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I Felt the Coldness of My Winter

“Talk, talk, talk, talk
Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter
I never thought it would ever go
I cursed the gloom that set upon us, ‘pon us, ‘pon us
But I know that I love you so
Oh, but I know
That I love you so”

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

It’s an appropriate song for the week, but isn’t that always the case?

The seasons change, and there are also metaphors for the seasons of our lives, but I’ve definitely been seeing the struggle lately, with how much harder it is to find a sparkle and vigor when it’s cold and virus-y all the time. When we’re constantly under big pressure to create holiday magic, bond with each other, be intentional with our words, get better when we’re sick, then take care of others who are sick, tend to the pets, work well beyond five days a week, prepare for & attend holiday concerts and recitals, and have every day be a “Who will wake up sick?” roller coaster of emotions, thermometers, and coughing? I thought I’d just give up this week and show you cute puppy pictures (keep reading) because those tell a great story all on their own, or I could take it further, because puppies combat the dull and drab. We have therapy, and when that only drains before it refills, we have tea or coffee, conversations, and warm puppies (more on that one soon).

It’s all mixed together for me. Therapy. Puppies. Puppies AS therapy.

We’re still digging out of the viruses, or maybe we’re digging in, since it’s only just begun, right? And maybe that’s ok because it helps us to soldier on and learn what we can learn. It helps us bolster our homes and hearths and hearts. We build little immune systems, so that they can stop bringing home the viruses that also take us down. Another kid in the fight. For justice, for goodness, for health. We need our pack of 12 (more on that, I swear) to be in fighting spirits. I dare any villain to come knocking on our doors, with our wolf pack and our people pack, but sometimes it’s hard to fight. It’s a weird time to be born, and I think about that a lot, but maybe we’re all born at the right time, because there are only weird times to be born. It starts in the home, and I think about that daily, slowly waking up from a hibernation of escapism and denial and distraction. If every day is more intentional, because it has to be now, at least I can choose my words with less care here. Even though blogging IS intentional, and even though I choose every word with care, it’s a place I can be the most me. So there is care, but it’s a different care.

It’s love and hope and despair and decay. I can’t boil over, when I’m here.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

“It is the springtime of my loving
The second season I am to know
You are the sunlight in my growing
So little warmth I’ve felt before
It isn’t hard to feel me glowing
I watched the fire that grew so low, oh”

I overdid it this week, with the conversations and therapies and tears. If last week, with my pink-eye, I could say I might be crying, but it was probably pink-eye. This week I could say it might be pink-eye, but it was probably crying. And I am ok and even though I feel like I’ve lost some shine and glow from the fall, which a lot of weeks of viruses, cold weather, and triggers and reminders of sad sh*t will do, I also haven’t lost my shine and glow. It’s just a rockier and bumpier path, and I am hitting rough waters, which I expected, but also didn’t expect. I sort of had this idea that I’ve suffered enough with anxiety and pain, and that the healing should be easier. And of course, we all know that is not even remotely close to what should and does happen. Somehow you pay your dues, and it hurts, maybe forever and maybe not, but there is no fair/unfair. Or what you’re owed, or what you owe. You owe it to yourself, to be the best you, you can be, with the best tools you can explore and uncover. Discover. I’m finding my way to me, the person I most count on.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us


So I promised you a puppy story! Meet Leela (black and white husky) and Rose (white husky). Leela, named for her purple collar, and the purple-haired Leela from “Futurama.” Leela, named for the Doctor Who companion. And Rose, named for another Doctor Who companion, and yet another one’s daughter. Rose for Grateful Dead and Steely Dan songs. So we had zero intention of getting even one husky puppy, much less two. Let me tell you the story! Sometime in early November, our friend who has a husky was going to her friend’s house to see their eight husky puppies. She invited us along. I was under the impression there were only males available, and male huskies sound intimidating to me. In fact, when we got there, a black and white female was available. Piercing blue eyes and a soulful yet devilish, devilish yet soulful demeanor. We fell in love. We went back to visit a few times and decided she would be ours. There were three polar bear puppies in the litter too. Two were female and one was male, and all spoken for. Then, seriously like a few days before we were due to pick up Leela, we found out that Rose was available too. We stopped everything to come meet her. I thought the polar bears were cute, but had never thought they’d be available, so didn’t bond with them. Well, we bonded. We agonized for a few days and then decided to just go for it. We surprised the kids that morning, with a surprise layered in a surprise. The first surprise, they found out on the way there.

We were taking the puppy(ies) home that very day! They thought we were just visiting.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

The second surprise when we had arrived, was that we were taking BOTH puppies. They were stunned and happy and overwhelmed. I mean, what else can you be? We’re insane at this point, with about one kid and one or two dogs more than our comfort levels were allowing. Yet, isn’t life partly about stepping out of your comfort zone? Yes. It is. Enjoy the cutest slide show EVER!

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

Talk, talk, talk, talk, Hey, I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go, I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us

“It is the summer of my smiles
Flee from me, keepers of the gloom
Speak to me only with your eyes
It is to you, I give this tune
Ain’t so hard to recognize, oh
These things are clear to all from time to time, ooh”

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4 Comments

  1. Well they are just ADORABLE! I don’t know how you do it. I think I’d feel like I couldn’t take on anymore. You are a superwoman. Those puppies are lucky to have found such a loving home. 🙂 Fun for all, so particularly great at Christmastime.

  2. I’ve been enjoying all these cute and cuddly pics full of Puppy Love 💕 all day long into the next one,l and how did it get so late already??!! This is the perfect time of year to give and receive gifts that keep on giving, and puppies know how to do this like no other gifts can. Also during these end of the year seasons of meaningful and colorful holidays each day can bring new adventures to so many families to enjoy and share. Welcome Leela, and Rose, and Happy Hanukkah to you and your family Tamara! 🕎

  3. Congratulations on the puppies! They are so cute and I don’t know how you have time for so many mouths lol. Also love all the outfits picked out by your stylist.

  4. Congratulations on the puppies! They are so cute and I don’t know how you have time for so many mouths lol. Also love all the outfits picked out by your stylist.

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