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Hearts and Thoughts.

My weekend kicked off with Trader Joe’s “Kona Coffee Creamy Half-Dipped Shortbread Cookies.” That’s quite the mouthful, both in title and function. I first saw them reviewed here at one of my favorite blogs. I give it more spoons than they did.

What’s funny is that long after I had eaten the cookies, they reminded me deeply of a locked memory I couldn’t access. I knew I had eaten something just like the mocha cream before but I couldn’t locate exactly what it was in the murky woods of my brain. So I did what I always do when I’m trying to remember something. I turn my brain off and then on and then off again. I distract myself with something else and then slowly, pieces of it come to me. Where(ish) I was when I ate the mocha mystery item. Who I was with. How I felt. The consistency. Eventually I located the lost memory of the Mocha Nestle Crunch bar, long discontinued. It’s small, but the power of the brain astounds me. I could have gone to Google, but I didn’t have to.

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I’ve also been thinking about these days so short and dark, that 2:00 pm rolls around and it feels like 6:00 pm. It should be unacceptable, but somehow it isn’t. This is my first winter in the new house in which I’m truly experiencing the darkness. Last winter, I was just so nauseous that all of life pretty much enveloped or suffocated me fully. The smells of pine and smoke, both beloved smells, weren’t tolerated well. Now, it’s so different. That first fall into winter with a new baby is always ok. The pellet stove fires and the baby hugs and our glorious tree make it all worthwhile:

Also been thinking about something in my life I had to say goodbye to today, because I could no longer to commit to it fully, or even halfway. And that just plain sucks. I hope I’ll find my way back to it, or at least to the people involved.

And then there’s Des, standing so tall we can measure him straight against the wall and make a pencil mark with his initials and the date. And he had his first real meal today – sweet potatoes. He loved them. And when he was done, he let me know he wanted nursing/hugs. And sweet sleep. (These below were taken last week)

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Then there’s Scarlet, who has become obsessed with my old My Little Pony collection. So we got her the 1986 Rainbow Magic movie (voicework by Danny DeVito!) to watch. Then she watched yesterday’s Saturday morning cartoon of the new version of the ponies, and they look ridiculous and anorexic and anemic, and nothing like ponies. She knew instantly that it was wrong. “Turn this off! Those are not ponies! They are ridiculous!” I love her for noticing.

And I love Scarlet and Des together. I love the subtly delighted smile he reserves just for her. We all get our own smiles. And I love the way she pretends that she’s Megan from the Pony movie, so that must make him little Molly. And she told a woman in public today that his name is Molly. And that she is Megan, but was Alice yesterday, and is sometimes Scarlet.

I had to rush back and let the lady know what the birth certificate says. About both kids.

Lastly, I’ve been thinking about friendship. It was a deep theme of the week, especially now that cold and darkness and antisocial tendencies are upon us. Sometimes I feel distanced and out of sorts and out of orbit and contact. I feel left out too, sometimes. Mostly I remember that in any given week, I see 3-5 local friends I adore. I speak to 3-5 non-local friends I adore. And that right there is more than enough. As long as I have moments, (as well as my kids), that look like these:

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The goofy and the heartfelt. The IN sync, in contact, in orbit, in sweet, sweet friendship. I have that.

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That background blur (below) is Scarlet.

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All of the hearts, thoughts and moments that made up this past week/weekend.

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