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How You Know Your Youngest Is Nearing Two.

So Des is turning two the same day as Scarlet’s preschool graduation.

Life..really about that one? I keep calling it two reasons to cry. Everyone else calls it two reasons to celebrate and be happy. Personally, I think we’re both right. There is no way to contain even a fraction of my love for these two in existence, much less in a blog post. I mean, sometimes I love them so much, it’s hard to exist. And mostly I love them so much, it’s easier to exist.

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And I know I’ll have a lot more to say on the subject as it gets closer, but for now, I just notice so many changes in these kids. Scarlet seems to be coming out of her toddler-preschooler screechiness very beautifully. And Des, let’s just say Des is making it so clear to me that he’s turning two next month. So what is it that happens when your youngest child (thus far) is nearing two?

– You were so sure you only wanted one kid until your oldest turned two. But then you really, really, really, really knew that you only wanted two kids. Until your second is nearing two..Then you start to think a third kid isn’t a bad idea. Even if it is.

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– You find yourself catching your breath a lot, knowing that you’re nearly two years gone from your last birth.

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– You find matchbox cars in the toilet and in the garbage can – under the raw eggshells.

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– Sometimes he streaks through the house yelling, “Runaway Nakey!” He knows how to take off his own diaper and pee on the floor.

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– You need space, and you don’t need space. He needs space, and he doesn’t need space.

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– You find yourself wondering if the nice, gentle baby streak is over and he might start having a-hole moments that aren’t flukes, but becoming regular.

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– After you have dropped your older one at preschool and “Let It Go” comes on the radio, you breathe a sigh of relief that you can switch the station. Until, your nearly two-year-old shouts, “No! Let It Doh!” And you have to listen to the whole song.

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– Now that your near two-year-old is talking a lot, your older child is trying to teach him how to yell “penis”!

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– Your child is fluent in his own language, and maybe only you understand him. Even when he yells, “Penis!”

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– You’re simultaneously mourning the loss of your baby, and welcoming the new kid he’s becoming..

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..but you’ve done this before. And you know the way it squeezes your heart, leaves it out to dry, and fills it again with all of the good stuff. Day after day.

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  1. Wow! Two years old! That is so wonderful. I barely remember when mine were that age, it was so long ago. I do remember some of the cute little things though…like when I would look at my oldest and ask, “Where is my sweet baby?”, he would cock his head to the side and give me the biggest grin imaginable. Or lil man would stand at the foot of our waterbed while watching Toy Story and throw his hands in the air and yell, “To Ibinidy and Beyomb!” (Mocking Buzz Lightyear’s To Infinity and Beyond!) Or lil miss would put her little hands together imitating a butterfly and say, “butterfy, butterfy!” Such amazing moments! But watching them grow and fully develop those personalities is amazing! I do love that Scarlet is trying to teach him to yell, Penis! Fabulous! Have a great week!

    1. Before I had kids, this was my favorite age. I used to babysit and I just adore two-year-olds – for their cuteness, their language skills, their humor.
      I’m excited! Sad, but excited.

  2. That feeling. I’m not so sure how I can overcome that. Reiko is 3 and it seems like I haven’t realized that. To me, he’s still my “baby” even when he physically looks like he’s already in first grade. Just recently I downloaded my Facebook files and I saw a video of him when he was first trying to walk, I thought that had been deleted and then watching it, I realized once again how much he has grown.

    Des is gonna be an awesome “big” boy. πŸ™‚

    1. Sometimes I watch baby or toddler videos of Scarlet and I lose it. It reminds me that video is just as important as photos, even though I’m not as good at it.

  3. …and his new friends are teaching him to yell “Baby Butt!!!” Oh that Des – he is just something else. So many great pictures that capture him. Don’t you wish we could just freeze the good days and re-live them over and over, anytime we want? Something tells me that, in 10 years or so, I’m going to want a day with my 5 year-olds back.

    1. He did it last night during a diaper change! “Baby butt! Baby butt!”
      I hear you. I’m going to miss all of these ages, always. And I suppose there are good ones to look forward to. Right? Right. (I hope)

  4. Sp perfectly put into words. Happy they are growing, becoming more independent, beginning to show their little (or big) personalities; yet, sad that the baby phase is passing away. I still feel much this same way with my youngest and she’s 6! I agree – both are reason to cry AND to cheer.

