I’m Only Sad That It’s Ending Too Soon.

Christmas has been hard to get into my heart this year.

There are no outward reasons, and nothing terrible has happened. Maybe it snuck up on me too fast. Maybe the money I was going to make for this year’s gifts didn’t hit my bank account fast enough to relish in it. Maybe I do feel it, intensely, as I feel all things but it’s not always obvious to me. One of my mothers-in-law took us to see “Twas The Night Before Christmas” on Friday, and I may have had to wipe away a tear or two during “Joy To The World.” That shows feeling to me. Delayed, but heavy.

Then late last night, when I was up too late and watching a Christmas movie with James Van Der Beek, and I was astounded to notice that he’s grown into a very handsome man, I got choked up during a scene with a Salvation Army Santa ringing his lonely bell on a nighttime street. And I know that it’s there. I just wish I had more time. More than three days to feel these feelings.

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Last year under the Christmas tree!

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And then we have Scarlet at Des’ exact age:

Every now and then, I feel like time is slipping through my fingers too fast. I’m lucky enough not to feel it often. Usually I feel that my kid time is concentrated and overwhelming (but in a good way) and long-lasting. I felt like Scarlet’s first year of life was eons. I felt like Des’ first three months were a decade. When people said, “Enjoy this time – it goes too fast.” I decided that they might be insane, or debbie-downers, because those times never felt like they were going too fast. They were long and luxurious.

And probably meant to be missed when they’re gone. Otherwise, what’s the point?

This Christmas season went by too fast for me. In that way in which I should have taken the advice of everyone I thought was a naysayer, who told me to enjoy the time – it goes too fast. Yes, you were right this time, naysayers. Luckily, I plan to stick around for a ton of holiday seasons and I’ll make sure to enjoy each one fully. And for now, I’m going to enjoy the you-know-what out of these next few days. I’m talking 24/7 Christmas music, Christmas cookies, and lots of Santa-talk in our house.

And photos, of course.

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This was our house during last weekend’s snowfall. I ran outside to capture a photo because I thought it looked so welcoming.

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Come and visit, sometime. As long as you’re not a naysayer. The sunrise over our driveway will make you a believer.

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And there’s always our Tardis shed, if you need shelter. It’s bigger on the inside.

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And before I forget, and this really should have gone in the beginning of this post… In fact, I should have shouted it from the rooftops and hired a skywriter to write it! Des (and I) did a guest post on the Growing Up Madison blog.

Check it. HERE. I hope you’ll find it most enjoyable.

Have a great three days! I will be back, on Christmas, and as always. There is a lot to look forward to in 2014. Work. Money. Love. Taking it to the streets. (no idea what that means but it sounded good) Spring and summer and fall again. All that I have to learn and discover. All that you have to learn and discover. Food. Friendships. Fun. You. Me. You and me?

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  1. Your house looks just like a gingerbread house in that snow! I don't really feel like my kid-time is passing too quickly either, although it definitely does seem to be moving a little quicker with this second baby. (But I think that's a good thing. I remember feeling like I was trapped in crying baby hell forever with my first. Now I know I have a first-class ticket to whiny toddler hell waiting for me!) Just kidding, my children are delightful. Except when they make me crazy. Merry Christmas!

  2. I am so in love with your home. That was a great photo of the driveway. I’m with you being in the spirit. This is my first Christmas in 8 years not having to work up and thru the holiday. I will be taking it all in and enjoying every minute of it!

    1. Oh, that’s fantastic! My sister has always worked on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve and it makes a huge difference to us all when she doesn’t.

  3. I DID feel like my kids' babyhood went by too quickly. Especially now, when I'm looking back and can't remember exactly how they looked and felt and sounded. Thank goodness for photos. (I'd love to have as MANY amazing ones as you do to trigger memories.) It's one of the biggest reasons I am the self-designated memory keeper of our family.

    Enjoy these three days of feeling in the holiday spirit, Tamara!

    1. I actually hear a lot that the days go by slowly and the years go by fast. And I imagine my perspective will change on that! Maybe it will seem like a flash to me one day. I remember my own childhood going by painfully slow, but I wonder what my parents thought. There are just many days that I think about how much living we have done, and I'm shocked that my kids are only one and four. Surely they'd be adults by now, in my mind!

      Anyway. I love the way you think/write. Have a great holiday!!

  4. I'm feeling those feelings. Heck, I keep crying during that Apple commercial where the kid is making the video for his family for Christmas! I find myself realizing that those first few years, while they felt like they lasted forever at the time, now feel like decades ago. I was struggling to remember my kids' first Christmases. Until I went back and looked at the photos. Looking forward to seeing your photos over the holidays. I'm sure they will shine. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, Tamara. So nice to have you in my little world!

