I once thought that my long childhood phobias of earthquakes/tornados originated when my father died – for many reasons concerning how it happened (the way the floor shook) to the movies I watched at that time (The Wizard of Oz) – but I have hazy memories from before then. You know when you pick someone up and spin them around and they don’t really like it, but they kind of like it and they shriek/laugh so you don’t stop? I always needed you to stop – or else you’d feel nails down your back. And not the good kind, either. I’ve had a love/hate relationship with motion/moving throughout my entire life.
I’ve decided this means you’re really living. Fear of the unknown is ok, because that means you’re even bothering to approach the unknown, and you’re stepping out of your footsteps. It’s ok to grip the handlebars around every new curve and dip. Because what moves me is everything. It’s two ends of a spectrum. I could think it’s anxiety or I could think it’s magic. When I feel so much, it bleeds out in different ways. Maybe I’ll write about it. Maybe it will show up in my photographs.
If there’s an overflow, which there always is, it shows up in my dreams. If there’s an overflow from that, which there always is, it shows up in symptoms. It’s like being high but since I don’t really know what that’s like – save for a nitrous oxide experience during oral surgery (in which I thought I had floated up to the ceiling) – it’s like being high on life. Sometimes you get too high, too fast, and you lose your floating balance. You might get dizzy or hit a wall. The ground swirls beneath you, but hey, at least you tried to fly so high. Maybe next time you’ll be ready. You’ll go back up. And you’ll be so moved.
Want to know what moves me? I thought I’d try a quick “Currently” post, because it’s been awhile. Maybe I can make it quick for real! Maybe my quick answers will reveal all the crazy swirlingness inside. And hey, isn’t that the point?
Reading: Ooh, pick me! My library card has been renewed and my overdue charges are currently under $10. “Currently.” Get it? We’ll see how long that lasts! I’m ignoring my library books in favor of a borrowed copy of A Man Called Ove.
Planning: This should be called “Should be Planning.” Camp schedules, editorial calendars, beach trips, overnights, eight-year-old birthday parties, and for myself to have some much needed R&R on a beach island. All alone. Or with one other.
Stressing: About stress symptoms. Funny, no? I woke up with some, although still had a delicious day mostly without them.
Wishing: For all of Scarlet’s birthday wishes to come true. And while we’re at it, mine too!! (July 25th birthday)
Feeling: A little alarmingly indifferent to everything, while writing about how I’m moved by everything. Don’t let the indifference fool you, though. I tend to get scattered and numbed down when I’m coping with too many feels at once.
Listening: To MSNBC in the background and the extended 6-7 minute live “Old Love” by Clapton in the foreground.
Thinking: That I’m always thinking and I want to shut it off by command, and probably there’s a way, but if I did that – I wouldn’t be me. So all of this comes with a reason and a price. And now I’m thinking that I’m rambling. Hi!
Wearing: Obviously a sundress. Let me dig around for a photo of the exact make and model..That’ll do, pig.
Loving: Steely Dan, short skirts, and getting an ice cream sundae to go from Village Green Ice Cream and then eating it out of the quart carton for days on end. Sunshine, dumplings, and how much Scarlet looks like Hermione. You see it, right?
Hoping: That I finally find a better work/life/sanity balance, but I also hope work keeps getting crazier. Maybe I hope my sanity/balance increases as fast as the work does, because baby hold on to me – whatever will be, will be.
This is me linking up, as one of my favorite things to do, with Finish The Sentence Friday or #FTSF. This week’s topic is “What moves me…” And there’s still time to write yours. Come link up with your spin on the matter: HERE.