    1. I remember four looking so big to me back in the day. I know that in just a few years, four will seem very young. Six will too! Heck, I guess they all will.
      Two is an odd age for parents, I think!

  5. Such a beautiful, real post! The passing of the each phase is tough, but I am always so curious to see what the next one brings that I don’t mourn the one that passed for very long. That is, until one day they’re teenagers and I spend a good part of my day wondering how I’m going to survive when they leave me.

    1. I do wonder how I’m going to survive the later, heavier things when preschool graduation isn’t very big in the grand scheme of things. I suppose it’s that first big education milestone, though!
      Thinking beyond this? I can’t imagine.

  6. You know I’m right with you since my crazy little Monkey just turned two! And almost every cause for celebration is also a cause for tears. Happy tears, but tears nonetheless. They’re just an outpouring of our hearts!

    1. Yes, they are!
      I remember when Monkey turned two and I thought I still had a lot of time enjoying one. I guess not. I do have another month, though. And when people ask me how old he is, I still say one!

  7. I have Emma’s pre-school graduation today and Kindergarten orientation tomorrow. So, you just said a mouthful and all I have been thinking al morning long. Seriously, which you were here, because we could totally commiserate this morning and then some on this!!

          1. It went great, but now we have kindergarten orientation tomorrow and definitely feeling so many different emotions on that while I sit in bed now after all is said and done.

            1. Oh dear! We have a buddy day next Thursday and I’m nervous for that. Then in a few weeks it’s a potluck picnic. Then I’m not sure what’s next until actual kindergarten.

  8. I know what you mean. Every word of it. Seems like only yesterday my son was starting school and this autumn it’s my daughter’s turn. Where has the time gone? They are still my babies though and something tells me they will always be my babies…. even when they turn forty and I can’t remember their names!

    1. Oh I bet you’ll remember their names when they’re 40! Maybe not when they’re 60-70…
      I still have Des at home for three years but I wonder what I’ll be like when it’s his turn! I try not to think about it!

  9. I know what you mean. My daughter turned two and it was like a flip switched and she’s this little person. Where’s by baby? Congrats to your daughter on her graduation, I can’t wait to see pictures that you post from the big day. I think we are all going to be bawling with you!

    1. Aw, I remember when she turned two and you posted about her party.
      I don’t even know if I’ll have the emotional capacity to take photos! I think I will. Last year was a harshly sunny day and I thought about how I’d come back when it was our turn and take photos.
      I will, just for you!

  10. I’m expecting lots of tears from parents tonight at our preschool graduation! I might even tear up, and I’m just their teacher. πŸ˜‰ I’ve taught most of the kids for two years, and I wish I could follow them to Kindergarten! Most of the them are going to the same school as my kids, so I will get to see them every once in a while. That makes me happy.

    1. I can’t imagine being a teacher – seeing kids come and go, but getting close with a whole new class every fall. Ah, this cycle. It was hard for me as a kid. It’s a lot harder for me as a parent.

      1. It’s actually one of the reasons I love my job…you’ve given me an idea for tomorrow’s post! I hope you don’t mind if I springboard off your comment!

  11. Yes, yes, yes. I feel like this at every age, at every birthday. A reason to cry and to celebrate. And a reason to yell “penis!” Although, do we really ever need a reason for that?

    1. Never. And my sister’s bachelorette party will be at the end of the summer and she covered us in penis everything for ours. She’s gonna get it.

  12. Awww your baby is turning 2!! LOL the nakey part is the best aha I can totally see that! You ought to have tons of pictures of his cute hiney πŸ˜€ I can’t focus at work so thank God for the cute photos of Des πŸ˜› Happy Hump Day love woot woot!! -Iva <3

    1. Iva, this is getting serious. Another Hump Day wish from you? Wednesdays are coming TOO FAST! I feel like it was just yesterday when I received your last most-expected and desired best wishes for my Wednesday. Sigh.
      I’m glad I gave you something to focus on at work!

      1. Yo time is freakin’ flying by and it needs to slow down although, I think it has today because it feels like it’s crawling. I want chocolates right now, what’s your favorite sweets?! Need sugar to stay awake but I’m on no sugar πŸ™ I need sleep, my favorite thing ever.

        1. My favorite chocolates? Where do I begin? I like it with caramel, peanut butter, vanilla cream, coffee cream, everything else? Except nuts and fruits. Blah. My favorite sweets are ice cream and cookies.

