By 2nd grade you’ll be a pro at handling the first day of school. I am sure the anxiety will start all over for me in two years for middle school.

    1. I like to think of that. Second grade. But not middle school! I already have nightmares about it. I’m sort of kidding, but I do hope I handle it better than I handled this.

  18. Tamara your posts always take my breath away. Have you ever thought of putting together a photography- scenic-landscape-life themed book? You are such a talented woman!

    1. I have, thank you! Or maybe just a photographic guide to overcoming anxiety. Or maybe a book about finding moose in the wild. Or about cookies.
      Something!
      xoxo.

  19. Oh this is such a big week for you and Scarlet! I hope you will be warmed by the stories she will tell after going to her first session of kindergarten! She has some great photography skills already as she captured your emotions in the photo! Just like her mom!

    1. Thank you! I totally love her photos. I can’t wait to see them develop more.
      Totally a big week! And I feel, of course, like no one has ever had it worse than me ever and that I’m the most nervous kindergarten mom in the world. That can’t be true, though! (right?)

  20. So, I was reading this while resting my mouth on my hand, and when I got to the bluebird part, I laughed through my nose because my mouth was closed and I snotted myself and my keyboard. That was hilarious. That is definitely a sure fire way to hypnotize me, tell me to NOT think of something lol. That video was adorable, and I loved the cameos! Also, I tried figuring out what you mean about sticking out your forehead and accentuating the jawline. Very confused but sounds like info I definitely need, ha! Lovely photo of you, not a bad view for Scarlet.

    1. Soo.. did you think of a bluebird?
      Or tacos?
      So I’ll try to find you a video of the jawline thing. Basically people tend to stick their chins UP to avoid the problem and then it looks like they’re just looking up. If you stick out your forehead, it accentuates your jawline and in the photo, it doesn’t look like you’re trying to stick out your forehead and you generally don’t look like a goof.
      Although, anything is possible.

  21. It’s going to be great. She’s going to be great. YOU are going to be great as well. Can’t wait to hear about her first few days in one of the biggest milestones of early childhood. xo

    1. We had a 45 minute meeting with the teachers and classroom today and she said she is so excited for her first day on Friday. I think that is music to my ears.

  22. I adore that first pic of scarlet! That girl can fly and shine with or without the harness! She will have new stories for you everyday about her adventures. And you, dear Tamara, will have your own adventures to share with her!

  23. I think that photo by Scarlett is lovely. I love Let It Go too and I sing it with probably a bit too much emotion when it’s just be and baby boy in the car. I feel it was written for me too. I love the way you talk about superfeelers. I get that so much. And that she’ll come home at 3 for the next 13 years. That is so comforting.

    1. People say that the bigger milestones are coming and that we should be happy it’s only kindergarten, but I can’t help thinking that it’s so big because it’s the first of many milestones. The steps in letting go. And yet it is beautiful too.

  24. I wish we could figure out a way to pace the soaking in of life… somehow control the vapors of it’s power so that it hits us in tender parts and pieces so we can handle it all better. But we can’t. So I suppose we need to as best we can… but yes, overwhelming power can take and twist us up into one ball of emotional weight.

    But ya know what? It’s amazing how liberation comes so quickly at times! Anticipation is heavy… and I know that so many times when I feel like I can’t take the pressure of life’s waves hitting me and taking me under- all of a sudden, the white foam starts to calm into this still stream. Life has a way of doing just that.

    I bet after the first day of school, perhaps the first week?

    You will feel the still stream.

    And your ever deepening reflection will be all the more beautiful after this storm passes.

    1. I’ve been there – in which the white foam starts to calm into a still stream. And it’s amazing and beautiful.
      I think still waters are coming for me. I really do. I just need to see her thrive, as I know she will do. She’s so excited for it. She’s so ready.
      There’s no room for my PTSD and me! That could be a poem, right?

  25. Letting go is probably the hardest part about being a parent (not that I can really speak from experience, yet, that’s just what I’ve heard). I just know Scarlet is going to thrive in kindergarten, and you will make it through it as well. I do love that photo that Scarlet took of you. It might not be your favorite, but that is the beauty (or not, I suppose) of being a parent–our children see us at our best and our worst (don’t think I’m implying, though, that this is you at your worst, I still think you look lovely). Big hugs to you, mama!