    1. I really need to see this Apple commercial! And I was writing Shana above how it might seem like a flash one day but for now I'm often shocked that after all of this adventuring and living and "more much fun" that my kids are only one and four! Surely, it's been eons!

      Jennifer, I love having you in my world. And those worlds will collide in person soon enough! New Englanders unite!

      1. They have the commercial on their website. You can't miss it, they will not let you. I think it might auto-play when you go to apple.com.

        And it will break your heart. Into a million tiny ribbons. But they are glorious ribbons.

  5. I can’t help but to be in awe everytime I look at your house. It’s such a beautiful sight and very welcoming indeed! I have a two-week holiday vacation and I hope to spend it the best way I can with my family and dearest friends. Time does fly too fast. I remember when I was still single and I was working on Christmas Day, I just had to tell myself that the days would just go by quickly and actually wanted to get it over with soon. But now that I have a family of my own, I wish the season could be much longer! πŸ™‚

    1. Two weeks! I so hope you enjoy that. When I was a kid I used to think that one week vacations would fly by, but two week vacations are something else entirely. A lot can happen in them!
      Wishing for a long season for you and your family!

  6. So beautiful,I love how it looks your house with snowfall <3 I miss great winter times, in Italy it snows only one day. I was used with 6 months of snow in my country, when I was very young πŸ˜€ Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays in magic athmosphere!!!

    1. Six months of snow!! I guess we have three or four, depending on the year. Sometimes very little. And sometimes it can snow until May, no lie! So I guess we can have that many.

      Have a magical Christmas!

  7. I get it now, more than ever. I get you now, more than ever. You know how you adore someone you read online and then one day even more gears start moving and you understand them even better? That just happened to me about you. πŸ™‚

    About the time passing so fast? I think why people say it is not because it passes faster than any other time, but because it is impossible to retrieve it once it has passed. You can not decide to go back one day and experience those days again. And believe me when I tell you this… if I could, I would. My arms some days ache for a six month old Michael or a eight month old Allison, a five month old Crystal on the day she learned to belly laugh. Or Zachary, when he was newborn, the last baby. And those days are gone too fast simply because they are gone forever. Which sounds way too cold and calloused to say to a new mommy. So we say they go too fast. No, Dammit, they are gone forever. Until you get a respite because someone will post fantastic photos of sparkly-eyed drooling babies, or a wee one with a curly mop of hair pulling of her sock, and for a moment you are there again. Feeling it all again.

    I love seeing all of this through your eyes. I love how much you share things I would have been afraid to share. I love how much you are both here for your kids, and will be forever. I raise my glass to you! xo

    1. Isn't it funny that you can think you're already at that point, but then something happens to just make it more powerful. I felt that way about you with the dog on the rocking horse. That's just…yes.

      I love your perspective here, as usual. I wish I could stop putting myself in the future and sobbing at the thought that these moments will be gone forever. Might make me enjoy my present more!

      I raise my glass (of ice water. drat.) to you, my friend!

  8. I still cant believe someone is so lucky to have such a cool home and right in middle of a forest it looks like?? I am with you on the Christmas thing. It's coming too fast. I feel like I've been on a roller coaster this season and the ride was too short. Let's get off that ride and enjoy Christmas!

    1. Yes, Tess – it's totally in a forest! A clearing in the woods and we own some of the woods. In the middle of a city. It's really fantastic. We're not independently wealthy either (at ALL). Just good timing.

      Let's enjoy this! We can!

  9. Whether it goes by slowly or quickly, I endeavor to enjoy it more. I don’t always succeed (because, let’s face it, some days are just effing long), but tomorrow is another day.

    Love your home, it’s gorgeous. And yes, welcoming.

    Happy holidays, Tamara, Cassidy, Scarlet and Des.

    1. Come over, anytime!
      Some days are so effing long – that’s so true. Lately, I’ve found that even though days are supposed to be shorter because of winter!

  10. Taking it to the streets!! I love it. Blast that music Tamara and make some extra cookies – me and the boys are coming over!! Don’t worry, we can lock them in the Tardis shed when they get too crazy πŸ™‚

  11. I will occasionally have those life moments when I realize how fast times goes and I’m like “woah..” back up this train!” But your awareness of this? That’s what will allow you to savor all of those moments than many of us tend to ignore or race through so fast that we don’t give them a second thought until years later. Sometimes, when you write about things like this, you remind me to step back and appreciate how glorious it all is.