          1. mMm caramel πŸ™‚ now I must have one. Just one – so there is less guilt πŸ™‚ Ugh snickerdoodle cookies are the bomb and make me happy in soo many ways.. esp when they’re soft and chewy. Damnit.. lol

            1. My husband makes caramel stuffed brown buttered snickerdoodles. Sometimes he even skips the caramel filling and just makes brown buttered snickerdoodles. They’re rich enough as is!

  13. What a beautiful post! Your pictures just capture him perfectly.
    My kids are way beyond that age, and it seems like my favourite age is always the one they’re at πŸ™‚

    1. I like the way you think. Sometimes I think the way you think. This spells out great things for the next ten years or so of parenting.

  14. I am always amazed by languages and how someone can speak what seems like babble, but if you’re around them enough, you start to understand. I’m sure that is amplified with mother and child, but I always think back to a friend of mine. Her mom is Greek and whenever new friends would come over, no one could understand her thick accent. And I was always the one to translate because I’d known her for years!

    1. Oh yes – it’s exactly like that with young kids. When you’re watching it develop or have watched it for years, that’s what happens. I speak toddlerese!

  15. Two is one of the very best years. Three is more the ‘terrible’ year, in my experience. I miss little kids and babies in my daily life. It’s fun to get to share littles who belong to someone else, but it’s not the same as having your own.

    Good to know Scarlet it doing her duty as a big sister. πŸ™‚

    1. I agree – three sucked here. And I was pregnant with Des and that was a big mess. I couldn’t be there for her the way I wanted to be. Two! Two was delightful. Scarlet had a round tummy and curly curls and her language was exquisite. Sob.
      It’s ok. I have another one.
      This is why people have more kids, right?

    1. I’m all about the twinkles! There is some technical mumbo jumbo involved with finding catchlights on your subjects, but really, it’s the mischievous twinkles that can make a photo!

  16. My boy will be two in August and it is making my heart ACHE. I have those moments when I look at him and see ALL little boyβ€”no baby at allβ€”and it hurts so much. But, Lord willing, there will be another one for me when the time is right.

    1. It’s funny how BIG two looks. I always thought it would look more baby.
      There may be another here too – although we have two and that might be all we can do. We shall see!

  17. My kids just turned two and six years old. I get sad thinking about how fast they have grown. I really get sad thinking about weaning my daughter. I thought I would start weaning her around 2, but I have to made much of an effort. I’m starting to think we may continue a little while longer. I weaned my son at 26 months and my daughter just turned 26 months. I think she will be my last baby so it makes it harder.

    1. We have ages two and five this summer. Both self-weaned some time at or around a year. I’m still not entirely convinced that Des is my last, although I have definitely thought so for the last two years!

  18. Oh how I ADORE this post!!!! It just reads so beautifully with the pictures and your captivating pieces of transition and stages in mothering these two beloved children of yours!!!!! My heart just melts…


    Trying for three?

    (I gotsa feeling) πŸ˜‰

    1. You know, I used to think not but I don’t know anymore! I’m all in for the hard parts – labor/delivery and raising a kid. It’s the pregnancy that scares me too much.

  19. Oh Tamara, I sure do know what you mean oh too well. Madison turned two at the end of January and I couldn’t believe that my baby was no longer my “baby”. She’s gotten so independent and doesn’t need my help anymore with much unless she gets a boo-boo and wants me to kiss it better. We just have to cherish the days we have with them everyday and continue to give them unconditional love which I know you have in abundance. Loving all these photos of Des by the way, he is looking so grown up now. I’m going to miss the baby Des so much.

    1. I always think of both Madison and Des as one-year-olds because we all “met” at that point! And WAH about not meeting you last week. I think I need to come to Colorado STAT. Now I miss you even more, knowing how close we were!
      I miss baby Des so much.

  20. Adorable photos of Des!!! I am afraid when my little girl turns 2 that I might even consider having a 3rd even right now, I’m done done done! Ah! They sure grow up so fast and learn so much in these little years. LOL on your older one trying to teach him penis. I wonder what my son will teach my daughter ;).

    1. I was so sure I was done. So it’s weird to feel like I might not be done. I don’t want pregnancy, though. I’d take anything else. I don’t even mind birth! Or newborns! I just hate pregnancy. Boo.

