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I Hope You’ll Remember These Times We Share

“I hope you’ll remember these times we share
Hope you’ll find some comfort there
In the meantime lose your cares
You can go anywhere, close your eyes and it will take you there”

I hope you'll remember these times we share. Hope you'll find some comfort there. In the meantime lose your cares. You can go anywhere..

One weird thing about me, is that I do count my blessings.

And I mean, really count them. Sometimes it’s almost an act of desperation, “I have this many years left of three kids in the house.” “I have this many months left of having what is considered an infant, and not a toddler.” “I have this many nice pets to cuddle.” “I have this many delicious mornings left before the light changes, or the season, or the year, or it’s my health, or whatever changes to take away the deliciousness.” Although maybe nothing really changes that for good. Maybe a life goal, or meaning, is to find the delicious little things that are part of every day. The world can explode around you, but you have this rich cream in your coffee. A meaningful smile across a breakfast table. The sounds of baby babble and kid delights. It’s edible; beyond edible.

And it’s very real, with aching heads and pounding hearts. Pounding heads and aching hearts.

I hope you'll remember these times we share. Hope you'll find some comfort there. In the meantime lose your cares. You can go anywhere..

Before my maternal grandmother passed away, she lived in an assisted living facility that took great care of her, or as much as a place like that can. I think really, my mom took great care of her, visiting daily and making sure she had the delicious little delights she needed – the right clothing, the right textures and fabrics and care. The right food and treats, and the richness of cream in her coffee. I’m charmed, and also saddened (with that squishy heart feeling) to think that on the day she passed, she had ordered her dinner and dessert, complete with ice cream flavor. That’s the kind of person she often was. Quirky and proud, and always one to indulge in the delights and comforts. I think I’m more like her than I ever knew. I discover it through these words and stories, piecing them together from the things I’ve seen, and all the things I’ve heard.

“Want you to be what you want to be
Don’t want you ever hurt like me
Smiling through the saddest times
Could only happens in dreams, I wonder is it nice as it seems”

I remember when she met Scarlet, at one and a half years old and 97-years-old, respectively. Scarlet had a tiny bag of cookies from our tiny flight to Florida, and they shared them together. There was a moment of contented silence, as great-grandmother and great-granddaughter alike, shared the tiny delights of life. Cheap, mass-produced cookies – small and noticeable – to the most discerning and faded eyes of a toddler and her new elderly best friend. That’s how we all seem to be cut, fixating and obsessing over, and delighting in the small details and delights.

They tear us apart, and string us together.

When I put Rider down to sleep, every morning nap, afternoon nap, and night before, I lay him in his crib, and then place his starfish sleep sack next to him, so I can guide in his wiggly hands and toes. He smiles, laughs, and squeals each time – because he likes going to bed, and he likes his little Zippadee sleep sack, and he knows the order of things and the rituals. I’ll guide him in, zip him up, place him down on the crib, while he laughs at my head always getting stuck in his llama mobile. It must be quite a sight! He will roll to his stomach, or roll to his side. He will rub his eyes, and roll some more. At his age, it doesn’t matter so much how he sleeps, because he has the strength to do what he pleases. “Goodnight, Sugar Shack. I love you, I love you, I do,” I say. “Goodnight, my Sugar Shack. I can’t wait to see you again. And we’ll delight in everything.

“We’ll be together again.”

I hope you'll remember these times we share. Hope you'll find some comfort there. In the meantime lose your cares. You can go anywhere..

“Gonna cherish my time with you
Gonna smile, smile the whole day through
Wake up tomorrow maybe you’ll find
Darkness gone from your mind”

And when Rider wakes up, after every morning nap, afternoon nap, and night after, he’s happy again. I’ll usually find him lying on his back and babbling/squealing to the ceiling. Sometimes, lately, I’ll find him sitting straight up and waiting for me. Absolutely delighted to be awake. I’ll lay him back down to take off his starfish sleep sack, and then lift him so high and completely enthusiastically, that no matter how tired I am, I’m exuberant. My exuberance makes him feel light. Really, it’s my efforts. He grows and I grow, and we’re light and dark and heavy and light.

I hope you'll remember these times we share. Hope you'll find some comfort there. In the meantime lose your cares. You can go anywhere..

“Clouds in the sky keeping the sun away
Doesn’t mean the sun is not shining today”

I’ll drink him in every time. I’ll enjoy every minute. That doesn’t mean it won’t fly.

I hope you'll remember these times we share. Hope you'll find some comfort there. In the meantime lose your cares. You can go anywhere..

