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It’s Just One Touch to Open

“Open my mouth to breathe the words to you
But words just won’t come out, so I cried
Write on the canvas built from feeling
Emotion persevering inside

It’s just one touch to open, one touch to close
One touch to show me not all minds are cold
One touch to loosen, loosen the hold
One touch to free me from falling down on my own
From falling down on my own”

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

We’re still in Doozy Town, aren’t we? Doozer Town too. I honestly thought that my post on Instagram was enough. I was going to do a whole post based just on this post from Monday:

I wanted to do a real check-in, because I feel like I’ve been so scattered!

Hi! In the last few weeks:

1 – We scheduled Lucy’s surgery for Monday, the 13th. In late January, she tore her ACL. In April, she ruptured it. She is expected to fully recover, but it will be rough.

2 – The puppies recovered from being spayed, and we are trying very hard (but also not hard enough) to turn them into upstanding citizens. This is very difficult.

3 – Four out of six of us got norovirus. I had never seen it spread so badly. I’d never even experienced more than one person in our family getting it. My husband got it, and three of the kids. It’s unfathomable that I know families in which both parents got it at the same time.

4 – We traveled! We went to Alabama for my brother-in-law‘s wedding, and my husband officiated it. It was glorious. Then, instead of spending a third night in Alabama, we decided to go for a Nashville adventure. The city was dazzling.

5 – Now we’re home and I’m trying to get into the spirit of things. It’s going to be a weird week, but I have higher hopes for this month.

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

Now, where did we leave off? Oh, I remember. Four out of six of us got hit with norovirus only days before a trip to Alabama and Nashville. Then, Friday dawned virus-less and we went. Happy ending, right? Sort of. We did go and we had a great time, and Des stayed healthy, and I stayed healthy. However, yesterday was a darker day because he woke up with a respiratory thing instead (which I’m sure he greatly prefers). And this deserves a whole other sentence, paragraph, post, book, whatever, but Cassidy’s uncle passed away that same morning. I feel a little beyond words. I’m always honest here, and give you the full picture of the hot mess, but of course it’s filtered somewhat with time and space, and stories that aren’t my own. People often think we’re this picture perfect family, functional and full, and it’s honestly somewhat terrible a lot of the time. I struggle so hard. I have extreme PTSD from this round of viruses. I hear any kind of noise at all, and just assume someone is puking or crying. I have to stop to rest; listen to myself.

And then I think about the loss of Uncle Daniel, and who he was to so many people.

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

(I don’t see him in this photo, but I do see a lot of his close loved ones)

It’s hard to think about what could have been, and all of the lives and losses you can see clearly in the photos, and not in reality. Many people said it was the best wedding ever, but all I could think about is what it could have been. What all of this could have been. And who knows – maybe the future will bring something amazing. We’re all still young and wild and crazy, don’t you think?

Speaking of which, the trip really was a delight. To have six, briefly non-sick family members. To run into a friend at the airport, to save her a seat on the plane, and also to have her witness the wonder on Rider and Sawyer’s faces when the plane started flying. They had flown before, but that was two years ago, and they were babies. “We’re flying! We’re really flying!” Then there was the sleeping arrangements. Not only was our Airbnb in Alabama immensely huge and deluxe, but sleeping without pets was really something! I get that people do that daily, and I see why, and I also get that people have less pets than us. Sometimes pets help sleep, and sometimes they harm sleep. Sometimes they meet in the middle. The house was memorable and beautiful and had a lot of funny and corny quotes on the wall too. There was a trampoline, a playground, toys, and 5 TVs.

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

We flew into Nashville because that was the easiest, cheapest, and only nonstop way to get there, and then had a three hour car ride to Alabama. I think I fell asleep for a lot of it, which is a luxury. That first night, we got grocery store dinner. The next morning was the wedding, but we had a little time first, to make breakfast, get all pretty, and relax a bit. Scarlet and I had a blast getting ready together, and taking fun photos. We even shared makeup, which I honestly never saw coming, but I’m here for all of it. The wedding was beautiful and complex. Young love is a splendid thing, and a lot of people came from far away places for this backyard AL wedding. Cassidy officiated his brother’s wedding! I tried to stay present, not anxious, and keep the toddlers in line (although Rider decided to get up and throw sticks at the groom’s robe – why? I do not know), and I think I mostly succeeded. The food was amazing, the energy and outfits were amazing, and the mother of the bride told me that Sawyer has a “gush gush face” and I was like, “That’s what I call it too!” The reception was great food, and kid wrangling. I was good with that.

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

The next morning we went out to breakfast at Biscuit Belly and then decided that instead of hanging out in Birmingham (which sounded fun), we would find an AirBnb in Nashville and give up our big house one night early just to avoid doing the drive to the airport with toddlers at 5am. This was a nice spirit of adventure! Nashville was magical, Broadway was dazzling, and we drove to the Parthenon around dusk. We had amazing BBQ for dinner and the older kids and Cassidy went on a bike tour of the city while the little ones napped. The next morning we flew home, which was as annoying as can be with six people and no checked luggage and one very large and non-walking toddler, but we made it. This week has been some recovery, some crisis, and some rest. And now we look forward to whatever crazy thing is next. Keeps me on my toes!

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

It's just one touch to open, one touch to close, One touch to show me not all minds are cold, One touch to loosen, loosen the hold

“No shadow, darkness, I am falling no more
I never felt like this before
No shadow, darkness, I am falling no more
I never felt like this before”

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2 Comments

  1. That sounds like a pretty big undertaking flying everybody down to the wedding. I’m glad you were able to be healthy enough to enjoy the festivities. Cassidy’s outfit has me smiling over here. I remember trips where someone was throwing up the night before the flight – not easy!

    Hopefully this will be a more gentle week. 🙂

  2. My condolences to you Cassidy, and how special it must have been to officiate at your brother’s wedding! What a treasure of family photos here Tamara! I hope all of the Very Special and Beloved Mothers in your family and Cassidy’s family and your blogging family are enjoying Mothers Day! ❤️

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