It’s funny how the things I wrote then – while true – are actually much more evocative and realized today. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. They were mere truth seeds – powerful in their makeup and design – but not yet fully or half bloomed through. Now to be fair, full bloom takes forever or never and a day, if it happens at all. But oh – the potential and beauty! It’s thick. It can overrun your garden, and the the soil and the foundation will just expand to fit it all in. I’ve seen this.
The things I say today, are some things I’ve said before but I can’t even begin to tell you how true they are today. How messy it all is – like your blooming garden – wet and naked, dry and warm, always changing, always needing change, always finding a way to crack, to bend, to grow, to bloom, to rest, and to do it all again. And again. When they crack, they let the light in.
There is just so much to say about nine years ago that I can barely write. His Converse. My hair. His hair. The Jedi Knight robe. Moose and wolf light projections on the tent. A horse and carriage? Yes, a horse and carriage. It was that or a golf cart.
Showing Scarlet and Des pictures of the horse and carriage is MUCH more satisfying. “Oooooh,” they breathe when they look at the wedding photos. Look at you!” Look at us indeed. And of course, nine years in the blink of an eye? Well, no. Not when you fill in those lightning quick years with long days of cross country driving and two pregnancies, and tons of “LOST” and “Doctor Who” watching. And this crazy journey of child-rearing. Sometimes, it’s hard. Like the know-it-alls said it would be.
Those same people who tell us to hug our children tight because “time goes so fast and you’ll blink and they’ll grow up.” Well, I hug those children nearly 12 hours a day and I couldn’t possibly do it more, short of keeping them up all night. And still time will go so fast and I’ll blink and they’ll be grown. Then I might be sad. And what will I be left with? Well, other than the knowledge that I raised two great kids into two great adults? You. You are left, standing with me. This is what we planned.
So yes, it can be tough. I think we’re hard on each other a lot, due to stress and dreams too big to fit into a world with sometimes narrowing choices. We always dreamed BIG. We still dream big. And, we will always dream big. And I’m talking big. Maybe not fly away in a Tardis big, but as close as you can get to that. Northern lights and a place where moose and wolves co-exist in relative harmony. More Bruce Hornsby nights. These are all real. And oh, what a gift that is.
I confess that one of my most vivid thoughts on my wedding day was this: “Oh man. Will my waist stay this way after children?” It’s the little, strange things you remember. The little, petty thoughts that stay in your head. The things that don’t really matter. So it’s ok to say it did/does matter to me, and I’m happy to say that I love my waist today, like I did then.
I confess I never had a single shred of doubt about the man I was marrying. I mean, you read this, right? No room for doubt. Cold feet in general? Yes. The whole thing was a mind trip for me. The relatives, the flying, the being the center of attention.
I confess that I didn’t enjoy all of the reception much – my stomach and feet hurt greatly. However, the ceremony was one of the single most meaningful, spiritual and enjoyable 45 minutes of my life. I was in an all-around love trance.
As I mentioned above, I confess that the choices to get up the hill to the ceremony were: on foot in silver shoes, in a golf cart, or in a horse-drawn wagon. I felt a little strange taking the wagon, but I admit it had style. In the carriage with my parents we said, “Is this really happening? Is this real? Pinch me? After all that..this..it’s happening?”
And, I confess that I don’t really remember what the cake tasted like but LOOK at it! Whenever I looked around after the cake had been served, I smiled to see some of our favorite people eating chocolate moose and chocolate skulking wolves.
And that the song I chose for the father/daughter dance was “Drive” by The Cars. Not your typical choice, for sure, but it has always reminded me of him. “Butterfly Kisses” gives me hives, anyway.
I confess that there’s always a higher. I once thought love faded or turned into eventual annoyance and complacency. And I know that can and does happen, and I know I’m “only” nine years in. However, I do know there’s an alternative.
Aw, love this so much and that even though we weren’t friends at that point, I felt like I was there in some small way reading words and seeing your photo memories here today. Happy anniversary, my friend!!! <3
Probably in spirit you were!! We’re total soulmates. xoxo
This is an amazing post in tribute to your Anniversary! How beautiful to stroll down memory lane. What a gorgeous bride and groom you guys are. Uh, Cassidy and Des….OMG, amazing likeness and so adorable!
Des got a haircut today and I was thinking how much he looked like Cassidy at that moment! Total resemblance.
Wow you’re husband is pretty awesome. Love the converse, the hair and his ability to jump super duper high. Cassidy and Des look so such like both of you, I can feel the love through the computer screen. Happy Anniversary my friend, here’s to 9 more years and beyond.
