Today on my way to pick Scarlet up from school, I was so off my game that I trailed two friends of mine into the school gates without thinking to say hello. One has a newborn and two other kids, and the other just sent her oldest to kindergarten.
I have a feeling they were forgiving. More forgiving than I was of myself.
One of the highlights of the day was when I noticed my friend’s daughter whispering with my daughter up in a playhouse and I saw how alike the two girls are with my friend and me. Whispering something good. And probably something a little wrong too.
(Isn’t that the BEST? A newish friend to whisper good/wrong things with?)
I’ve been sleep-deprived, shockingly (not), because I’m trying to finish editing a semi-big photo job by this weekend, in which I am traveling four hours one way to New Jersey to shoot a wedding. Enter in all kinds of freak-outs there about traveling 8-10 hours in a car without Cassidy, and about shooting in a church for the first time, and a great source told me that many priests don’t like flash. Which is fine, because I sure as heck don’t like flash either. Enter in the Great Lens Freakout of 2013, helped by the same knowledgable source that my favorite CLOSE portrait lenses might not be the best for a wedding. Note, I said CLOSE. Who wants to exchange vows with me right in their faces?? I guess Cassidy did, but only when I married him. Enter lens rentals.
(The last time I rented a lens was for Scarlet’s 2nd birthday party. We made a big deal out of it since her 1st birthday party was non-existent.)
I’ve also been nursing a sore throat for two days, and it only responds to massive amounts of water and a healthy dose of children’s ibuprofen. Yes, I live life on the edge there. It’s chewable and orange flavored. I took it for post-birth contractions that felt as horrible as labor, and it worked wonders. Chewable Jr. Ibuprofen may be the strongest drug I take.
Speaking of children’s medicine, Des had his 15-month well checkup today, even though he’s not 15 months yet. It was hard this time, because it was our last appointment with Des’ doctor before the doctor retires. Des sees a different doctor from Scarlet mainly because this doctor was there with a kind smile the day Des was rushed to the NICU, and he’s been reassuring ever since.
He has seen Des grow. He has seen me grow into a calmer mother of two.
We mostly talked about development – all good. I was surprised to learn that Des is very tall! I suspected so but it was never at that 90th-100th percentile until this time. His doctor made sure to write me a note and tell me over and over how normal and bright Des is. It took me a long time to see it because I was scared. Des is happy and healthy. It’s hard to be too worried about his development when you see his smile. When the nurse walked into the room and Des was cruising from one chair to another and he turned to look at the nurse and yelled a perfect, “Hi!” When we rolled a ball back and forth and he played with shapes.
Did I ever tell you that he carries his favorite lamb blanket, “Lambie”, in his mouth like a cat carrying a kitten, and he maneuvers through the house like that. Crawling, climbing, cruising. With his “kitten” in his mouth.
There were a few times when he was transitioning his nap schedule, in which he fell asleep while playing:
“Honey, I broke the baby!”
I just want my family to be happy and healthy, and doing what they love. I have no interest in taking away the love and passion, and dreams and wishes, of anyone in this world. If that means we get a cat, (shudder), then we get that cat named Dinah that Scarlet wishes for every night on every star and every birthday candle, and every wishbone.
If I have to step it up, and step it up well, I will do that.
I had a fabulously inappropriate conversation with Scarlet at bedtime:
Me: “I’m sorry I’m an a-hole sometimes.”
Scarlet: “You’re not an a-hole!”
Me: “Sometimes I get too annoyed.”
Scarlet: “Sometimes you’re mad, but still nice. You’re one of the good guys, Mama.”
It means so much to hear her say that. This girl, who sees through people like glass. She thinks I’m a good guy.
There have also been wonderful, wonderful emails from old friends with the highest compliments known to mankind (or me) in them. I’ve been so flustered and off my game that I can’t even answer eloquently. If you’re out there, this is my eloquent response. This is where you can find it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Personal emails are like Christmas, candy and sunshine. So are blog comments. So are blog friends.
I’m totally off my game this week, but only in my messy, frazzled, stressed ways. I’m totally off my game, but I’m also riding this wave of excitement just the same. I won’t be off my game on Saturday at the beautiful church wedding.
I simply won’t allow it. If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen.
And there’s no turning back from here.