    1. I think you speak from enough experience, though. You have already given Eve to grandparents for overnights, right? That took me YEARS to do and I’m still not thrilled with it. BlogU was calling, though.
      I appreciate your compliments about the photo and I didn’t at all think you were implying anything but niceness!

    1. Thank you so much!
      We had a great holiday. Four houseguests and three parties in one weekend. Whew. I’m tired. I hope yours was wonderful too, and filled with photos!

  26. That photo is cute because you can tell she’s looking up at you – I’m sure she admires you greatly so it’s always great to appreciate how others capture us, especially those little ones. Hearing her sing was soo precious! They’re adorable at that age, it’s good that she’s fearless in that regard> πŸ™‚ Letting go is never easy, I’m nervous for my little nugget on his first day of 2nd grade so it’s good the bf took him so my nerves didn’t get in the way πŸ™‚ Hope they are having a wonderful time in school and take care lovely!! -Iva

    1. Nice bf! Is this the non-prick 50%? There’s a huge part of me that wants Cassidy to do everything in this regard, because he’s not anxious like I am. Then the other part of me feels like I have to do it. It’s tough. And we’re not talking about 2nd grade, though. We’re talking about kindergarten. I’ve been there for her so far, but boy, I’m ready to stop feeling anxious!

      1. Lol yes the non-prick 50% but he’s still 50% prick. He knows it too. Same here – anxiety dominates a lot of my thoughts and it takes a lot of self soothing and rationalization to calm those nerves. I also have to remind myself that whatever demeanor and vibe I give off my son absorbs it. So I try my anxiety and ish under my hat. πŸ™‚

          1. Lol the world is probably more stable with one of me’s – I’m sure you manage it better than you realize. You didn’t appear anxious to me at all at BlogU and I’m certain you were hella nervous.You had a very calming appeal to you – very woosah.

            1. Nice! I actually wasn’t very nervous at all during the conference. That was nice. Sometimes for really big things I’m strangely calm.
              When I first walked in and I was tired and nervous, I did feel nauseous. It only lasted for about four minutes. So what you saw is what you got. For the most part. A lot of people didn’t notice my annoyance at some point..

              1. I have your post for today lined up – I’m slowly digging myself out of my Feedly Hell Hole – I need to “clean it UP” because it’s a mess. LoL. That’s good then – I’m pretty transparent myself, I get jittery and fidgety when nervous. It’s annoying as hell. Haha what annoyed you? I can definitely say going home was the best thing for me, the driving sucked but omg my bed kicks ARSE!

  27. I always remind myself that the happy people I see getting off of rides or seemingly sailing through life have their own battles and struggles as well. I think sending a child off to Kindergarten (or college…) can be tough for just about anyone. That song was adorable, by the way. Des was ready for harmony!!

    1. It’s so true. I see people and photos and status updates on Facebook, and I assume. And people might do that about me, even during my hot mess periods! Much less my cool, calm and collected times, in which case they’d be right about just that time!
      These milestones are big and this one is still cozy and close, but it’s the first one.
      Des was totally into it! He says, “Let it doh!”

    1. This is what the teacher said – “we take the kids and we give you a box of tissues!”
      I guess it’s mostly always harder for the parents! If the kid is fine, then it’s still hard. And if the kid is not fine, then it’s even harder.
      I do think Scarlet is ready and will be fine. She said she’s excited!

  28. I think that picture of you that Scarlet took is super flattering. It’s so beautiful and honest, just like your writing. And brave too. Very brave.

    1. Thank you. Thank you SO much. That totally made my day over here!
      Do you mean you see bravery in my face in it? (which means she did) Or do you mean it was brave to post? Either way, I’m happy.

  29. I don’t know how you feel about these sorts of things, but I feel like I was supposed to “meet” you. (My brain is screaming “crazy stalker talk!” while I type this. Please don’t be scared and run away…) Truly, your posts speak to me on a very deep level. It’s not often, even in this vast world of blogging, that I’ve found someone who seems to have the words for the swirl of anxiety and doubt that clouds my mind and holds me back.
    Each day I have to remind myself to let it go. And while I may be the one person on Earth who hasn’t seen Frozen or heard that song on repeat for the last forever, I know the lyrics and they do speak to me. For that matter, so does “Learning to Fly.”
    I’m not sure what all this rambling is for, other than to say-
    Thank you for having the courage to speak the words my mind understands too well. Thank you for being you, and therefore giving me the push to be brave enough to continue to speak my words.
    Your girl will do great in this world. How could she not, with an example like you to show her the way?