Thank you! 10 years is coming up and I can’t believe it.
Oh tamara <3 this one gave me goosebumps. How special and real and wonderful and all-encompassing this love is that you both share.
I didn't know so many of these details. Like the moosecond cake or the Ketubah, or the punk rock hava nagilla (googling that right this instant).
Amazing 🙂 sounds like the perfect day. And yes, young Cassidy looks just like Des!
Punk Rock Hava Nagila is everything!!
This is so beautiful! Even though I wasn’t there 9 years ago, I went there with you today. It’s amazing how time can stand still and fly by at the same time, isn’t it? Happy 9 years, you two and I know there will be many more.
Yessss.. I can’t believe #10 is coming up! That makes me feel like a REAL adult!
Hello Tamara,
Happy Anniversary, My Dear Friend …. Hope You and all of your family members are well.
Nice to see all of photograph and happy to see your family. This is an amazing share to your Anniversary. You just organised it beautifully. Wish you all the best in future life.
Thanks again for sharing.
Opps, sorry to comment again, I just forget to input this info – I have a website about baby stroller. named – http://pickbabystroller.com/
hope you will surely visit my website.
Thanks.
Happy Anniversary! Des does favor Cassidy. I love all of the details of your wedding and it was nice to take a trip with you down memory lane 🙂
Thanks!! Our ten year is next and I’m in shock about that one.
Love all the photos! Almost feel like I was there! Happy anniversary to you and Cassidy!
I’m saying a belated thanks here! Man, I have to catch up on blog comments.
Your wedding looks so amazing. I love seeing photos. Happy Anniversary!!
Here’s my belated thanks!!!
Aw, loved reading this and journeying back in time to one of my favorite days of all time, your wedding. It’s really interesting, you hit the nail on the head with me. I think about how much fun Mike and I had before kids, and we’re in somewhat of a limbo new parent phase with a new home and not a lot of money…and fun…is on the backburner…but one day, it will just be us again, so odd to think, but truth! xo
I think about that a lot. When we’re so in the thick of everything and to think that one day it will be the two of us and we’ll have not much to do!!
Happy nine years! Your wedding looks like such a fun and sweet time, as it should be 🙂
I’m so late at replying to comments that we’re already somewhat nearing the big TENTH!
I’ve seen your photos before, but never realized my wedding color was maroon too. Wow, see what 18 almost 19 years later does to a brain? You almost broke your leg during a punk rock version of Hava Nagila? Only you would have an awesome story like that!
Awesome! We had a maroon and white theme. Although I’ve never broken a bone, that was a time I got too close!
Happy Anniversary! You made me cry. You two are the most wonderful couple and I love your love story. After 27 years and two almost grown kids, my husband and I are at the “left, standing together” part of marriage. And it’s still pretty good!
Aww.. thank you! We have our struggles for sure but I still feel the magic.
And you two give me hope!
Love you and your family
I FREAKIN’ LOVE YOU!
Love you. Tell me when you come down so I can hug you
Tomorrow to see the squish and then again for this weekend for my kids to meet the squish.
Happy Anniversary my friend and I could read your story over and over again. BTW toddler Cassidy totally reminds me of Des, but he always did even in the grown up version.
Yes! I totally see it too.
Wow! I can’t begin to describe all the special feelings I had while reading this, Tamara! Though with time, I imagine I’ll understand them more fully 🙂
Several months later, I’m coming back to this post and catching up. The comment gave me great feelings!
Happy Anniversary!!
So sweet! Happy anniversary!
Those projected images of moose and wolf are the coolest! Happy 9th to the two of you! Reading along your blog for a few years now gave me and still gives me a glimpse or a part of your married/family life. Truly inspiring! ♥
Love the photographic montage! Happy Belated Anniversary. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and your lovely family over the last few years. Cheers!
I feel the same way!
Beautiful post. I wish my hubby would let me write about him. I Never get tired of looking at your wedding pictures. You were a stunning bride.
I wish that too! I’d love to hear about him.
And thank you. I didn’t feel stunning that day. More like a pale rabbit!
Amazing. I want to see more. 🙂
Me too! Ten years is coming up in 2018, baby!
this gave me chills. you were a beautiful bride and i love how you dream big. we all should, and it was an important reminder for me today…as i’ve been feeling quite low career-wise. thank you!
I know it’s been awhile since I’m terrible at replying to comments, but I hope it’s gotten better!
xoxo