Currently, Maybe, Parachuting

Before February vacation, Des got interested in parachuter toys.

Do you ever feel at a crossroads? Do you ever feel like you're jumping without a parachute? This #personal post deals with #parenting #milestones and #life.

It was about 99% me. He got a little green soldier in his Valentine sack at school, and I saw it quickly and exclaimed that he got a parachuter. Then we saw together that it wasn’t, but the seed was planted in his brain. I went out that same night to get groceries for a blog post, and saw a parachuter toy for two bucks in the bargain toy section. Des was asleep when I got home, so I nestled the parachuter in the crook of his arm. This backfired when he woke at midnight from a dream, saw the toy, and ran upstairs to tell us all about it. This resulted in about an hour of Des wriggling, during which Cassidy escaped to the couch, until finally I tucked Des back in his own bed. The next morning, we dropped the parachuter off the balcony.

At least 20 200 times.

Then we went out that afternoon and bought a tangle-proof one at the fancy toy store.

Do you ever feel at a crossroads? Do you ever feel like you're jumping without a parachute? This #personal post deals with #parenting #milestones and #life.

We spent nearly an entire day flinging two parachuter toys off the balcony, because it was too snowy to fling them off the deck. Nearly every time, the parachutes opened only at the end, and then there was a brief split second of sailing. That made all 1,000 flingings worth it. We slowly learned new tricks to get the parachutes to open up faster. We threw the guys up to the ceiling first, instead of just downward splat. We threw them sideways and upside down, mostly gently and sometimes not.

Each time, in the nick of time, both parachutes did what they were built to do.

Do you ever feel at a crossroads? Do you ever feel like you're jumping without a parachute? This #personal post deals with #parenting #milestones and #life.

Sometimes I use the phrase “like jumping without a parachute.” This week, it’s like being shot out of a cannon without a parachute. It’s the first week after vacation. I’m feeling almost impossible in my many ruts. Cassidy left early this morning and Des woke up before six – introducing me to a dark house and two hungry pets. I have to find a VA or two this week.

I have a scary photography job that’s leaving me almost sleepless. My in-laws’ town – close to here – got a WINTER TORNADO. That’s left me more than almost sleepless. I’m taking a trip to NJ this week for my nephews’ joint first birthday party. The breathless shock of parenting time slaps me cold across the face. It’s how fast a year can pass, even with long and cold days.

Do you ever feel at a crossroads? Do you ever feel like you're jumping without a parachute? This #personal post deals with #parenting #milestones and #life.

We’re making big decisions with household stuff. I will blog them, of course, as we figure out our hopes and dreams. It’s more exciting than stressful, for now at least. Then there are work frustrations and fears and hopes like mad! Is that just what happens when you LOVE what you do so much, that you’re constantly afraid it’s too good to be true and it will be taken from you? Is career fear about knowing the cost of loss? Is it fear of failure, or fear of success? I always think it’s a mix of all three.

Sprinkle in a dose of feeling like a superhero sometimes, but really only sometimes. More like rarely, these days.

Do you ever feel at a crossroads? Do you ever feel like you're jumping without a parachute? This #personal post deals with #parenting #milestones and #life.

There’s the question of the third baby, which is clearly not a private one for me, but is often on my mind! I know the ball is in my court, and the button is ready for me to push it (that choice of words is purely coincidental?), but I’m not quite there. My heart is like, “YES” and my brain is like, “You’re almost too old. You’re barely holding it together. You’ll be alone. It will feel awful for nine months.” And then my heart is like, “None of that matters, and probably isn’t true anyway..”

..cause.. THIS.

Do you ever feel at a crossroads? Do you ever feel like you're jumping without a parachute? This #personal post deals with #parenting #milestones and #life.

There’s the push and pull of kids back to school today. It’s like I couldn’t wait for today – to be alone – and now that it’s here, I want them back! Gladly, they don’t want me back? Scarlet bowled her best friend over with a hug this morning, and Des let out a WHOOP when I freed him from his car seat and ran into his preschool like there’s no tomorrow. I hope there’s one.