  12. I so could have written this, because I love this time of the year, but I always feel like it goes by too quickly and looking at my girls this year growing up right before my eyes, it definitely hit me more then usual. I so just hope that it doesn’t all go by too quickly now and that I can enjoy as much of it as I can in the next few days. Also you know I can’r wait to visit and your house is definitely warm, inviting and welcoming for sure! Merry Christmas Tamara to you and your family!! πŸ™‚

  13. It all ends too soon and is over too fast, but that just means life is full of good things we want to savor. Savor the next few days with your family, Tamara – enjoy! Oh, and I will now be singing Taking it to the Streets the rest of the day. Thanks – really. I love the Doobie Brothers.

    1. I think it should be the anthem of today! And next year. Take it to the street. It speaks to me of new opportunities! Or maybe I'm supposed to go caroling or something?

  14. Your home is so beautiful and looks exactly the way that I imagine Christmas is. I know exactly what you mean. Between the Apple commercial Jenn mentioned and the one with the little girl baking cookies for her grandfather, I am a total mess. I can’t believe it is in 2 days. I want to stop time and just soak it up.

    1. Not bad for a more than half Jewish family, right? Christmas got into my heart a long time ago and I will never let it go.
      I just watched the Apple commercial! Not positive if this is Lisa or Ashley, but your post today had me in tears too. So I can’t imagine how you feel!

    1. You are so right! Isn’t it awesome that Hanukkah is eight days? Just having a holiday last for one day kinda sucks. I’m happy to have all nine, but sheesh.

  15. your home looks so beautiful and welcoming! i am with you. this season/year has just flown by…sometimes i wish i could stop…freeze time, and make some moments last forever..

    loved seeing the photos of your beautiful kids! what a treat!

    here's wishing you and your beautiful family a very merry xmas and a very happy new year!

    may love/peace be your gift at christmas and your blessing all your through!


  16. The starts and stops of time with it's rushing and slowing down (and wibbly wobbly timey whimey-ness) are impossible to predict. I think we just have to go with it and enjoy every moment while we can.

    Hope you enjoy the next few days, Tamara!

  17. Relish every sweet moment of the next three days and beyond. I'm a big believer in stretching out Christmas (and birthdays) as long as possible. Christmas should be celebrated through the end of December. At least!

  18. I would really like to come and live at your house! πŸ™‚ It;s gorgeous! Not to mention, I feel your pain when it comes to how fast time flies and with the children growing up so fast. I cannot believe I have a teenager, and I met a friend last night whose son I have not seen in a long time. I remember when he was Addy's age – 3 – and when I saw him last night, I could not believe that same cute little boy is now an 18 year old senior in high school. Time really does fly, and it goes fast. However, the pictures you take are beautiful memories to share and cherish forever.

    1. Thank you! That does give me comfort. And I look at Scarlet's friends who are four and I am shocked because I knew them as newborns. How will I feel in 10 years?

      Come live here, or visit, anytime!

  19. Have a wonderful Christmas, Kim! The whole photography thing, and writing, and the fact that I watch Doctor Who always make time feel so strange.

  20. I love the picture of the sun over the driveway. Beautiful. Also, I know what you mean about not getting into the spirit until too late, but this is what I think – enjoy these last three days (two days now, I guess) so much, and so fully that they make up for the rest of the season. And try not to spend them worrying about whether or not you are enjoying them. I do that, and I always regret it. Take lots of pictures of Scarlet and Des! Can’t wait to see Christmas faces!

    1. Thank you! And thanks for the reminder to pack up my speedlight too. I want these photos to be special this year. I don't do a lot because we're all in jammies and trying to be present and all that, but the kids. It's for the kids!

  21. That sunrise picture is just breathtaking! So pretty! I know what you mean about the holidays coming so fast this year! I get so caught up in shopping, wrapping, baking that it's just slipping by. It's nice to slow down and actually enjoy the holiday. Next year our kids will be even older and look so much different again when we go back and look at this year's pictures!! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and enjoy every minute of it!!!

  22. Wow they can be TWINS, Tamara!

    I totally agree with you on the time flying fast business. I used to think other people told me that just to make me feel better during those initial, first-time-mom madness days. I think it’s more poignant when you have more kids because you see your older kid and can’t believe your subsequent kids could be that old just as quickly. By far I am relishing these baby moments with my kiddos a lot more, knowing how fast my oldest grew up.

    1. I think you are so right. And what's hard is that with having an older one, my husband and I did find ourselves a bit impatient with our son. It's because we knew/know what was/is coming and we want that. Speech. Potty training, etc. And my son set us straight. He didn't walk until 16 months which was definitely his way of saying, "Hey guys. Chill. I do."

