Is “Timber” an appropriate song to reference here? I checked Urban Dictionary and I Googled the song meaning and it seems legit. Then again, I really surprised my friend Iva and made my sister’s day by writing about K-Y® Pleasure Gels, so there’s that. Besides that I saw a great explanation of the song “Timber” that says that he (the singer, narrator, etc.) is on the ascent in the song. He’s living in the moment. He’s up and down and up and down, and will eventually wind up down. Exhausted. (or hungover, but let’s stay with exhausted) The sun goes down, and then the night goes down, so you live it up while you can.
I know how to swim, a bit, and I know how to stay afloat, but I don’t know how to dive into water. I never learned. I tried but I failed. I was too afraid I would belly flop and it would hurt. I was too afraid I would sink down too far to get back up.
I’m photographing a wedding this Saturday. In the last week, I’ve done a lengthy maternity shoot and a large family shoot too. I don’t want to drown in photos. Sometimes it feels like I might. I just want to swim through them, easily and happily.
It’s also the first week of school for Scarlet, and orientation for Des, and it’s filled with so many details of what’s the same and what’s different. First grade is different, and today while I dropped her off and she played on the playground, I stayed as a fly on the wall. I suspected she’d get lost coming back to line up for class when the bell rang, and that she’d head instinctively to the kindergarten line. She did. She looked so lost and small. I stayed put a bit and watched one of the teachers help her to the first grade line. Then the first grade teacher pulled her to the front of the line as her helper.
Sometimes you can still be there, but by staying back. Sometimes you can stay back, but by still being there. She worked it out. I watched her file into school happily. She wasn’t embarrassed and she didn’t cry. So I still went to giggle in my car.
Then I dropped Des off at orientation for daycare, which was also so the same and so different. There were brand new toys and tables and chairs. Everything was so neat and organized and happy and healthy. Four new kids, and one kid graduated. He clung to me a bit and then settled in. And so I came back home to eat some yogurt and write this little undefined ditty.
I’ll have about a week’s worth of prescheduled posts for you. They may or may not be sponsored, but all sponsored posts have been chosen and written with care and heart. I hope you’ll join me here for those posts, but know that I’ll be back soon – in my present, Tamara voice, and not the pre-scheduled one, and that I will have survived photographing the wedding.
And if I do survive, which I think I probably will, I’ll most likely reward myself with a doughnut and moose-filled trip to Maine in October, if you’d like to join me there. If not, join me here as I recount all of these life adventures.
So I’m going to do it. I’m going to dive in. I can’t believe I’m in my 30’s and I’ve never taken a true dive. I don’t want to sink and I don’t want to belly flop. I don’t want to just tread water because I can. Instead I’m going to dive in and sink to the bottom of the blue water, if only to rest for awhile, and learn to breathe slowly. I’m going to dive into the water, into this life, into things I’m most afraid of and things I most dream about. I will never be as graceful as an Olympic diver..