Did you ever leave someone, not because you fell out of love with them or they did anything wrong, but because someone different and irresistible showed up? I have experienced this a couple of times in my petty youth. It’s always a little weird.
– Since you never fell out of love, or at least you didn’t instantly, it comes back to haunt you sometimes. You may find yourself driving past their house or hearing a familiar song and feeling pangs of sadness. Every so often, you’ll think of them and the good times and you’ll wince. You’ll feel pain at strange times.
– When holidays or birthdays come around, at least for a full year, you’ll think about that last holiday or birthday with them.
– Sometimes you still have to get used to your newer lover, your newer model. There will be traits to adjust to that you didn’t have in your previous lover. There will be upgrades in some departments and downgrades in others. In some ways, it won’t feel like “home” the way your old relationship did. At least not at first.
Now think about everything I just said, and substitute two homes in place of two lovers. That’s how I feel lately. I have to pass our old place constantly since it was a darn convenient location. I find myself slowing down the car and looking longingly at the windows. Sometimes I think, “Well, hey. If I lived here I’d be home already.” Then I snap out of it and drive to my cozy new home. Honestly. I don’t want to sound whiny and ungrateful and like I’m not happy with our fortune.
I’m just still getting used to my new home. Of course this is to be expected.
There are unfamiliar places and smells. Creaks and radiator blasts. It’s not the right time of year to fully explore the things I want to explore. The yard. The feeling of the sun high in the sky. Sitting in an Adirondack chair on the deck. And then, unexpectedly, we got two days of warm, sunny bliss. What luck!
We set out to explore. To feel. We explored our new relationship. And found little surprises, some left intentionally and some left unintentionally. I thought more about my new “love.” I thought about my new love’s exes. And just like when you’re in a new relationship and critical of the lover who was there before you, you pore over the disrepair and neglect you find. You shake your head and wonder how someone could have let a precious diamond slip through their fingers. Who were they? How they could not delight in all there is to delight in…? Did they just check out early? Find something different and irresistible?
Yeah. It’s like that. Your loss is my gain. In love and houses, baby.
Well this certainly wasn’t placed here by us! Curious little things like this…
I don’t yet know all of the contours of its body (yard) but I’m learning. All the new places to love.
Finding out where pieces of myself belong in my new home.
We found ourselves sitting side by side, shoe to shoe, under the sun next to our new house. This is good. This is something familiar.
New swings. Obviously I didn’t push her high enough because I was freaked out that she wasn’t in a baby swing. So don’t feel too sorry for her here. She really milks the pout.
To new love. May it shine wherever you find yourself in this strange world.