    1. Ha! I would never run away. I only had a real stalker once, and it was somebody trying to be me, not tell me awesome things!
      When I write about anxiety, I do get a lot of great comments, but more importantly, I get a lot of great emails that many of you don’t see because they’re private. And in those emails, are a lot of people who are feeling doubt, fear, anxiety and many other things. And maybe they think I’m brave, although I don’t. And maybe they just want that first step in connecting about such things. We are all in this together!

  30. I agree with you on “Let It Go”. Everytime I hear it, I bust out singing and instantly feel like I’ve lost 5 pounds. Sometimes, we do need to let go and just be! Scarlet is going to do so many amazing things in her life, I just know it!!

  31. Dang it girl, you’ve got me again!!! I was good, and then your last paragraph…. ::: wipes face, types on:::
    Kindergarten, for each child, has been such a tough transition for me, it meant things were changing, and I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t going to have those special mommy-and-me moments, and when I did they wouldn’t feel the same. I liked the way things felt back then, but I’m okay, with where I am now, and you will be too.
    I’m such a control freak.

    I thought my anxieties of certain things were getting better, and Friday, I was reminded, but I coped, and I was proud. I’m glad you are as well, you really are, it may not feel like it, but letting it out… is… great medicine. I know. The marriage post I wrote the other day, it was nice to get off my chest. Not that I was carrying around anger, but it was letting a piece of me out there. Something that is close to me and that troubled me, was freed.

    All the best, always~
    XOXO

    1. Oh dear! Well I assure you my latest post (posting tonight) will probably not cause any tears. At all.
      I sometimes think I’m totally over my anxiety, or far beyond it, or coping better with life, and then something will knock me off my feet.
      Until I realize that it will happen, until I learn how to free the anxiety from my chest. And each time, I get a little stronger, even if I feel weaker.
      It’s all good.
      xoxoxo

  32. That was beautiful, Tamara. “Let it go.” I have to remind myself of that same thing. We are adjusting to a new home, new community and new schools. I have had so many anxieties similar to yours, but when my kids started at their new schools I told myself the same thing. “Let it go,” everything is going to be just fine. And so far, everything is. I am sure Scarlet will have a wonderful year in Kindergarten and beyond. Have a great night!

    1. I wish I could be more like you in that regard. It just affects me horribly. In my head and heart, I know it’s all good. My body is remembering something bad and telling me to panic. Terribly uncool.
      I know we’ll all be ok, though!

  33. Scarlet is so sweet singing up there! And I love the giant sweater on her. Because, you know, kids in oversized clothes are always adorable. I know life can get overwhelming at times, and it certainly is overwhelming to see your first head off to kindergarten. But I have a feeling you’ll find your own way to fly.

    1. What’s really funny is that a few people asked me where I got her adorable star dress. And then in the last photo, you may have noticed that I’m wearing it. It’s just my sweater!

  34. How is it so far?! Something tells me Scarlet is rocking it! It’s so nerve wracking the first time we send them off! School doesn’t phase me anymore but I’ll be crying the blues next year when I send one off to college…that is going to be tough.

    1. I cannot fathom college. It didn’t even start here yet! Friday is our big day. I will be posting about it Monday or Wednesday of next week. Haven’t decided which.

  35. Oh dear – you got me. Tamara your honesty moves me each time I come to your site, and as I type this through tears I just want to thank you. You have finally given me the courage to write a story I’ve been hesitating to write. Losing control is AWFULLY terrifying, and I am grasping and clawing to keep any semblance of it in my life. If anything this week, no matter how hard it is to actually let her go, know that you helped someone today.

    Good luck Friday!

  36. Last year I sent my youngest to kindergarten and it was a gut wrencher:(. My youngest. It’s so sad! I hope it went well.

    On a superficial note, where did you get Scarlett’s dress> Adorable!