  21. Jack likes Let it Go too! Two is such a fun age, though this is my first time around. I look back at pictures of Jack when he was a baby and I can’t believe how much he has grown. I am sad about a few things but more excited about the new things. I miss his little sleepy eyes as he used to fall asleep in my arms, but I love that he crawls up to snuggle with me on the couch while he sucks his thumbs and watches a movie with me.

    1. It’s funny how it really does get better, even when I miss the past.
      Two was such a great age with Scarlet. I’m looking forward to it!

  22. I would totally be crying about both events occuring ont the same day. I couldn’t handle all that growing up. I almost cried last night when I realized Daisy has been with us for a year and Bug is too heavy for me to pick up. Sorry, I’m sure that didn’t help matters. Embrace the day…it will be a shining mama moment!

    1. I think I’ll just take a lot of photos that day. That will stop me from crying/feeling queasy/feeling sad. It’s ultimately a day of celebration but I can’t help thinking of the two years of preschool. They went by so fast!

  23. Oh, I remember. I look back and kick myself for the days that I couldn’t wait for the boys to get holder and treasure the days that we just played and laughed and cried (all in a standard day!!!). The word penis was said a lot here and often in public – sometimes a 2 year old counted the number of people around us with penises, sometimes a 2 year old announced in a puble restroom that I would grow a penis when I was older, sometimes a 2 year old would come in when I got out of the shower and try to find my penis (creepy!!!) – but those 2 year olds turn into amazing teens and your heart will still be full every single day!!!

    1. HAHA! Ah, little kids and penis talk. And it’s mostly my daughter so far. Who knows what Des will say. Scarlet told him to say penis today and he said, “Pee Pee, baby pie!”

  24. It’s hard, isn’t it? It’s exciting to watch them grow older and more independent and hard to watch at the same time. Some days I think about my oldest being a senior in high school next year and I think to myself, where did the time go? Can I stop it? Can I pull it back? I’m not ready. He got in the car today when I picked him up at school and told me he got a full time job this summer. And he had this little grin on his face. He’ll be driving too, so it will be a double whammy.

    1. Driving and having full-time jobs! Ack.
      I’m petrified of kindergarten. I guess we learn as we go but I hope this isn’t an indication that I’ll lose my mind by the time high school hits.

  25. You’ve listed every single reason why I will NEVER feel done with having babies–even though I am way past done. I love. I celebrate the milestones and look forward to the future but damn I miss the little ones! I was a much better mother to my kids when they were 6 years and under. I taught at-risk pre-k for 13+ years and I shed some tears at every graduation.

    1. I wonder if it’s hard to feel done. When families have four or five or more kids, I do think, “Well hey, they didn’t feel done until they did!” Assuming they did.
      I swear I felt done for the last two years.

      1. I wanted 5 but got a late start and the reality is we couldn’t have financially provided for that size family. Many of my friends are DONE DONE DONE! But even at my advanced maternal age I don’t feel finished. I work with babies & toddlers every day and I would happily load them all up and bring them home.

  26. NO NO NO! I’m scared…I only have 1 and no excuse not to have another (other than the fact it’s expensive, it’s another kid, it’s a lot of work) but the love these babies of ours bring..I don’t want to deprive myself of the love another baby brings..ugh! I’m confused. I know we have to accept that babies become toddlers that become kids that become adults but I want to put my foot down and drag out the time as long as I can. :[ birthday AND preschool graduation? I guess it’s better to get it done with one shot rather than two within a week of each other. I’m sending you lovey dovey good vibes!

    1. Well if you don’t want another, there’s your excuse right there! You don’t have to have another! I was pretty sure about one, until I wasn’t sure anymore. I love sibling love but Cassidy is an only child and he’s just fine! I’m honestly just against another pregnancy. I think I would gladly take on the rest. Although it might drive me insane. Three seems..tricky.

  27. OMG…”Runaway Nakey!” So ridiculously cute. L has recently picked up saying “nakey nakey” when she’s getting her diaper changed. What is it with two year olds and nudity?

    1. They love it! And I suppose our laughing is how Des knows it’s funny and to keep doing it. So maybe we’re not doing him a favor there but it’s just so cute!

  28. At least it’s penis. Could be worse. Do you have hard wood? Urine can really make it shine. LOL! Not really. I love this age. It’s one of my favorites. I know that some people think “terribly twos” but I think “terribly funny”.