  23. Omg, I love your house!!!! It is true that it was hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year. I wonder if it’s because Thanksgiving was so late. Or that my son’s birthday is Dec. 12 and I am incapable of having two thoughts at once. Your children are beautiful, but you knew that. πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks! We love our house so much! I can't have two thoughts at once either. My son's birthday is 2-3 weeks before my daughter's birthday which is two weeks before mine. Aggh!

  24. Wow! Your home and driveways are post card pics. Beautiful. I would totally hang that in my home. Des and Scarlet look like twins are the same age. They are so adorable. I totally feel you. Christmas came sooo fast. I feel like it’s been so hectic that I haven’t completely gotten in the season like years before. Everything feels rushed. I plan on slowing down at least for two days and enjoy the moment….kinda what we have to do with our kids. It’s tough at times and overwhelming, but if we’re not careful, we look around and they’ve grown up.

    You are capturing your children’s personalities in every beautiful picture you take. Thanks for sharing them with us.

    Btw, I’m not a naysayer so I’d so like to visit πŸ™‚

    1. Come visit anytime!! Seriously. Although I would never think you were a naysayer!

      Des and Scarlet are looking more alike these days, the bigger he gets. And I really wanted photographic evidence of that.

      Hope you have a very enjoyable few days!

    1. I know! There's still time. Having been in my first trimester for two out of my several Christmases, I'm just grateful that the scent of pine no longer makes me want to puke.

  25. I hope you enjoy every moment of your week with your family Tamara. Your house looks so beautiful with snow. Have a wonderful Christmas and can't wait to see the magic of the holiday from your lens. Enjoy!

  26. I love the virtual tour of your house and outdoor area!! Gorgeous (even with the snow!)!!!

    I hope that the next days pass in ultimate slow motion for you so that you can savor every single second!!

    Thanks for linking to your guest post – I missed it yesterday!!

    1. I'm glad you got to see my post!!

      And have a wonderful Christmas Eve/Christmas. Yesterday definitely moved in slow motion and I'm looking forward to the same today.

  27. You have such a pretty house! Enjoy your Christmas. I can't wait to see your pictures. I love to see them.

  28. Ha, taking it to the streets. I don't know what that means either but when I hear it, I think of revolution and positive change. So lets get some positive change in 2014 shall we? I love the pic of Scarlet in the multi colored jumper. Just gorgeous.

    You house is stunning. STUNNING! No wonder you get all those fabulous pictures (apart from the fact that you are a consummate professional with years upon years of experience) you have some seriously big window for some great light πŸ™‚

    1. I think of that great Doobie Brothers song! Yes! Let’s take it to the streets for 2014. Can’t wait to see what it has in store for all of us.
      Come visit our house anytime!!

    1. Thank you, Leah! It is a true home to us – we miss it when we’re away and we delight in it when we’re there. Have a great Christmas, all of you!

  29. That picture of your house looks like a Christmas Card! I agree – the days sometimes drag on and on, but the seasons and the years fly by far too quickly. Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family!

  30. I love that picture of your house…and that trail! You need snowshoes! Do you have them? I agree, time does pass us by way too fast and I don't know where the year went! Merry Christmas to you and Cassidy and Scarlet and Des!

    1. Michelle, I don't but Scarlet does! We both have such small feet but I think hers won't do. Come over anytime to see it in person!

      Merry Christmas to you and your awesome family! You're such a gift to me.

  31. Taking it to the Streets has different meaning for Latinos – we have to be careful that it doesn't end in rubber bullets and poison gas.

    I'm with you, though: I worried that the Christmas spirit would evade me. But a day spent shopping with Grace, and making a batch of cookie dough late at night with Grace, helped me find it. It led me to my six words to describe Christmas as a parent: Love what's good, forget what isn't.

    The holidays go fast for the very same reason a snickerdoodle cookie goes faster than steamed carrots: We crave it more. So, we can either eat more snickerdoodles, or eat them more slowly. I choose to eat them more slowly. (And maybe one or two more).

    1. Your comment is making me smile, and a big reason for that is that last night my brother made me steamed carrots in a shepherd’s pie, and there were snickerdoodles for dessert. In this particular case, I couldn’t eat those carrots fast enough because my brother is a chef and it’s been a long time without his cooking.
      However, usually..what you said!
      Thank you for that description of time with Grace. I love your six words. Heck, I love mine. Excited for that post!

      1. You brother consulted me on the menu, actually. Did he do all right? I ordered a plate of leftovers to eat on my sickbed. You can leave them on the doorstep.

        You're going to be in for one heckuva actual Christmas, and I predict it'll linger a while.

        Your six words were pretty good, I have to say. Boom.