I’m a worrier. The world feels off balance sometimes and it’s partly me, and it’s partly the world.

Do you ever feel at a crossroads? Do you ever feel like you're jumping without a parachute? This #personal post deals with #parenting #milestones and #life.

I have big plans for the future, and a lot of it includes breakfast.

Do you ever feel at a crossroads? Do you ever feel like you're jumping without a parachute? This #personal post deals with #parenting #milestones and #life.

Saving the best for last, this is the week I register Des for kindergarten. Last time this was a big problem for me. This time? I’m more hopeful. Everything is connected and Des growing into a big kid is part of the reason for the house changes, the third baby thoughts, the work hopes and dreams, and feeling like I’m being shot into the world without a parachute.

Do you ever feel at a crossroads? Do you ever feel like you're jumping without a parachute? This #personal post deals with #parenting #milestones and #life.

There’s always a parachute.

All I have to remember, all you have to remember, is that it’s always there – ready to engage, lift you this way and that, and set you down more gently than you expected. Even if it takes 100 times – and even if it takes 1,000 times. Even if it’s tangled half the time, and even if it’s tangle-proof. Even if it’s from a small height, and even if it’s from a great height.

Just jump or be flung. Either way, the landing is probably smoother than you feared.

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43 Comments

  1. I love, LOVE this post!

    Making changes and decisions that are life changing can be so scary and nervo-citing! It’s a crazy run of emotions! I know that whatever you do, you have the support of a strong family and friends that love you!

    I jumped this weekend as well and did something, nervo-citing! I’ll tell you about it soon. I promise!

  2. Aw, what an awesome update and looked like a fun week off for both you and the kids. I sadly spent a good portion of last week’s winter break off the grid as I threw my lower back out while the kids were home nonetheless. Seriously, the gift that keeps on giving here. So far am on the mend and just keep praying that I won’t have another relapse anytime soon. But still takes my breath away when I do. Hugs and hoping that spring will be here now before we know it 🙂

    1. Ugh, that’s awful! I’m so sorry! I hope you were able to find relief. SO uncool.
      After this blizzard.. maybe then we’ll get spring. Oy.

  3. Needed this parachute analogy today as this starts an insanely crazy, busy week that has my 40th birthday buried somewhere in the middle of it. Registering Des for kindergarten?!?!?! I honestly dont’t remember how long I’ve known you through blogging, but I still think of him as a toddler. 🙂 Sounds like lots of big stuff on the horizon for you! Hope the parachutes deploy properly for both of us this week!

    1. What??? Wow! You and Rabia have birthdays somewhat close together. Happy Belated! 40 is the new 20, I say.
      When I started blogging more socially, Des was only an infant! Ah, I miss that.
      Happy Parachuting!

  4. Oh gosh, so many big things going on! I debated having a third baby but then I realized that I simply don’t have the time…and probably, if I’m being honest, the patience.

  5. Wow, house changes, baby talk, BIG photography jobs and parachuting men! This is a lot to take in. Yes, worrying. I excel at that. Call me next time you are up worrying. I probably am up too, We can eat chunky monkey ice cream together and feel all better quick 🙂

    1. Now that sounds good! And it won’t be some terrible hour if I call you, because of magical time zone changes. So maybe this should be a go?

  6. I loved reading about Des’s special interest in parachute toys. I can only imagine that late night wake up call to hear about this marvelous gift. Ahhhhh a third child, that’s exciting to think about. You have a lot going on right now Tamara, you’re an inspiration, to a single women that lives alone, works from home and is hardly holding it together 🙂

  7. Can I tell you that I cried reading this post? I feel so stuck right now – so many steps I want to take but I’m just paralyzed with indecision and fear, I guess. I need to take that jump and know that my parachute will save me, however things turn out. Love all the possibilities going on over at your house!

