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Just Another Manic Sunday.

Just another trip to Jersey and back in a little over 24 hours. The reason for this whirlwind adventure was to celebrate Uncle Matt’s birthday, and of course, to see new nephew Andrew.

It was short and so, so sweet.

There are a few incredibly good things going on right now – maybe I’ll write about them soon but it’s not time yet. There’s just a lot of life going on right now, good, bad, both, neither. This is gross but I call it emotional phlegm. I have stirring emotions blocked in my chest and throat. They can stay there forever if I let them, but I’m on a new path to expel them. Driving to NJ, we followed the same rainbow for over two hours. Driving home a different way than usual, since the Merritt Parkway pisses me off tremendously, there was more ice in the atmosphere causing prism rainbows over upstate NY and the Berkshires. I felt…hopeful. Or at least more hopeful than I’ve been in awhile. Sometimes I’m on fire, sometimes not at all, sometimes half and half. I’d call this a half and half time of life. It’s been much worse, but it can be better. And that’s a fact.

I would have taken pictures of the beautiful fog rainbows we saw all day but my camera was locked in the trunk along with a hearty supply of Tastycake Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes. I should have pulled over – how could I not have seen a need for both of these things??

So now we’re home and warm. There is more snow expected this week. Lately, Scarlet wakes up, looks out the window and says, “Snow!” We predict that one of these days, she’s going to wake up, look out the window and say, “Oh, sh*t. Snow.” Seriously, soon.

The other night at girls’ night out, a simple mention of a restaurant I once went to triggered two days of thoughts about toddler parenting. I went to this restaurant back when Scarlet was about six months old. I remember what she was wearing – a red and black moose romper (of course!) and a matching hat that was pulled tightly over her (then) wavy, black hair with her ears pointing out. She looked like an elf. I remember that it was snowing that day in the town I was in, but not in the town I was going to for a dinner party. I remember that for $5, my lunch special was a full out turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce delight. And I remember that it was Scarlet’s first time in a highchair and that we borrowed a strap from a friend that would hold her Sophie the Overpriced Teething Toy to the chair so that I wouldn’t have to pick it up 17,000 times.

Then there’s what I don’t remember – did Scarlet smile? Had she learned to laugh yet? Did we smile at each other? Did we “talk” to each other? How did we interact?

I just don’t remember. Even with a terrific memory, a lot of babyhood memories blur into one another for me. It’s a sleepless time, but mostly, no matter how much I thought she was doing at that time, it just doesn’t compare to now. I used to hold her all day long because it was the only way to get her from point A to point B. Now…she holds me. By choice. She walks and runs and plays all day long. But she still spends a lot of time holding me.

Nowadays, we talk about things. Sure she speaks a steady stream of Klingon but she also knows so many understandable words that I’ve lost count. She even started small phrases lately and can use two or three words in a sentence. As my mom said today, right now we’re making memories. These are some solid, specific memories.

Here are a few recent bedhead photos:

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And let it be said that my husband shovels snow in a rainbow monkey hat.

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Life is beautiful.

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3 Comments

  1. Well said, my talented, beautiful, deep and endearing daughter!The only way is up….up from the snow drifts to the clouds to the starry night above. I hold you in my heart.

  2. It's nuts how the littlest thing will send us off down memory lane and how the details get all blurred even in such a short time. ps GNO was superfun. i want more!

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