    1. Do you mean the red star? It’s so funny because that’s my sweater! You can even see me wearing it in the last picture. She was cold that day so I let her wear my sweater! To answer your question, I got it at express last Christmas.

  37. Your Cape Cod photos are fabulous! And kudos to you, mama, for taking it so well that your little girl is off to school. You’re so right…she’ll be back every day at 3pm for many, many more years. And just think of all the great art projects you’ll collect over the years!:-)

    Happy September, Tamara!

    1. Thank you so much! Sometimes I use my writing as a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I say I’m taking it well, then I start to take it well! I’m just really trying this week and it’s a struggle.

  38. πŸ™‚ never knew the forehead trick.. interesting. πŸ™‚ You daughter is going to be following in your footsteps as a great photographer. πŸ™‚ She will be fine. I have been there twice and it was worse on me than them. πŸ™‚

    1. That seems to be the case a lot! The forehead trick is a video I saw. You can probably see it on YouTube. It really helps to look better in photos!

  39. Hahaha! Des was too cute in the background. He seemed to help her get started. πŸ™‚ I know what you mean about letting things go daily, hourly, yearly. It’s crazy because this morning I was thinking about some things with the new baby that we will have to make decisions about concerning money and my husband just said “we’ll see.” That used to make me crazy! Then I thought, I should write about this! πŸ™‚

    1. Des was having such a blast in the background! He loves that song.
      That sounds like a perfect writing opportunity. All about growth and letting go!

  40. You make kindergarten sound so fun, with cafeteria food and skinned knees…what a big moment for the both of you. I loved your superfeelers/supertasters “cant stomach” line..sometimes your anxiety creates the most beautiful sentences. Without it, you just wouldn’t be Tamara. And that photo Scarlet took of you is BEAUTIFUL. But my favorite part is that you’re wearing the same sweater she’s wearing in all the other pictures. So unintentionally precious. I missed this on bloglovin :[

    1. You know your comments are pretty much my favorite, right?
      I like to think that all of this is for a reason because it makes me…me.
      As I write this, “Closer to Fine” is on the radio.
      The Bloglovin problem seems to be fixed. This morning my posts from Monday and today both showed up at once in the feed. Did it for you?

  41. Such a crazy transition!! It’s obviously going to be hard, but you need to brace yourself because you know…. After kindergarden, there is middle school and high school and college! You should just be so proud of yourself for raising such a beautiful daughter! πŸ™‚ Be grateful that she is healthy and happy and I know in the future, you two are going to be the best of friends, just like my mom and I.. But let me warn you, there will be ups and downs. As you know, life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, LOL!

    1. Oh I know! The really hard stuff is coming. The stuff that doesn’t have teddy bears and recess and rest time. I think this one is a hard one for parents because it’s the first time you have to really let go. The first of many. And it’s eye-opening. For me, it’s more PTSD of my own tragic kindergarten experience. Terrible.

      1. Scarlet can totally learn from your terrible kindergarden experience! Don’t worry too much!! πŸ™‚ Everything is going to be flipping phenomenal! And I have a feel Scarlett is going to be BATTING the boys away like no one’s business when she’s older – ha ha!

  42. Oh – I’m so happy that my first time to ever hear that song (I live with teenage boys!!) was Scarlet singing it – beautiful!!
    And you always look amazing even when you aren’t posed for a picture!!!
    I hope that the week is easier on you than you have been expecting!!!

    1. A little too soon to tell, but I’m still standing! So there is that, right? I figure if I’m a hot mess on Friday morning, I can just see soothe myself by taking photos of her. Or make Cassidy take her. I mean there are two of us!

  43. Oh, boy. I so hope that Little One’s school experience won’t mirror Scarlet’s and I yours! Lol. I can’t deal. This whole parenting this is just too much.

  44. There are 142 comments before me. That has to mean something.

    You’re unleashing and incredible kid on the world. And the world thanks you. Remember that this girl sees you like she does in that last photo. It’s not up to us to like it or not. It’s their gaze with love that makes it.

    I thought about tacos.

    But … that’s the thing, captain – I’m always thinking about tacos.

  45. Hi I’m just coming across your blog… it’s 2023!!
    So how has life been going??
    I was (and still am) a single Mom of twin … BOYS!!
    They are now 27!! LOL
    TBH … I don’t think we ever … let it go!!

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