  8. I’ve only tried the very cheap parachuters, and they never seemed to work. Personally, literal parachuting will not be a part of my future. Neither will bungee jumping or skydiving or perhaps even ziplining, as my discomfort with height and speed would render it not fun. I can’t believe how much older Scarlet looks – wow! Kinderarten registration is definitely easier the second time around, but I do completely understand that feeling of wanting the peace in the house, and then missing their precious presence!

    1. Well after all that, he got a little cheap one in a goody bag and it broke on its own. From nothing!!
      I don’t think there’s a metaphor there.
      Scarlet’s face is losing its baby-ness! So sad. She is turning into quite the girl, though.

  9. Oh I know it’s so hard to see them grow up so fast Tamara! I went through that same question myself. After putting them through college, I’m really glad I only had two LOL! But seriously, I would have loved to of had more children. Yes, you definitely need a VA to help you – I don’t know how you do it all!

    1. That’s so true. It seems easy now (well.. not really) but the idea of three in college is scary! Although they wouldn’t be in college at the same time! The slow burn.
      I am looking into two VA’s!!

  10. I love that last line because we sometimes get so caught up in the what if’s and it’s really not that bad. I’m pretty sure you’ll rock your photography job, the tornado will come and go and your family will be fine, you’ll have fun at the birthday party and you’ll figure out about that 3rd baby on your own. 🙂

  11. I didn’t know you were thinking about a third baby. You’re not too old (I’m too old😥). I had Cammy at 37! You’ll NEVER regret having another, but you may always regret not having a third.

  12. Wow!!! It seems like your nephews were just born and now they are turning one. I hope you guys have fun at their joint birthday party. 🙂

  13. Hi Tamara, I can’t believe it’s a year since your nephews were born! Where does time fly? I do remember spending hours playing and making parachuting toys for my two when they were small, we found old silk scarves worked best…. You are right the landing is never quite as turbulent as expected…. Good luck making your choices. It’s a big one!

    xx

  14. wow!! Okay, I’m so excited to hear what’s on the horizon for you and your family whatever it is you choose. I cannot believe Des is started Kindergarten!! Time flies.
    xoxo

  15. Oh girl, once again you stole my breath with this one. Such incredible descriptions that parallel life’s great moments and the anticipation and fear and falling and landing of them all. YES 1,000 times YES!!

    The breathless shock of parenting time slaps me cold across the face. <– Like this. Best sentence EVER.

    But this?

    "All I have to remember, all you have to remember, is that it’s always there – ready to engage, lift you this way and that, and set you down more gently than you expected. Even if it takes 100 times – and even if it takes 1,000 times. Even if it’s tangled half the time, and even if it’s tangle-proof. Even if it’s from a small height, and even if it’s from a great height.

    Just jump or be flung. Either way, the landing is probably smoother than you feared."

    It brought me to tears.

    I've read it four times already…

    Somehow you need to sift through the message and consolidate it and then add this and BAM- frame it, babe. Put it into a poster, a meme, a work of art. It's absolutely breath-taking and soul-quenching.

    (PS: I need to read all about your trip- I've been SWAMPED. I can't wait to see all that you did!)

    1. I’ve been swamped too! It’s ok. I’m just so happy when you can visit and glean some wisdom – or more likely – ADD wisdom. I love that even more.
      XOXO

  16. What, your nephews are already turning one? And Des is starting kindergarten this fall? Where does the time go?!
    Eve starts preschool finally in the fall — she’ll be 4 in November! I just found out yesterday she got a spot in our city’s free program (there’s only 18 spots) and I’m beyond excited for her, for me, and I’m also like, waaaaah, my baby is growing up!
    Tornadoes in Massachusetts freak me out. Blizzards I can deal with…tornadoes, not so much.
    And I’ve got a big thing for work that’s been keeping me up at night. Two weeks until my first trade show!

    1. I know!! It’s crazy to me.
      I can’t believe Eve will be four, though!! The city’s free preschool program is awesome!! That’s a huge deal for finances! A HUGE one!!
      Ok.. so are you getting a blizzard tomorrow? Oy. Winter isn’t over!

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