        1. My brother told me that he will only ever consult you in the future because you nailed it this time!

          Are you sick? I'll see what I can do with the chef.

  32. I so feel the same way Tamara. Where did the time go? I remember Madison last year and now she's almost all grown up. I didn't get into the Christmas spirit this year at all either. Last year was so different, not sure if it was because it was Madison's first but this year was very much different. Hopefully we can make up for it today. Took the day off after a few days of driving to relax and get Madison to meet Santa so now blog hopping. Thank you for that awesome blog post from Des and you may not see it on the outside, but there's always Christmas cheer on the inside of your heart and home. Love you! Happy Holidays.

    1. It probably shouldn't comfort me as much as it does that others feel the same, but at least I know nothing's wrong with me here! It's Christmas Eve morning and Scarlet's excitement is palpable! And I'm feeling so much love in my heart for my family, friends and definitely blogging friends that have crossed over into being real friends. Love you too!

  33. Christmas it up my friend! It only comes once a year. Enjoy each one to the end. Yes the time goes by fast but I have at least one special memory from each Christmas with Adrian and that's the important part for me, the fact that I am there. I want to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and I will definitely stop by your amazing house if I am ever in the area!

  34. I never thought of that before, Tamara. What is the point? If those moments and time were frozen forever it would no longer be special.

    I did not realize how much Scarlet and Des looked alike until now! What cuties!

    Merry Christmas! Enjoy dancing in your Christmas PJs and singing Christmas tunes at the top of your lungs while your hot cider cools on the counter.

    1. What an awesome picture you paint there! We will surely live it up today. Have a wonderful holiday, Carla! Can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store for Real Into.

  35. I am right there with you – It hasn't quite felt like XMAS around there parts. Yep, I came home for the holidays, the XMAS tree is up and decorated, the house has a few festive touches to it, but it just doesn't feel quite right. Perhaps this is because my family won't be celebrating until Saturday. I am completely fine with that – however, everyone else is posting pictures, etc and it just makes me want to cuddle by the fire with family that much more, right now. I'll get it though! I just really need to listen to some XMAS music, and I haven't really had the chance!!!! Merry XMAS! Enjoy it, bake up some of my cookies! πŸ˜‰

  36. I read somewhere that the days are long, but the years are short. Sometimes I find this to be true, but sometimes the days seems to fly by too. I hope you are able to savor all that needs savoring this holiday season! Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  37. I’ve been glued to the hallmark channel whenever I can steal away to my bedroom and watch it lol I caught that movie last night and thought the same thing, Dawson looks hot πŸ˜‰ I didn’t get to see the whole thing like any show I watch because everyone was climbing into the bed to watch kiddie shows and they all have the sniffles, the baby has her first cold…sucks! we are still enjoying this week being in our new home….=)

    merry xmas bowmans!!



    1. Yay for new homes! Boo to baby colds. Dawson is really hot and oh so sensitive. And he will always be Dawson in my mind. Poor James. We wish you all a Merry Christmas, beautiful family.

  38. Your home looks so cozy and inviting!! I'm ready for the end of the season this year but I know that feeling too of feeling like it went too fast.very much looking forward to the new year here!

  39. Merry Christmas Tamara! One of my gifts this year was finding you and your writing. I’m serious. Also, you were so very right, your house does look so welcoming!

  40. It is AH-MAZING how much Des has grown over the last year! I guess the time does go fast, eh? =)
    Your home? Looks like something on a postcard or in a movie. I’m so in love with it and I’m so taking you up on that offer of “come and visit”.
    Glad that you’ve found some Christmas life in this Christmas season before it expired. Happy holidays to you and all of your family.

    1. Well we went to New Jersey for Christmas, but what’s so funny is that it WAS white up here where they live. Nowhere else in this town, even, except for their street. They live high up in town.

  41. Aw! Sometimes it just doesn’t feel like Christmas right away. I’ve felt like that sometimes in the past. People still talk Christmas pretty much until New Year’s though so that’s a plus. πŸ™‚ I always love your photos of your house and what it looks like outside. Me and Harroll love your house minus the snow. hehe. Happy Holidays Tamara. !! πŸ™‚

  42. I know exactly what you mean!!! My son is 9 weeks and is growing sooo fast. Its like I blinked and he’s already so big. Of course I’m happy, but I’m also can’t believe how fast time flies.

  43. Your house looks so beautiful in the falling snow, Tamara. Are you sure you don’t live in Narnia? I was slow to feel the festive spirit this year–well, last year, I suppose–but as soon as the Christmas tree went up and the house was filled with twinkling lights…it all came flooding in. A full day of Christmas movies helped, too πŸ™‚

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