I only know this because I was searching for a previous post with a similar theme that I wanted to
copy rewrite for this post and I came up with nothing! So joyous joy – I can use it for REAL now. It’s the name of my favorite Sweet Valley Twins book. Not Sweet Valley High, mind you. Sweet Valley TWINS, when they’re 12-years-old and in 6th grade. It was about the Holocaust, and I swear the one before that was about what lip gloss Jessica should be wearing on her date with Aaron Dallas.
My kids don’t know about the Holocaust or Parkland shooters or climate change and polar bears clinging to glaciers. They only know what we knew, in an uncertain world that CERTAINLY terrified our parents and our parents’ parents, and so on. They know that they’re loved and that the world is full of mostly good and sometimes bad. If Des asks Scarlet what the scariest animal is – no doubt expecting her to talk about snakes and snails and puppy dog tails (hanging out of the mouths of rabid bears) – she replies simply, “It’s humans. Humans are the worst. The scariest. The most damaging.” So see – there are things she knows. Life lessons she’s completed. Yet she still thinks that fairies fly in and out of fairy doors and that people are mostly mostly mostly all good and strong and undamaged and unsurpassed. So that’s another life lesson she’s acing.
I’ve had some trouble lately with my anxiety. I don’t talk about it a lot, mainly because it doesn’t knock me off my feet a lot. It can’t happen here. It happened so badly three years ago, and I survived that, with a ton of life lessons learned. What I learned is that life goes on after moderate to severe anxiety. And that I go on too. So nothing has ever felt that bad, and if it ever gets that bad again, I don’t know that it really can, because all of the tools I picked up then are here with me now. I won’t drop them or swallow them or burn them or forget them. They’re imprinted on my brain. So my anxiety lately has been not that bad, but not that good. It’s nightmares here and there, and stomachaches here and there, and that trouble breathing feeling here and there. Ultimately, though, I still think that fairies fly in and out of fairy doors and that people are mostly mostly mostly all good and strong and undamaged and unsurpassed. The kids are alright. And I’m alright too.
I had a disheartening work experience that knocked me off my feet. It’s because it happened here, and I’ve come to a place in my life in which it can’t happen here. Not when I own two businesses, collect good paychecks, have relative job satisfaction, and a husband who picks up my slack with all of his domestic duties and steady paychecks and healthcare benefits. So the fact that I went back in time to have an unpleasant experience was the biggest gut punch. It was traumatic. It was unnecessary. And it only hurt SO MUCH because that part of my life is/was SO FAR in the past. In a world in which I pick and choose my clients and projects, who knew I’d pick a rough one. Probably everyone but me. And the problem IS me.
Life lesson unlocked. There are many of them these days. There’s dizzying joy, relaxation, dreams for the future, deep breathing techniques, peanut butter sundaes, and the knowledge – buried deep deep inside – that I’m not the ugly loser I think I am. I am loved and I am learning, and I am loved. I get rejected daily and it never gets easier. I burned a few bridges along the way, and that never does either. But there are lessons about putting your heart into everything, and keeping it there. Taking it out of things that aren’t meant to be. Communication in real time, or even first. Above all, kindness, eye contact, communication, patience, and an open heart. We can’t have all those things at once, but gosh, we can try.
This is me linking up, as one of my favorite things to do, with Finish The Sentence Friday. This week’s topic is “When I think about life’s lessons…” And there’s still time to write yours. Come link up with your spin on the topic: HERE.