    1. haha! We do have hardwood. AND carpeting. Ah, you never know. Athena preferred the carpeting when she first moved in with us.
      I never thought “terrible twos” with Scarlet. I LOVED two! Two is why Des exists!

  29. Oh, two is SUCH a fantastic age…but hard! Des could not be more adorable in those photos…SQUEE!!! I can’t believe that you have two huge milestones in one day!! I’m with you…two reasons to be teary and two reasons to celebrate. I have two moving up ceremonies within 12 hours next week (Lucy’s moving up ceremony to middle school and Bobby’s moving up ceremony to upper school). I will be proud and happy…and a damn puddle of tears!! Sometimes that’s just how it happens. I’m buying some waterproof mascara at Target!! –Lisa

    1. Remind me to get waterproof mascara! Ah, I’m going to lose it. I just know it! Moving up ceremonies sound emotional! We don’t do a cap and gown here with preschool but they all ride bikes in a circle – all the graduates. And walk through some sort of flowered arch.
      I’m crying as I write this – and thinking of the last two years.

  30. Ha! My oldest totally tells my youngest to scream and say all kinds of things–the babies are like little parrots and repeat it all LOL oy vey. Both ont he same day huh? Whew. Big hugs mama.

    1. Thank you! I’ll need those big hugs. And it’s hilarious that big siblings do that. We used to do that with my baby cousin!

  31. I really just want to leave a comment that says Penis! and walk away. But I can’t. Biz is having his preschool graduation in a couple of weeks. I can hardly stand it. Des sounds a lot like Biz at that age. (What’s with the streaking?!)

    1. haha! If you had, I would have been totally amused and happy. I like your words too, though.
      Is it easier or harder for your second to graduate preschool? ‘Cause I still have Des for now, but I do feel destroyed!

  32. Ha ha! Kids know when they say a word that gets a reaction! Happy early birthday to Des! He is so cute with those big toddler eyes – great job of capturing his personality in the photos Tamara!

  33. I really, honestly love that you wrote a-hole. I totally laughed out loud. I get it, and I get what you are going through. I know for a fact if I hadn’t had twins I’m not sure I’d have a third child. While I honestly cannot imagine my life without three kids (and have always felt like we were supposed to have 4, it’s weird) I cannot imagine really, deliberately saying, “I’m in, I’m doing this again.” Whatever you decide will be perfect for your family.

    Being aware and cognizant of these milestones and appreciating them for what they are and that they might be your last – that’s a blessing all in itself. I didn’t do that when mine were so young, I didn’t always know exactly what was happening or that those milestones were my “lasts,” how lucky you are that you do think about it, you aren’t missing a thing.

    1. Glad you liked my a-hole comment!
      We really thought Scarlet was our first and last so I remember celebrating each milestone, and when some of the tougher stuff passed! And then along came Des and this time I felt like it was more real when each milestone came and went. Maybe he really is my last. Maybe I really knew Scarlet wasn’t. Maybe there is a third! Or fourth! Oh, who knows?

  34. “I mean, sometimes I love them so much, it’s hard to exist. And mostly I love them so much, it’s easier to exist.” <– beautiful.

    And it's all true about the two-year-old stage as the one where you start thinking of having another kid. Even though you swore on your life you'd only have one. Lord help me if that happens to me when the twins turn two lol.

    And that picture of him with his eyes closed? Looks so much like you πŸ™‚

    1. Really? I can never tell who he looks like! I love that picture, though. He looks so silly.
      Can you imagine wanting four? My good blogger friend Alison had two boys and is now pregnant with boy/girl TWINS!

  35. You’ve given them great roots — now it’s time to let them stretch their wings.
    *she said like it was not such a thing requiring significant effort and much wringing of hands*
    But still, that was mantra that got me through all 3 of mine growing up, reaching out, stretching and learning: roots and wings.
    Or, you know, maybe just giving a good, hearty “penis holler” will do the trick nicely too. he may be on to something. LOL

    1. A good, hearty “penis holler” is probably very therapeutic. I may try it. But not at Scarlet’s preschool graduation, of course!

  36. 1. 2 isn’t a baby. 9 is. Until September. Then 10 will be.

    2. Know how to keep them your baby? Remember all this stuff they do when they’re 2, and repeat it. Tell the story again and again. Don’t let it die.

