The best I ever had
The best I ever had”
And then life happened, and sleep overtook me in a heavy, sharing the couch with a cat and a husky way. When I was awake, with things to do and write and plan and post, Luna settled into the blanket in my lap and formed a perfect cup. A cat cup. A lap cup cat cup, if you will. When I woke up, Lucy was somehow right behind me, her tail curled near my head and her head under a giant pillow. And this is the small couch. It was housing two humans, if you count me and the unborn one, a cat, two blankets, a husky, and two pillows. I’m shocked that Cassidy didn’t take a photo of this, because it was surely adorable. Alas, it lives on in our minds, and I must have really needed that sleep – and not the work I had – because yesterday (at the time of writing) was BIG.
I’d gladly give up all I had
To find you I’d suffer anything and be glad”
I was SO nervous. I was nervous, all around and all week, because I had a zillion work things due (some of which needed a much pleaded-for extension, which is so NOT my style) and then I had my booster shot right on Monday, which is certainly one way to kick off a full week of reality after a long cozy holiday weekend. I’m happy to report that it was somewhere between shots one and two for me. For shot one, I don’t even really remember a sore arm, really, but with shot two, I was writhing in high fever. I had no fever this time, but I just felt a little weird and achy. I was totally fine by Tuesday night, and then certainly fine by Wednesday, and by Thursday’s BIG ultrasound.
I’d work all my life and I will
To win you I’d stand naked, stoned and stabbed”
My heart was pounding in my throat when I pulled up to the hospital and then gave them my name/received a mask at the main entrance. You see, for all of Rider’s ultrasounds (6 in all) and for the 10 week ultrasound of this little axolotl, I had had the same ultrasound technician. I had known this would be a different one, although I had still hoped for the warm, fun, trustworthy, familiar technician I had had during a really scary time, of an advanced maternal age pregnancy during a pandemic! Well, my nerves were eased pretty fast when the new (to me) technician called my name. She was warm and welcoming, and I instantly told her my two fears: 1. That I would accidentally find out the sex of the baby and 2. That something is wrong with the baby!
We instantly established a nice rapport, and within minutes, I had the warm gel on my stomach and I could see the baby! He or she was sucking on those fingers and I was rewarded with an awesome photo of the baby’s profile that you can see throughout this post. There were so many cool things to see right away, like the head and face, the heartbeat, waving fingers and kicking legs, and that gorgeous spine! She told me when to look away, so it stunned me to think that someone out there knows if it’s a boy or girl, and it’s not me! That doesn’t even go on the report to the midwives, so maybe it’s a nice surprise to them as well. This is all new territory for me, and I have been worrying about the health of this baby a lot, despite having a fairly smooth third pregnancy and labor, and this being smooth too so far. I’ve been worried my luck has dried up.
The scan took about 45 minutes, but she was pretty positive that the baby was “lovely” and easy to scan, and she told me when to look away to avoid finding out boy or girl. They only do Level 2 ultrasounds a limited amount of time, because an MFM doctor has to travel in from Boston to also look at the images and to come and talk with me, regardless of outcome. For Rider, I had a Level 2 ultrasound as well, but it was during the beginning of COVID, so the high-risk doctor was only on Zoom, from what I remember. In this case, she came in person to talk to me and ask me questions. She was a straight shooter in my opinion, and told me all of the risks involved, but also told me she saw NONE of them in the scan, and that the baby looks great. I’m so relieved.
After that I went home with all of the good news and feelings. I’d love to tell you I had a nice relaxing night of sleep, but we lost power last night in the windstorm, and I think only Rider got a good night of sleep last night! He did let out a few bleats of protest, but for the most part, we didn’t hear from him much. Scarlet braved it out in her cold room with a flashlight, Cassidy slept downstairs on the couch, hearing the power company trucks in our driveway for hours, and Des slept in our incredibly comfy bed with me. I dreamed I was driving through Mario Kart races.
So today, I’m enjoying the more frequent kicks, and the victories for this week. It’s a problem for me to have fears and doubts come rushing back pretty rapidly, after being held or kept at bay. It’s only been a day, though. Not even 24 hours since I had such wonderful and reassuring news.
The best I ever had
The best I ever had”