“Isn’t this old night so nice
I hope you can feel what I feel tonight”

And then it’s night again, putting together three kids at three different life stages. I’ve grown impatient and unable to go to bed with sadness or mad-ness at Cassidy. Generally, now, I want to solve things fast – or at least broach the subjects and open the doors – to attempt to get to a place of warmth and closeness. It’s strange to me that I’ll rush through the bedtimes of the kids, when I am not in a place where I’d be able to do that with Cassidy. The other night, after tough arguing with Scarlet, we both gave in and broke down, and attempted to make things right. We did make things right, going to bed feeling close again. And it occurred to me that she deserves the effort and tirelessness I make and have with Cassidy these days. It’s astonishing that I’d want to rush through the time of night of twilight, stars, and dreams. They darken me inside and out, from my sunshine and rainbow moods and modes, but they shine their own light; their truths.

It has its own beauty, clean and stark and ready to be put to bed, if only to grow.

“In your own private place of dreams
I hope you’ll find a place where it seems
The road is always straight and true
Wherever you walk is bright for you”

The mornings and the evenings now blend together with their own secrets of magic. Beds made and unmade. Good morning and good night kisses. Late night ice cream and morning cream in your coffee. Murmured conversations, and plans, and dreams, in the morning light and under the golden hour. Garden walks, and plump fingers reaching for the sun-grown berries I’ve picked. Rainbow hammocks and musty smells. It’s all both tiny and large, and the mornings and the evenings blend together with the sleeping and waking dreams. Of all I’ve ever wanted, all I hope to preserve, and all I’ll take with me – in the different directions of light, and the clean and hard truths. The delights, through it all, building and building, as we get closer to who we are.

It feels like a dream – a dreamland – to feel more wide awake than ever before.

I hope you'll remember these times we share. Hope you'll find some comfort there. In the meantime lose your cares. You can go anywhere..

“Slip away, slide away
Into dreamland, dreamland
Slip away, slide away
Into dream, dream, dreamland, dream, dreamland”

“Dreamland” was song #31 on our birthing playlist.

I hope you'll remember these times we share. Hope you'll find some comfort there. In the meantime lose your cares. You can go anywhere..

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6 Comments

  1. So, I am extra emotional having just attended Lily’s elementary school graduation yesterday morning. But seriously, I remember it all and does sometimes feel like a dream that we are already here with two in middle school in my home. And yet I want to make sure I enjoy it all and not miss a moment of what’s to come. Hugs and here to to remembering and living life to the fullest 🥰

  2. I remember wanting to rush through the bedtime routine because, frankly, I was exhausted. Unlike Rider, my first hated sleep. She fought it, always. In fact, she still has a lot of insomnia. Makes me wonder what is going on inside from such a tiny age. I think having happy babies and children makes those very sweet seasons, and I’m so happy you are getting that time. Savoring our blessings is a wonderful way to make the journey joyful!

  3. A friend recently told me that she asked Nana what the secret was to her long life. Nana said “Don’t ever take yourself too seriously “. My theory is the ice cream every night at 10:00
    PM. Or or could be that she sailed through so many adventures, like opening a day camp in California, dating a lot of men, marrying late ini life and living the good and comfortable life she always wanted.

    Many people do not stop to smell the roses. They don’t seize the day. Some do at a spiritual awakening and some late in life. Not many can enjoy those sweet moments of daily life that you so aptly describe. Loving all of these moments helps deepen your existence, fortify your soul and makes you the incredible person you are. How much do I love you? It would take forever to tell you.

  4. To feel more wide awake than ever before after more than a year of pressing on through the throes of the pandemic really can feel like a dream Tamara, and it can feel like a reward too. Hold on to those feelings! Counting blessings, and remembering special times shared with family, friends and loved ones are priceless gifts to keep forever in our memories and in our hearts. Dreamland is clearly one of Bruce’s best songs, and one of my faves, but surprisingly it’s not included on his Very Best album, Radio Hits album, or his Essentials album.

  5. The precious moments are blessings for sure. It’s good to remember and even count them. It makes us better and kinder people I think. Have you shared your complete birthing play list? Did I miss that? It sounds like a winner 🙂

  6. Life is dreamy. What a great song. You’ve written this so eloquently, Tamara. I know I’ve said this before, but I hope you publish a book for all of these Friday ‘Family Inspiration’ posts! It would be a wonderful tome for young families, for moms getting through each day.

    This: “The mornings and the evenings now blend together with their own secrets of magic. Beds made and unmade. Good morning and good night kisses. Late night ice cream and morning cream in your coffee. Murmured conversations, and plans, and dreams, in the morning light and under the golden hour.”
    SIGH.

    And your home reno’s are gorgeous too.

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