    3. Des will walk across the stage in Storrs, Conn., with his degree from UConn, and have the word “penis” written on the top of his graduation cap. Just watch.

    1. I wonder if he’d get a free ride at UConn because of his grandfather’s long reign there.
      Luckily we have words and photos and Facebook status updates that they may one day be able to see and be mad about!
      And I imagine that “baby” is in the eye of the beholder. My 100-year-old grandmother still considers my mom to be her “baby.” She’s probably like, “Oh wow! 60! So young!”

      1. It couldn’t hurt. Having that Huskies blood can’t hurt.

        And the blog. Don’t forget, you have the blog to remind you.

        Yeah, I love when older people say “42! Oh, you’re just a baby.” Yeah, then why do I moan and groan when I get into bed? A little. I moan and groan a little.

        1. Stop me if I already told you about the time my grandfather turned 80. And my great-uncle, who was 90, turned to his wife and said, “I’m jealous. He’s so lucky. He still has so much life to look forward to.”
          See? 80 is the new 21.

  37. Oh and as I sit here with my 7 year old baby beside me playing on the Ipad while we wait for his 9 year old sister to finish swim training I lovingly remember them as 2 and 4 and then I equally love the last 5 years of moments and memories we also share.
    A heart warming post for this Mumma, thanks Tamara

    1. I love that you equally love the then, the now, and the five in-between years of moments and memories. I always think we have so much time and I guess in some ways, we do. And in some ways, I’ll be wondering why it had to go so fast.

  38. Oh my goodness the part about needing space and not needing space – YES!!! And the part about having to leave Let It Go on for him – YES!!! And all the emotion that goes along – YES.

    1. Well, thank you! I’m struggling here! I am planning on a beautiful summer, though. It’s just that BlogU is closely followed by a dentist appointment and these two events, and I’m all, “Wait, can I do this?”

  39. So so so sweet that little Des (Scarlet too). Funny my youngest, Nate, is 2.5 and I can see that he and Des have some of the same antics. And my third, Elissa, has preschool graduation next week too! πŸ™‚ Nate will be there next year though so not feeling that bittersweet feeling yet. Seems I’ll be in that school FOREVER. (Though I will probably sob when it Nate’s turn to graduate.)

    1. Yeah, I still have Des for another year before preschool even STARTS. And who knows – a third child is possible. The idea has to wash over me for a bit longer.
      When Des graduates? I can’t even begin to imagine!

    1. Oh heck no! Not pregnant. I just want a baby to magically appear without the pregnancy.
      Runaway Nakey should be a national holiday, I say!

  40. My kids are about three years apart. When Benjamin turned three without a sibling on the way, it was a really odd experience for me. Then, last month he turned four and I’m still having a hard time realizing that there’s no baby to come along. And the weird thing is, I don’t really want to have another baby. I’ve just never had my youngest kid be four before. (I wrote out that comment and I’m not sure it makes sense, so I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.)

  41. Hehe, I love that Scarlet is teaching him penis. She’s going to get him in all sorts of trouble πŸ˜‰ It must be crazy to look at your children and imagine them as babies, which they no longer are. I look at Eve and wonder how just six moths ago–6!–she was this floppy little newborn who basically just slept al the time. It’s hard to fathom her as a toddler, but then it won’t be that long until that happens.

    1. I think it’s still mind-blowing to me that Des will talk. I know he talks a lot but I mean he’ll explain his own thoughts and jokes and theories. I know that with Scarlet, it was my favorite milestone between ages two and three.

  42. Ha, I like that Scarlet is teaching him to say penis.

    This almost made me miss my kids being tiny. But then I remember that they were pretty wild at 2.

  43. Ugh! This is so true! It’s bitter sweet right?! I have a hard time when JR is doing things on his own and saying more. I want him to progress really I do, but I miss my baby, too. I’m hopeful that the Creator will bless us with many more. πŸ™‚

    1. I meant to tell you that Des has started saying, “All right!” Just like you said JR is doing.
      I hope the Creator blesses you many times over, my sweet.

  44. And then they go to grade school, then high school, then college, then we say hurray! Finally free! But deep inside we want to go back to when we first held them in our hands, then we tell ourselves NEVER going back to those times of sleepless nights, then we miss them, then we don’t. This thing called mothering is stretching our hearts around. πŸ™‚

    1. It really is. It’s like a heart marathon. Or a heart running around the world? 700 times?
      There are so many pros and cons to every stage, and push and pull feelings.

