I wish I held my head higher, my sloped shoulders back, my stomach in, and my chest higher. I guess what I’m saying is that I wish I had better posture. I think it’s plenty good IF I think about it, but I rarely think about it. Aren’t all the things we do better when we think about them? All that mindful stuff. Like breathing. Sometimes even when I’m thinking about it, I still wish I was better at breathing. I wish I did better things on auto-pilot – like think and breathe and love.
I have trouble with top ten lists and writing prompts, only when I have too much to say, and I worry I’ll miss something pivotal in my list or post and it will somehow not give you the complete picture of me. I wish I was better at moving through that kind of illogical thinking. This is ALL me, and all sloppy and messy and wonderful, and the puzzles pieces have been going heart to brain to page for over nine years now. Why would today be any different, really?
Last week there were probably ten other things I wished to be better at, and next week my list will change, but something tells me many of these wishes are both ancient and imminent, and all I can do is find them. And then turn those wishes into accomplishments and fulfilled dreams.
Ten Things I Wish I Was Better At:
1 – I wish I was better at assessing my worth.
I’m a serial under-charger and a softie and half the time – a pro bono photographer. There has to be a better balance out there, between sleeping better at night knowing I provide accessible and affordable services.. and sleeping better at night because I have a cozy home, and I share my worth with others, and I can afford all that! Because I’m worth it. L’Oréal told me so.
2 – I wish I was better at vomit.
Do I really have to talk about this, boss? Well since I’m the boss of myself, I’ll let it slide. Let’s just say I have Emetophobia and I also have two kids – one who holds back, and one who barfed all over the front porch from too many mozzarella sticks. NOT FUN, boss. So not fun.
3 – I wish I was better at not losing my temper.
It’s bad sometimes. I find I don’t have a violent bone in my body, not even in thoughts, unless it involves ticks, mosquitoes, and wasps. Besides that though, I just really like to swear under my breath about “complete morons” in cars. And the pets really try my patience but they still snuggle with me at the end of every day so I imagine it’s worse in my head. They’re forgiving.
4 – I wish I was better at sticking to a budget.
Or you know.. making a budget. I keep thinking I’ll finally have a budget week but then overnight field trips and dog heart ultrasounds and kid retainers and dog leg surgeries and tax season and work supplies and spring break flights and other things keep happening! Send help.
5 – I wish I was better at cooking from scratch.
Or maybe that I had more of an interest. I think I could create beautiful meals. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I was I was better with consistency. I’m prone to bursts and fits of domestic inspiration – with cooking, cleaning, organizing, and helping with homework.
6 – I wish I was better at singing, dancing or playing an instrument.
I wish I was better at being one of those swirly girls – with perfect handwriting and perfect posture and neat lines. I’m ok being messy too – I know I’m warm and friendly and make friends everywhere I go. I’m passionate and powerful, when not anxious, and can work a room at my best. There’s my worst too. And the fact that I just wish I could play piano like Bruce Hornsby.
7 – I wish I was better at rejection and taking criticism.
And I wish I was better at not catastrophizing. When I have words or work problems with even one person, I think the entire world is looking at me like I’m a loser. If I get bad feedback on one thing, I think everything I do is terrible. I wish I had a faster recovery and rebound time too.
8 – I wish I was better at grieving and at real-time anxiety relief and communication.
And I don’t even know what to say except that.
9 – I wish I was better at transitions, especially with parenting.
I wish for Scarlet and Des to move through the eventual elementary, middle, and high school graduation transitions as beautifully as they move through many transitions. And I wish for me to follow their leads, take deep breaths, and then learn to let go – just a little bit at a time.
10 – I wish I was better at sitting down and writing this all out.
Which I’ve done, and like I used to do 100% of the time, instead of looking through my archives for something important to say. As if I no longer have anything important to say. And yet, pretty much every week, I sit down and write these posts. There are wonderful posts to reference and re-publish from the past, sure, but it hasn’t all been said, and it never will all be said.
This is me linking up with Finish The Sentence Friday. This week’s topic is “I wish I was better at..” And there’s still plenty of time to write yours. Come link up with your spin: HERE.
So, what would you say?