  45. I feel this post in so many ways, Tamara!! First, OMG TWO. He’s such a beautiful boy and it’s too easy to see the boy he will become and the baby he’s been in his cheeks, happy grin, mischievous eyes, and just overall sparkle. I do feel like it’s unfair that Scarlet’s grad is the same day as Des’ birthday. It feels like they are both so huge and amazing that they deserve their own months. But the other is true as well. What a special and amazing day. I’m positive that it will go perfectly awesome and be remembered forever.
    My one and only is going to kindergarten in September. KINDERGARTEN! I am both excited to see what it will bring for him and very very sad for how much I miss baby-him. xo

    1. I miss baby-them. Very much.
      And this is exactly why I HAVE to do photos of him. Kindergarten is a big deal. Meeting you is a big deal. I want to give you something special.

  46. awwww! these moments are so bittersweet… and sometimes time flies by so fast that it isn’t until my younger one reaches a certain milestone (like turning 2) that I’m reminded of how much my oldest has grown.. I look back at videos when my 5 year old was two and my heart melts and aches at the same time..

    1. Same! I was just saying that videos of 1-2 year-old Scarlet overwhelm me. It’s nearly too cute for words. And I try to drink in Des because he still has so much baby-ness about him.

  47. Girl I am there with you. I absolutely understand and appreciate how you are feeling. I just convince hubby to let me switch to cloth diapering and there were several good reasons but do you know what got him to agree with it? a mini-emotional mom moment. I told him IF Henry ended up being my last baby I NEEDED to have this experience as a mom. WAAAAHHH

  48. PS your kids always look too well behaved- I need to see bad behavior pics or else you have NO excuse not to have 6 more babies…lol. Henry’s behavior makes my uterus scream. lol

    1. HAHA! That is great. They have their moments for sure. And remember – Des isn’t two yet. He has a lot of time for misbehavior.

  49. WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! Man, I don’t like this turning 2 stuff. Or graduating from preschool stuff! That’s not fair that you have to experience both of those in the same day! Will you get a chance to lay down on a bed somewhere in between these events?! Gorgeous shots of Des, he’s such a handsome guy. And I love the way you described the “screechiness” of the toddler-preschool period, perfect choice of a word!

    1. I will definitely lay down between events – good idea, my friend!
      Des is handsome, but I’m biased. He has a certain charm and the flippy hair doesn’t hurt!

  50. What a beautiful post. I feel… the responsibility, the curiosity, some apprehensiveness, but most of all love of your children, your family, life… Makes me happy. And sad. Just like yourself. πŸ™‚

    1. I think you nailed it there. Happy and sad. Which is really this push/pull of parenting sometimes. Or always! At least we have photography, right? It keeps us young forever.

  51. Mourning the loss of your baby yet welcoming the new kid they are becoming – that. Exactly. That is where I am, too – only my youngest will be FIVE. He will always be my baby, in my heart at least – even though he is making these huge leaps to big kid. They still fill my heart up in that wonderful way, though. πŸ™‚

  52. You know I love everything you write but this one is really gorgeous. Thank you for sharing these totally lovable thoughts! My ‘baby’ just turned 8 and my oldest will be in middle school next year. Keep snuggling those babies for me!

    1. AW, thank you! It was just on my mind and I had to share. Pre-two feels strange! So does two. And I imagine eight does too but I suppose I look forward to it all.

  53. It does go by so quickly! I can’t keep a diaper on my two year old either. And ditto for the “Let it doh!” And isn’t it amazing how young the penis obsession begins??? Soon the favorite words will be butt and fart… good times.

    1. See “butt” and “fart” are already big with my daughter. I wonder if Des will be worse (can’t imagine how) or if he’ll be the one thinking we’re immature.
      Hopefully not!

  54. Man, I feel like an ass bucket for my last comment…there I was dreading to find the time to write when the most important thing I should be thinking of is finding enough stuff to cram into two months of summer awesome. I miss all of those things too. So much.
    Not the legos.
    Never those.

    1. We’re not really at legos stage yet. Or should I say, we’re not really at admitting to our kids that they have legos, when we’ve really hidden them in the basement.

  55. I am dealing with this everyday as my 2 year old gets closer to 3. Everything, right down to the older one teaching the younger one to say “Penis”. Yeah, we just went through that a couple weeks ago.

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